Stacy McKee on "Invest in Love"...

Original Airdate: 11-5-09

OK. So I am currently writing this blog (and when I say writing, I mean longhand. In a notebook. With a pen. That’s right, people. This week I’m blogging old school!) early on a Saturday morning as I stand in line at a horse racing park near the Los Angeles Airport. I, along with easily 500 other people, am waiting in line to get my H1N1 vaccine. 

So far, I’ve been in line for 35 minutes.

This is one of the only places in the city offering the vaccine right now and while, ordinarily, I totally wouldn’t bother getting up early on my Saturday to go stand in a ridiculously long line for a shot… At this particular moment, I really don’t have a choice. 

My OB was pretty darn insistent. As was Shonda, who called me out of the writers’ room on Friday to try and convince me to leave work and go home, suggesting I should seriously consider spending the next several weeks safely sanitized inside a large plastic bubble. (Greys and Private have already had 3 confirmed H1N1 cases emerge in just the last week, so the likelihood of me being exposed is… well... not absurd.) 

So everyone’s freaking out. And insisting I go get vaccinated. And all of this just because --I’m pregnant. You wouldn’t think that being pregnant could cause such a fuss.

Guess what? It can. 

And you probably would think that being pregnant – newly pregnant, mind you, and ridiculously hormonal – might prevent me from getting assigned to write the all PEDS episode this season. Seems a little cruel, doesn’t it? To ask the newly pregnant girl to tackle the one episode in which every major patient is supposed to be a SICK KID?

We’ve been planning an all PEDS episode for some time. Arizona is a regular now and we’ve started seeing more and more of her – but for the most part, we always see her helping Callie through crisis after crisis. We haven’t yet really given Arizona a crisis of her own. So what better chance than in an episode where every patient is – in essence – her patient. Every patient is from the PEDS floor. PEDS, where things work a little bit differently, where the patients believe in magic. Because they are kids. Sick, dying KIDS.

Guess what? As concerned as Shonda was about me living in a plastic bubble, she was just as equally NOT concerned that perhaps making me write the all Pediatrics episode was just a teeny, tiny little bit of torture. “It’ll be great,” she said. “Use your new maternal instincts to make the episode better,” she said. “NO, WALLACE CAN’T LIVE! I DON’T CARE HOW PREGNANT YOU ARE. THE ADORABLE LITTLE SICK KID MUST DIE!” she said.

Okay, maybe she didn’t say that last bit exactly like that. But still. Even I knew I couldn’t really tell Wallace’s story properly if I let him live. And as sad as it might have made you to watch his mom come into the morgue and try to usher his final resting bad dreams away - I’m telling you people - it was even more terrible and heartbreaking and so so so sad for me. ‘Cause all I could think of the entire time – as I wrote it, as I sat on set and watched us film it, as I sobbed all the way through it while watching a cut of the episode in my office – all I could think about was: Oh my god, what if that were MY baby. What if I were that mom? What if I were the one visiting my child in the morgue?

And then I would officially declare to anyone who would listen that I was a terrible person. A terrible, terrible person to write such a horribly sad story about a dying child -- WHILE PREGNANT.

You know how, when Alex is standing there all shirtless and Derek is mocking him, Alex blurts out: “Bailey made me!” – Well, that’s how I feel about this episode. Shonda made me!

I still can’t get through a cut without crying. Stupid me for killing stupid Wallace when I’m this stupidly hormonal.

It’s a good thing you aren’t here in line with me, cause I’m actually starting to cry right now, just thinking about it. And I’m pretty sure my crying is starting to make the volunteer line monitor in the red vest a little anxious. She keeps looking at me and whispering to the red vested guy next to her.

Btw, I’ve hit the hour and 10 minute mark now. And the line hasn’t moved since I started writing this.

So, to balance out all the sadness in the episode, I knew I had to incorporate a story that would make me (and you) feel good, too. Enter Alex. Saving a teeny tiny baby. In the NICU. Shirtless. 

