Grey's Anatomy: Grey Matter

Pete Nowalk on "This Is How We Do It"...

Original Airdate: 3-24-11

I know, I know.  You’ve come to this blog hoping I’ll shed some light on next week’s episode.  “It’s a music event?  What does that mean?  How does it work??”  Well sit back and relax because I’m going to tell you… 

Nope, not doing it.  I’m too much of a rule follower.  You don’t want me to tell you anyway.  There’s only seven more days to wait.  The music’s coming.  IT’S COMING!!

In the meantime let’s stay in the moment.  Namely, the very last moment of this episode.  Arizona asked Callie to marry her.  It wasn’t planned.  There was no ring or getting down on one knee.  It just happened, in the middle of a fight no less.  As someone who rarely fights (yup, passive aggressive, non-confrontational, bury my resentments way down deep person here), I’m a little jealous of Callie and Arizona.  They bicker.  Rant.  Say what they mean – even if it’s mean.  Mark has been a thorn in their relationship’s side since the beginning.  This happens in many relationships.  How can you love someone whose best friend you hate?  And what if that best friend is also an ex-lover/now baby daddy?  This is a tough one for Arizona.  She’s tried to suck it up.  But there’s only so long one can bury their resentments.  Mark wasn’t part of the deal when she signed up to love Callie.  But now he’s very much in the deal.  Rather than run away and find some new girl to love though, she stayed by Callie’s side.  Even more, she keeps throwing herself in deeper.  And now she’s asked Callie to marry her.  This is what it means to have BALLS people.  She’s not gonna run from the problem.  She’s going to face it head on.  Love Callie harder and insist that Callie do the same.  Marry me, she says.  And then, well, that’s when… 

It’s maddening not to know.  I feel your pain.  Just seven more days.  Breathe. 

In the meantime let’s talk about Richard.  Dude’s spent most of his life working.  And what amazing work he does.  He’s just invented a device that functions as a pancreas and, amazingly, might cure diabetes.  It’s crazy.  A surgeon’s dream come true…  But now there’s Adele.  She has Alzheimer’s.  The diagnosis couldn’t have come at a worse time.  As Adele finally tells him through tears, this isn’t fair.  They’re finally the husband and wife they always wanted to be.  And now…well now it might be too late.

Derek did his best to help the Webbers out.  As you can imagine, the rules surrounding an FDA clinical trial are strict.  Fudging with them is pretty much career suicide.  And even though Derek ultimately refused to do this, you can see how easy it would’ve been for him to change Adele’s score by one point.  No one would find out.  That’s not Derek though.  Meredith reminds him of that.  As always, these two have each other’s backs – at home, at work…   It’s this type of relationship their patient Sonya won’t let her son Tarik throw away. Facing the end of her life, knowing that it’s approaching at a terrifying speed, Sonya has the clarity to see that Tarik needs to move back to London to be with his boyfriend Gavin (who is played by Colin Farrell in the spin-off episode in my head btw).  Sonya knows meeting someone you like is hard enough.  Someone you love though?  Someone who loves you back?  That’s once in a lifetime.  Screw clinical trials.  Screw self-sacrifice.  Go, be happy, she tells her son.

April’s struggling with her own relationship.  Stark, a.k.a. “Robert,” likes her.  And she likes him back.  But love?   I don’t think April’s knows what love is yet.  She knows it probably won’t happen with her and Robert though.  She wishes it could – screw what other people say, let them make fun – but it’s been a month of dating and she’s not feeling it.  It doesn’t help that Jackson and Lexie are feeling it – and each other – in front of her all the time.  On washing machines, in on call rooms, on communal couches…  Who the hell doesn’t want that?  And how the hell are you supposed to carpe diem when you’re stuck at home with only a bowl of popcorn and old movie to keep you company??  Hells if I know.  What I do know is it’s not going to come if you spend every night on the couch.  I for one am hoping April gets off the couch soon.  Maybe she should take pointers from Mr. Dirty Hot.

Alex gets his fair share of play.  I’m guessing it’s the same for Lucy.  Just look at them.  Hot hot crazy ridiculously hot, right?  Still, there’s something going on between these two that’s stalling their hook up.  For episodes now they’ve been playing hard to get, flirting one moment, acting aloof the next.  To be honest they’ve been pissing me off.  Do it already!  Luckily Meredith was there to put an end to the games.  She tells Lucy about the real Alex, about the sad, ridiculous, terrible crap he’s been through.  Not that Alex will ever know that.  So Lucy dropped her guard and finally put the moves on him.  April, are you taking notes?

Maybe you’re just like April and need more pointers.  Fine.  Let me present you Henry.  “What’s so wrong with a great story?” he asks after Teddy denies him AGAIN.  (Protest too much Teddy??  Methinks so.)  Maybe it’s the terrible tumors that grow on the guy but Henry knows there’s no time to wait.  He wants Teddy so he straight up tells her that.  Risks rejection.  It’s inspiring.  Crazy.  And HOT.  Same with our nurse Eli.  This is a guy who can hold his own in an argument with Bailey all day and still get her to come home to him at night.  How?  Because he knows how to separate work and play.  Compartmentalize.  Let’s hope Owen can do the same now that he’s choosing Chief Resident.  Just a reminder that becoming Chief Resident has been part of Cristina’s life plan since, well, forever.  Having anyone, let alone her husband, get in the way of that is FORBIDDEN.  Tough times for Owen ahead, I’m guessing.

You’ve now read this entire blog, suffered through my babbling, all in the hope that you’ll get scoop on next week’s episode.  I’ve given you crap.  So far... 

Here’s what I can say.  It would’ve been very easy not to do next week’s episode.  Shonda could’ve buried the musical idea in that giant trash heap of big, bold, scary ideas that never get to see the light of day.  Shonda’s not much a couch sitter though.  She likes to bet big.  And I can confidently say that all of us fans of the show have benefited from her love to gamble.  We’ve been entertained, moved, inspired…  So my advice is just to enjoy the suspense of the next seven days.  And maybe, if you find yourself bored or sad or spacey or stagnant during this time, use the time to bet big in your own life.  Break a few rules.  Give the finger to the man.  Really.  Try it. 

Debora Cahn on "Not Responsible"...

