Debora Cahn on "Blink"...

Original Airdate: 1-14-10

Here’s where it started.  I had my second baby recently.  My first is two and a half.  And I told Shonda that I remembered quite clearly the moment I became a mother to the new baby.  It took a while.  Longer than with the first.  The first… I was that baby’s mom the instant I knew I was pregnant.  But the second… all he was to me was the force of evil that was going to destroy my daughter’s life.  She was so sweet and happy and we loved her so much, and he was going to come along and ruin her. She’d lose her status as the epicenter of our universe and it would make her jealous and cranky and aggressive and miserable.  My son wasn’t a sweet innocent unborn baby, he was the destroyer.  Right up until the day I talked about his circumcision with a doctor.  

Someday my son is going to find out that I discussed his circumcision on the internet and he’s gonna be really pissed off.

Anyway, we were planning to get him circumcised, and I was asking our pediatrician about it, and he explained that you could use a numbing cream, but it probably wasn’t necessary.  I found this patently absurd.  A knife, and a penis, and no anesthesia??  Barbaric.  And this from a male doctor?  What was he thinking?  What the hell did he think I was going to allow them to do to my baby???

That was the moment.  Right there.  That’s when he became my baby.  

He might experience pain, and hell or high water, I was going to stop it.  He was my baby.

Now, in the end we didn’t use a numbing cream, which apparently doesn’t really work, or novocaine, because apparently injecting the novocaine is more painful than the actual procedure.  I found that hard to believe, but I was assured by three different medical professionals, and sure enough, we did the damn thing and he cried for a grand total of four seconds and that was that.  But I did my research, and I did a lot of it, because he was my baby.  

One minute he wasn’t, and the next minute he was.  In an instant.  

It struck me that a lot of stuff’s like that.  A lot of big stuff.  Big changes.  Life changes.  You think you’ll grow into it, over time, and in some ways you do, but when it comes right down to it, one minute you’re not, the next, you are.  A parent.  An adult.  In love.  Out of it. It kind of turns on a dime.  

Malcom Gladwell thought about this too, recently.  And wrote a book on it.  Called “Blink.”  Coincidence?  

So there’s Mark, who’s so sure about who he is, just like we’re so sure who he is, until suddenly he’s a dad.  Not because Sloan shows up, not because she’s living on his couch, but because she’s in danger, and something kind of unexpected and inexplicable wells up in him and suddenly he’s a father.  Just like that.  He didn’t want it.  He wouldn’t have called it.  But there it is.  Nothing he can do about it.  

And Lexie, who discovers in an instant that she’s kind of still a kid.  She sees Mark, ready to take on parenthood, ready to embrace his wacky add-water family, and knows in her gut that she’s not there yet, and doesn’t want to be there.  

And let me pause for a second to say that the look that passes over Lexie’s face before she says “I think our relationship just ended” kills me.  Chyler rocks.  

And Cristina, who has the horrible realization that having a mentor is more important to her than Owen is – she didn’t know that was the case until she’d already said it.  Until she’d already offered to trade him away.  She had no idea until it was out of her mouth, but once she’d heard herself speak the words, she knew they were true.  She’s become a person who will trade away a man she loves for her work.  Does she choose that?  Is she comfortable with that?  It doesn’t matter.  She is that.  

And let me pause for another second and say Sandra… when she says “Fine!  Done!  Take him!”  Holy crap.  I knew it was coming and it still knocked the wind right out of me.  

And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Chandra Wilson claiming that Sheldon Morris has a quality she’s drawn to.  Good lord, the woman is funny.  

What can I say?  It’s a damn love fest over here.  

Anyhow, that’s what we were thinking about when we hatched this one.  Those little moments that change everything.  Change who you are.  Not the graduations or births.  The offhand comments, at the drugstore, next to the toothpaste.  Or on the phone, with the pediatrician, two weeks before the kid comes out.  That’s when it happens.  

Please don’t tell my son we talked about this.  

Comments

[Kelly]

I think Chyler Leigh did a phenomenal job on tonight's Grey's Anatomy. Lexie Grey has become the must watch character on Grey's Anatomy. I am really enjoying her work on the show and I love the chemistry between Mark and Lexie.

I hope GA doesn't ruin the great thing they have in Mark/Lexie and Owen/Cristina.

[klh]

The episode had some very funny moments especially with Derek and Miranda. Enjoyed Derek's interaction with the patient and his realization that something is amiss with the Chief which thank goodness Meredith finally admitted to him.

