Debora Cahn on "Push"...

Original Airdate: 3-11-10

Dating.  Dating is a lot of things.  Fun.  Exhilarating.  Exciting.  Breathtaking.  

No.  

Occasionally, maybe.  But usually it’s miserable.  It’s a freakshow.  A slog.  Punishment for killing children in a past life, perhaps.  It sucks.  Your heart, your hopes, your dreams, all projected onto some hapless wretch on the other side of the table, who’s using the drink menu to pick his teeth.  I remember thinking maybe I could type up a little cheat sheet, with answers to the questions I’d already answered 800 times… “One brother, one sister.”  “Connecticut.”  “Scorpio.”  But no.  You can’t short circuit the process.  You just gotta go through it.

Dating is best left to the young.  The young and the optimistic, who can ride their optimism through the countless dinners at Italian restaurants required to zero in on a life partner.  Unfortunately, the young ain’t the ones doing it anymore.  Grown men and women, people who waved goodbye to their twenties long ago, are dating.  They’re divorced.  Or they wanted to focus on their careers before they worried about marriage and family.  They’re grown ups, and they’re sitting in Italian restaurants across the land, talking about their childhoods, and their rock climbing, and how they wish they had more time to cook.  

Mark Sloan.  Miranda Bailey.  These are not people who ever thought they’d have to have the conversation over pasta.  Bailey married young.  Dating for her was milkshakes in high school.  Movies.  Bowling.  And Mark… well, we know what it was for Mark.  It was a lot of women, over a lot of years, and it was, shall we say, aerobic.  So all this crap about getting to know each other, and figuring out how to get close to a perfect stranger is baffling.  Bailey’s forgotten all the rules.  Mark never knew them in the first place.  It’s a nightmare.  

Now, if you have to date, you should date Jason George.  He’s the amazing and terribly hot actor who plays Ben, and the fact is, while I have great sympathy for grown women who have to start dating after years of marriage, it’s not easy to muster up all that much sympathy for Bailey when she’s dating freaking Jason George.  But I try.  And Mark, well, him I really do feel sorry for, because this isn’t his thing.  He’s a ragingly confident man.  But he’s never had to play this game.  He’s never trolled for a wife before, he’s trolled for… you know… but not for the mother of his children.  And yet he goes for it.  He tries.  He’s so earnest.  And so nervous.  And nobody believes him.  Teddy can’t imagine that he’s someone you take seriously.  So nothing makes me happier than seeing him, at the end of the episode, just melt her with talk of an aggressively unromantic lunch date.  He grows.  He wins.  And he deserves to.  Bailey?  She wins too.  Jason George is cooking her dinner.  And kissing her.  That’s the definition of a win win situation.  I guess that’s the moral of the story.  Dating sucks, but if you can survive it, sometimes nice things happen after.  

Did you notice in the credits that Chandra Wilson directed this episode?  Miranda Bailey on-screen, and the director off-screen.  She’s a freaking rock star.  Literally, because she sings like god’s trying to prove something.  But also because she acts and directs all at the same time – the woman directed her own on-screen kiss.  She’s incredible.  There’s nothing, NOTHING, she can’t do.  It’s intimidating, is the fact of the matter.

I want to talk about Callie for a minute, and how lovely it is that she’s suddenly the one who has her act together.  She’s the grown up.  She’s not the freak, sleeping in the basement and getting her heart slammed.  She’s the authority.  Mark wants her help.  Bailey wants her advice.  And she’s good at it.  It’s lovely.  For the three seconds before Arizona tells her that they don’t have the same vision of the future.  But until then… it’s so nice.  I’m so happy for her.  She’s suddenly at peace in her own skin.

Now Richard… less so.  It’s going to take some time, for Richard, and for Derek, to find peace in their new roles.  Derek’s such a good guy, such a stand-up guy, but why on earth did he think it was a good idea to oust the Chief, take over his job, and then hire him to work as an underling?  You can take the Chief out of the office, but you can’t take the… you know.  The Chief’s still the Chief.  He’s not gonna unlearn everything he knew.  And Derek… he’s just learning the ropes.  He kind of sucks at it.  Anyone would, in the first year.  Or first five.  It’s gonna be a long road.  