Original Airdate: 2-24-11

Ms. Debbie Allen directed my episode.  Ms. Debbie Allen.  I have been fortunate to work with a lot of incredibly talented people in my life, and some quite famous, but lord in heaven... Ms. Debbie Allen!  I was interested in show business at a young age.   Theatre mostly -- enough that I spell it theatre instead of theater, which only means I was pretentious as a 13 year old.  In any event, I saw the movie "Fame" when I was impressionable, and Ms. Debbie Allen's infamous line is forever emblazoned in my mind.  So we're trying to have a production meeting and she's asking me a question, and I'm kind of zoned out cause here's what's running in my head:  "You want fame?  Well fame costs.  And right here's where you start paying.  In sweat."  Over and over and over again.  So not only am I star-struck, but I'm acting like a moron, cause I can't answer a simple question, cause I didn't really hear it, all I heard was... you get the idea.  That, and I have no idea what to call her.  I can't call her Debbie.  That's too disrespectful.  To call her Ms. Debbie Allen seems a bit much, even though every time I think of her, that's what I think -- never Debbie -- never Ms. Allen.  Ms. Debbie Allen.  So I end up not calling her anything.  "Hey!  Hi!"  That kind of thing.  So it ends up sounding like I've forgotten her name.  Add to that the fact that what we're talking about is... Kyle's bump.  Poor little Kyle, not only is his mom drifting away, her brain riddled with Alzheimer's, he has a bump on his neck.  There was much debate about Kyle's bump.  If the bump is too big, the parents look not just distracted, but horribly irresponsible -- not what we're going for.  If the bump is too small, how will Meredith see it?  She is, after all, a little compromised in the vision department.  If it's too big, how will we NOT see it in the first scene, where we don't want to see it?  Should he wear a jacket?  A scarf?  Maybe he goes to private school and wears a dorky uniform, with a coat and tie, and in the first scene, tie's on, and in the second scene, he LOOSENS the tie, revealing the medium sized bump.  But what if the dorky uniform is too dorky?  The poor kid has to sing "I Walk the Line" to his mother, we should preserve whatever cool he's got left.  We had easily five separate conversations about the bump.  Meetings.  About the bump.  And here I am thinking "I'm WASTING Ms. Debbie Allen's time, her talent, I shouldn't be giving her a kid with a bump, I should change the character to a child who dances.  A dance prodigy!  And he distracts his mother from her creeping dementia by DANCING!  A subtle combination of ballet and modern dance and krump!"  (Krump -- a word I know because I watch "So You Think You Can Dance" -- a show on which Ms. Debbie Allen is a guest judge!)  I've reworked the character in my head -- in the middle of the production meeting.  It is WAY too late to change the character to a dance prodigy.  The role has been cast, with an adorable young man who can SING.  Not dance.  He was hired for his ability to sing Johnny Cash to his mother.  Not for his krumping.  But there I am, imagining the radical number Ms. Debbie Allen will choreograph for my episode, and I've missed yet ANOTHER question she's asking me.  I'm giving her the blank silence again.  Cause I have no idea what she said.  AGAIN.  She's trying to hard to move the conversation off the bump.  And she can't.  Because she can't get me to answer the simplest question.  I assume it was simple.  I have no idea.  I didn't hear it.  So now, Ms. Debbie Allen thinks I have Asperger's. And we're still on the bump.  I can't tell you anything about the episode.  I can't remember anything about the episode.  All I know is Ms. Debbie Allen directed it.  

 

Stacy McKee on "Golden Hour"...

Original Airdate: 2-17-11

It’s 6:48 am.  And I’m late.  Well, technically I’m on time, but I’m late for me because I really wanted to get here early to fix myself a giant cup of hot hot hot steaming black super hot coffee.  To wake me up.  And help me function.  And also, because it is unseasonably chilly for Los Angeles and I don’t do chilly.  --But First Rehearsal is supposed to be starting at this very moment and I’ve only just now parked my car so I forego the coffee and, instead, book it to Stage 7 to get to the first rehearsal of the very first scene of our eighth day of shooting on my latest episode of Grey’s. 

It’s a special episode – for all sorts of reasons, especially because it’s an episode that has Meredith Grey, aka Ellen Pompeo, in all but six of its scenes.  Which is fantastic and cool and unprecedented for this series and… a headache.  The headache being that because Ellen is in every scene, she has the weight of this entire episode resting on her shoulders.  And she wasn’t feeling well when we wrapped last Friday night.  Which could mean bad news for all of us if she fell sick over the weekend (which would be entirely possible since she’s been living on set with the rest of us for over a week now and, let’s face it, set is basically just a Petri dish full of head colds and stomach flus and sore throats waiting to pounce and attack.) So, I’m worried about Ellen and the fate of this entire episode, and that’s giving me a headache – or, maybe the headache is from my lack of coffee but either way – I make it to Stage 7, just in time for First Rehearsal.

We rehearse the scene privately with (basically) just me, Rob (our fearless director) and the cast.  It goes smoothly, with a few minor questions from Rob and Ellen, which I answer (hoping I even make sense as I’m barely coherent before there’s coffee in my system) and then it’s time for an open rehearsal with all of the crew.  We go through the scene again, throw down marks, then Ellen and the other actors head off to get changed and beautified while the stand-ins take their places and I hunker down in a corner with my script to do a quick rewrite of the scene we just rehearsed.  

It’s not a big rewrite, because I don’t do that – I won’t rewrite scenes the day they are shooting; I think it’s bad form – but this is a minor change to a line that clearly wasn’t working because the timing of the scene plays out differently in person than it did in my head when I wrote it. 

That happens sometimes.  It’s one thing to envision a scene in your head, but when it comes to life right in front of you?  It takes on a life of its own.  Sometimes things don’t work.  And sometimes, if you’re lucky, they work so so so well.  Just the other day, we shot the scene where Derek walks in on Bailey in the on-call room, and – obviously – I knew it was going to be funny, but actually seeing the look on Derek’s face and hearing the scream escape Bailey’s mouth?  Possibly one of my favorite moments in all of Grey’s history.  Which is saying a lot, as I have a lot of Grey’s history.  You do realize, don’t you, that this is the very first time in seven seasons Bailey has EVER used an on-call room for anything other than sleeping?  And don’t get me started on the Derek/ Meredith elevator scene we shot that same day… Again.  I knew it was going to be fun to watch – but it was even better than I could have imagined.  And dirtier.  If, you know, you have a dirty mind like me.

But this scene I’m rewriting now is just a little tiny change.  I give the script changes to Nicole, our script supervisor; I swing by hair & makeup to let Ellen know about the changes (since they include some changes to her lines) and while I’m there, I listen carefully to see if I hear any raspiness to her voice or congestion in her head.  Nope.  That’s good.  She seems perfectly healthy.  Someone nearby sneezes, and I shoot them a nasty look.  Then, almost as instantly as I shoot the look, someone else sweeps by with disinfectant wipes and hand sanitizer.  Excellent.  I’m confident our leading lady is in good hands.  Ellen and I share a few quick baby photos (her daughter and my daughter are around 6 months apart) and then I hurry off to the writers’ bungalow because I want to make sure Shonda has dailies to watch from the night before. 

I’m about halfway to the bungalow when I get a call that Rob wants to show me a scene up in editing.  The bungalow will just have to wait.  I turn around and head back to editing, by way of craft service, because my head is now pounding and my left eye is starting to twitch which is a sure sign that I need some coffee.  SOON.

