Allan Heinberg on "Sympathy for the Parents"...

Original Airdate: 4-1-10

Tonight’s episode was about parenting.  But I’ll let you in on a little behind-the-scenes GREY’S trivia.  The first draft of the script had absolutely nothing to do with parenting – at least not thematically.  The theme of the first draft was limitations.

The stories were basically the same, but Meredith’s voice-over was about how most people – surgeons, especially – go through their lives refusing to accept or even admit to their own limitations.  They push through their days and nights striving to be the best, most successful and most lovable versions of themselves imaginable.  They struggle endlessly – needlessly – to become something they can never ever be:  perfect. 

We were interested in exploring the somewhat counterintuitive idea that by accepting our own – and other people’s – limitations, we actually allow ourselves to experience life as it’s really happening – to appreciate it on its own terms, rather than to constantly measure it against impossible expectations.  

In the “limitations” draft, Meredith, crippled by the emotionally abusive parenting she received from Ellis and Thatcher, had serious doubts about her ability to be anyone’s mother.  But by essentially parenting Alex and his brother, Aaron, throughout the episode, Meredith discovered she might not make such a terrible mom after all.

Alex knew he could never bring himself to return to Iowa to become his family’s full-time caretaker again, but he was able to help Aaron in his own limited way.  He did get his brother a free surgery, after all.  And ultimately Alex was surprised to realize that all Aaron really wanted – in fact, the only reason he even came to Seattle – was to reconnect with his brother again.  And that much, Alex could do.

Also in the course of the first draft, Cristina came up against her own limitations trying to communicate with and care for Owen as he continues to suffer from PTSD.

Mark and Teddy found themselves limited by not being able to be with the people they truly loved.  However, by finally admitting to the unspoken truth that they’re both in love with other people, they were actually able to take some comfort in one another.

Lexie, Richard, April, and Derek were forced to come to terms with the limitations of medicine – as well as the emotional limitations dictated by their profession.

And Callie and Arizona finally had to question whether or not their romantic partnership can survive their own -- and each other’s -- limitations.  Callie wants to have a child.  Arizona doesn’t.

All of which is to say that the stories were originally geared toward illuminating and exploring the characters’ inevitable, insurmountable limitations.

Then we had what we call a writers’ table-read, which is what we do when we want to hear a new script out loud before the actual table read with the actual cast of GREY’S ANATOMY.  

At a writers’ table-read, the entire writing staff – and the entire support staff – sits around a great, big table in the middle of the writer’s room with fresh-off-the-printer scripts and a generous supply of York Peppermint Patties, Coffee Nips, and those fiendishly addictive Mother’s Frosted Circus Animal Cookies.  Everybody plays at least one, if not several, roles.  Everybody, except Shonda, who listens and scribbles furiously in her script.  Joan Rater usually plays Meredith.  Krista Vernoff channels Cristina.  Tony Phelan brings his own commanding authority to Derek Shepherd.  And Mark Wilding does a mean Richard Webber.  I generally play patients for some reason, but then I am susceptible to colds.

At any rate, we read the first draft of the script, and then there was silence.  Terrible, deafening, Shonda-silence.  The kind of silence that usually indicates a long night ahead and a very thorough rewrite.  And then finally Shonda looked at me and announced that I hadn’t written an episode about limitations at all.  I had written about parenting.  After all, Derek and Meredith were talking about having a baby.  Callie and Arizona were specifically not talking about having a baby. Gina, the super-cop discovers she can’t have a baby.  And then at the end, Sloan Sloan marches in and announces she’s about to have a baby.  

Shonda was right.  As usual.  Even on a metaphorical level, Meredith spends the episode parenting Alex.  As does Bailey, for that matter.  Alex spends the episode trying to parent Aaron without completely losing himself in the past and his family’s dysfunction.  And if you extend the metaphor further, Richard parents Lexie through the rigors of having to take her patient off life-support.  Bailey parents Callie on the subject of having children.  Teddy parents Cristina in the O.R. and in her personal life with Owen.  When viewed through the thematic prism of parenthood, I was suddenly seeing examples of it throughout the episode.  Anytime the doctors of Seattle Grace-Mercy West helped each other, taught each other, cared for each other, they were parenting.  They were raising one another.  Which seems appropriate.  Seattle Grace-Mercy West is a teaching hospital, after all. 

I couldn’t help but appreciate the irony that an episode about limitations transcended its own theme and organically became an episode about parenthood, a miraculous process by which people transcend their own limitations and discover there’s absolutely no limit to the amount of love it’s possible to feel for another person.

