Grey's Anatomy: Grey Matter

Krista Vernoff on "Here Comes The Flood"...

Original Airdate: 10-9-08

Absurd. A flood. In a hospital. Those absurd, desperate writers.  I know that’s what some of you are thinking.  But here’s the thing… Back in June, when we were just gathering together to begin early discussions of season five, my sister Jennifer came over for dinner. Jenn is a shrink. I’m sure she has a more official title than that, but I go with shrink cause she’s my sister and she lets me. She works in a psychiatric hospital in the San Fernando Valley and her patients are mostly low functioning schizophrenics. So she came over for dinner and I said “How was your day?” and she said, “You mean aside from the hospital flooding?” And I looked at her like, seriously? And she said, “Yeah, we had to move all the patients to one wing. All the schizophrenic patients, piled on top of each other in one small wing of the hospital. That was my day.” And I said, without skipping a beat, “And that is my episode. Just so you know.”  So as absurd as it may seem? Real. And in real life it was even weirder cause all the patients were CRAZY PEOPLE.  Awesome.   

I think it’s appropriate that Jenn inspired this episode because in a way, this episode is written as a love letter to therapy.  What it all comes down to for me is what Dr. Wyatt says to Meredith in the elevator, “And happiness in the face of horrible is not the goal. Feeling the horrible stuff and knowing that you’re not gonna die from the feelings? That’s goal.” Nothing better than a good shrink. I love therapy and I love what’s it done for Meredith in the short amount of time she’s gone (and I’m bummed she quit before she could get to the really good stuff.) It’s hard – to peel away the layers of the onion that is you and look at all that juice cause it burns your eyes and makes you cry and makes you hurt and makes you feel…but it also makes you better.  (Oh my God, talk about a tortured metaphor. Sorry. I’m tired. We’re in the room breaking episode 12.) 

Point is, I’m proud of Meredith that she got as far as she did. And I love that last scene where she stands up to Derek. She doesn’t get drunk. She doesn’t freak out. She doesn’t walk away. She doesn’t ignore him. She doesn’t leave him. She just stands there and tells him her truth. And that is so so so hard and so so so scary for her (as it is for a lot of us.) And what I love most is the look of shock on her face when it works.  It’s so hard to change.  For everyone I know, change and growth are deeply difficult tasks.   And so it makes me happy for Meredith and Derek that they are taking baby steps toward happiness and function. 

When we were shooting that scene, Ellen expressed concern to me about her question to Derek at the end. “You still love me?” She was concerned that it sent a message to the girls and women who watch our show that a man’s love is the thing that matters most.  (But she didn’t say the girls and women who watch our show. She said “the future Coco’s of the world.” Cause Coco’s my daughter, and Ellen’s no dummy, she knows how to get a writer to listen!) But my feeling is this: I was not trying to say that a man’s love is what matters most. I was trying to say that the ability to know and trust that you (and by you I mean, me, Meredith, all of us) are lovable.   To be willing to stand in your truth, stand in your vulnerability, stand in your fear, stand at your breaking point and hold on to yourself – that’s what matters.  And that’s what surprises Meredith. She’s shocked that she’s allowed to be herself and someone loves her anyway.  Those of us who grew up in the sometimes loving but sometimes terrifying and sometimes cataclysmic way that Meredith grew up? We sometimes need to learn, and need to be reminded, more than once, that we are lovable just as we are.  Ellen got on board – and I thought she delivered the moment beautifully. 

Tell you what else I love in this episode: Alex. On the porch. When he says “Hello” to Izzie. I tell you, that Justin Chambers can do any freaking thing you throw at him. There was some discussion when the script came out of whether or not we should change that “Hello” to “Hi” which sounds more like Alex.  But Justin? He pulled it off so beautifully. He made it sound like Alex and then some. The vulnerability under that one word... The subtlety… I just thought it was exquisite work.

Speaking of psychology, which I wasn’t just now, I was speaking of Justin but I’ve learned that when you say “speaking of” something, people usually go with you. It’s lazy, but I’m tired so… Speaking of psychology, how ‘bout Cristina? (I’ve never sat around with my sister Jenn and diagnosed the characters on this show the way I’ve sat around with her diagnosing every member of my own family, but I bet that would be a fascinating conversation.)   Cause we know there’s actually a good and caring person somewhere inside Cristina. I mean, she cares enough about Meredith to storm Wyatt’s office, right? And Wyatt gets right away how vulnerable she is. How scared she is. (Even if she can’t admit it) But still – she totally stole Izzie’s apartment! And she didn’t even  mean to! Izzie thinks she’s being evicted, and Cristina somehow convinces herself that Izzie pulled that flyer off the wall for her! I love it.  We’re currently breaking episode 12 of season 5 and I’ve been here since episode 1 of season 1 – and I never get tired of writing these characters. And you know why? It’s cause so many of them so badly need a good shrink!

Derek, who’s generally a pretty great guy and who just promised Mer he’d take baby steps, assumes her roommates are moving out. Just assumes it – without even a discussion. I mean, seriously, entitled much???   

Alex, who clearly still has feelings for Izzie, is as mean as he can be to her until the very end – when maybe he’s thinking his luck’s gonna turn.  And even then, all he can say is hello.   

Mark Sloan, a double board certified ENT and plastic surgeon who normally doesn’t give the time of day to an intern, stops to listen to Lexie’s diagnosis. Which either makes him a better teacher than we thought or a guy who simply, physically cannot walk away when a pretty girl is talking (I’m still not sure which.)

George is about to have some kind of actual breakdown in anticipation of his test (and it makes me giggle that the proctor finds him “a nice quiet room up in psych.”)

Lexie is codependent to an almost pathological degree – turning down Sloan’s surgery so she can help George with the Chief’s scut.

Izzie who is generally the happiest person we know, has ended up somehow all alone.
Callie and Erica seem to be discovering some real truths about themselves pretty late in life.

And the Chief? The Chief is basically watching while the hospital crumbles around him because his fear and pride won’t let him acknowledge that the hospital is  crumbling around him!

And Bailey – her lack of power is TORTURING HER.   I love that little moment when she goes to the gallery to get a quiet moment and you can see her giving herself a tiny little talking to… I imagine her saying, “Do not quit! Do not tell the Chief to go screw himself! Do not say out loud ANY of what you’re thinking, Miranda Bailey!” And then of course the ceiling caves in giving her the ultimate vindication.  I love these characters. I love the messiness and the layers and the fact that they absolutely refuse to behave or to “get all whole and healed,” as Meredith would say.   I think if I wasn’t a writer, I’d be a shrink. Jenn and I could open a practice together and then sit around every night and laugh about how crazy we all are. That would be fun.   

I have to add before I go how much I loved the guest stars in this episode. The actor Jim Ortlieb who played Jack O’Brien (get it? Jack O Brien. J.O.B. Job. Biblical. Whatever.) was so funny and subtle and heartbreaking and that lovely actress Samantha Quan who played Shelley… I watched them shoot that scene plus I’ve seen this episode 3 or 4 times now plus I wrote it and I still cry every time she breaks down at the unfairness of getting terminal cancer in your 20’s.   And Daniel Travanti who played Mr. Patmore? His breakdown? Kills me every time. I did not expect that performance. I did not script that he would cry. I pictured something totally different. And then I got the dailies of that scene and it just wrecked me with it’s awesomeness.  I love good actors. Yay, good actors!