Now, my favorite couple is Cristina and Owen. The "not like your usual triangle" has been unfortunately feeling like your usual triangle as of the
"Holidaze" episode. I see that now it is Cristina trying to choose between Cardio/Teddy and Owen. I understand that her career is what drives Cristina. Yet, last season you showed Cristina I thought growing by being in love completely with Owen and showing us her emotional side which she could balance with her hard core career side. Owen was the man she could not breathe without and said "Yes" to in the season five finale. Now, she would just give him up for Teddy to stay because she loves Cardio more. Why does her character have to choose?
I am very disappointed with this turn of events. Also, I didn't realize Owen was an object Cristina could give away. Thought he was a person who actually needs to make his own choice here.Since we know KR is staying, Teddy actually thinks this is going to work? What a sad and pathetic character you have introduced to the show.

You gave us such a beautiful and compelling love story last year due to the chemistry and acting of SO and KMK. Although I know some amount of drama is necessary, I hope this continues to be about their journey as a couple and Cristina realizes she can be the best in her career and be in a relationship!

[Tam Tam]

Methinks this episode is a flash back to the GA I fell in TV love with.... A little foggy on Derek's issue about finding out what's up with the Chief although I know he's gunning for the spot. Alex? Is he the old Alex, the hurt Alex, or a new Alex? Pick one, please. Although Izzie does not have to come back (not because of the character, but because of the actor). At first I thought Burke was the only real cardio god, but Teddy showed herself in this epi. And that was a flash of the REAL Christina when she said "Take him!" Whooooo! At least Teddy was honest. I never liked Owen esp. after he choked Christina so let Teddy and Owen do maintain their military insanity fatigue together. Also, Christina and Owen's chemistry is not there. Also thought the crossover epis w/PP was fun.

[Pattie]

Great blog entry. Great episode(s). It TRULY is the little moments.

and I'm still old-school VCR-ing it, and I rewound the "Take him" scene twice to make sure I heard it correctly!

[LMSO]

Good Morning! I enjoyed the episode and completely agree that it is the little moments in life that are the most telling. Having said that, here is my take on Cristina's situation. I don't believe it's as simple as Cristina just offering to give up Owen to keep her mentor. That confrontation with Teddy was extremely heated with both women saying things they probably wouldn't have if they'd been more calm. I agree that the words slipped out in the heat of the moment and while Cristina instantly regretted them there was also a hint of truth buried in there (as foreshadowed earlier in the episode by not "thinking" too much and just letting your gut instinct come out .... pig or cow, pig or cow). To me this really boils down to Cristina's two biggest pieces of emotional baggage: need for control and fear of abandonment. I think on some deep level she still thinks that Owen will leave her at some point (maybe even for Teddy but that's not really the point) and so part of her wants to cut and run and leave him first. She lost her father and her baby and Burke ... all without prior warning signs and I think she's just not in an emotional place to completely trust Owen yet, despite everything they've been through together. I actually think it's a good thing that all of this is coming out and that Cristina and Owen will be the better for it in the end. They will get past it and given how much Cristina has forgiven Owen for and how many "second chances" she's given him, I think he will now reciprocate and get past what she said and her ill-fated offer. I think he will fight for Cristina and for their life together. I have to laugh a little because it's not as if Owen is a possession. He's a person who has a say in what happens here and he wants Cristina and loves her despite (or maybe because) of incidents like this. I believe O/C will emerge stronger at the end of the day. And hopefully this storyline will be resolved sooner rather than later and Teddy can move on to another story (at least personally...O/C are meant to be together, but I get that Teddy is a good teacher for Cris) and O/C can move on as well, facing life's challenges together. I'm very much looking forward to next week's episode and what I hope will be pivotal scenes between Cristina and Owen.

[Lisa]

The weird thing is I am not upset about Cristina's confession, I see it as a natural thing for her. She loves her career and Owen; not it is time to find the balance between both. I am actually very excited to see what transpires next week. Cristina truly LOVES Owen and Owen is NEVER going to go for that cause he LOVES her too much, so I am sure there will be a major heart to heart conversation. Love this couple to bits and hopefully this will make them stronger!

[PKD]

Well, I have to say that I finally felt like the "old" Grey's was back... The turmoil and twists and juxtaposition that we have loved from the beginning - Thank you....awesome job with "blink"

[Erin]

Enjoyed the episode tonight!
As a Cristina and Owen fan, I was a little sad how the episode ended but at the same time not! I am looking forward to the talk and growth this blurted out in the heat of moment statement sparks! LOVE this couple! As for the "triangle" and Teddy, still despise her. Try every episode to warm up to this character and it just not happening.