So I head past craft service (where a guy with a knife in his head is pouring salsa onto a breakfast burrito) and I make a beeline to the coffee station when – seemingly out of nowhere – appears Linda, our Grey’s Anatomy medical guru.  She’s in a state.  One department says one thing and another says something else, and what she really needs to know is just how much blood DO I want to see on Knife Guy’s shirt which, by the way, should really have been changed into a hospital gown by now.  For the record.  Is what she says.  So I say, sure, he can be wearing a gown in this scene, and less is more, with the blood, please, especially right now, before I’ve had any coffee or even thought about breakfast -- and that’s when I realize, I have, in my decaffeinated fugue state, already walked all the way upstairs to editing, where Rob has his scene cued up and waiting.

So I sit down and watch a rough cut of a scene and as I watch…  I’m a little bit struck by just how different and cool this episode is going to be. 

We’ve been able to be really inventive, to think outside the box.  Take the clock motif that runs throughout the episode, for instance. Once you start looking for the clocks, you kinda can’t stop.  They’re all over the place in this episode.  One of my very favorite examples is when Mer and Teddy are hurrying onto the OR Elevator, and as Meredith pushes the elevator button in the distance, the camera racks focus onto a clock displayed on a monitor in the foreground.  SO COOL.

I was also able to tell five different patient stories in this episode, when we generally only tell three, maximum.  And not only are there five patients, but somehow they all manage to intersect with Meredith, in a really satisfying way.  Each one makes an impression on her.  Even the story inspired by my 2 year old nephew, who broke his femur late last year and spent six weeks stroller bound with two full leg casts.

And then there’s Meredith.  This is her episode.  An hour in the life of Meredith Grey. 

It’s always been fascinating to me --  How do doctors fit everything they fit into one day?  What would a sliver of their day actually look like?  We don’t see it on our show a lot, but the reality is, doctors DO juggle more than one patient at a time.  And they do make room for their personal lives in between all that multitasking.  We all do, don’t we?  We carry on multiple conversations and handle multiple interactions and tackle multiple to-do-lists all the time…

So what would it look like if we were doing all that, only one of the big things on our to-do-list was “Save Patient’s Life?” 

Meredith’s version of multitasking deals with life and death.  And yet, in so many ways, it’s just another day at the office.  She’s juggling patients and catching misdiagnoses and scrubbing in on emergency surgeries and she’s losing a patient. All in one little hour.  She lives through the ups and the downs of life and death, and then it’s time for her to turn around and do it all over again.  Because that’s what you do if you’re a doctor.  You may go through hell and you may look death in the eye and you may be reminded of your own mortality or failures or insecurities… but then you have to shake it off.  Put it behind you.  And continue on with the rest of your day.  Move forward.  Go treat your next patient.  Because after this hour, comes the next, and the next, and the next…

And this scene, the one we’re watching right now, it encapsulates all of that.  It’s Meredith and Cristina at the nursery, looking at the babies.  Those of you who are die-hard Grey’s fans know that the nursery is the place where Meredith goes when she needs a little comfort.  We haven’t seen it in a while, but this seemed like the absolute perfect moment to bring it back.  Especially in the wake of how Meredith and Derek have been struggling to get pregnant this season.  There was no more appropriate place for Meredith to seek comfort in this episode than here.  Looking at all the cute cute babies.  (Plus, and you may have already figured this out about me, but I have – apparently – become a SUCKER for cute babies myself.)  The scene is perfect.   So perfect, I even (for a moment) forget I still haven’t managed to get back to that damn coffee station.

Rob gets a text.  They are ready to shoot downstairs...  So we bid farewell to David (the editor) only first, I take a quick moment to oooo and ahhhh over his newest baby photos (David’s son and my daughter were both nicknamed Blueberry in utero.  Which means, I’m sure, they have some deep cosmic connection.) And then it’s time to head back down to set to take our seats at video village just in time to begin shooting the scene we rehearsed almost exactly an hour ago.  “Rolling, background and… ACTION!”  First shot, 8:03 am.

And there you have it.  (Approximately) an hour in the life of me making an hour in the life of Meredith Grey.

And all before my morning coffee.

Austin Guzman on "P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)"...

Original Airdate: 2-10-11

In last week’s Grey Matter, Mark Wilding told you all about the time he tried (and failed) to be an actor.  In high school, I also tried my hand at acting.   There’s a difference between Mark and myself, though.  I didn’t just try.  I freaking succeeded. 

Which was handy because I loved attention. 

As I quickly discovered, if you auditioned for a play and got a part, people would be FORCED to pay attention to you.  And if you got the lead  (as I did on more than one occasion – brag, brag, brag), they’d have to pay attention to you for as many as TWO WHOLE HOURS.   Once, an elderly couple even came up to me at Hometown Buffet to tell me that they had seen and enjoyed my performance as King Arthur in our school’s production of Camelot.  I was a mother-flippin’ star.

But a person gets older.  Maybe wiser.   He leaves behind dreams of celebrity and pursues a career behind the scenes.  (Though still in a capacity where he will be paid his fair share of attention.  Hey, reader!  Thanks for your time!)

Then one day, while casting actors to play Clinical Trial Patients and their family members for an episode of Grey’s Anatomy, a producer suggests that it would be funny if THE WRITER played one of those family members.

Oh hey there, Former Dreams of Super-stardom.  It’s been a while.  Nice to see you again.

So, of course I said, “yes.”  How could I not?  And it’s not like it was going to be super-tough or anything.  The family members in this sequence didn’t have any lines.  I’d just have to sit at a table, pretend to care about the person sitting next to me and NOT look like a big, fat idiot.   I could totally do that.  After all, I was once recognized and praised by my adoring fans while loading up on bread pudding in a buffet line.  

HERE’S THE THING, THOUGH:  There’s a difference between standing onstage in the high school auditorium and being on the set of a television show with a great, big professional TV camera staring you down.  You’re suddenly the most self-conscious you’ve ever been in your entire life.   You can’t stop thinking about the fact that just two days ago you’d gotten the worst haircut a person has ever gotten.  Ever.  You’ve also recently put on ten (but probably more like fifteen) pounds, which will combine with the extra weight the camera adds to make you look like Santa Claus, age 29.  There are bright lights shining in your eyes making it nearly impossible to see, which you can’t really do anyway because you’ve taken off your glasses, knowing that your mom would later complain that she couldn’t see your face if you left them on even though you now realize that ain’t nobody gonna miss your big damned head because of all that extra weight and HOLY HELL WHY WON’T YOUR MOUTH STOP TWITCHING???

This is your moment.  The nation is watching.  You’re sitting across the table from Meredith Grey herself in an honest-to-God consult room at Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital… and you probably look like a big, fat idiot.

The stakes are huge, people.  Which is why I can totally identify with what it must feel like to be a doctor who’s about to perform a heart transplant on a baby who hasn’t been born yet. 