See? A happy miracle baby story! And a half naked handsome man! I’m not such a terrible person! 

Alex’s story came from these cases I’d been reading about tiny, preemie babies where the doctors had done everything medically possible, but the babies just weren’t strong enough to rally. So, a lot of times, the parents would just pick up their little babies, thinking that at least they would get to hold their child for a few minutes while it was still alive. 

And then these miracles would happen, where the babies would feel their parents’ warmth and hear their heart beat, and the babies would, miraculously, start to thrive. One of the articles described how no incubator could mimic the simple act, the simple comfort of the baby being held.

Which was why this story was so perfect for Alex. He feels so completely helpless right now, so utterly useless and alone. And then he encounters this little baby who’s also struggling, also alone. For a moment, Alex finds a purpose. And he’s reminded that he can make a difference in somebody’s life, even when his own seems to be falling apart all around him. On the most basic level, these two little lost souls just need each other.

Ooo! Just moved up in line. Several whole inches. This is progress, people. 

The surprise party, by the way, is based on a true story, too. A true Grey’s story. It happened a few years ago, when we threw Krista Vernoff a surprise baby shower. It was the best kept secret our office has EVER had (because, basically, no one in our office can keep a secret. We’re a bunch of blabber mouths. The fact that the party was genuinely a surprise still surprises ME!) – Anyway. Shonda told Krista to come to a meeting at her house one morning, a morning where Krista was in the middle of a million different rewrites and script pages and stress. Lots of stress. So Krista kept calling people from the office, and none of us would pick up our phones because – of course – we were all crouched in Shonda’s living room, waiting for Krista to arrive. So by the time she got to Shonda’s, Krista had probably had one of the worst mornings ever, just in time to walk in the front door, have us all yell SURPRISE, and to have poor Krista burst into tears. Full on, pregnant and hormonal tears.

Obviously, right now, I can identify.

And that is exactly what happens to Arizona. She steps into the apartment wanting nothing more than some quiet time to just decompress and maybe vent a little and just feel her feelings and instead – she’s met with a room full of party goers. 

Mark Sloan is right when he says that surprise parties are hostile. Because they ARE! (One of my favorite unscripted moments in the episode comes from Cristina when she’s eating breakfast and listening to Mark’s take on surprise parties. If you notice, she TOTALLY sides with Mark as she chomps on her bacon. It’s hilarious!)

And, if you were paying attention, you may have noticed that the surprise party moment is the ONLY moment in the entire episode where Arizona cries. Even though, as we’ve established, Arizona tends to cry in the face of authority figures. Arizona is a people pleaser –Which is why she winds up agreeing to a surgery she doesn’t believe in – she’s trying to please Richard. He’s the chief. She doesn’t want to let him down…

But even after standing up to him, after kicking him out of her OR, she still doesn’t break down and cry. After losing Wallace, Arizona still doesn’t cry. After having to face the Chief and face Jennings in the wake of losing Wallace, Arizona still doesn’t cry. 

Until the party. Where it all just comes flooding out. In the most horribly embarrassing way.

I love, though, that then she gets it out. She cries with Callie, but when she gets back to the hospital, even in the morgue with Wallace’s parents, Arizona doesn’t break down. I feel like it’s a big turning point for her. 

Meanwhile – I’ve now been in line an hour and 45 minutes. This vaccine better be worth it.

I can’t, of course, blog without talking about Meredith and Derek who, admittedly, don’t have a LOT of screen time this episode. But the time they have is, I think, utterly charming and adorable. I love seeing them be happy and married and totally in sync with one another. 

We were, of course, limited a little by the fact that when we filmed this, Ellen had JUST had her baby. In fact, this is the first episode we filmed with her post pregnancy. (It was really fun, actually. She had tons of adorable baby photos to share. That is one cute baby with one FANTASTIC wardrobe. Just saying.)

And finally – one of my favorite moments in the entire episode comes in the very last scene – from Callie. 