I am rambling. I get that. I’m tired, like I said.  But I hope you liked this episode and I hope more than that that you had a lovely summer. Because life is weird and hard and scary sometimes. People are diagnosed with terminal cancer in their twenties and people get debilitating pain for reasons no one can diagnose and hospitals flood and ceilings collapse and lives fall apart, sometimes out of nowhere…  So I hope very much that you are all enjoying the quieter moments, the moments in between the breaking points. I hope you kiss your kids a lot and tell your spouses and parents that you love them a lot and buy yourself flowers a lot for no good reason. I hope you love your life.  And if for some reason you don’t or can’t – I hope you find a really good shrink like my sister Jenn or Dr. Wyatt. Cause therapy rocks.

End of love letter. 

Krista Vernoff on "Haunt You Every Day"...

First things first. Blogging about episode number 5 when you are currently spending long days in the writers’ room working on episode 12? This kind of thing was MUCH easier before I had a baby. Yes, since we last spoke my beautiful daughter Cosette was born – and with her arrival went the vast majority of my brain cells. Seriously, it’s craaaazy how dumb I am. Can’t. Remember. Crap. I currently have my lovely and talented assistant, Star, running around the building looking for a dvd of “Haunt You Everyday” so I can remember what the hell it’s about. I vaguely remember something about Halloween. So that’s what I’ll talk about.

Halloween has long been a favorite holiday of my family. We are a highly delusional people, and any opportunity to pretend to be someone else, we seize upon with glee. Every year, my Dad, until he died at 56, would spend like, 4 hours in the bathroom putting on this unbelievable costume. He would dress as one of the monsters from the Time Machine. What were they called?? Warlock? …Morlock! I think it was morlock! God, I wish I was kidding about my memory. Anyway, he was big on the holiday. I, myself, remember being chastised by a neighbor lady when, at age 13, I was dressed up like a kitty/bunny/rodent type creature, ringing doorbells and trick or treating. She told me I was too old for this sort of thing and I STILL remember my devastation, cause truth be told, that hadn’t even occurred to me. I loooove Halloween (and you can’t believe how excited I am to dress my 7 month old in a monkey costume and carry her around the neighborhood – no one can tell me I’m too old for that!!) I’m ranting, as usual, but my point is…Meredith. That moment where she tells Mark that Ellis never got Halloween together and didn’t approve of knocking on doors, begging for food… That moment explains so so so much to me about our lovely, broken Meredith. That her first experience trick or treating is taking an earless boy around the hospital to make his pro-bono surgery happen… I find it utterly heartbreaking. And I love that Mark points out to her that she fell pretty far from the Ellis tree. I think it was critically important to Meredith to hear those words, because the haunting Meredith is feeling, is the fear that she will die alone like her Mom did. Because Derek said he might find someone else before she’s ready. And she doesn’t know how to get ready. Cause she’s an emotional cripple who’s unwilling or unable to lay her ass down on a therapist’s couch for the many years it takes to work through issues like she has. Meredith’s version of therapy – her very best idea – is to bring her mom’s ashes to work. Y’know, in a strange way it makes sense – like, she understands that she’s been sticking her mom in the back of her closet, literally and metaphorically – and that if she doesn’t start to look at this stuff (i.e.: herself) she’s in danger of dying alone (i.e.; losing Derek forever.) Life is hard isn’t it? But I love and applaud Meredith’s ongoing willingness to try – as she explains to Derek when his hands are covered in mommy dust and he’s looking at her like maybe, just maybe he should escort her up to the psych ward, “This is me trying.” See, Derek comes from sanity, and a Mom who probably made him homemade Halloween costumes every year and chaperoned the school dances and things – so it’s hard for him to get, exactly how haunted Meredith is. Richard, though, gets it. Because Ellis haunts him, too. And my favorite scene, maybe ever, is the one in which Richard and Meredith put Ellis to rest in a surgical sink. I hope, I hope, I hope you all got this. I hope so much that no one found this disrespectful. (My Dad, for the record, has been laid to rest in something like 28 different countries. He had always wanted to travel, and never got to much, so after he died, my stepmom put his ashes in many little baggies and gave them out to all his friends with the directive that when they went somewhere cool, they should bring him. I kid you not. I myself scattered him in the Bahamas, in Paris and in Scotland.) Point is, there is nowhere Ellis would rather be put to rest than in the scrubroom at Seattle Grace. This is absolutely the most respectful and appropriate thing Meredith could have done. And Ellis was a very private woman, so the intimate ceremony, her daughter and the man who loved her most, was all she would have wanted. There are more things in this episode, I know there are, but I loaned my dvd to the new writer and my assistant isn’t back yet and my brain isn’t functioning and I’m needed in the writers’ room, so I will say goodbye here and wish you all a very happy Halloween. May no one ever tell you you are too old to knock on doors and beg for food.

Xoxo, Krista

Krista Vernoff on life, death, and "Six Days, Part 2"

Original Airdate: 1-18-07

The card at the end of this hour of TV that read “In memory of Bob Verne” was a tribute to my father. He died six years ago at the age of 56 after a very short battle with esophageal cancer. He called me one day at my office at Charmed and told me he thought he had the flu. A week after that he had surgery on a massive tumor at the base of his esophagus.   Before the surgery he was laughing and celebrating with family. He had a profoundly positive attitude. After the surgery, he had a massive scar down his belly and was intubated and pale, and upon seeing him,  I, who thought of myself as quite strong and educated and capable of handling that moment, started to shake and then hyperventilate and had to be helped out of the room.   

During the week we waited for him to recover, we learned that kidney function was of the utmost importance and I became obsessed, absolutely obsessed with his urine output. I checked that urine bag like 50 times a day. 

At one point, the doctors gathered the family to tell us that my Dad had a kink in his breathing tube and that they might not be able to get a new one in. They told us we needed to prepare ourselves for the possibility that this was it. We stood out in the hallway and waited, holding our breath, terrified. There was another family there in the hallway, the family of a 16 year old boy who’d been shot on the street on his way home from work in what was feared to be gang related violence, though his family insisted that he was a good kid, that he wasn’t in any gang. They were as scared as we were as they waited for news of condition. We talked to them for awhile, made small talk, then fell silent. And after a long, pregnant pause, one of the teenagers of the family looked over at a member of my family with a very disturbed look on his face. And then he said “Dang. Somebody just farted. And I think it’s this old white guy right here.” My family laughed harder than we have ever laughed in our lives.  And my dad lived through the reintubation.

He lived for three more days. 

When the surgeon sat us down to tell us that it was time to let him go, he explained that Dad had come to him – behind our backs – on his way into the OR actually – and begged him to proceed with the tumor removal no matter what. My Dad believed, truly believed, that he could fight that caner, that he could live, if only they would remove the tumor.  The surgeon did as he wished. And I have yet to completely forgive that surgeon for that decision. Because my dad’s body was riddled with cancer. Plus he had a liver condition and a heart condition. There was pretty much no way for him to recover from a surgery that traumatic. And the surgeon knew that. I believe in forgiveness, I do. I’m a fervent and avid believer that resentment, unchecked, leads to illness and spiritual misery. But I also believe that that surgeon cut my dad in half because he wanted the practice. It wasn’t the right call. He knew better. My Dad didn’t. The scene in which George yells at Bailey and Richard – that scene didn’t happen in my life. Writing and shooting that scene was wish fulfillment for me. What happened in my life is, we went into my Dad’s ICU and put our hands on his body and sang him Beatles songs while the nurses turned off the machines.  When they pulled the intubation tubes from his mouth, my sister and I put our faces to his mouth so we could feel the last of his breath.  And then he died. And I became a member of the Dead Dad’s club.