[Jan]

Please, please I am begging you...end this storyline about Mark and the daughter. It is terrible. It is pure torture to watch.

I was honestly hoping the character of the daughter would die during "Private Practice".

[big_fan]

Fantastic episode! Loved teh cross over, too. And hello, Mark Sloan. He hasn't always done it for me, but is now. HOT! :)

I thought Patrick Dempsey did a fantastic job in this episode, too... his quietness is so effective on screen.

Keep up the great work!

[Sunny]

Considering how little love the Mark/Lexie relationship got from the writers (and I don't mean when you're all talking about them in the writer's room, I mean in terms of how that translates into actual screen time), I shouldn't be so shocked that their demise was such an afterthought to that blob of annoying that the new daughter is. In what world is Lexie suddenly a kid and in what world does Mark not understand this?

I get that I'm just one person and who cares what one person, one who doesn't even have a Nielsen box at that, one person in a sea of people... who cares what she thinks? But I stuck around through fricking Gizzie, through dead Denny sex, through nurse Rose, through Derek losing his fricking mind and picking Addison...

And I almost don't care that Eric Dane, Chyler Leigh and Justin Chambers have elevated the dreck they've been given to beautiful heights. Meredith and Derek have so little screen time as a so-called happy and supportive couple, I'm running out of characters to care about here.

And Shonda tweets that this may be fixable and it may not? Well, screw that. At least Fringe has satisfying relationships at its core, and there's no jerking around with them.

[Kate]

The reason I came back to watching GA after leaving in season 2 was because of the Cristina/Owen storyline and what a complex, adult thing it was. The show has managed to ruin that completely now. It's playground time with pathetic Teddy trying to take away Cristina's limp, wimpy doll.

Cristina has always been a person who will choose her gift over a man. That has defined her from the start and is what makes her an interesting character on this show.

Owen, on the other hand, started out as complex and kickass. Now he's a wimp and a heel. Was everything that I liked about him an illusion?

Owen is so not worth giving up cardio for any more. I hope he and Teddy will be very happy together. Somewhere where I won't be watching.

Why does Bailey need a man? She's fine as she is.

[Kat]

I think the saddest thing about the Mark/Lexie situation is that being with Lexie turned Mark into the kind of guy who would step up for his kid.

[Danielle]

My mouth literally dropped when Cristina said Take Him!!! Omg!!! U guys r awesome. Keep the jaw droppers coming.

[Caroline]

A love fest? Seriously? I only watched the last ten minutes of the episode, and I can promise you that from now on, I won't be watching anymore. I stayed through 5.5 seasons of absurdity - doctors losing their minds over patients, Derek and Rose, Callie and George, Izzie's ridiculous cancer story that was drawn out wayyyy too long and her sex with a ghost, but just when I was going to give up, you had Mark and Lexie fall in love. They were cute, they were funny, they were comic relief in a very dramatic show and they were the only couple that actually thought about the other person in the relationship more than they thought about themselves. Did you keep that and cherish it? No. You didn't give them an obstacle like you did with other couples. You made it melodramatic and insane, and made them go from happy together to breaking up over the span of one crammed holiday episode and last night's crossover. And so, I will not be watching. I will maybe buy season 5, and watch Meredith and Derek be happy together at last and Mark and Lexie fall in love and be happy, and beyond that, the show just won't exist for me. You have officially lost yet another viewer. I hope you're happy.

[Caroline]

I think I forgot to mention the character assassination - you can call it blink or whatever you want, but the Lexie that you have given us for years now always, always, always rises to the occasion for people she loves. Last night was a joke.

[Kristan]

Well done! Great blog and even better episode. I'm heartbroken about Lexie and Mark, but I can't even be mad about it because it feels right.

And yes, Chandra Wilson was magnificent in this episode. Oh wait, every episode. But seriously: "Do you want lunch, or do you want to show me the scan?" Hee!

As for Christina... yes, it looks awful, but again, it felt right. She's willing to trade Owen, yes, but I don't believe that Christina would be willing to trade every man, and not for her whole life. But like Lexie, she's still young, and she has things she wants to accomplish for herself first. As a twenty-something, I can understand that. Luckily so does my boyfriend (in fact he feels the same way) and even more lucky, no one's asking us to trade each other for success. :P

Btw, Kim Raver deserves a lot of credit for a job well done in this episode. She's a fantastic addition to the cast so I hope you're not planning to send her anywhere.