For those of you who have been watching Grey’s for a while, you know that Callie tends to blurt things like “I love you” out – often prematurely. She did it with George, and he never could say it back. She’s a gal who jumps in head first, sometimes blindly, and we’ve seen it bite her in the ass.

So what I love love love is the moment when, after the horrible day that Arizona’s had, after the disastrous party, after losing one of her favorite patients – Arizona comes home, takes one look at Callie in her lingerie and that silly party hat – and Arizona says “I love you” first. 

The look on Callie’s face when she hears that? Oh man, I’m starting to tear up again. It’s just so unbelievably vulnerable and sweet and lovely. Okay. Totally crying again.

…Just as Red Vest is motioning for me to move ahead in line. I think maybe I’m about to go get my H1N1 shot. FINALLY. After over 2 hours of waiting. 

At least, I suppose, I’ve put all the waiting to good use. I’ve blogged. I’ve cried. And I’ve given myself a lot of extra work for Wednesday night, when I’ll inevitably be typing all this up. So that’s it for now, kids! Talk to you again in a few episodes!

Comments

[Angela]

What about cristina and owen?

[RodzPR]

I LOVED this episode, You did a great job! I also love Callie and Arizona, but why arent they more affectionate with each other like Mer and Der...

[paula_spain]

Amazing episode!! Excellent writing, great performances (jessica capshaw was... speechless). In my opinion, a key episode in the development of owen/cristina and callie/arizona relationships. Alex rocks, you make me be more in love with him every episode.
One little question: does all the fairy dust in peds wing makes arizona vanish if she and callie make out? seriously, we are ready for it!!
Congrats for the episode and for your pregnancy!! Thank you and sorry about the English.

[MJ]

Thanks for a great blog. loved it. can't wait to see more MerDer and definitely more Meredith back on set. miss her a lot.

Would love to see some of those Gorgeous Stella pics.. with the fantastic wardrobe.. lol :)
thanks again.

[Tina]

I enjoyed Alex being back in his element - peds. He has a knack for that, and I'd love to see more of him there.

I would like to sincerely express the hope, however, that you keep Alex/Reed the one platonic guy/girl friendship (outside of Mer-Alex) that this show has portrayed. The cheating arc is old, and you have written Alex/Izzie as end game IMO. Please don't go there with Reed just because you can. Alex and Izzie need to work things out. That would be far more entertaining than another contrived cheating storyline.

[Esra]

Thank God, Grey's Anatomy got its spirit back! See, that is what I want... As a Merder shipper, I can deal with that kind of episode, actually I can LOVE it, despite the little Merder scenes. Because, I know they are there:) Because it is the GA I've missed:)

Thank you so much such a great episode:)

Oh, btw I love Alex and Reed:)

[Kim]

Best of luck to you through your pregnancy. I am getting ready to take my 2 kids for their H1N1 in a couple of hours.
This was an amazing episode! Thank you so much. I love Bailey, "take your shirt off" and Alex, "take your shirt off!" I loved watching Alex with the baby. The whole episode was wonderful. Thank you! Can't wait to see Izzie again next week!

[Mariam]

I don't know what to say really. I feel like I'm repeating myself with every episode, but there's still something missing. A lot of things actually.

I miss my favorite characters. I miss them so much. And I think there's something wrong when you're watching the show and you're missing all the characters. I get that Ellen was pregnant and Katherine is filming a movie but I truly believe you could've dealt with the situation a little better than this. I miss Meredith. I miss Izzie. I miss Mark. I miss Lexie. I miss Bailey. I miss them all. You used to do such a great work giving all the characters decent screen-time.

Also, am I the only one who misses the old funny grey's. I used to laugh so hard that I would have tears in my eyes. Not any more though. Now, it's kinda depressing and too dramatic.

As I said before. I wish you writers would watch the earlier seasons and remember how fun this show used to be.

I won't be one of those people who leave comments saying they won't be watching next week's episode. I can't do that. I love the characters so much. So, even if I hate the way this season is going I will still be watching because I want to see my favorite characters.