I know you didn’t want us to kill Mr. O’Malley. Believe me, I know that. He was funny and warm and kind and too young and too happy to die, just like my Dad.   He had children and a wife who loved him and needed him, just like my Dad.

Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes, surgery sucks. (By the way, because Bailey and Richard are Bailey and Richard, I don’t think they did what they did for anything but the highest reasons. I believe they were persuaded by Mr. O’Malley’s plea. I believe they felt they had a responsibility to honor his wishes even if they thought it was the wrong decision. But still, sometime surgeons and surgery suck.) It’s been hard for me sometimes to work on a show that by its very nature idealizes Western medicine and surgery. I believe in both, but only as a last resort.  Because I fervently believe (and statistics support) that surgery often does more harm than good.   So, one of the reasons I haven’t written an episode since 302 is because I called dibs on this one. I knew which story I wanted to tell.

I’m sorry it was so hard to watch – but I believe that where there is darkness there is light. I believe that from death comes life. I believe that in the face of great pain, families become closer. Friendships become deeper. Life becomes sweeter. And I believe it’s important to be reminded of the loss of love so that we will value and honor the love we have while have it.

I hope you do that.

I hope, that if you were impacted by this episode, you will use it as inspiration to call your Dad or your Mom or a Grandparent or a sibling or a friend or a teacher and thank them for being in your life and tell them what they mean to you.

If you weren’t impacted by this episode, and you just want to write me hate mail that’s okay too. That’s your choice. We all get one life to live. Or, maybe we get reincarnated a lot of times, I don’t know. But like Burke, in my experience science isn’t enough. For me it’s about faith. Some kind of faith.  Any kind of faith.

So maybe, while you’re calling your families or sending me hate mail, I’ll put forth a little effort and try, once again, to forgive my Dad’s surgeon…

All my best,  Krista   

(p.s. those of you who keep writing and begging for dirty, gratuitous Mer/Der sex? I have one word for you: porny. You have porny, porny minds. And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing… : ) 

(p.s.s. Aren’t you glad little baby Laura is okay? I am. Because as you know I’m expecting a daughter on March 17th. And another thing that’s hard for me about our show is that by necessity, we tell a lot of traumatic baby stories and birth stories.  I read a book that helped me undo a lot of the fear those stories had instilled in me – it’s called “A Guide to Childbirth” by Ina May Gaskin. If you’re pregnant or know someone who’s pregnant or are thinking of ever getting pregnant, you should read it. It’s so so so great. Okay, now I’m really done. Bye.)

Krista returns with answers to your questions...

As promised, here are the first five questions answered. And, because I have a boatload of work to do and am not in the mood to do any of it, I answered a few more of the frequently asked questions. Enjoy!

Who is your favorite Greys character and why?

Hmm. I don’t know. I think I would have to say that George is the person who reminds me most of the people I choose to hang out with in my life. He’s smart and gentle and kind and y’know , a little messed up and passive-aggressive, but he deeply cares about his friends and family. I like him a lot. In terms of writing, my favorite character to write for is Bailey. And that’s because of her rhythms – she speaks in long, almost poetic speeches (we call them Bailey” arias”). She’s also funny and sharp and pointed and direct at the same time. I think she could’ve been a preacher if she hadn’t become a surgeon. Anyway, her arias are really fun to write.

How different is this season to what you had originally planned?

In some ways, with some characters, it’s exactly as we planned. With others it’s vastly different. I can’t talk about too much of it , because a lot of the stuff we had planned that fell away might come back as future story. But to give you an example of how and why things change, I will tell you that when we planned the season we had not planned to bring Izzie back to work nearly as soon as we did. But what happened is this: we were watching the early episodes and what we found was that we desperately missed having Izzie at the hospital, hanging with to the interns. She has such a unique spirit, such a unique energy, and the interns felt (to us) out of balance without her. Tony and Joan and Zoanne wrote SIX DRAFTS of an Izzie arc for episode five this year (“Oh, the Guilt”) -- and none of them were working. And they are terrific writers and so what we realized is that the reason the stories didn’t work, is because we were tired of having Izzie out of the hospital, separate from her friends. So three days before that episode was set to shoot – we had to completely re-break and rewrite it. It’s the one where Izzie goes to the hospital to clean out her locker and ends up seeing the Denny Duquette M and M and then hangs out all day and sees Cristina doing a running whip stitch and knows she wants to come back to work. Can you imagine how much work it was to integrate Izzie into that episode that late in the game? Again, our writers are rock stars. Cause the thing is, when we pulled that story thread, it wasn’t just that episode that unraveled. There was an episode set to start prep three days later, there was an episode in script stage, an episode in outline stage and an episode on the board in the writers’ room. ALL of those episodes were affected by that decision. It was a MOUNTAIN of work – many, many 12, 13, 14 hour days. But it was worth it because it was the right call. I don’ t know if that answers your question – but hopefully it gives you a little more insight into the process which I think is what you’re looking for.

Why was the old Addison elevator scene from Yesterday showed in this episode? I was like WTF!

Wow. You have an incredibly good eye. This question is referencing the montage in act six – in which we stole a shot of Addison from Season 2 (“Yesterday”). The reason is that, again, making this episode into two parts was like guerrilla filmmaking – on the fly, and just kind of insane. And that montage wasn’t scripted until late the last night before the last day of shooting. Greg Yaitanes, the director, and I were talking and we were frustrated because we didn’t feel we had a satisfying ending for part one. And we came up with the montage idea. And I frantically called Rob Corn, our line producer and begged him to make it possible. And then I cut a scene that was supposed to shoot the next day and ran back to my office and scripted the montage and Rob rearranged the schedule and made it happen cause he’s a miracle worker like that. And the one shot we were unable to get in the way we wanted on that last day was Addison. So we stole footage from an old episode (which, by the way, we have done more than once before.) And you totally busted us. Welcome to TV – this is how the magic happens.

Why is this episode called "6 days?”

Because it spans over six days (whereas an average episode of Grey’s spans over one or maybe two days). You have seen 3 of the six so far – and you can track them by the Mer/Der waking up scenes which start each new day.

You mentioned the decision to extend this episode into a two-parter. How exactly do you make that work, as you say, "without compromising the creativity"? Do you add to existing storylines, or actually add in new scenes? Or, did you alter the original 61 minute editing, and incorporate more of already shot scenes?

We took the story back the writer’s room. We break each episode as six acts. So our task was to take six acts and make them twelve. We made twelve columns on the dry erase boards and put act one on act one and put what had been act 6 on act 12. Then we put all the scenes we had already shot on the board – and we talked about what we could add. We knew we needed approximately 20 scenes and 20 pages of new material. We watched the 61 minute version – the whole staff – and then talked about which storylines could use fleshing out. The other thing worth noting is that we had one day to re-break the scenes, and then I had one day (the next day) to write them. We were here till 11pm that night but by the time we went home we had added twenty new scenes. Did I mention how much the writing staff rocks? I have to say, some of the new scenes are some of my favorite scenes in the episode. Like that scene where Callie tries to start down George while he’s waiting for word on his Dad – that was new. The scene at the beginning where George drops the check on the floor and begs Izzie to deposit it was new. So, at the end of several very long days, I think it worked out well. (By the way, I’m only talking about the writing process here – this was a monumental task for everyone – the actors, the editors, the crew, the director and producers and post – everyone. It takes a village to raise an episode. )

I know you guys have in-house medical counsel (in one of your writers, at least) who consult on the show - is that all you use, or do you use any of the pro agencies that exist? (I know of two offhand, one by the CDC and one by... people's whose name I forget, but I'm sure there are more.)