Thanks again for a great episode. The mid-season finale was too rushed, but this one felt perfect!

[mamaloa]

I do love your cross overs. Please do more. I would prefer more Addek scenes though. I'm not a great fan of Maddison. I think that should have been over a long time ago. Why go there? What's the purpose of it. He's not staying in LA with her. He even so much as told her. Unless I'm mistaken. But, when he said, I'm sorry Red. Well, poor Addison. Anyway, funny that Meredith should be so protective of a marriage and getting on Alex for thinking about moving on while he was still married!!! What a big laugh. Meredith who didn't think twice about messing with Derek while he was still married, but excuse me I guess it's ok because it true luv isn't it? (SARCASM) As for Mark and Lexie. Yes, she's tooo young, and I'm glad that has been said on the show. I still prefer Mark with Callie, and like I said, I'm not much of a Maddison person.
Christina chooses her job over Owen. Well, that figures. Why have a solid couple anywhere?

[tessa]

Welcome back! So nice to have Grey's again.

Loved Bailey being Bailey again, and loved that Cristina finally got her mojo back.

Love, love, love any scene with Alex and Meredith, and am looking forward to see what happens with her and the Chief.

Will Alex ever have a story that isn't ALL about Izzie? Ever?

Glad Mark and Lexi broke up. Wish it would stay that way. Can't wait for next week.

[Me]

My DVR cut off what Cristina said to Teddy. It got caught off when Teddy says "Owen! I want Owen!" What did Cristina say?

[JJ]

Loved this episode. I love Bailey - the way she just tells it the way it is.

[Sophie]

I really enjoyed your blog entry, really poignant. I love the anecdote, it really kind of brings it all to light. And I say this all the time, it really isn't just about the big moments, the little moments, those are the moments that impact us the most. As does every piece of dialogue on Grey's, whether small or big, they make an impact.

You know, going into Grey's and Private Practice last night I was hesitant because I adore Mark and Lexie so much. I know I've said it about a million and three times, but they are essentially why I watch the show every Thursday.

Even knowing that that they'd eventually run into an obstacle, because every couple does, I hadn't expected it. It still made my heartbreak because Chyler and Eric were phenomenal. Then Chyler who could not have sold it more if she tried. Her eyes said everything. And I admit it, I cried, I freaking cried! I never cry. Never.

And I get it, I get that Lexie wasn't ready. Who's ready to take on their boyfriend's grandbaby, let alone 18 year old daughter, when you're only 24-25? Although, he is Mark Sloan, so I'd maybe give it a second thought. No, no, but seriously, I get it. However, I also get that Mark and Lexie care for each other. The end of Private Practice with Mark basically admitting he loved Lexie? Yeah, it's there, the love is there. Of course Lexie's in love too, because she's hurt and in pain, and Grey's don't drink unless they're hurt or in pain.

Does it suck that Lexie slept with Alex and Mark slept with Addison? Hell yeah, of coures it does. I mean Lexie sleeping with a married man? How scandalous and Mark of her! Though, technically speaking, Lexie was drunk--Alex took advantage.

Boy oh boy, I'm scared of what the future holds for them. Maybe they'll never get back to what they were, but I hope they'll fight to get there.

And I'm not convinced Sloan's this good person who wants what's best for the baby. As the writing showed, the chick's just milking Mark for all he's worth. She may even put her baby up for adoption. What the heck? Now I'm wondering if Mark "choosing her" was the wisest decision he could have made. I know, she's his daughter, there was no other choice.

Point is, I hope Mark and Lexie fight for each other because they're worth fighting for.

I'm going to shut up now before I wrote a novel.

PS Cristina/Owen/Teddy? Intense!

[Ally]

It so makes sense that Christina is choosing her mentor. It so makes sense that Mark is choosing his daughter over Lexi. It so makes sense that Alex is grasping for something outside of his shell of a marriage. I'm really glad Grey's is back! Please keep up the solid writing that fits the characters.

[Sarah C]

I was too embarrassed to read the rest of this column.

But I wanted to say: Awesome choice on the music-pick! I love "Cosmic Love," and Cristina nailed her last scene with Teddy. Wow, awesome acting. Thanks for their confrontation (finally!), writers. :)

[Janet]

This is absolutely the best, most heart string pulling episode that has aired in a very long while...and I am a die hard fan of both Grey's and PP...seriously, I watch repeats of Grey's EVERYDAY on Lifetime, much to my child's dismay...