At last, I wish you a great and a healthy pregnancy Stacy :)

[Tina]

I thought this was a beautiful episode, elegantly rendered. I like Arizona's restraint that made for a fabulous story telling until she explodes in the end leading us all through a beautiful and fabulous explosion of being human.

[Marie M]

I love TV, but I am not one to get into TV outside of the actual show. I don’t read spoilers, I don’t write on message boards, I don’t do that stuff. But then came Grey’s Anatomy! I still don’t read spoilers, it ruins the show for me, but I read the writer’s blog every Friday morning, I download all of the songs from every episode on iTunes, I own every season on DVD and I watch all of the extras, all of the commentaries, everything, and I unhook the phone, my husband takes our baby girl and no one is allowed to make a sound for 1 hour on Thursday nights. I mean I have actually caught myself being annoyed with my 2-month old when she cries during Grey’s. Of course I quickly feel terrible, kiss her and apologize for being annoyed, but I follow that up with a look to my husband that says, in no uncertain terms, he better quiet her down! My husband makes fun of me for treating the Grey’s characters like they are my friends—and I am not even ashamed! Then I continue my Thursday night excitement into Friday morning when I get to read the writer’s blog, but I have never left a comment. I have never left compliments because I figure you guys must know you are awesome already. I mean, you are writers on Grey’s-freaking-Anatomy! And I have never left any criticism because I have learned to trust you. If I am not very happy with the way something is going, I have learned that it will all make sense to me within a few episodes, and I will see that things had to happen the way they happened. So, long story short, I have never left a comment before. But now I just can’t help myself! Season 6 has been so amazing, every episode seems better than the last, and I just feel like I have to tell you all how much I love this show. So here it is:

I love you! I mean, I love all of you! I love you in a “let you eat the last piece of cheesecake” sort of way! Grey’s Anatomy is my absolute favorite show. I love the characters, I love the stories, I love the emotion and I love love love the music! I didn’t start watching Grey’s until Season 3 when my college roommates asked me to record it for them because they were out on the season premiere night. I didn’t watch a lot of TV in college, I was too focused on my classes. But I fell in love with the show so fast that I went out that weekend and bought Seasons 1 and 2 on DVD. I skipped my classes for the next few days and watched every episode. In my apartment, I slept on a futon mattress on the floor, because my futon broke and I was too broke to go buy a new one, so I slept on the floor for a whole year. When my roommates would go to sleep, I would go sit on my little mattress and watch more episodes. I remember sitting on my “bed” at 3:00 in the morning, finally finishing Season 2, watching Doc being put to sleep. I started sobbing, and I sobbed through the rest of the episode. I couldn’t get control of myself! That’s what your show does to me—it completely sucks me in for 1 hour each week. I can be laughing and crying and jumping for joy all at the same time, and that’s what I love about your show. It is my total release! So I just want to thank all of you for creating, writing, and being a part of such an amazing show! Thank you!!!

[big_fan]

Fantastic episode! My Grey's is finally back!

Keep up the great work...

[B]

"I love seeing them [Meredith and Derek] be happy and married and totally in sync with one another."

Yes. So do I.

Hope Alex will catch a break soon.

Loved the scene at the end w/Arizona and Callie.

I have no idea what's going on with Owen and Cristina, or why he seems so hostile all the time to her professionally. Glad Cristina didn't get into it w/Jackson other than the kiss, though I like Jackson.

[Jenna]

I cried, too. Cried for the loss of my favorite character, Cristina. Cried for her fall from confidence to constantly being derided and unsupported in anything she does. Cried when I remembered how beautiful her and Owen's love story is, and how we haven't seen anything but hysteria and fighting between them for 8 episodes. Cried because seeing them with even a split second of affection between them seems a lost hope. Cried because no one but Cristina and Owen fans seem to give a damn about this couple.