We use every resource imaginable. The CDC has come to talk to us. So have many doctors and nurses and organizations. Plus our wonderful Director of Research, Elizabeth Klaviter, has several prominent surgeons on speed dial. No fewer than 3 medical professionals comb through and correct every script we write.

Okay, that was five…here’s a few more.

Did George know what really happened in the operating room and how bad his dad really is at the end of the episode because he seemed so sad, especially after the whole scene with Callie.

Very astute question. George is a doctor. He knows how bad this thing is with his Dad and even though the urine output is good which means the kidneys are functioning, he knows these things can turn on a dime. When you have a family member in the hospital, there are high highs and low lows and they come tumbling right on top of each other. George knows that even if his dad pulls through post-op, he has months of horrible chemo and radiation ahead of him. And he keeps a brave face for his family, so when he has a moment alone, he lets the fear creep in. That’s how I see it anyway.

When you introduce a story point (ie Izzy's baby), do you then come up with a plan for when you will readdress the point? I know you won't tell us exactly how or when we'll find out new information, but we will find it out. Right? Please?

We plant seeds. We plant seeds and then let them grow. Some grow quickly, like dandelions, Some grow slowly – like – I’m not a gardener but what grows slowly? Trees? Roses? Anyway, everything comes back around. Everything blooms. And the garden is generally more beautiful for the wait. That’s what the gardeners tell me anyway.

Where have Meredith's voice-overs gone? They were a "Grey's" staple -- and made the show compelling and rich -- and I'm missing them!

The voice-over is not gone from the show – just from tonight’s episode and next week’s. Just as we had George do the voiceover once and Cristina do it once, we decided it would be okay to not have it for once. (And then of course, the episode became a 2-parter and so we won’t have it twice.) The reason I didn’t write one is because I always save the VO for last – I write the script first and then write the VO. When I had written this script, I didn’t feel that I had any more to say. It was a creative decision. Also, I know there was no opening VO on Carolina’s episode awhile back – but she did write one – the problem there was the episode was running long, and we ended up cutting the opening scene and then there was nowhere to place the VO. So, as you can see, sometimes decisions are made for sound creative reasons, sometimes for necessary technical reasons. Anyway, fear not, the VO will be back!

Have you guys ever gotten ideas from fan RPGs? I help run one, and we swear sometimes you guys read it.

I’m so sorry, but I don’t know what a fan RPG is so I think I can safely say we don’t get ideas there.

Whatever happened to Doc's burial? Or is this like Pet Sematary, and Doc's not really dead?

Same thing that happened to Dylan the bomb squad guy’s funeral and Denny Duquette’s funeral. Shonda doesn’t like funerals on TV. She doesn’t think that they can ever properly capture the essence of a real funeral. The writers and I tend to agree. So we leave them to your imagination.

Can you clarify the timeline?

Um, sort of but not as completely as you’d like me to. I can tell you that the interns are still interns – which means that less than one year has passed in Grey’s time. I can also tell you that this is TV and if you over-think the timeline and over-study the show, you will probably be frustrated because it probably won’t seem logical that less than a year has passed. But as with all art, sometimes you have to just suspend your disbelief and go for the ride. On Beverly Hills 90210, the entire cast repeated their junior year of high school. Cause sometimes, logic-leaps like that are necessary to keep a show on the creative track you want.

How do you become a writer for a show like Grey's Anatomy? Because I would love to be one. Love. And I have no idea how to do it.

I have gotten several questions in this vein. So I’m going to attempt to answer this in brief – and then I really should go do work.

There are many ways to become a TV writer. You can go to film school. You can do your undergraduate study in screenwriting. I didn’t. I did take two writing classes – one was playwriting with Prof. Jon Lipsky my senior year at Boston University. It was terrific and inspiring and a big part of what made me want to be a writer. The second was a screenwriting 101 class at the New School in NYC right after I graduated college with a prof whose name ai sadly can’t remember. . Both were helpful. But largely, I self-educated. By that I mean, I read a lot of books on how to write for television. And then I watched a lot of television. And then I practiced writing for television. I practiced a LOT. You hear a lot of stories about people moving to LA and never making it as writers and oh the misery and all the years it takes… My theory is that – okay, some of those people aren’t talented – but many of them, most of them, just moved here too soon. They didn’t practice enough before they started sending scripts out and trying to find an agent. Many, many people write ONE script, or maybe two, and then think they’re ready to be seen and read . To me, that’s insane. Because no matter now good you think your first script is, the second one will be better and the third will be better than that. You learn by doing. Write scripts and show them to trusted friends and get notes and TAKE THE NOTES and rewrite and then write more scripts. That’s how you get good. Also, read something good every day – a novel, preferably, something juicy and inspiring. And write every day. Write every day for a good long while. And then, when you’re ready, buy the books that tell you how to get your stuff read in Hollywood. There are a lot of good ones.

Okay. I really do have to go now. Thanks for all your wonderful questions and feedback. We think the world of you, our fans, and appreciate that the feeling seems to be mutual.

All my Best,
Krista

"Six Days" with Krista Vernoff...

Original Airdate: 1-11-07

The first thing I wanna say is, my three least favorite words in television are “To Be Continued.” Truly. I hate it and I’m so sorry to have done it to you. It was not my intention. I wrote this episode as one hour. But we shot it and it came in at 61 minutes and we only get 43 minutes per hour and so we were faced with the choice of either cutting 18 minutes – which really would have just destroyed the episode – or shooting 4 more days and making it a two-parter. It hurt. It was painful and laborious and I was terrified that the decision to go two hours would compromise the episode creatively and it really was such a beautiful episode at 61 minutes… Anyway, we did what we had to do, and I think that in the end, we made it work as two hours and I hope that you don’t hate us too much for making you wait a week for the pay-off.  It’s worth it, I promise.

Here’s the thing though. There’s just not that much I can talk about in this blog without giving away stuff that happens next week. I could tell you how much I love the stuff you’ve seen and how much I think you’ll enjoy where it’s all going but… I’m thinking maybe instead I’ll save any further discussion of “Six Days” till next week and use this time to talk about some questions you guys have been writing us.  (Also,  I  did the podcast this week – so if you aren’t technophobic, like me, and you actually know how to download and listen to a podcast , you can hear me and Susan, our wonderful editor, talk about this week’s episode in detail.)

What I want to talk about first is reruns. Yes, there’ve been a lot lately and I know it sucks. We had been scheduled to air a new episode on January 4th but  when Six Days became a two-parter, it became impossible to write, shoot and edit all the new scenes and get something on the air by January 4th. The GOOD thing about the change is – we were going to air a new episode on January 4th then have another repeat on 1/11. So – yes, you had to wait an extra week for a new episode, but you will now have 7 WEEKS IN A ROW of new episodes. Yeay.  We hope you enjoy each and every one of them.  We do know how frustrating the repeats can be, but if you break down the math – that the TV season is 40 weeks long and that we can only physically produce 24 episodes in a season – well, there’s gonna be a lot of repeats. That’s just the way it goes.