In this week’s episode, Alex and Lucy go head to head over just such a case.  Lucy is so shocked and offended when Alex refers to a brain-dead baby as a “turnip in the cabbage patch” that there is absolutely no way she’s going to let him get near a baby.  It’s a fair position to take if you don’t know Alex Karev.  When you’re just meeting the guy, he comes across as a jerk-ass wrestler with a crappy attitude.  What you don’t know is that once upon a time, Arizona actually gave Alex a speech about the fact that a peds surgeon has to do whatever they can to not picture “tiny coffins” all day, every day.  So you don’t see that what Alex is doing when he calls a baby a “turnip” is distancing himself, playing down the stakes of what he’s about to do, so that he can keep a calm head, not get too emotionally involved, and actually be able to help his patient.  Yeah, it may not be the best tactic.  And even though Arizona was the one who gave Alex the speech way back when, she’s not particularly thrilled with the way he’s chosen to cope, either.   But at least she gets why he’s doing it.  In the end, Alex and Lucy are in the same boat – doing what they think is best for the tiny, tiny patients they’re trying to help. 

Okay, so maybe my situation isn’t really the same as Alex & Lucy’s.  There probably won’t be any tiny coffins involved if I can’t stop my lip from twitching as though I’ve injected it with caffeine.  (At least, I hope not.  That’d be terrible.  And crazily improbable.)

Speaking of caffeine, there’s that whole Callie/Arizona/Mark situation.   While the parent-to-baby ratio is surely going to have some benefits once that baby is born, Callie is quickly realizing that it’s also putting her smack-dab in the middle of a 2 vs. 1 scenario and NOT in the way she might’ve anticipated.  While Arizona and Mark do want what’s best for the baby, they’re kind of forgetting that making the mother miserable isn’t going to help anyone.  Callie’s not being irresponsible or unreasonable in what she’s asking for.  She’s not putting herself or the baby at risk.  SHE JUST WANTS ONE CUP OF COFFEE.  And, in the end, Arizona and Mark know that a little bit of compromise is a small price to pay for a happy home life.   Which is maybe a lesson that Lexie needs to learn, too…

Lexie’s dealing with the P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) referenced in the episode’s title.   This is actually how we writers referred to Thatcher Grey’s twenty-seven-year-old girlfriend, before we dubbed her “Dani.”  Here’s the thing.  I have a little experience dealing with “Dad’s New Girlfriend,” myself.  I was in college when my dad met the woman who has since become my stepmother.  Sure,  my dad had the good sense to choose someone who was age appropriate, but it’s still a strange thing when you’ve grown up seeing your parent a certain way, then are suddenly forced to see him as someone who goes on dates with a lady you’ve only just this moment met at a barbecue.  I think I handled the situation with a little more grace than Lexie is initially able to muster.  I’m pretty sure I’ve never screamed in my stepmom’s face. For one reason, it’s because like Dani, my stepmom’s actually a lovely person.  But also, as Shonda once put it in the writers’ room when we discussed this episode - when it comes to family, you’ve got to get onboard or you’re going to lose them.  It takes a lecture from Meredith and something like fifteen peanut butter cups from Jackson to get Lexie to figure this point out, but she does come around.  She might not love the idea of Dani, but she loves her father and if not losing her relationship with him means being nice to a tattooed lady, then so be it.

And what about Jackson and those peanut butter cups?  It would seem that while Jackson’s at first open to Mark’s offer of trading awesome surgeries for information on Lexie, something changes while he watches her eat that candy and talk and talk and talk… Earlier in the episode, Jackson insists to Mark that he and Lexie aren’t close, but they sure do seem to be a bit closer by the end of the day.  So much so that Jackson is willing to miss out on surgeries that might help him win Chief Resident if it means keeping Lexie’s secrets.  I’ve said it before, but I find Lexie Grey incredibly charming.  And from the look on Jackson’s face at the end of the episode, something tells me he’s starting to as well… 

Meredith, on the other hand, is not as charmed by Lexie today.  And that’s because she’s simply not worried about her dad and his girlfriend.  Dani makes Thatcher happy?  Awesome.  Mazel tov.  If Dani wants to be there to hold Thatcher’s hand while he deals with a kidney stone, then it means that Meredith doesn’t have to do it.  Which is fantastic, because Meredith seriously doesn’t have the time.  Not only is she dealing with all the work that comes with an Alzheimer’s Clinical Trial, but now The Chief’s offering her what could be an even more prestigious Clinical Trial – a Clinical Trial based on Ellis Grey’s research.  

As we put this story together, we always knew that we wanted Meredith to decide to stick with Derek’s Alzheimer’s Trial, but we weren’t always clear on WHY.  We knew it felt right to us, but we weren’t sure what Meredith’s reasons would be.  At a certain point it was pitched that Meredith would decide that the Alzheimer’s trial belonged to her, while the diabetes trial belonged to her mother - Meredith wanted to make a name for herself under her own steam.  And while that may still be partly true, it ultimately didn’t feel completely right.   Further discussion brought us to the real heart of the matter: Richard is offering Meredith the chance to complete Ellis’ work – to ensure her professional legacy.  Derek is offering Meredith the chance to cure her mother’s disease.  Richard suggests that Ellis’s research is Meredith’s birthright.  But what Ellis really left Meredith was first-hand experience of just how terrifying a disease Alzheimer’s can be and the drive to keep others from having to go through that, too.

Okay, so fine.  My problem isn’t really all that high-stakes when compared to curing diseases or whatever.  In fact, my moment has come and gone and chances are you missed it completely.  But, I promise you this: my mom sure didn’t.  And I have a feeling this half-second of screen time is going to follow me around for a while yet. 

Austin’s Mom: “Did you see Austin on Grey’s? No?  Well, here, I have it cued up on my phone…”

Austin’s Mom’s friend: “Which one’s Austin?  The one who looks like Santa Claus, age 29?”

Whatever.  That’s the price you pay when you’re a super-star.

 

Mark Wilding on "Don't Deceive Me (Please Don't Go)"...

Original Airdate: 2-3-11

I've tried acting once in my life.  I managed to snag the lead role in my high school's production of "The Admirable Crichton."  I played an English butler who's treated very poorly by the upper class British family who employs him -- particularly by the family's three daughters.  Eventually the family gets stranded on a desert island.  The three daughters all fall in love with Crichton on the island because he's very take charge and very handy and saves everyone's lives (he's also VERY good-looking).  In the end Crichton has to decide whether or not to signal to a passing ship that the family is stranded.  The daughters beg him not to -- they love their new life AND him -- but Crichton does the right and proper thing and sends up the signal flares even though it means returning to his life as the family's dutiful butler.    

It's a great play and I got the role because I could do a passable English accent and I was tall.  It wasn't because I could actually ACT.  Because I couldn't.  I SUCKED.  I could never get over a case of stage fright.  My performance was wooden.  And I squinted the whole time because my drama teacher didn't want me to wear my glasses.  If I'd been in the audience I would've booed me off the stage.  Or at least asked for my money back.  Which is probably why, today, I really admire actors.  Acting is NOT easy.  It is hard.  We have a dozen wonderful actors on the show -- our regulars.  Week in and week out they bring Grey's to life in fun, surprising ways.  But a lot of times a story line will succeed or fail depending on our guest stars.  I was lucky enough to get FANTASTIC guest stars for this episode and I want to acknowledge each of them.    

