Debora Cahn on "Blink"...

Original Airdate: 1-14-10

Here’s where it started.  I had my second baby recently.  My first is two and a half.  And I told Shonda that I remembered quite clearly the moment I became a mother to the new baby.  It took a while.  Longer than with the first.  The first… I was that baby’s mom the instant I knew I was pregnant.  But the second… all he was to me was the force of evil that was going to destroy my daughter’s life.  She was so sweet and happy and we loved her so much, and he was going to come along and ruin her. She’d lose her status as the epicenter of our universe and it would make her jealous and cranky and aggressive and miserable.  My son wasn’t a sweet innocent unborn baby, he was the destroyer.  Right up until the day I talked about his circumcision with a doctor.  

Someday my son is going to find out that I discussed his circumcision on the internet and he’s gonna be really pissed off.

Anyway, we were planning to get him circumcised, and I was asking our pediatrician about it, and he explained that you could use a numbing cream, but it probably wasn’t necessary.  I found this patently absurd.  A knife, and a penis, and no anesthesia??  Barbaric.  And this from a male doctor?  What was he thinking?  What the hell did he think I was going to allow them to do to my baby???

That was the moment.  Right there.  That’s when he became my baby.  

He might experience pain, and hell or high water, I was going to stop it.  He was my baby.

Now, in the end we didn’t use a numbing cream, which apparently doesn’t really work, or novocaine, because apparently injecting the novocaine is more painful than the actual procedure.  I found that hard to believe, but I was assured by three different medical professionals, and sure enough, we did the damn thing and he cried for a grand total of four seconds and that was that.  But I did my research, and I did a lot of it, because he was my baby.  

One minute he wasn’t, and the next minute he was.  In an instant.  

It struck me that a lot of stuff’s like that.  A lot of big stuff.  Big changes.  Life changes.  You think you’ll grow into it, over time, and in some ways you do, but when it comes right down to it, one minute you’re not, the next, you are.  A parent.  An adult.  In love.  Out of it. It kind of turns on a dime.  

Malcom Gladwell thought about this too, recently.  And wrote a book on it.  Called “Blink.”  Coincidence?  

So there’s Mark, who’s so sure about who he is, just like we’re so sure who he is, until suddenly he’s a dad.  Not because Sloan shows up, not because she’s living on his couch, but because she’s in danger, and something kind of unexpected and inexplicable wells up in him and suddenly he’s a father.  Just like that.  He didn’t want it.  He wouldn’t have called it.  But there it is.  Nothing he can do about it.  

And Lexie, who discovers in an instant that she’s kind of still a kid.  She sees Mark, ready to take on parenthood, ready to embrace his wacky add-water family, and knows in her gut that she’s not there yet, and doesn’t want to be there.  

And let me pause for a second to say that the look that passes over Lexie’s face before she says “I think our relationship just ended” kills me.  Chyler rocks.  

And Cristina, who has the horrible realization that having a mentor is more important to her than Owen is – she didn’t know that was the case until she’d already said it.  Until she’d already offered to trade him away.  She had no idea until it was out of her mouth, but once she’d heard herself speak the words, she knew they were true.  She’s become a person who will trade away a man she loves for her work.  Does she choose that?  Is she comfortable with that?  It doesn’t matter.  She is that.  

And let me pause for another second and say Sandra… when she says “Fine!  Done!  Take him!”  Holy crap.  I knew it was coming and it still knocked the wind right out of me.  

And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Chandra Wilson claiming that Sheldon Morris has a quality she’s drawn to.  Good lord, the woman is funny.  

What can I say?  It’s a damn love fest over here.  

Anyhow, that’s what we were thinking about when we hatched this one.  Those little moments that change everything.  Change who you are.  Not the graduations or births.  The offhand comments, at the drugstore, next to the toothpaste.  Or on the phone, with the pediatrician, two weeks before the kid comes out.  That’s when it happens.  

Please don’t tell my son we talked about this.  

Comments

[Kiki]

Sandra Oh should receive kudos for actually pulling off such a stupid storyline. Really - she's giving Owen away? Come on, this is so lame. We all get it, Cristina loves her job, but she has to realize that there is more to life than cutting (so much foreshadowing, it was getting dark). Of course Cristina is going to regret it and realize that she loves Owen way too much to live without him. Surprise!! Weren't there other storylines to explore that would allow SO and KMK to show off their acting chops? So interested in how you are going to redeem Teddy now. Not seeing much to like about her. And seriously, do you really want someone elses leftovers? Get a life Teddy.

[nyla]

Thank You for the Mehxie break up (it's about time!). No offense, but they were the second-worst couple this show has ever developed (we all know who has the #1 spot - rip George).