That’s the problem.  Surgeons are achievers.  Over-achievers.  And they’re used to being successful.  But you can’t win at every game, no matter who you are.  Seeing them wander outside their comfort zones… it’s so very painful.  But the beauty is, they try.  They push.  They attack.  Comfortable or not.  Confident or not.  They push.  And slowly… slowly… they grow.  

Comments

[Sara]

I hate Mark/Teddy. You put the two worst actors together on the show and expect people to love it? I couldn't care less. Teddy's scenes with everyone on this show are forced and painful to watch and Mark would be a better fit on Private Practice.

[Priya]

This was probably my FAVORITE episode of this season! Well done :) Chandra Wilson did a wonderful job...AGAIN...directing this episode. The acting was phenominal...all the jokes were executed right on point. And, I loved the end scene with Callie & Arizona. An obstacle! Wow. Really, really great job.

[K]

I like having Richard as a surgeon and with patients. I think Derek is missing that too. Bailey was so cute in this episode. Love her. Hate Mark&Teddy and hate the show messing with Callie&Arizona.

[Kelly]

Chyler Leigh blew me away again. My heart broke for Lexie. Stop messing with Mark&Lexie. Get them back together and having a family.

[B]

Chandra Wilson rocks, and so does Bailey. I'm loving her story about getting back into the world. I'm so glad she finally *has* a story again! - I loved her rant about "the surgical field." I mean really. Women are not porn stars or little girls. Saying everyone is supposed to look like either one is insulting, so thank you for the rant.

Boy it's awkward seeing Richard be "just" another doctor. I don't even know what else to say about it - he *is* the Chief!

Callie looked so beautiful in this episode. I don't know if anything is different - she's always beautiful - but tonight she was radiant. Couldn't you have let her actually be brilliantly happy for five minutes before throwing a wrench into things?

You know who I miss? Meredith and Derek. I love that Meredith is all healed, and that she's very mature now and has all kinds of confidence, but neither she nor Derek have much story these days and I miss them, and miss them together. Alex, too, needs more going on.

I'm really enjoying this season.

[Bella]

What about Owen? The scene where Meredith warned him not to hurt Cristine was classic. Owen is about to have his melt down, and no amount of heat between him and Cristine can save him (or her). He pushed Teddy away, knowing that he wants her....but he wants Cristine, too.

I know a lot of the folks who post on this blog don't like Teddy, but I do. She's so much better than Owen, and I can see her with Mark.

Lexie pushed Mark away, thinking he'd come back. Poor kid; she's so young and thinks she's missed out with Mark, but she'll be so much better without him. Being with him allowed her to grow, she just can't see it from such a short distance from the break-up. Whatever relationship comes next, she'll be better in it because of her time with Mark.

Bravo Richard for playing the surgeon games, it was great seeing him getting his groove on. He's been stuck in the chief's office so long, he's finally getting a chance to renew his skills as a surgeon, taking chances and being competitive. Surgeons push limits; he's been playing it safe for his years in the chief's office.

Anyway, I love the show; I'll watch it until the last episode. The characters reeled me in during the first season, and I've enjoyed my weekly date with them.

[Kelly]

I really like this episode! It was nice to see Bailey do something outside the hospital - I loved the part where she tried to "prep the surgical field". An episode on dating and the horror and excitement that comes with it was a great idea! Thank you for writing it, definitely one of the highlights on my week. :)

[Fed Up]

Horrible episode. So boring. And, no meredith and derek once again. Why am I surprised. I don't recognize this show anymore.

P.S. The Hunt/Teddy stuff is so obvious. Hate them together. Another reason I'm going back to the Office on Thursdays. I was hoping that triangle was on the way out, but not so.

[Amanda]

I have to make an admission, I haven't got hold of a copy of the episode yet, but I also want to talk about Callie for a minute. It sounds like you writers are looking to cause problems with Callizona (as I call them) and all I ask is, please don't. Just give us a few more episodes of them being lovely together...