The first great acting performance for my episode was turned in by Angela Paton.  She played Martha, the woman who came in to get a quadruple bypass.  She also played the hotel proprietor in "Groundhog Day".  She was wonderful in the episode, a perfect foil in the battle between Cristina and Jackson to do her heart grafts.  She went from funny in the first scene to heartbreaking in the pre-op scene where she wonders if she should go through with the heart surgery.  I love it when she got ANGRY at the thought of being a possible burden to her kids.  That wasn't written.  That was the actor really, truly bringing the words to life in a surprising, believable way.  As for the story itself -- when Cristina convinces Martha to have the operation, I think she's doing it from a place of real compassion.  She's not just doing it so she can perform a surgery she hasn't performed before.  In that sense, I think Cristina has grown since the shooting at the hospital.  She's a little more empathetic.  After all, she knows what it is to be really and truly scared now.     

Three more guest actors who were just plain excellent were L. Scott Caldwell, Harrison Page and Hugh Holub.  They played, respectively, Daniel's wife, Daniel, and Victoria's husband.  The scene where a confused, frightened Daniel is demanding to see Victoria required pitch perfect acting and Harrison delivered and then some.  All of the actors' performances combined to create an underlying sadness to the story that I was seeking from the first moment we started discussions about it in the writers' room.

I'm glad that the show is once again tackling Alzheimer's.  It's a theme that we always come back to.  The reason, of course, is that early onset Alzheimer's led to the premature death of Meredith's mother.  The question is will that genetic craps roll be passed on to Meredith?  Will she end up like Ellis?  It's what drives Meredith to get on the trial and, as Alex tells Derek in his very Alex way -- "Your wife is the only person twisted enough to handle this crap."  

The truth is -- in that annoyingly inconvenient thing called real life -- no cure has been found for Alzheimer's.  And as much as we'd like to find one in our show, that's not going to happen.  We're very strict about that on Grey's.  The show never outraces the real world when it comes to medical breakthroughs.  We report what's out there.  We turn medical cases and medical research into stories.  But if it hasn't happened in real life, if a cure hasn't been found, we don't say that it has.  That would be a huge disservice to our audience.  That said, the cool thing is that now Meredith and Derek are back working together on a trial.  And whether they find a cure or not, they're always great to watch.  

The main story line, of course, introduced a guest star who'll be coming back for future episodes.  Rachael Taylor plays Dr. Lucy Fields, who has to handle the "hormone casserole" that Callie's turned in to.  Lucy also has to navigate the treacherous waters of three doctors who think they know it all.  Rachael did a great job with the role.  She was equal parts tough, ironic and empathetic -- just what we pictured for the character.  As for our three doctors and a baby -- that story is huge.  It's tough enough to raise a kid when there are only one or two parents in the picture.  But three parents?  With everyone having different opinions??  Not fun.  These days we always hear that it takes a village.  But what if the folks in that village have never really liked each other?  Arizona is NOT Mark's biggest fan.  She's not going to suddenly think he's a great addition to the family.  Obviously the situation's going to involve a lot of sacrifices for all three of our doctors.  Sadly for Mark, the first thing he has to sacrifice is his relationship with Lexie.  Which makes it twice now that he's dropped the baby bombshell on her -- first with the grandson he wanted to raise and now with baby number two.  If any relationship were toast, it would definitely be Mark and Lexie's.  As much as we, the writers, would like to rescue it (they're SO good together) it may be beyond our powers.  

My final story line didn't involve guest stars.  The Chief's struggle with Twitter pretty much encapsulates how I approach technology.  I fear it.  And once you fear something, be it your neighbor's dog or your iMac or, yes, getting up on stage for the school play, the object of your fear knows it and it acts accordingly.  Which is to say, it comes after you.  It grabs you and shakes you and tries to maul you to death.  Thank God I have two teenage sons.  I constantly call them in to my office at home if I want to, say, forward an email or copy and paste a document.  They mutter to themselves, clearly disappointed in my techno-idiocy, then they click the mouse a couple of times and the impossible task is done.  For me, the cool thing about the story is that it launches Richard into the future.  But to do so, he has to, via Ellis's journals, go back to the past.  In a sense, the journals are his flares, alerting the medical community that they haven't heard the last of Richard Webber.  And believe me, as that story line heats up during the last half of our season, none of you will be wanting your money back...  

Tia Napolitano on "Start Me Up"...

Original Airdate: 1-13-11

Poor, clueless first year med students. “Too dumb to find the toilet,” as Cristina puts it. They’re peering into body cavities for the first time, trying to impress their residents…or at least stay conscious. All while surrounded by renowned surgical geniuses. No pressure, right? They’re star struck, over-eager, and intimidated. And somehow they always seem to be in the way. Just ask Jackson.

It’s tough being at the bottom of the surgical food chain! And I have to empathize with these “interns and residents of tomorrow.” I’m the writers’ assistant here at Grey’s. I spend five days a week in a room filled with, well, television genius. It was more than a little intimidating at first. Luckily, I’ve yet to pass out on the job, and no one writes on me with permanent marker. Although, it’s entirely possible I’ll end up bedazzled one day – our writers’ room is like a kindergarten stocked with glitter, glue and paints. But I probably shouldn’t give them any ideas… 

Bedazzling aside, my job is kind of awesome. Ok, the bedazzling is kind of awesome, too. I get to sit in the room and take notes while the writers simultaneously goof off and unspool their genius. I also used to be the writers’ PA here, so I had the pleasure of posting (and posting, and posting…you fans have a lot to say!) all of your blog comments. And I know you guys aren’t reading this to hear what I ate for breakfast this morning. You want the inside scoop on this episode.

One tiny thing first. I’d like to do our writers’ PA, Fran, the favor our researcher, Meg, once did for me.  Fran moderates all the comments on this blog, and there’s one rule that you should keep in mind when posting: be nice to Fran. Also, WHEN YOU YELL IN ALL CAPS AT FRAN, it’s a little bit scary. Don’t scare Fran. And don’t curse at Fran! Fran keeps the writers fed, and caffeinated. And writers that are well fed and well caffeinated write the best episodes. So please be nice to Fran. You wouldn’t want to get on her bad side…

Speaking of bad sides, remind me never to piss off Callie Torres! She’s certainly not that girl who forgives and forgets at the first glimmer of an apology. “I. Don’t. Want. You. In my life.” Could she be any clearer? It’s heartbreaking. But I was so, so proud of Callie for standing her ground. Girl’s got principles. All Arizona wants is a second chance with the woman she loves. Is that really so much to ask? Turns out it is. Because not only is Callie deeply hurt, she’s also pregnant. With Mark’s baby.