Cristina Yang is amazing. Owen has not been man enough for her in quite some time, and now that she finally has a Cardio teach I'd expect nothing less from her than to throw herself into surgery 110%. Owen doesn't quite get how intense she is, now much she loves hearts.

I love Callie (I know she wasn't on a lot but still) :)

[Juliet]

You've outdone yourselves this season. Cristina offering her boyfriend to her mentor so she stays = more riddiculous than Dead!Denny/The Phantom Menace.

[Hope]

So Cristina has a horrible realization that having a mentor is more important to her than Owen is? That may have been true in that moment, that desperate, scared moment when she said it, but I don't think its ultimately true and I don't think you, Shonda, and the other writers think it is either. If so, what is the message you are sending to woman who want to have challenging professional careers - - are you saying that all successful professional women are doomed to be Ellis Grey or Margaret Campbell aka "the Dinosaur"? I realize that there is an attempt being made here to set up a different kind of triangle. Instead of Owen at the apex choosing between two women, you've put Cristina at the apex choosing between two life paths symbolized by Owen and Teddy. But Owen isn't a symbol - - he's a person with feelings and the ability to make choices himself, and he is in love with Cristina. And you've set up a false choice - - if your point is that it is hard to have both, fine. If you are trying to imply it is impossible, than I would ask you (and the other women in your writing room) how you manage your kids and your relationships and your work. Are you so much more clever than Cristina? There are times in any working woman's life when she asks her partner to make compromises so she can grow in her career, and there are times when she has to make a career decision to accommodate her partner. It's called balance. It's called maturity. It's the kind of balanced, mature relationship you seemed to be promising us when you created Owen and paired him with Cristina. I'm still going to hope that you (meaning you, your colleagues and Shonda and Betsy) don't disappoint us by failing to keep that promise.

[vivi]

all i can say is, i can't believe i waited almost two months for this pathetic hour of television.

[faithful watcher]

Grey's is BACK!!! Really back, the humor, the great acting and no dumb stunts. Loved It!!

[kris10]

Man thats all we get? I was hoping for so much more. The epi was great and I soooo missed you guys. When Christina handed Owen over it knocked the wind out of me as well. I had to rewind just to see if I heard her right. I am also glad Lexi is coming back to the 20 something person she is. It was different when Marc was 20 something but now he will be a g/pa and has grown up a bit. Mer and Der are boring... but I guess thats what happens when you get married. And Alex and Lexi, have we been here before I was trying to remember???? Its time to bring in the newbee's so we can get to know them better. How are we supposed to like them if they arent doing anything??? I dont miss izzy at all but the new kids on the block need some stories!!!
See ya GA when you come back again....

[Mary]

We couldn't hear what Derek was saying because the music was to loud. I think it's about time to wrap the Chief's problems up....it's starting to get old. Let Derek take over!!!!

[Catherine]

I am going to be Christina and bring up a movie about the holocost in order to make a point. My movie is Sophie's choice. In that movie you could say that Sophie choose for one child to die and condemn her for that or you could say that that she choose to save a child and praise her for that. If she had not chosen both would have died and she could have been condemned for doing nothing or she could have been praised for not putting one child's life above another. My point is that when you've been placed in a situation where no matter what you are going to lose something that is not really having a choice. It doesn't mean that one is more important, more valuable. I don't think that Cristina became anything in that moment. What stood out for me was Cristina's complete and utter desperation. You get the feeling that if Teddy had said I want someone dead, Cristina would have said okay, I'll kill them. She would have agreed to anything in that moment. People do and say things out of desperation that they would never otherwise say or do. Sometimes in a moment in a blink it not you that changes, It is the moment that forces a change or a decision. I don't doubt the depth of the importance of surgery or being a surgeon is to Cristina. But the connection between having a mentor and having Owen was not created by her. It was created in the moment. It was created by things in the moment beyond her control. So she did what Sophie did, the one thing she did have of control: she chose. But does the choice represent who she is or does it represent the situation that she was placed in.

[Paula]

I have to admit that I was totally unprepared for the waste of talent in this episode. So sad. So so sad.

[Stefanie]

Wow, I don't get the hate for the episode. I liked it, and the crossover with PP even though I don't actually like Sloan's daughter all that much.

Maybe I was just won over by the .5 second shower scene we got between the lovely Calzona.

Even though I like Mark/Lexie together I totally got the breakup. I got where both were coming from. I'd like to see them resolve it but maybe that's just not a possibility, despite my liking them the age difference is glaringly obvious in times like this. Maybe Mark is just too old and grown up for her right now.