[Andrea]

OMG IM SAD AND FREAKING OUT. SO, I loved this episode so hard! It was so great. Really. Everything worked it was the perfect balance of funny and sad with Lexie there at the end. I cried, not gonna lie. THEN ARIZONA! =(((((((((( I'm a sad camper. I hope they work it out. Because. I. am. so. attatched. It's sick how attached to this couple I am. *sigh. But it was a great episode. Until then. Grey's drama making me sad. OH! Also! Mark was so great this episode. Eric Dane is doing such a great job this season. I didn't think he could seem sweet ever, yet there he is, making me want he and Teddy together, or someone to make him happy.

[Catherine]

If this is the future of Grey's, I'm out

[kazzer88]

thinking about bailey's surgical field is gross.

so does meredith grey even exist anymore? im' nearly going to stop watching. seriously. i miss meredith. i get that EP had a baby, but nothing?! seriously! in months!!!!!!!!! waste of time.

meredith grey IS this show. she is awesome. Ellen Pompeo is amazing, and is easily the most underrated actor on tv. so wtf. MEREDITH GREY IS WHAT MATTERS.

[lothiriell]

I don't want Teddy with Mark !! I am so sad for Lex, she is obviously in love with Mark let the 2 be back 2gether !!

[Rita]

Are Meredith and Derek still on this show???

Apparently no.

[JT]

I have mixed reviews on this episode.

I'm glad that Mark is trying hard to move beyond his manwhore days but I would much prefer it if he took baby steps. Seriously, I would've assumed that with his womanizing skills, he would do anything BUT discuss his future plans on raising a family while asking someone else on a FIRST date. I know this show is suppose to be fictional but if you apply this theory in the real world, it just sends shivers down the spine.

And Owen was suppose to be jealous? Here is what I'm confused about:

When Owen was warning Mark about going out with Teddy, I thought he did it out of the means of being concerned for her as a FRIEND (since Mark has well-established his reputation as a sex machine) and was trying to look out for her so that she wouldn't be treated like a piece of ass. Afterall, isn't this what Cristina suggested in the last episode? "Be her friend."

Then Meredith confronts him for being jealous of Mark and the only thing that was going through my mind was 'HOW?' Usually, when people react enviously, they are downright bitchy but Owen was talking to Mark in a very subtle way. Now I trust Kevin McKidd's acting ability very much but if Owen was suppose to be 'jealous,' either he was too relaxed about it or that there was not enough emphasis on the script to make it happen. Owen is my favorite character and you guys practically have the Facebook community turned against him.

Then there's Lexie. I have to give her props on the last scene in the washroom when she was crying. It was very well done. But what did she expect? She slept with Alex to get over Mark and then she starts whimpering about how he was 'moved on.' It's a scene that sort of breaks my heart while rolling my eyes at the same time.

The only thing I liked about this episode was Bailey and Ben. Glad to see that Bailey is finally getting the action she deserves (along with surgeries of course).

And I must also add - potential breakup for Callie and Arizona?!

[JCapzona]

Hi Debora! Let me just say that as a Grey's Anatomy fan who has watched the show from its pilot, this was hands-down the most AMAZING episode ever written. Or performed. Or developed. Whatever. After I watched it, I immediately looked up the writer's blog for it, that is, after I ran around the house literally screaming "BEST GREY'S EVER! BEST GREY'S EVER!" until I got dizzy and had to take it easy for a bit. There's so much to applaud for the writing in this episode. For once, Grey's Anatomy developed ALL the characters, EVERYONE grew. Everyone had a revelation, and it wasn't cheesy and lame, it felt...real. We entered this episode with little knowledge and left it with such an understanding, such empathy for all the characters. There's Lexie, with her breakdown and finally accepting the fact that she misses Mark. She misses him. Then there's Mer who steps up and practically threatens Owen, reminding him that Cristina is "her person". There's Teddy, appreciating the fact that Mark is more than what he is infamous for. There's Cal the relationship guru who faces the greatest revelation when she realizes that the one thing that we all took for granted from Arizona- her love of children and her want of HAVING children, isn't entirely true.