Wow. That lands on Arizona like a slap across the face. Do you remember when she iced Alex after finding out he slept with Callie? And that happened before Callie and Arizona were even dating. Mark Sloan might want to invest in a new deadbolt for his door. And a guard dog.

In a way, this is everything Callie wanted (she was the girl with the aching womb!). It’s just not wrapped in the pretty package she probably envisioned. But that’s life. And Callie knows it. And it’s not quite the fresh start Arizona was looking for either, though it is the beginning of something…

Bailey’s wading into unchartered territory, too. Talk of steamy on-call room rendezvous and dirty notes left in charts? Dr. Bailey? This is something the room struggled with. How can she still be Bailey while doing such un-Bailey-like things? What we figured out is that Miranda Bailey is still the same person, with a slightly new attitude. There are people, like Eli, who enter our lives and instantly change them, even if only a little. “Why the hell not?”

Our doctors are dynamic. They grow, change, roll with the punches. Look at Meredith, peeing on ten stolen pregnancy tests hoping for just one to be positive. She thinks she’s gone soft core. At least in the race for Chief Resident. But as the Chief points out, the residents have been getting evaluated since their first day at the hospital. It’s a marathon, not a sprint…kind of like trying to make a baby.

Not a bad deal for Derek, who’s happily “practicing” with his wife. But Mer’s fearing the worst, agonizing all day over the failed pregnancy tests. She’s an overachiever! And this failing thing? It’s not cool. Baby-making isn’t a surgery Mer can study up for and then rock. Practice does make perfect. So she’ll have to be patient. 

One last thing. It’s so great to have Cristina back in the hospital! And just in time to haze the med students and caution Mer about poo-covered babies. Is there really such a thing as a clean slate? It doesn’t seem like it. Cristina’s back in the game, but she’s not starting over, just continuing to build the career she’s worked so hard for. She’s up against some fierce competition. But that’s how all our doctors thrive – under pressure. And I can’t wait to see how they step it up in the final leg of the race.

Krista Vernoff on "Disarm"...

Original Airdate: 1-6-11

I was really worried as we were breaking this story in the writer’s room that there wasn’t any room for levity in an episode about a bunch of college kids getting shot up – an episode that was designed to be the end of a 13 episode arc that began with ep. 623 last season.  Bringing our cast of characters full circle from their trauma is no small task – but we felt like it was time to finally move past the shooting, to let them heal, to turn the page.  And we thought, what better way to do that than to have our people save the lives of the next generation of gunshot victims. But, again, there was the problem of finding levity.  Which could also be called Defying Gravity, a song with which my 3 year old has recently become obsessed – but I digress.    The levity came when someone had the idea of the Alex/Stark OR stand-off. We laughed our asses off  while we ran around the room acting out Alex’s wrestler stance, “I’m ALL STATE, BABY!” And I have to say, Justin Chambers and Peter MacNicol delivered in spades.  I was on the set for the shooting of the scene, and in the early rehearsals they were actually wrestling which was hilarious, but, we decided, unlikely.  Often, we the writers are at odds with the medical personnel who work so hard to make our show look, feel and sound like a real hospital. Wrestling in the OR, as hard as it made us laugh, was not a thing we thought we’d get by them. The other thing they really struggled with was the idea of a MASH unit in the hospital.  But they rose to the occasion and only hated us a little more than usual as we passionately shouted, “No, we don’t care if people would just be shipped to other hospitals! Pretend the other hospitals are full! Pretend there was a GIANT earthquake AND a massive shooting ON ONE DAY! Then what would happen???” They humored us and I don’t know about you but I thought the MASH unit was bad-ass.  I was sad that because of time limitations we had to cut a really funny scene in which April ran the crap out of that MASH unit, barking orders at Stark and the others, but I loved how it all came off – director Debbie Allan was INCREDIBLE in bringing it to life.  I have to keep this short because it’s late and I’m hard at work on upcoming episodes.  Thanks, as always, for watching. And Happy New Year!! As they said in Spinal Tap… This one goes to 11!  xxoo Krista 

 

Tony Phelan on "Adrift and at Peace"...

Original Airdate: 12-2-10

How much longer do we have to watch Cristina mope around the hospital?  I'm sick of everybody being so sad.  When is the show gonna get back to "Old Grey's" where people were happy??   

Okay.  First of all, there was a shooting.  Friends died, or were wounded.  Cristina had a gun pressed to her head.  And as far as "Old Grey's" is concerned … this show is dark.  Always has been.  Always will be.  Just go back and watch Meredith drown, or George's dad die or Cristina cover for Burke's injury and have to turn him in to the Chief.  Sure, there's gonna be humor to balance it, but Seattle is a cold, rainy place.  And we writers figured, if we're gonna have a shooting, then we're damn well gonna put our people through some honest to god post traumatic stress.  So bear with us.  Be patient.  Take a breath and enjoy seeing the many new and interesting colors our talented cast is finding in their characters.  (I mean, you gotta love Cristina giving that frat guy a lap dance at Joe's Bar) 

Here’s the thing about healing …  it takes time.  There’s no rushing it.  Or planning for it.  Or “getting out in front of it."  I’ve had two major surgeries in the past five years.  The first was a brain surgery.  Scared the crap out of me – they cut through my skull and dug around in my brain.  I woke up in the ICU …  and didn’t really feel that bad.  I went home two days later.  In a week I was running around, back on the set, joking with the actors … if it wasn’t for the shaved head and the scars, you never would have known.  

Two years later, heart surgery.  I was ready this time.  I got myself into shape both physically and mentally.   I had the top heart guy on the West Coast.  Everything was in place for a speedy recovery.  And this time I woke up in the ICU feeling like I’d been run over by a truck …  that then backed up and ran over me again.   There had been complications in surgery, and I didn’t really feel myself again for another year.   

Don’t be fooled by appearances.  The bullet holes have been patched and painted over.  The hospital has released a “sizzle reel” talking about how it has come back stronger than ever.  But the scars of the shooting are still there.   For some of our doctors the recovery has been relatively fast and painless.  But for others … Cristina, Meredith, Derek … they’ve only just begun to deal.  And because of what went down that day, because – however illogically –  Cristina blames Meredith for her trauma, the two friends can’t lean on each other to help them through this crisis.  So Cristina turns to Derek – a man familiar with darkness and doubts.  He gets that Cristina needs to be given the space and time to find her way back from the brink.  And because he owes this woman his life, and because she's his wife's "person," he shares the secret that has always given him comfort … fishing.  And he's right.  Cristina needs the quiet, needs to be in a place she can't escape from, needs the simple joy of catching a fish to finally allow the dam to break and the grief to finally wash over her.  

And how about Mer and Owen??  Things have always been kinda strained between those two.  The only thing they seem to have in common is Cristina, and now it's pretty clear that neither really trusts the other.  You gotta feel sorry for Meredith.  Left behind at the hospital, abandoned by her best friend and her husband (who now seem to be besties themselves), and dealing with Owen who doesn't seem to get how he's totally screwing up Cristina.  What Mer doesn't seem to understand yet is that she's been traumatized too, but because she's Meredith, she's kept it hidden as she frantically tries to take care of each individual member of her little makeshift family.  And Owen doesn't cut her any slack.  That OR blow-up between them is one of my favorite scenes of this season. 