[Nancy]

GREAT episode. FANTASTIC writing. We are all children at heart and this episode spoke to the vulnerability, to the resiliency, and to the strength in all of us.

[Sorry]

I'm sorry. I wanted to like this episode. I get that you guys think Arizona is adorable and awesome. I don't. I don't want to watch sick babies and dying kids. The promo for next week was better than this episode.

[Sherry in London, Ontario, Canada]

I am so addicted to your show. I cried for Arizona & her sadness. Then I cried for Arizona & Callie's happiness. I'm a lesbian & I love the approach & storyline the show has written about her being gay/bisexual. It's so true. There's so much emotional pain involved from people in our lives when they find out. We are just like any other couple who love each other. Please please keep the same sex relationship going as it will save many lives of gay people struggling with the way God made them. Thanks for the awesome show!!!

[Kelly]

Good episode.

I have liked Arizona since she came on and now I'm loving her. JC gave a great performance. I love Arizona and Callie together. I got alittle teary eyed with the ILY scene and liked Callie trying to be there for Arizona.

I loved the couples breakfast scene. Love seeing them all as friends.

Mark and Lexie are so beautiful and sweet together.

No to Cristina cheating on Owen.

I love Justin Chambers performance this season. I am so glaf someone finally said Alex would be good in peds. I've believed that since season one. Oh and the promo, I know Alex in the past has been a jerk and what not, but I'm on Alex side when Izzie comes back. She abandoned him, and given his childhood that's awful. Not to mention she chose Denny, George, dead Denny and sleep with me so I can forget George is dead to him. So Go TEAM Alex!

[Jenna]

Oh, and I'm pretty bummed out that Cristina can "see" Owen (as was made clear in season 5), but he doesn't see her at all. I can't figure out why you've all turned him from a sensitive, understanding man into such an unaware blockhead, but after eight episodes, stick a fork in me because I'm just so done with it.

[Karla]

Seriously? Not one word on Cristina and Owen? Seriously???

[andrea]

INCREDIBLE episode. LOVE Callie and Arizona and was great to see Arizona get her own storyline. Those two are great together.
Love Cristina and Owen - and the fact that she is giving an inch with him. Much better than Cristina and Burke ever were.
Don't know if I coulda turned down Avery though...yummmmmmmy.

[Stacy]

Loved the epsisode, great job! But helloooooooo!! Nothing on the Christina Jackson kiss or the future of Christina and Burke?

[Tessa]

Ok, the Arizona stuff was good, but other than that, can I just ask...WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY COUPLES?!?! Alex and Izzie, Owen and Christina had better freaking make it, or I am sooo done with this show! Please make it right (sooner rather than later), and take away the sad Mercy Westers who are interfering!

[Tasha]

Loved, loved, LOVED this episode! It was everything I love about Grey's rolled into one episode. Cristina torn between Owen and her urge to be a hardcore surgeon was classic Cristina. The breakfast scene with Callie cooking for all the couples was fun to watch. And Jessica Capshaw was amazing! I'm so glad she's a Grey's regular. Not only is she just what the show needed, but Arizona and Callie are precious together!

[Kristan H]

You know, I think there's something about writing something we really don't want to write that pushes our work into a better place. After we bonded over how much we love animals and in particular our dogs, a professor once made me write a story about deer hunting. I spent SIX HOURS trying to find a way to write a good story where the deer didn't die. When I finally caved, it only took me an hour to write an amazing story about TWO deer that died.

When I read the story aloud the next day, my professor said it was brilliant, but that she might have to never assign that prompt again because it was too hard for her to take.

So I feel your pain, but I guess I'm saying I think it was worth it. This episode turned out well, and Arizona has come a long way. I've grown to really like her. Nice job! (Hope you got your shot!)

[trey]

Good episode, but something's amiss. The Chief hands Alex a bill for Izzy's treatment? The same Izzy that donated ALL of her millions to build him a clinic, and he can't forego a $200K bill?

Um, yeah...

Loved Christine emerging a little more.