On that note, it’s time for me to express my own limitless love for GREY’S ANATOMY and for the extraordinary people who make it.  After four seasons as a writer and producer on the show, I’ve decided to take a leave of absence and spend next season writing some projects of my own.  I’m excited about the future, but sad to be leaving.  GREY’S has the finest writing staff, the finest crew and production staff and the best cast I’ve ever worked with – and I will miss seeing everybody every day.  But I’ll be visiting a lot.  And it’ll be fun to watch the episodes every week without having any idea what’s going to happen next.

But I can’t begin to tell you how grateful I am for the time I spent at Seattle Grace-Mercy West and for the people who watch the show and read this blog.  This job has been life-changing.  I’ve learned and continue to learn so much from the show, from the characters, and from the experience.  

I owe a profound debt of gratitude to Shonda and Betsy for the opportunity, the inspiration, and their overwhelming generosity.  To Krista for her leadership and bravery and open heart.  To Jenna, Jess, Debora, Seve, Zoanne, Safia, Austin, Bill, Nancy, Elizabeth, Gabe, Molly, Meg, Stacy, Star, Raamla, Moira, Tia, Miguel, Pete, Tony, Darren, Joan, Sonay, and of course Mark “The Hammer” Wilding for four years of friendship and gloriously inappropriate workplace behavior.  Thanks to Rob, Jeff, Karin, Winter and Thom for taking such good care of us all.  To Linda Klein for all things medical medical.  Thanks to our incredible crew, production staff, and cast for making GREY’S ANATOMY the best job I’ve ever had.

Thank YOU for watching.  And for reading.  

And believe me when I tell you, you are not going to believe what happens in the season finale.

Stay tuned…

Comments

[Grace]

I still don't care about Teddy and I never will. Sorry. She's a huge epic fail of a character.

[Lea]

That was a great episode. The haven't enjoyed an episode of GA in a while, until this one. Thank you!

I loved that the focus was on the core of the cast: Meredith, Derek, Richard, Alex, and Bailey.

More Meredith/Alex scenes please.

[Lisa]

Wow!

Allan, you're leaving Grey's? That's very sad news.

I, for the first time in a few months, came very excited to the blog to say thank you for an amazing episode.

This episode was Grey's! 619 was what I've been expecting for a long time, and I came to realize that even when I've been bored to death on the last episodes, this is the reason I can't quit. Because the characters that I love are still there, and they're coming out after being pushed in the back.

I loved Derek in this episode. Being Chief AND Husband. My heart broke when he told Mer he wouldn't want her to be alone. PD ace'd it. I loved Meredith not freaking out in extreme about the baby thing. She wouldn't be our Mer if she didn't hesitate a little bit, but coming to her senses, with the help of Alex and Aaron was lovely, and realize she can be a mom without being her mother? McBaby please! Loved that they had screentime and storyline.

Meredith being mother hen to Alex. Perfection. I love how they can be exactly who they are in front of the other, and they're always rooting for each other. Their friendship is not toxic like sometimes Mer/Cris can be. Their friendship freakin rocks!

I don't like Teddy, hence me not liking Mark/Teddy, but it was nice to see them acknowledging that they're not the real thing. It was very weird on the last episode that they suddenly were gushing and excited about knowing each other. That was extremely unbelievable.

Speaking of Mark, I adored Lexie standing up for Mer! What's up with April? She needs to go, along with the other Mercy Westers. Okay, except Avery.

What a difficult situation Calzona are on. But I'm glad they're being grown ups about it and willing to work it out, and taking the easy way out. Just don't give them a baby before MD. LOL.

Cristina and Owen, I don't care about them, but thank you for writing a more balanced episode, and NOT making it an Owenfest like most of this season has been.

Allan, I can't stop thinking about how much I will miss your episodes, and while I don't know your input on the storylines firsthand, judging by your writing, it must be excellent. Today you gave fans like me, the hope that I thought wasn't there anymore. I wish the best of luck on your plans, and please hurry up so we can have you back very soon!!!

Lisa

[kazzer88]

what a way to go! if this is your last ep then seriously, well done. its about time grey's rocked a thursday. this episode is exactly what we needed- its been way too long since grey's has focused on the original players. LOVE Alex, always have. LOVE Alex and Meredith's interactions, and seriously, this show needs to always have as much Meredith as possible, its totally empty without her.

and Ellen Pompeo is so happy that its radiating through to Meredith in a way that is incredibly satisfying to watch after all the character has been through. her facial expressions and reactions to things are amazing. so glad her and derek are happy.

Well done!

[Lisa]

About Calzona on my previous comment, I'm glad they're NOT taking the easy way out.