Our Dr. Bailey declared war on fistula.  And won.  And celebrated as only Dr. Bailey can.  And picked up an admirer along the way.  Bailey and Nurse Eli?  Hmmm …. 

And Callie thought she'd really gained a new partner as she and Alex rocked that hip replacement.  Only to have Alex return to Peds and the allure of Dr. Stark (played brilliantly by Ally McBeal and Numb3rs alum Peter MacNicol.)  And then that knock on the apartment door and … a visitor from Malawi.  No hug.  No welcome home.  Just a door slammed in your face. Something tells me there are rough seas ahead for Calzona. 

A final word about Cristina and Derek.  Really Sandra and Patrick.  We spent two days up on Big Bear Lake shooting the fishing scenes.  Skeleton crew, led by Allison Liddi-Brown our Director, Herb Davis our gifted Director of Photography, and Jeff Rafner our resourceful UPM.  We all had a blast.  It was freezing cold, kinda rainy and incredibly beautiful.  Rainbows criss-crossing the early morning sky.  We don't get off our soundstages very often.  Last time it was the Iraq episode, which Joan and I also wrote (I guess I like vacations).  But Sandra and Patrick really loved working together, and the chance to be surrounded by nature just made it all the more special.  Then there was the drinking and laughing and gossiping that happened in the hotel bar that night … but I guess what happens in Big Bear ….

Zoanne Clack on "Slow Night, So Long"...

Original Airdate: 11-18-10

“Do not go gentle into that good night.”

“Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary…”

“One night in 1984, 18-year old Libby Zion died within 8 hours of her emergency admission to the hospital.  Her death was attributed to overworked and inexperienced young doctors.” 

Okay, that last one wasn’t any kind of literary saying about the night, but it is a big part of the reason that the 80-hour work-week and night float was instituted in residency programs.  We’ve all done all-nighters, right?  Maybe some of you guys still do.  Maybe you’re doing one right now because you took time off to watch Grey’s Anatomy and you know you have a paper due or a test tomorrow.  My point is, we all know.  Nights are supposed to be for sleep, rest, relaxation.  There’s a reason night exists, and it’s not for humans to work.  It’s for vampires to hunt, and werewolves to change, and demons to roam.  Things change at night. 

And things change in this episode.  It’s not the usual Grey’s.  As a matter of fact, when Shonda first saw my episode in full she looked at me, took a moment of silence, then said, “Zoanne.  Your episode is… weird.  I mean, it’s not weird, it’s… yea, weird.”  I didn’t know quite what to make of that, but I get it.  Our attendings are checking deathat the door along with their coats.  They’re leaving all that life saving stuff behind them and are just out being themselves without the impending doom of potential death looming over them.  Teddy’s talking about online dating for god’s sakes.  For a whole episode.  It’s weird to see them like that – I get that, and I also kinda love it.  They left the life-saving parts for the residents mostly, because let’s face it - residents run hospitals at night.  The attendings let the inmates run the asylum, as it were. 

And crazy things can happen.

Take Callie and Mark, for example.  I’ll just go ahead and apologize to all you CalZona fans first.  Okay, now that that’s out of the way, that the scene where he becomes her sexual sorbet was HOT, right?  And it makes sense.  They’re friends, they’re comfortable, they’re there for each other.  What could be wrong about that?  In fact, there’s so much about it that’s right.  Who could be faulted for being green?  They’re recycling, people!  I’m sure you’d agree they’re doing their part for humanity and for mother earth.  Good for them.

Apologies also to all you Cristina fans who are mourning the loss of the driven, determined Cristina.  Can’t she just have a good time?  Can’t she just … BE?  She’s not losing Owen.  Owen’s sticking.  She was there for him when he was going through it.  She stuck.  So he’s sticking, too.  He’ll hold her hair.  He’ll forgive her transgressions.  He’s going to be there for her, whether she likes it or not. 

And we (i.e., the writers) know Cristina’s supposed to be the strong one.  Hardcore.  All surgery all the time.  We know that.  But sometimes it’s the ones who look like they’re the most together that have the biggest explosion.  It’s her process, and she’s kind of making it up as she goes along.  Trying to feel out what’s right for her.  I totally sympathize with this.  I had a moment in life where I completely burned out.  I was trying to figure out my next move – do something else in medicine (I was/am an ER doc) or pick up everything and move to Hollywood to fulfill a childhood dream.  Well, I’m writing this blog so you can tell what I did.  And people thought I was C-R-A-Z-Y.  And I didn’t even have a gun held to my head.  So all I’m saying is, give Cristina a little slack, people.  She’s been on one road with one destination all her life.  Like Callie said, doctors often don’t get their 20’s to explore.  They’re too busy with the weight of the world on their shoulders as they practice (yes, I said practice) saving lives!  She needs time, she needs space… she needs to figure things out.

Which is what Derek’s giving her.  Last week he talked about floors.  This week he watches her get drunk and go a little cray cray (but not too cray cray… he’s her bouncer, after all).  But that is so true to Derek.  He’s the king of backing off.  Even when Mer was trying to decide whether or not to give half her liver to her dad, he gave her space, let her make the decision.  He uses the same tactic with Cristina.  He knows that direct confrontation ain’t gonna help – he’s been through his own little “breakdown,” and he knows he wouldn’t have listened.  He needed to take the time he needed and that was that.  He’s offering the same to Cristina.

Mer doesn’t understand this tactic.  She can’t fathom just sitting back and doing nothing.  At one point we talked about Mer going to go to the bar to scream at Cristina to no avail, but as it turned out, her story did not allow for that.  She had to save a kid’s life.  Probably wasn’t so hard to go against Stark, since Stark is such, excuse my French, an ass.  It’s not that he doesn’t know what he’s doing, he does.  He’s not a bad doctor, he’s just a lazy doctor.  And lazy might as well equal bad.  So it’s up to Mer to save the day.  Mer and Alex.  Can you believe they’re the only two left of our original fab five?  Funny how the years change things.  They’ve stuck.  And they’re going to keep sticking.  Together.  Do you guys remember the Chief’s speech from the first episode?  “Eight of you will switch to an easier specialty.  Five will crack under the pressure.  Two of you will be asked to leave.”  Ahh, memories…

Jackson wasn’t there for the Chief’s speech, but he might’ve been in the category of “cracking under the pressure.”  Who knew he was still reeling from the effects of the shooting and losing Charles?  As it turns out, his coping mechanism is to keep things bottled up and then just release.  His release on Alex last week helped him get rid of some of the anger and frustration he’s been feeling.  But it wasn’t about Alex, it was about him.  It didn’t stop the screaming in his sleep, but in this episode he is able to redirect his energy into work (and he kicked ass and took names in that surgery, y’all!). 