Second, I want to talk about the process – as in – how and why we do the things we do because a lot of you have been asking.  Here’s how it works: at the end of season two, we spent about 5 weeks discussing season three – really planning out all the arcs for the whole season. Then we went on a 5 week hiatus and when we came back, we started breaking story (which is what we call outlining episodes.) As we break story, we usually veer from what we had planned either a little or a whole, whole lot. Because sometimes things that work in theory do not work in execution and sometimes things that we think are BRILLIANT by 7pm on a Friday seem absurd by 9am on Monday. It’s not a perfect process, it’s not a linear process, it’s a creative process. And that process sometimes involves Shonda sitting up in bed at three a.m. having had an epiphany that completely destroys all of our plans but ultimately works out really well for the season. Or sometimes, we read a script and think it isn’t working and sit and try to brainstorm ways to make it work and we come up with major story points that way.

For example, in "Break on Through" last season, Izzie having given up a baby for adoption was never discussed in the writers’ room. I read the script and felt like it was missing a personal connection and I went to Shonda and the writer of the episode and said “what if Izzie had a baby she gave up for adoption” and they liked it so we put it into the script and put the script out and the writing staff was as surprised as Katie Heigl was because sometimes we get so far behind and so tired we forget to even put out a memo saying, hey, by the way, Izzie gave a baby up for adoption.  (And that, my friends, is what we call a run-on sentence. High Schoolers reading this should NOT, I repeat NOT, try to learn anything from my syntax.)   My point is, we work hard, we plan things and then just as in life, plans change and it’s one of the things I love about writing for TV.  Plus we have a phenomenal writing staff – they roll with the punches and very rarely burst into inappropriate tears when things change at the 11th hour. (Usually, these days, it’s me bursting into inappropriate tears but that’s because I’m very pregnant and wow, those hormones are killer. Greg Yaitanes, who directed “Six Days” parts one and two, stopped calling me Krista and just started calling me “Pregnant Lady.” As in, “Hey, Pregnant Lady, here’s what I’m thinking of doing with this scene.”   One might hear that as patronizing, but after spending 12, 13, 15 hours a day with me for three and half weeks shooting these episodes and watching me burst frequently into inappropriate tears,  I felt he had earned the right. But really – which of you didn’t cry after George saw his dad post-op for the first time and shaking, grabbed Mer’s arm and said “He’s my Dad, He’s my Dad.” ?? The problem is I burst out crying ON THE SET which …y’know…inappropriate.)    Okay, I digress. I was talking about process.   

I have heard it asked repeatedly how much influence you fans have on our storytelling. And I know one of the writers blogged that what y’all have to say carries a lot of weight in the writers’ room. And I think to a degree that’s true. And by that I mean, we read your comments – maybe not all of them but a lot of them – and sometimes we use them as a jumping off place for discussion in the room. Like, “A lot of fans don’t like this character right now. Why is that?” We talk about the character and the things he or she has been doing and where we want to go  -- we also usually discuss the fact that, for every fan who doesn’t like a character, there’s one who does.   That’s one of the things I love about our show – that it is polarizing.  (I used to have an acting teacher who said, “If the audience is on their feet at the end of the play, you’ve done your job. If the audience is booing and  throwing stuff at you at the end of the play, you’ve also done your job. What you never want is to receive “polite” applause.)   If our characters were less flawed, if say, they were just plain sweet and likable, then you would all agree that you liked them and then where would we go? How much growth is possible in a character who never makes bad decisions? How much drama is possible if people are never f**ked up, never bitchy, never raw?  So…our discussions that are prompted by your feedback often lead us down interesting paths, but they never end with us going, “Yeah, some of the fans don’t like that, we should just stop it.” Ever. Because it’s our to keep you on the edge of your seats, it’s our job to inspire you to write us in a feverish rage, it’s our job to sometimes piss you off and hopefully, always, to keep you coming back for more. 

Speaking of coming back for more…I have to go do work now – the writers’ room is calling.  So, because I dedicated this blog to giving you some answers – I will read and answer the first five questions you write me after reading this. (As long as you aren’t asking me to reveal future story points cause you know I can’t do that.)  Okay? And then next week, I promise, I will talk about 6 days, parts one and two in great detail.   Alright then, Happy New Year. I hope this finds you all healthy and happy and loving your lives.

More soon,

Krista 

(oh, and P.S, I wanted to say thanks to those of you who went to see my play in NYC. It was an honor and a privilege to meet some of you and I so appreciated your support!)

Krista Vernoff on blogging and "I Am a Tree"

Original Airdate: 9/28/06

Blogging. I used to think it was all fun and games. I used to think it was just li’l ol’ me happily telling stories to you, our most avid fans. Until this morning.  Know what happened this morning? The freaking NEW YORK TIMES QUOTED MY BLOG ON THE COVER OF ARTS AND LEISURE. You think I’m kidding, but I’m not. It was traumatizing. Because you know me (you, our most avid fans). And you know by now that I have a little something called Truth Tourettes. I am an over-sharer. I should join over-sharers anonymous.  But my intention here is not to over share with the entire readership of the NY Times, dammit!  Okay, rant over. I shall now commence with the over sharing:      

I love McSteamy. I loved him when I introduced you to him in “Yesterday” and I love him even more when he’s standing in a towel at the end of this episode. I wrote it. I saw the dailies when it was shot. And still, when I first watched the cut, my jaw dropped with giddy surprise when I saw him emerge from that bathroom. Love me my McSteamy.  Maybe cause he reminds me of my husband whose nickname is “Dirty Chops” cause he is just always saying wildly inappropriate and off-color things and I like that in a man. Also, Eric Dane is um…I don’t want to say anything here that the NY Times will quote and my in-laws will read so…I’m leaving it at Eric Dane is um. You can fill in the rest.

Okay, also? I love Izzie in this episode. I love that she bakes like, a gazillion muffins. I love that she’s even functioning enough to put them in pretty baskets and bring them to a bar which may be the most bizarre thing ever. I spent my share of time in bars and I don’t remember there being any muffins. I love what it says that she brings the muffins to the bar. It’s like, this place used to be a part of my life, a part of my routine, and I am clinging desperately to hold on to some vestige of that old life even though it feels over and like nothing will ever be the same again. I love Katie’s performance --- like she hasn’t slept in days. Like baking has replaced sleep and it’s all she can do to move her facial muscles and form words. Cause in my experience that is what it’s like when people you love suddenly die. And I love that she’s not afraid to go there. You just don’t find that many beautiful actresses working in prime time TV willing to spend an entire episode without any make-up – know what I mean? 

As for Meredith, my inner single girl is flippin’ jealous. Cause really – did you see that bar scene? With McVet walking in all slo-mo and hot and then McDreamy doing the same damn thing?  And all the kissing earlier and the almost kissing and the longing and the confusion?  Okay, I don’t covet the confusion. Cause while it all looks sexy and pretty on TV – have you ever been torn between two boys who you super like? I have. And a lot of my friends have.  (Maybe. Sort of. I might be lying NY Times, you don’t know – so DON’T QUOTE THIS IN ANY PAPERS CASUE I’LL FREAKIN’ DENY IT!!) And I have to say – it really isn’t ever any fun. The confusion is confusing and the heartbreak that always feels imminent is scary -- so freaking scary the idea that you could make the wrong choice and lose the right man -- even the idea that you might make the right choice and lose the wrong man is upsetting when you really, really like them both. Which Meredith does. And how could she not? Seriously.

And now I need to talk a little bit about Derek finally being a grown up in his marriage and doing the right thing. And I’m not gonna lie to you – I didn’t feel bad for him that Addison drunk-dialed Mark. I think she had every right. I did feel bad for him however when he sat there on the bed acknowledging that ending his marriage was incredibly sad. Cause I think a lot of Derek’s less McDreamy behavior has been about avoiding that moment right there. The moment where you just have to sit – beyond the blame and anger – and just feel the extraordinary sadness that comes when a relationship ends. Anyway, I was proud of him.