People need to get a grip and realize this is an ensemble cast. Not all of the episodes or blog entries can focus on the characters you want to see. Just b/c you perceive Meredith as the main character b/c its called Grey's Anatomy doesn't mean they can always focus on. I mean I'd be happy if every episode was about Callie/Arizona and Mark/Lexie but they can't be and I'm not going to sit here and moan and whine about who they did and did not focus on.

As for the complainers about the blog if you don't like it, don't read it. If you want to discuss Derek, or Meredith or Alex then go find a message board and pour your heart out.

[EJ]

This episode was ok for me. I'm not really feeling Sloan...she tends to get on your nerves. Loved the Arizona/Callie shower scence...finally we get to see a little "action" between this amazing couple. I was disappointed that they were hardly in the rest of the episode especially b/c Arizona is the head of PEDs. The scenes between Derek and Bailey had me cracking up and Bailey's speech to the radiologist guy had me in tears b/c I was laughing so hard!!

Hopefully we get to see more of Calzona coming up and more of the funny side of Derek!!!

[Stella]

Great episode. I enjoyed the theme that life changes in an instant; you change in a blink of an eye. So true. However, I have to say, your blog today was a let down. Next time, take your time and write it out...Derek in last night's episode was great, Bailey superb, yet you failed to mention them. Your blog felt like a rushed, poorly written school essay.

[shanna]

I loved this episode. That moment when Cristina trades away Owen got me because I thought Teddy would say Owen and Cristina would say "take it!" without realizing what Teddy was talking about but like you said, she knew. And things changed in that instant.

I also thought it was interesting juxtaposing that with Meredith's reveal that had been building all episode.

[Kay]

I'm worried. Mark Sloan was totally my favorite character, and I didn't like him ONE BIT in this episode. As for Teddy, she just makes me angry. Also, for the record, no one likes cross-over episodes. I watch the Grey's parts & ignore the rest.

Don't get me wrong, this was a fine episode & I don't mean to be a huge downer... But it just left a bad taste in my mouth.

[Natalie]

Anyone who is criticising this episode IGNORE THEM! This was a phenomenal episode, seriously I cried and screamed at the screen! I'm a HUGE fan of the show (that is I chant along with every episode I have on my boxset collection which I've watched and rewatched 3 times from season 1-4 through since the summer) And I've watched my favourite scenes on Youtube about fifty times! Thank you for making Mer finally tell Derek what was going on with the chief. And thank you for choosing (even if it wasn't you thank you wanyway) that song "Cosmic Love", it's been on this add over here in Ireland for ages and I'm like "That's a really nice song..." sort of absentmindedly, but I nearly died when I heard it on the episode, even if I was screaming "DON'T DO IT LEXIE!" throughout it! Absolutely fantastic! That "Pig, cow, pig, cow, pig, cow, PIG! Clamp!" bit was great! One question though, when is Izzie coming back? I miss Izzie, I thought she was back there for a second when all Lexie's luggage was on the bed. I mean you had the whole great thing of "YAY IZZIE LIVES!" but then she disappears?? I know Katherine Heigl adopted and all... Ah well it's a small complaint, and not really anything to do with the episode, great episode altogether well done! And nice blog too!

[Greyswatcher]

This episode was so good i couldn't pull my eyes away from the screen! I like how everything was so intense and quick-paced i found myself feeling very invested in the surgeries.

I also think it was interesting how Christina picked career over Owen without even knowing it. I know O/C fans are probably really upset about it right now, but i think it's quite in character for her to just blurt that out. Now, I'm sure O/C will get some happiness eventually (and I hope they do). But i really liked that little twist.

And can i just say, Sandra Oh and Chyler Leigh totally rocked in this ep! I think it's great that Mark and Lexie are getting a good storyline. Oh, and Bailey and Christina are absolutely hilarious. Love the humor!

And the Calzona shower scene...can i just say HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT! Wish it was longer though...and where was Arizona for the rest of the ep? I was hoping to see more of her after the hiatus.

There's one person that really gets on my nerves though..and that's Reed.

[SloanFan]

Mark and Lexie are so beautiful together. They have an amazing relationship that the writers have built with care. I don't believe for a second that they're over ... perhaps, in the short term, but no way in the long-term. Eric and Chyler are a dream together. They'll make it through this and come out stronger on the other side.

[Cierra]

First let me say how much Sandra Oh rocked in this episode!! She nailed all her scenes and then some. I only wish that Cristina (and Alex) would get a better SL than the current one. They both deserve better than this after 5 seasons.

It also feels like the writers are setting it up whereas Alex and Cristina need to be forgiven AGAIN after what they've done lately. Sigh. Can't these two ever get a break? Why are they always shown as being rash and need to be forgiven by their significant other? I feel like they're the punching bags of Shonda.