Oh! And another thing, what's up with Mark/Derek! We need some more bromance! ;)

[Alphonse]

This was such a great episode for me because it had some of the old Grey's feeling to it, with the scene in the bathroom where Alex was Mer's girl! I loved seeing them throughout the episode - the interns together again like they all used to be at the beginning. I also loved that April was not even on Derek's radar and he only had eyes and thoughts for his Mer! I was also ok with Teddy this episode because she seemed to fit in a little better, although I want Mark and Lexie back together - nice touch on showing us that Mark is NOT over Lexie yet!

[Anne]

This was a good episode. Drama, personal life/relationships, a bit of humor. All it needed was some guy bonding time (Derek, Owen and Mark) and it would have been perfect.

REally was surprised by Alex's past story but it shows his strength and determination and his continued support for his family (money & meds). Glad he got some positive feedback about his impact on his brothers life and by being that to his brother he passed it on to his sister even though he wasn't there for her in person.

Very surprised by Sloan's reappearance - I thought she was gone for good. Ah it makes me wonder if she will let Callie adopt her baby.

The intern that yearns for Derek is starting to annoy me.

Loved the Meredith and Derek parts of this episode - thank you! Several scenes at home and a cute coffee scene/scan scene at work.

[Jenna]

Thank you for an amazing episode. Loved every minute and the "be a girl for me" scene was hilarious and had some of the magic of the "penises/estrogen" scene in season 2. Loved loved loved. :O)

[Sylvia]

Loved mer/der.

April is truly creepy. I assume you are going to go all stalker with her. Not to keen on that storyline, but whatevah. On the plus side, I am hoping this is a short term deal and April leaves by the end of the season.

Sooooooooooo tired of the Teddy/Owen/Christina stuff. Why do they still dominate every episode.

Loved Alex, but I wanted more.

Good, but not great.

[Kate]

Was Teddy about to tell Mark she can't have kids? When she said she wanted to be honest, I thought she was going to say something like that.

[Cfa89]

Awww how can i comment on the show after reading that you are leaving!? Thank you for the tears and laughs. May you prospor in whatever you intend doing and overcome any challenges which may come your way.

[Phoebe]

Good show. I loved having some of the old bailey and Mer and Christina back! And we finaaalllllyyy learned about Alex thank you!! HOWEVER, as a psychologist, I was very upset about the opening lines in the episode about psychologists. In fact, the only psychologists that really believe that about parents are the old psychodynamic theorists, even modern psychodynamic psychologists don't believe in that Freudian stuff. I have to say the one thing I hate about your show is the bad rap you give to psychologists/psychiatrists. I know this is a show about surgeons but did you know that psychiatrists actually go through more training than most other doctors? I would LOVE to see you writers acknowledge them a little more. Or at least not put them down. Thanks and I love the show!!

[Priya]

I really liked the Alex/Meredith scenes & the last scene with Owen & Christina. I didnt like how we were left with another Calzona cliff hanger! I wanted to see a passionate, lover's quarrel! Some tears or something!

[Joan]

Dear Allan
First, best wishes to you.

Second, I am going to be a little critical of this episode, but please don't take it personally. Most of my complaints are about overall direction of the show and little to do with your writing.

1) Bravo with the mer/der stuff. That was pitch perfect. They are still what keeps me tethered to this show even when I get frustrated. I loved the sweetness and chemistry between them.

2) I am surprised you didn't address April being a stalker and weird. I assume you are going somewhere with this little piece. I am not worried about mer/der staying together, but I found April creepy and jarring.

3) I'm sooooooooo ovah the whole Christina/Owen/Teddy thing. For one, I wish you writers would give that storyline a rest for an episode or two. It wears me down. I honestly don't care about Owen and his PSTD anymore. I'm not invested in Teddy AT ALL.

4) Teddy and Mark are a total fail. I can't believe I am saying this, but Mark and Lexie seem like the second mer/der compared to Teddy and Mark.

5) Alex was great. And Alex and Mer had the best scenes. Love those two together.

Overall, I still feel like the show doesn't have enough of what I want. Maybe what I want doesn't exist anymore. I want the Fab 4 (or 3?). I want Mer/Der (w/out creep April hovering in all the scenes). I want mer/cris and more focus on the friendships and GOOD MEDICAL STORIES.

[Famous Artist]

This was absolutely the BEST episode this year, maybe in the history of Grey's. Thank you so much. It was a perfect cocktail of love and difficulty -fallibility and unconditional love. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I am worried about the end of the year. But I hope you keep Sarah Drew around, because she is great. But don't let her heart break too much or she might not be able to keep being a surgeon. Well, I guess she isn't really a surgeon yet, but you know what I mean.

It was also a great blog. Thanks for sharing in such a lovely way.