Almost as proud as I was of Bailey when she came to talk to Izzie. That woman makes me cry. Bailey.   She’s just honest and real and straight forward and good and whole and kind and complicated and I love her. And honestly most of that could describe Chandra Wilson too. She just rocks. She broke my heart when she said “It’s enough muffins.” She broke my heart when she admitted that part of what happened to Denny was her fault.

I wish I could go on and on about every single character in this episode, but I have all sorts of stupid work to do in an attempt to bring you more episodes, so let me just say this: I loved that Cristina stripped for Burke. Because all appearances to the contrary, she really isn’t all that selfish. Well, she isn’t only selfish. (And btw – how amazing is Diahann Carol? I don’t feel qualified to blog about her. So that’s all I’ll say. Just…Holy crap, y’know?) I loved when Burke brought his Mama a scone and just stood around stuttering like George.  I loved when George was flirting with the little nurse and I loved that he managed to be enough of a grown up to stop in time. I loved when Callie got busted dancing. I LOVE CALLIE. I LOVE HER. And I LOVED her dancing. Don’t write me any meanness about my Callie cause I won’t read it. Plus I’ll get mad when I do read it after I said I won’t. Callie rocks. And she is, to me, about the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen on TV.  Finally, can you guess what my very favorite moment in this episode was? It was when Alex followed Dana Seabury to the ladies room. Freakin’ funny.  Seriously, Justin Chambers doesn’t get enough credit out there in the world, I think. He’s  brilliant. (Quote THAT, NY Times!)

Finally, I have to take a moment to write to you about Benjamin. Oh my God, he broke my heart. (And not just because the actor who played him, the brilliant and multi-talented Peter Paige has been one of my very best friends for the last 20 years.) When they had to shock his heart on the table, I burst into tears. (and not just cause I’m four months pregnant and everything makes me cry and it almost killed me to see my Peter looking like he was maybe dying.)  I love Benjamin because he makes me laugh. And he really made me think, just like he made Meredith think, about how much we should really run around all day controlling every impulse we have in favor of being “polite.” I mean,   life is short, people die – and if your hair conditioner isn’t working, don’t you want some to tell you??  I know that my Peter Paige tells me, which is why he’s my best friend.

Finally, I’m going to take this opportunity for a moment of unadulterated self-promotion. A play I wrote, “Me, My Guitar and Don Henley” is opening in New York on October 7th in a tiny little theatre in the East Village.  If you are an East Coast dwelling theatre-goer and you like my episodes of Grey’s Anatomy and you like my rambling and over-sharing on this here blog, I think you will like my play, which is, coincidentally, directed by  Peter Paige and includes a large amount of over-sharing.  If you don’t like my rambling and over sharing? Like, if you’re about to write to me and go, “Stupid Krista! Why do you think we CARE about you and your stupid life? GEEEEEZ – we wanna hear more about Meredith cause you’re stupid, you stupid dummy” – then, um, you probably shouldn’t come see my play.   But if you do want to see it, here’s the link. 
*(rumor has it the NY Times is going to the play too – these people will seriously NOT leave me alone!! Sheesh. …Just kidding.  I love you NY Times. I love you and I love your reviewers. Really. Swear. )

And by the way, Thanks.  Thanks for following us to Thursday nights, Thanks for loving our show as much as we do. It means the world to us.

Krista Vernoff on writing her first episode...

"If Tomorrow Never Comes"

Original airdate: 5/1/2005

Shonda just told me we’re blogging season one as they repeat this summer. BLOGGING SEASON ONE. Seriously, do you know how long ago season one was?  And my brain is not what it once was.   Season one. Sheesh.

Okay, here’s what I remember: I remember that we all met, this bedraggled group of writers, for the most part all coming from other recently cancelled shows. I myself had come from a sweet little show called Wonderfalls that Fox killed after airing only three episodes.  I liked Wonderfalls. It was fun making little animal figurines talk. We made thirteen episodes and then we said our goodbyes and I went and got married and the show got cancelled while I was on my honeymoon. Good times. 

So anyway, I came back looking for a job and I met Shonda and we talked about American Idol for an hour (because it was the morning after Jennifer Hudson got voted off and we were scandalized. Scandalized!) and then she hired me. 

And the writers gathered.

In the room, there was the brilliant Jim Parriott, who also was at that initial interview and seemed deeply disturbed by our AI rantings. There was Kip, who was really funny and had chickens at his home in West LA.  There were Harry and Gab who were sci-fi junkies and all married and happy and shiny and funny too. There was Stacy who had been Jim’s assistant when I met Shonda and Jim that first time and she was all excited about her recent promotion to writer and also kind of intimidated and quiet and adorable. There was Mimi who is so smart it’s crazy and with whom I had worked my very first year in TV when she was on Party Of Five and I was on the Jennifer Love Hewitt spin off Time of Your Life.  There was Ann Hamilton who had credits on her resume like thirtysomething and was therefore intimidating to me despite her wit and charm.  There was Zoanne who was not only a writer but a doctor too. An actual practicing ER doctor. She STILL works one shift a month in the ER so she’s maybe the coolest person I know. There was, of course,  Shonda who had never been in a writer’s room before and who lurked outside the door, brooding and disturbed like maybe we were all vampires who would eat her soul if she stepped foot inside.

And then there was me. WHO WOULD NOT SHUT UP.

I swear to you, I got this amazing case of verbal diarrhea and I just KEPT TALKING.

It was the nerves. And the fact that I’d been unemployed for four months and had had way too much time on my hands. And the nerves. Did I mention the nerves? And did I mention how Shonda, who had finally made her way inside the room,  kept looking at me like if I didn’t shut up soon she was going to leave and never come back?

And still, I KEPT TALKING.

I was like George with Meredith in the pilot where he mentions the strappy sandals and then is convinced that she thinks he’s gay – only I was George on like, crack. Speedy speedy crack. Except I don’t do drugs so I don’t even have that as an excuse.  It was truly an appalling, humiliating, mortifying day in my career. Okay, week. And so, when I got assigned “If Tomorrow Never Comes,” I felt like I had a lot to prove. Like if the script didn’t make up for the compulsive talking, I might not get to come back for season two.   The theme was procrastination, which I know a thing or two about and we spent a week talking about the stories in the writers room and then I went away to write.

When I went away, Annie, the tumor-lady, was supposed to live.  And somewhere, in the writing of the first draft, I decided that I had to kill her. And so I turned in the script and Shonda was all “YOU KILLED ANNIE?!” and then, in a minute, she was all “You killed Annie.” And this time it was with a proud smile. Like I had joined her in her warped club of creating characters you like and then killing them like some deranged serial killer.  She was proud.  And I got to come back for season two.  The verbal diarrhea, by the way? Sounded a lot like this blog.

So in case you’re still wondering why I had to go and kill Annie, it was this: Alex had been a complete and total ass to her. And George had had that funny conversation with her (in which, you may have noticed, “Seriously” is used as a punchline for the first time in our series) and it affected him.  And I felt like, in order for most of those things to have maximum impact, Annie had to die. Because the theme was procrastination. And believe it or not, we actually do think about what kind of message we put into the world. And the message I wanted to give was not, “Hey it’s okay to put off going to see a doctor for two years cause it all turns out alright in the end.”   George needed Annie to die so that he could actually knock on Meredith’s door and at least try to tell her how he was feeling.  And I needed Annie to die so I could say all that stuff at the end about seizing the day already.  Cause it’s time. Cause life is short and you never know when it’s up.   The old man needed to have the brain surgery before it was too late and while he could still walk his daughter down the aisle. And Izzie needed to pull that blood clot out of the guy’s chest without a moment’s hesitation – it was a matter of life and death.