It's brilliant. The writing I mean. The fact that you were able to have so many laugh till your stomach curls moments but still carry the deep revelations and the spectrum of emotion that each and every character trudge through.

I love it. Best. Grey's Anatomy. Ever. Thank you.

[Liz]

And not ONE word about Meredith... Amazing. Hey writers, do you remember season 1, 2 and 3??? You know, when you had 20 millions of people watching? Or even the name of your show? GREY'S Anatomy??

[SloanFan]

Not gonna lie. I hate what you've done to Mark and Lexie, and I'm not enjoying the mockery that's being made of, not only, their relationship but of Lexie. They haven't had any dialogue regarding their relationship, and it seems that only Lexie has been made accountable while Mark, who happens to be my fave character, has been given a free pass. The writing has been incredibly lazy re: M/L, and it's incredibly frustrating because their fans are left to learn how they really feel via the writers' blog and the podcast.

[Lisa]

You do realize you didn't even mention Mer Grey of GREY'S Anatomy. Why would you, right? You didn't even bother to write some lines for her the episode either.

The new generation of Grey's is an epic failure. Good luck on becoming good again. If that's still possible.

[fan]

Episode was excellent. Loved to watch Bailey date and fumble a little. Its a side of her we never see an I love watching it. Not sure who thought of
"Prepping the surgical field" but it was hysterical. I like how the show is growing and all of the character development, but I have to say, I miss Mer/Der time. They have faded into the background. I know they are happy, but a more screen time together wouldn't hurt.

[JennyP]

I know why dating is anything but fun, along with relationships. That is thanks to you lovely writers who have no clue how to write them well for anyone. To you dating or anything really = jump in bed.

NOTE NOTE NOTE to Mark : It actually matters WHO you have a family with. Why the F is he so desperate? Then, he just needs to go pick a prostitute. I don’t know who or what is writing Mark’s story because they are pretty bad at it. He has made very bog mistakes and now he can’t forgive Lexie for one, especially the same one he made. I could only put up with it for so long goodbye show. He needs to grow up. You guys are anything but feminist (it’s pretty clear who the bad guys always are no matter what the facts are, and it’s never Derek or Mark). I am really sick of him acting like the (only) injured part and callie enabling him.

[Hope]

IMO, you are one of the best writers on Grey's, and I usually love your episodes. This one had many great moments and dialog, as usual. I would have been entirely happy with the episode if it weren't for a single problem - - why, why, why is this awful Cristina/Owen/Teddy triangle being dragged out? Yes, I know, Teddy is going to hook up with Mark, so its over, right? But someone (I'm guessing it wasn't you personally) made the obvious, trite and predictable choice of having Owen see the conversation and have a moment that Mer interprets as jealousy. And then Mer calls him out on it - - in a well written speech, BTW. Is the goal to destroy Owen's character and trash the relationship between Owen and Cristina? After "we matter" and the scene in which Cristina tells him about Burke, we're supposed to believe Owen still has residual romantic feelings for Teddy? The creators of this show seem like children sometimes who build elaborate things then stomp on them for fun. It was the best love story on television - - why are you killing it? There is a limit to how much fans will tolerate before they say - "Forget it - I'll just wait and see Sandra Oh and Kevin McKidd in their next shows because it's too painful to watch them have to put up with this." That limit is approaching for many of us.

[MallieS]

Best part of the ep? When Callie realizes Arizona isn't the one for her! Please break them up and put Callie with Mark! Their chemistry is phenomenal.

Also, can Gas Guy stick around? He's hot.

[Sara]

I still think there should be more MerDer. What now they're happy and healthy they don't deserve a few romantic scenes anymore?? But I really loved the episode anyway. It is really fun to watch Bailey's "other side". The not so confident, kind of nervous side. I loved the whole Mark-Teddy thing and loved that Meredith threathed Owen to not harm Cristina.

[Felicia]

The appalling lack of Meredith and Derek scenes and a meaningful story line for them as a couple is making me DVR this show and watch later.