[B]

It was a really good episode, and I enjoyed all the angles of parenthood - especially Bailey's description of the joys and woes. It was spot on! I loved Alex tonight, learning about his difficult childhood and the strength he had to endure and succeed. I love that he's helping his family by not being with them - also taking care of himself. Every story felt real and emotional. Excellent job! And best of luck to you Allan in your new endeavors. Congratulations on taking a risk to follow your heart.

[lothiriel]

"Mark and Teddy found themselves limited by not being able to be with the people they truly loved. [...] finally admitting to the unspoken truth that they’re both in love with other people"

>> So Mark does love Lexie !! then let them be back together! I hate how we never have bed scene a part from their last episode, but got Ted/Mark bed scene T.T Love Mark/Lexie !!

[Tamara]

Great episode loved it

Thanks for all the MD scene's finally and for the Mer/Alex one

HATE HATE April please let nothing bad happen to Derek don't trust that Girl she is so sneakie UGH!!

Allan I wish you all the best and thanks for this wonderful episode

[Natalie]

Great episode, great blog, great TV show, period. I loved this episode, I loved the "she pounded my cake, I pounded hers" it was just so hilarious, and Bailey talking about the irrational parent-pride was so sweet and Meredith was in this one a lot, which can't hurt at all, and we got a load of Mer-Der together, which was even nicer, so yeah great episode!!! Was so annoyed when the end title came up, I'm dying for next week's episode already, and I'm seriously looking forward to the finale, everyone in these blogs has been saying it'll be great!! I'm sorry you have to leave this show, I wouldn't if I was ever lucky enough to be in a crew for a show this amazing!

[from Finland]

I really liked this episode, again. There were a lot of discussion about babies and I have to say, for a long time the MerDer scenes were brilliant! But still the idea of Meredith having a baby is totally weird.
I really like Jackson, but I hate April. And I have to say this, Derek looked so much better in the scrub clothes than in the blouse.
Waiting the season finale.

[Misho]

I just watched half way through the episode but I couldn't help but commenting. Did I just see Mercy Wester April giving Derek "that look" saying I am soooo into you?!
Seriously?! Seriously?!!

SERIOUSLY?!!!!

[klh]

Overall, this was a great episode. Thank you for focusing on the core characters and their relationships(Alex,Mer and Cris). The show is always better that way.

Loved Cristina and Owen! The OR scenes were not so much fun to watch but really showed the struggle that Owen is suffering through with his PTSD. Cristina held her own but you could see her hurt and concern too. I am still perplexed by Teddy's new found insight but if being a true good friend to C/O is the new direction then hurray! Still do not care for the character.

The final scene between Cristina and Owen was just so achingly sad and beautiful! It is amazing how SO and KMK can do so much in such a brief scene. They take it to another level that exposes all the raw emotions: fear,hurt and especially LOVE. Thank you again for giving us C/O's incredible love story!

[PTSDspouse]

Thank you, thank you for approaching the PTSD storyline in such a realistic way! I was in tears the whole episode because my heart broke for Owen as he struggled to keep his demons at bay and to keep himself from falling apart. I loved how courageous and compassionate Cristina was as she tried to communicate to Owen but knew he was in a dark place. The last scene was heartbreaking, hopeful and love all wrapped up in one. These actors are amazing, it was so obvious to see how much in love this couple is and willing to fight for their love no matter how difficult it gets- that is true love. I truly hope this is the story you keep telling, it is not always pretty but PTSD is not a tidy illness. There are happy days and bad days but cause of the love, you stand by your loved one to the end cause the loving, honorable person you love is still there just haunted. Thank you for giving hope to the many spouses and significant others standing by their loved ones through thick and thin, and I hope Cristina and Owen are able to find away to manage his PTSD and continue to build a life together.

[Requithelia]

WOW!!!I can't believe how much I have come to look forward to this blog every week. It has become one of the highlilghts of my week. I loved this episode. It was wonderful to finally get some insight into Alex's life. I was moved by just how far he has come, and by his willingness to help his brother without losing himself to his past. Bravo! I was also really happy to see the episode revolve around the original characters that we have come to love. Meredith and Derek thinking of having a baby? Great! Christina willing to stick with Owen and work through her fears because of his PTSD..Great! Richard Webber running an OR and mentoring Lexie...Wonderful! Callie and Arizona having "the talk"..just Great!! Gina the cop and her husband really added depth to the episode, and the ending with Sloan coming back to Mark is by far one of my favorite endings of the season!

The thing is I will NEVER like Teddy!!! She is cloying and pitiful!! Let it go already! The supremely annoying crush that April has on Derek is another situation that I hope you all will just let go. Please? Pretty Please? No matter what I will as always be looking forward to next week! Love the show and I think you all are the some of the best writers in television. Period.

[SloanFan]

I really enjoyed last night's episode. Thank you SO much for the scene between Mark and Lexie. It spoke volumes.