And the truth as I see it is this: it’s always a matter of life and death. Every day. Even if you’re not a doctor. Even if you’re not saving lives or risking them. Because the thing is we all die eventually and sometimes without much warning.   

A few months ago, I came to work and the flag on the lot was flying at half-mast. I asked someone why and they told me that Scott Brazil had died.  Our director for this episode, the brilliant and talented and gentle and kind Scott Brazil, had died. He was the kind of guy who would wrap a casting session early because he wanted to get to his son’s soccer game.  He was the kind of guy who, after working with me on only this one episode, came to this tiny theatre in Hollywood to see a play I had written. He brought his wife and another couple and afterwards, he went on and on about how much they all loved it. He even emailed me the next day to say it all again. People I worked with for years didn’t bother to come see that play. But Scott came. Because that’s the kind of guy he was. 

He was in his fifties when he died. 

At his beautiful and funny and just monumentally sad memorial, a lot of people talked about how Scott was the kind of person who lived life to the fullest; how he was the kind of guy to just always, always seize the day.   
   

As promised, MORE from Krista regarding her last episode....

So, I said I would try last week to come back soon and write more about "Yesterday." I said I would try, and I meant it. I did try. But when I had to choose between writing dialogue for the actors to say and updating the writers’ blog – well, I’m trusting that you understand.   I still don’t have much time, because Shonda keeps me handcuffed to my desk, with an IV drip of caffeine and marching orders that I must follow. Still, there are a few things I wanted to tell you -- and by you, I mean those of you who don’t write and call me names like ‘loser’ and ‘stupid whore.’ :)

1. The Orgasm Lady’s medical condition was that she had a small tumor on her pudendal artery, which supplies blood to the clitoris.  So that area was constantly being stimulated. It was unfortunate that we had to cut the scene that explained it all but the episode was running long. Yes, it was based on an actual case.

2. The episode was titled “Yesterday” even though the theme was “growing up” – because at one point the theme was “the past” – but things change quickly around here, and when we changed the theme, we never got around to changing the title.  (We were probably busy updating the writer’s blog.) If you think about it, several of the stories actually reflect both themes – but the growing up thing felt more relevant somehow. The cancer man who is still bearing grudges from childhood and the beautiful and funny lionitis kid who never gets a chance to grow up and the orgasm lady who feels like a freak the way most of us do as teenagers and all of our characters who in this episode seem trapped in a prolonged state of adolescence…

3. McSteamy is indeed hot. And yes, there is the possibility for a return visit sometime – but the deal was this: he asked Addison to meet him at the bar and come home to NY with him. And Addison didn’t show. So Mark went home to NY alone. Sad but true. 

4. Yes, Addison is keeping a secret from Derek about the actual dynamics of her affair with Mark. My guess is that Derek has never asked, and that Addison wants so much for him to forgive her that she has opted to lie by omission.   I don’t know if Derek will ever find out.  Wouldn’t it be crazy if he didn’t? Wouldn’t it be crazy if, as in life, some of the secrets and lies just never surfaced?   Man. There would be more name-calling is my guess…

5. The scene with Burke and Cristina dancing is my personal favorite in the history of Grey’s.  It was so fabulously adorable and intimate and character-revealing all at once. Sandra and Isaiah just floored me and Rob Corn – whom Shonda refers to as Bossy McBossy, remember? – did a brilliant job directing it. 

6. WHY IS NO ONE  TALKING ABOUT KEVIN COVAIS’ SPEECH IMPEDIMENT? Seriously, how are you supposed to have a professional singing career when you sound like this: “You should have told me yourthelf, that you loved thomeone elth, insthead I heard it through the grapevine…”???  He is sweet kid – even a talented singer, but seriously!   Maybe I’ll write to Simon Cowell and call him some names…

-Krista

From Krista Vernoff, who wrote the teleplay for "Yesterday"

Original Airdate 2-19-06

So, apparently, some folks are getting a little antsy for this blog.   I know, because yesterday, Shonda emailed me and said “The fans are FREAKING OUT. You have to post your blog before they riot.”  This email came as a surprise to me, mostly because I thought yesterday was Sunday and I didn’t realize my episode had aired yet. Weird, yes, but this was a holiday weekend and I was in Palm Springs having a MUCH NEEDED holiday with my husband and I got confused from all the sleep. Sleep will do that to you.  I have the best husband. I am madly in love with him.  Weekends in Palm Springs, where we got married almost two years ago, are about my favorite thing in the world. Really. We are so in love that when we go to parties at Shonda’s house, she frequently YELLS at us from across the room, “STOP LOVING EACH OTHER SO DAMN MUCH.”  True story.  I am living the dream. And aren’t you already a little bit annoyed with me, like, one paragraph in? The point here is that while I love my marriage, it would not make for interesting television.  It really wouldn’t. The script would look something like this: 

Krista and Kevin are snuggling on the couch in front of the TV. 

      KRISTA: I totally want the bald guy with the two step kids to win this year.

      KEVIN: You don’t think Paris should win?

      KRISTA: Okay, yeah, maybe. But they should definitely be the final two!

And they snuggle some more as the wailing sounds of American Idol rise in the background.

Seriously.  Would you tune in next week?  I don’t think you would. The critics would call us “saccharine” the fans would call us “boring” and ABC would cancel us.

Now, if you cut back in time say, 10 to 15 years? My life then might have made for interesting TV. I could tell you tons of stories, but I’m gonna focus on one.  I had this friend. I will call him Jim because that doesn’t at all resemble his name. Jim and I went to college together but we had actually known each other since we were 16. And Jim had had an intense crush on me since we were 16.  And he was the nicest guy in the world and one of my closest friends. And I knew how he felt about me – because how could I not? And for this reason, I didn’t cross that line with him for a long, long time despite many drunken occasions when it would have been easy to do so. And then one night I did. Why? Because we had graduated from college and we were living in New York and I was in a constant state of “what am I going to do with my life” terror and he was there. And he was safe and familiar and so incredibly kind. And I wanted that kindness in my life very badly. I wanted to be a healthy woman who would choose the nice guy who loved me and stop chasing the sexy, unavailable guys who didn’t.  And so, even though I had high hopes in the moment that I crossed that line, it didn’t go very well in the long run. Because at 22, I wasn’t that healthy.  And I hurt a dear friend. And the friendship suffered for it.  But eventually, it was a good thing because he got over me and met and married a woman who loved him back.  And now we’re friends again. True story.

And despite all this life experience? I was, for a very, very long time, WILDLY OPPOSED to Meredith and George hooking up. Like, shouting matches in the writer’s room opposed. Like, storming down the hall to my office and eating vast quantities of Trader Joe’s dark chocolate opposed.  I was afraid people wouldn’t forgive Meredith. I wanted very much for Meredith to be healthier than she is. Because now, at 34, I’ve had several years of therapy and it’s hard for me to conceive of making the kinds of decisions that Meredith makes.  But Meredith isn’t me now – she’s more like me then.  Which, as I mentioned, makes for better television.  And even knowing all of that, I was still opposed. Until Shonda had the flash of inspiration that the Mer/George hook-up should come on the heels of Meredith going to see her father.  It was like the clouds parted. And suddenly, I completely got it. And I completely forgave Meredith.  Here’s why:

My Dad died five years ago today (2/21/01). It sucked ass in a way I find it difficult to describe. The whole month of February sucks for me and on 2/21 every year, it’s hard for me to get out of bed. The loss of a parent is a pain you can only fully understand when you lose a parent.  And Meredith has pretty much lost her mom to alzheimers. And here’s what I think about her Dad: I think that for 20 years, Meredith has, somewhere in the deepest part of her psyche, held on to the fantasy that her dad is out there, just waiting to love her. I think she thinks that when she finally makes the effort to know him, he will open his arms, and open his heart and apologize for leaving and just love her like crazy. The news of Ellis’ affair was the opportunity Meredith had needed to finally forgive him enough to approach him. She gathered what had to be a HUGE amount of courage to knock on his door…

And then the fantasy died.