And when I think of kicking butt and taking names, I think of one person.  Usually.  Maybe not this particular night.  Bailey.  How much do I love drunk BAILEY?  If you say you didn’t, I don’t know what I’m going to do with you.  She is hilarious to me.  I love the way she enunciates.  Every.  Word.  Like what she’s saying is holds the answer to the meaning of life.  Her advice to Virgin April is priceless.  And even though drunk, she is quite wise.  April knows Bailey is right.  Alex is not the right guy for her.  All this time and effort she’s spending hating Alex is time better spent just focusing on what’s right for her.  Which is not him.  Which she realizes.

I love those two moments at the beginning and the end in the car and in Meredith/Derek’s bedroom.  The change of energy in the car in the end vs. the beginning is lovely, and the interaction between Derek and Meredith speaks volumes to me.  Even on conflicting schedules, even if they don’t get to see each other as much as they want to, even if they are two ships passing in the night, they’re still going to make it work.  Meredith’s elation at him getting his grant and Derek’s simple gesture of closing blinds for Meredith tells me that they’re going to take care of each other.  It’s not all about sex for them, it’s about mutual respect and companionship.

I always like to give little tips at the end of my blogs, and my tip for this one is:  DON’T TRY TO OUTRUN A TRAIN!!  You never get a second chance if you lose, and you lose even if you tie.

Good night, good night, Parting is such sweet sorrow, That I shall say good night till it be morrow. 

Or right now.

Bill Harper on "Something's Gotta Give"...

Original Airdate: 11-11-10

Once in a while, here in the Writer’s room, if we’re stuck on a problem or need a new idea, someone will yell:  “Everyone think of three good ideas in the next three minutes -- GO!”  And we all stop talking and start squinting or staring into space as we think really hard and the room starts to smell like burnt toast, and then, “Time’s up!”  And we go around the room and we have to say what we came up with.  And this game pretty much always works.  We always come up with something.  Why?  Because we had to.   Because pressure – even fake pressure – pushes your brain into survival mode, causes you to think differently, move differently and become very creative, because the stakes have suddenly become life-or-death.  Which is why I was a little surprised to learn we’d never done “Pressure” as a theme in six-plus seasons.  I mean, these doctors have life-and–death stakes every day.  So we were interested in what extra pressures we could put on these doctors, but even more interested in what happens when all the pressure is taken off. 

Like when you…say… quit your job. 

So, yes, let’s talk about Cristina first…. She left the hospital, under what might have been the worst possible circumstances:  not in a panic or a fit of anger – these are conditions you can get over -- but with a clear-headed decision that surgery is just not what she wants to do.  Which is more frightening, because it means she might never come back.  What’s even scarier for Cristina is the question of what she will do now.  Now that the thing she’s been working toward, preparing for, eating, sleeping and breathing for all of her adult life is suddenly off the table.  Here, she’s clearly avoiding the question, as she grasps at any and every notion that crosses her path -- from haircuts to housewares.  Anything to keep from looking at the real question:  “What do I do now?” 

Callie’s in a similar boat, trying to picture what her life will be after losing the one person she really wanted to spend it with.  And it appears she’s as undecided as Cristina, as she spends the whole day trying to put a good face -- and a decent hairstyle – on the situation.  But what Cristina says is true: we’ve rarely seen Callie when she wasn’t in a relationship.  And in the end, she just can’t do it; Callie turns to her friend Mark and tells him she doesn’t want to be alone without someone else.  I love those moments, when their friendship becomes a life raft. 

Cristina’s departure is putting pressure on other people too:  Meredith heard last week that she’s at least partially responsible for Cristina’s troubles; Derek feels a debt to her that he doesn’t begin to know how to repay; Owen wants the girl he met back, for her own sake as much as his; and Teddy (thanks in part to Derek’s misdirected frustration) worries that she could have done more. 

So when the Emir arrives, it puts these three in a little political pressure cooker, where the stakes are higher because so many people have a vested interest in the outcome of their work.   As the politicos argue about who’s at fault and what’s the best way to save their leader,  our doctors have to air their own agendas, point their fingers of blame, and figure out between them the best way to save Cristina.  Meredith and Derek clearly disagree, and I think it’s really surprising when he goes behind Mer’s back to steal Cristina away.  It’s almost a betrayal.  I would say it was a betrayal if I didn’t believe that he was helping Cristina for Meredith’s sake, too.  That he wants her to have her friend back.   It’ll be interesting to see if Mer sees it that way.

Alex is under his own kind of pressure, the pressure to take care of his family, which we learn about only at the end of the night.  And looking back on his day with that bit of knowledge, you can see how it informed every decision he made.   He’s so furious with himself for abandoning his family, when he fights to for a way to save the little girl from a possibly failed liver transplant; he’s trying to go the extra mile for someone, after leaving his family to fend for themselves.   And then poor April:  she basically tells him what he so needs to hear, that he’s okay, that he’s a basically good person, and he reaches out for some kind of connection, some kind of solace.   But he’s in such an angry, hateful place, he’s inexcusably horrible to her.  And he knows it, in that moment.   He knows it at the party, too, where he wants to apologize.  When Jackson hits him, he takes the first punch as a sort of penance – he wants to pay the debt.  The fight could stop there.  But Jackson’s in a whole other place.... 

Now, Jackson – it’s not clear who’s putting the pressure on Jackson.  It’s true, he has been making a lot of mistakes in the last few months, and he’s been a little tightly wound.  Maybe while we’ve been concentrating on our other doctors’ healing, we’ve not noticed that Jackson might not be as together as he appears.  But is it, as Lexie suggests, paranoia?  Maybe he’s the only one putting the pressure on himself?  Really, it doesn’t matter -- when that sort of stress builds up, it just needs any little excuse to let it blow.    Alex’s cruel treatment of April, who Jackson sees – rightly or wrongly -- as his last surviving ally, is enough.  He can’t control himself.  This could be the relief valve he needed to get better, since the shooting.  Or it might be the tip of the iceberg…  We’ll see. 

Before we go, I want to say a word about Dr. Stark.   Stark is a rare presence – he represents a type of attending surgeon we Grey’s writers have heard about many times in our research:  Not incompetent, not evil, just complacent.  Lazy.  Arrogant, and self-satisfied.  Just the opposite of our Seattle Grace/Mercy West Attendings.    In a lesser actor’s hands Stark could come off as just a villain.  But played by as intelligent, collaborative and hilarious an actor as Peter MacNicol, you get a really complicated human being, and that’s actually makes him way scarier.   We could not have been more thrilled with this bit of casting.  We’ve all been a huge fans of Peter MacNicol, and he’s been terrific to have on the set. 

Well, that’s it for now, thanks again for watching, and reading.  And come back here next week, when Zoanne Clack will be telling you about her episode which features, among other things, Miranda Bailey like you have never seen her before.  Ever.  Really.