Teddy needs to go back to Iraq. She's a pathetic character and useless, just like Lexie,Sloan (Mark's daughter), Reed and Charlie. Bring back Jackson--at least he's nice to look at and has great chemistry with Cristina.

[Rayan]

I hate that Mark and Lexie broke up. I hope they get back together again because they really have great chemistry. I wish we could get more insight in what Mark truly feels for Lexie. And, of course, it would be nice to see the regret of letting things come in between them. Chyler's performance was really good. She rocked the "relationship just ended" scene, like you said. It made me tear up and I don't usualy do that. So, please give us more ML (Mark and Lexie).

[Britt]

I enjoyed the episode.

First off with the whole Alex and Reed thing. Its ironic how Meridith was giving Reed a hard time for possibly sleeping with Alex and it ends up that Reed probably never was going to really do that and its Lexie, her sister that ends up doing it. Will be interesting to see how Meridith reacts when she finds out about Alex and Lexie.

The Christina/Teddy storyline was also very intense. I was surprised at Christina's response to Teddy at the end as it seemed Christina herself was surprised at what she said but she quickly realizes that she meant what she said and I realized it too. I don't think it means that she doesn't love Owen but I just think it reinforces the idea that Chritina's career will always come first to her and be her first love and the man who ends up with her will have to come to terms with that. Will be interesting to see what happens after this.

And the last thing is Derek finding out about the Chief. Don't know how he will deal with this. Meridith kept it a secret but I know Derek won't. In the middle of a merger too and with everything going on. These storylines should make for some good drama down the line. Can't wait for next weeks episode.

[Sharyn]

Just wondering if Merideth gets to practice medicine, maybe have a surgery anytime soon.

[orangeena]

You know you've written a good episode when the comments - pro and con - are flying! Grey's writing, at its best, always shows us that life is a journey, not a destination. This was a brilliant premise-to show characters as they are revealed to themselves in a blink - in the moment of unexpected situation and surprise that brings identity to the surface. I expecially loved that you put it out there for Yang - really , at the end of the day I think we all know (as she does) that her passion for cardio cutting trumps all- even what she has invested emotionally in Owen. And yet what a surprise to herself and us when it spills out - brazen and complicated - right in front of Teddy. Sandra Oh, incredible, as usual.

Couple of other thoughts - we know through tweet and bleet etc. that Bailey will have some romance this season. Clever, clever and so appropriate that it is going to be an ensemble effort! She is the heart and soul of SG/MW and its a splendid stroke to bring in the efforts of others to push that along. Addison initiates and then hugely funny to have Shepherd jumping into the mix - Chandra and PMcD are a wonderful comedy pairing. Looking forward to more on this front.

I'm a huge Callie Arizona fan, individually and together. Although they didn't figure prominently tonight, I appreciated the snips of growth we are seeing in the exceptional Dr. Torres whose impulsiveness and insecurities have so often stymied and hurt her. She notes and verbalizes right away that Bailey's anger and hostility surely comes from loneliness and disappointment and later in the ep gives Karev and Pixie Intern a little "do better" talk in the OR about seeing the bigger picture of life beyond getting a good surgery. Yea! Callie is growing and finding her best self now that she is strengthened by a healthy and mature loving relationship. And yea for the little bit of sexy time. That has always been important in her life - I think it is essential to see and know that it is even better and fuller for her with emotions other than desperation, compensation, or experimentation.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts - from some years of experience I can confidently say nothing brings those blink moments of who you really are any quicker than the threat of pain and suffering to your kids (including circumsion!!)

[Veronica]

The sad thign about this episode is that I knew this about Cristina all along. She even said it to Burke when they were together. "I'm a doctor first, just like you." The thing that people don't understand is that, yes she loves Owen, but as long as she has been with Owen she has not had a mentor. That was what she had a Burke, and mentor and someone to love. She has always dated her mentors, therefore they were very important to her. At this point, she is not dating her mentor, and I believe this is the first time she really realized that her mentor is more important to her than her love. She has not had a mentor while being with Owen, and now she does which changes who she is. Cristina is a doctor through and through, and as long as she is passionate about it (which she is becoming again) nothing will stand in the way of that....

[Kartasi]

This was a terrible episode. I know that you all have dug yourself into so many holes this season and are trying to get out of them, but really, this was bad. No one wanted to see Mark be a dad and no one wants to see him be a grandfather. When Mark wanted to sleep to Addison, I just wanted to laugh because you can't make him crazy man whore in the same 10 minutes where he's protective grandpa. Unless Izzy was abducted by aliens, there's no way to redeem her character. It's just so disappointing to watch this season and see a great show loose the writing that made it great.