Because Thatcher didn’t throw open his arms.  He didn’t apologize.  He didn’t invite her in. He didn’t have the right words, he didn’t have the right anything. And to Meredith, that had to feel like a death. 

And then she went to a bar and drank.

And then Mark made her hope again, if only briefly, that she could have the man she loves back.

And then she went home and stared out her window in a state that I can only imagine was tremendous pain and loss and grief. 

And then George came in. And poor George DID NOT KNOW ANY OF THIS. He was not there to take advantage of her when she was in a vulnerable state. All he knew was that he had spent the entire day working up his courage to finally, finally make her hear him. 
And, unwittingly, he said the world’s most perfect things.

He said he would never leave her (like her father did). He said he would never hurt her (like Derek did). He said he would never stop loving her.

And he was safe and familiar and so incredibly kind. And she wanted that kindness in her life very badly. She wanted to be a healthy woman who would choose the nice guy who loved her and stop chasing the sexy, unavailable guys who didn’t (or couldn’t).  And even though she had high hopes in the moment that she crossed that line, I’m guessing,   that it didn’t go very well in the long run.

I think that’s enough for now.  I will try to write again soon to address the other 41 minutes of last night’s episode.  Thank you for watching and for caring so much about these characters and these stories we tell. They do, as you may have noticed, come from our selves, from our psyches, from our lives. Putting that stuff on TV every week is sometimes not the easiest thing to do – and it means the world to us that you continue to care and continue to watch. 

Sincerely, Krista

From Krista Vernoff, writer of "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer"

Episode Airdate: 12/11/05

So here’s a funny thing: we were never going to do a “Holiday episode” of Grey’s Anatomy. Shonda, in particular, (though many of us agree) is not a big fan of Santa Claus in the E.R. and elves in the operating room and the kinds of things you most often see on medical show holiday episodes. So, the mandate was: we can have a tree, we can acknowledge the holiday, but we’re not doing a “holiday episode.”  And then Harry and Gab walked into the writer’s room and pitched this:  “A cranky, angry little boy needs a heart transplant because his heart is TWO SIZES TWO SMALL.”   

Come on. That’s brilliant. The Grinch boy? How do you not make a holiday episode now?  So that’s how this episode was born. We all sat around the writers’ room and watched the old animated “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” (one of my favorite days at work yet) and talked about all the ways we could work subtle references to the Grinch into the episode.   Now, if you watched? You may have noticed that the whole “heart too sizes too small” thing fell out – and that the little boy who played Justin was not at all Grinch-like (he was, in my humble estimation, maybe the sweetest kid in the history of the world.)  Which is frankly, part of why the Grinch thing fell away – because we cast this kid – and he had these amazing eyes, and this amazing presence but when he said of Santa Claus “Tell the fat-ass to give it someone else, I don’t want it” – it still somehow managed to be sweet.  Add that to the fact that we were having trouble making the medicine work, and the whole original inspiration for the episode was gone. (Though you may have noticed a Cindy-Lou Who quality to Izzie’s enthusiasm in the opening scene, and a Grinch-like quality to Cristina’s stealing the Christmas tree from Justin’s room.)

I don’t know why I’m telling you all this… Maybe because I’m so often asked “How do you guys come up with this stuff?”   The answer is, we come up with it in a largely convoluted, fabulously meandering, highly collaborative way where bad ideas lead to good ones and good ideas lead to other ones and nothing is set in stone until about a week before you see it on TV. Which is why I love working in TV. 

Okay….so…after the way you brutalized Mark last week for the leech stuff (which I personally found fascinating), I know what it is y’all want to hear about – and it isn’t Grinch boy…

Yep, Derek told Addison he fell in love with Meredith.  Brutal, right? I know.  It felt brutal when I wrote it – actually made me feel a little nauseated (which is when you know it’s going well) because my God, do I love my husband and I cannot even begin to imagine hearing something like that from him.  Then again, I can’t imagine SLEEPING WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. And here’s the thing – I think that Derek coming clean to Addie could be the very best thing to bring about a healing of their marriage, because I don’t think a marriage can survive without honesty.  When we decided to get married, my husband and I made a deal that if we ever found ourselves with a crush on someone else– not a “hey, that guy/girl’s hot” crush, but a “I can’t get my mind off that guy/girl” crush, we would come home and tell on ourselves and go immediately into couples counseling. Because crushes like that don’t happen for no reason – they happen because something else in the marriage is seriously amiss.   And Addison didn’t sleep with Mark for no reason, she did it because something in the marriage was seriously amiss. And Derek didn’t turn around and get on a plane to Seattle and fall in love with someone else for no reason – he did it because the marriage was in bad shape WAY before he walked into that bedroom. So – yeah, I think his confession here is the most mature and potentially healing thing that either of them has done for a long time.  That said, I also think it could ultimately end them.  Because, seriously, how do you recover from that kind of information?

Man, relationships are complicated…

Anyway, here’s some things I loved watching last night’s episode: I loved the runner with the interns helping Alex study, culminating in Izzie having to embrace the true spirit of Christmas. I loved it because as snarky as they are, as cranky as they are, as exhausted as they are and as harsh as they can be, they are a family, these interns.  And when push comes to shove, they show up for each other -- because in the best of all worlds, that’s what family does.   

I also loved that Justin decided to live in the end and that when he did, his health took a turn for the better. I loved that while Cristina wasn’t interested in coming around to Burke’s spirituality, she was desperate to save Justin’s life.  And she was the right person to do it, because ultimately, she and Justin shared a belief-system, so she was the one who could say what he needed to hear. Which is another kind of family, isn’t it? It’s the “Tribe” thing I referenced in the end -- Cristina and Justin are in one another’s tribe.  Whether or not the same can be said of Burke and Cristina remains to be seen, because as relationships go, I think Cristina was right – it’s easy to differ in terms of cleanliness or age or experience and still have a relationship – but to differ on fundamental philosophical/spiritual beliefs is much, much harder.   I’m not saying they can’t overcome it, I’m just saying that when Cristina asked “What are we doing? I don’t know what we’re doing…” that was rooted in a real and valid fear. 

Finally, I loved, loved, loved watching Bailey have to deal with her growing family during one hellish day in the O.R.  I loved it because there isn’t a career-woman I know who doesn’t struggle with how and when to have kids: how do I be the kind of surgeon (writer, ad-executive, architect…) I want to be and have kids? How do I be the kind of Mom I want to be and have a career?  Bailey’s struggle is just beginning, but I just loved that she’s already communicating with her child in a way that makes me know she’s gonna be an amazing Mom. 

So I guess that’s it for now, except, well: Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas… May you find joy in some version of family this season – even if your own is making you a little nuts.   

Wishing Peace and Joy to You and Yours,

Krista