Krista Vernoff on "Holidaze"...

Original Airdate: 11-19-09

“Do not waste yourself in rejection; do not bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I read that today in a friend's Facebook status update.  Yes, I was Facebook lurking as a means of procrastination just like I was tweeting as a means of procrastination.  And yes, Shonda did publicly tweet-reprimand me, which I took with a grain of salt seeing as she had tweeted 20 times in the prior ten minutes. 

What was my point here? 

Oh, the Emerson quote.  

It made me pause. 

It made me breathe. 

For a brief moment, I was overcome with gratitude, not only for Emerson’s wise words, but for people who take the time to tweet and facebook-post inspirational quotes that get me to pause the incessant cycle of thoughts that spiral through my brain every day. 

"Do not bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good."

Doesn't it make you breathe a little differently, just for a minute?  That quote is my gift to you today, just as it was a gift to me. And seeing as the theme of tonight's episode was Gifts, it seems appropriate. You know what the biggest gift of tonight's episode was? 

Sara Ramirez singing Silent Night a capella while Chandra Wilson acts her ass off at the dinner table. Moments like that, gifts like that... 

They make me love my job even more.  In my lifetime, I have never seen a more powerful performer than Sara Ramirez when she sings live. I hope someday you get to see her, but until then, this was a little taste.  It was Shonda's stroke of genius -- her little Christmas gift to me, I like to think, although really, she probably intended it as a gift to all of you. Still, I am grateful. The other gift of this scene is that I got to write Bailey's words and put them on television. Those words were important to me. Without getting too personal, I will admit that there are some things going on in my life that mirror some of the things going on in Bailey’s life.  If you’ve read this blog before, you know that we writers frequently cull from our personal lives to come up with the stories we tell on the show each week. (As I write this, Joan Rater is in the writer’s room, dramatically performing some of her favorite moments of life with Tony Phelan – and our writer’s assistant Austin is frantically trying to keep pace and write it all down. And Bill Harper is doing funny accents, which is really neither here nor there.) My point is, I tend to rape and pillage my own life to bring you drama every week. In this episode, for example, when the girl talks about hiking the Inca Trail? That’s because I hiked the Inca Trail, so I know how to describe it.  (I’m averse to research so anytime I can just write what I know, I choose to.) And when Bailey defends her decision to leave a marriage that was no longer feeding her soul? That was no longer an example she wanted to set for her young child? I’m not getting too personal here, but I’m saying, I was happy to be able to put those words on TV. Bailey doesn’t need to be berated by her dad, see? Cause Bailey? Beats the crap out of herself way harder than anyone else ever could.  But it was nice, the way her Dad came around in the end. And I think he was right that Bailey should’ve called and told him about her divorce.  

Okay, what else can I tell you? I’d like to give you behind the scenes tidbits from the shooting of the episode, but I had the damn flu the whole time it was shooting so I was barely there. Oh! I know! Let’s talk about the fact that we did a holiday episode without Izzie! The Twitterers have been berating us for weeks – how COULD you, they ask? Izzie LOVES the holidays! To you, I say, dude… I know. I feel your pain. I wrote the last holiday episode. I remember vividly when Izzie helped Alex study for his exams because, “It’s what JESUS would freakin’ DO!” I remember when she and George and Meredith lay beneath the Christmas tree, soaking in the lights. I missed her like crazy in this episode and you know who else missed her? Even though he didn’t talk about it? Alex. That’s why he wouldn’t sing Christmas carols in the surgery. That’s why he didn’t show up for dinner at Meredith’s. It breaks my heart, the way she left him, and that she didn’t show up for the holidays. I think he thought she might. Because Izzie LOVES the holidays. But she didn’t and yeah, it sucks.  

But we’re not barking about the bad, we’re chanting the beauty so let’s talk about the Chief/Arizona/Owen Christmas jam! I have to admit, I have never loved dailies more, ever. I must have watched them sing that song for 20 minutes straight.  Those dailies were truly a gift during my flu-ridden misery. They lifted my whole heart up and made it feel all floaty and giddy for hours. I hope the scene did the same for you.   And since we’re chanting the good… Can we talk about the hot hot hot HOT Owen Cristina kissing??? Oh my God, I’m like a fan girl, I can’t help it.  And how ‘bout the scene where Owen whispers into Teddy’s mouth, “I’m in love with Cristina.”  I wrote it. I pictured it. But when I saw it? I seriously threw up a little in my mouth. It was SO brutal – and what was so brutal is that Owen didn’t mean to be brutal. He clearly loves them both. Which is…impossible. And devastating. And BRUTAL.   I mean it – how could Teddy not love him? Playing guitar one minute, torturedly whispering into her mouth the next… How that will all play out, I do not know. I mean it, I don’t know. We’re a little behind in the writer’s room. But I’m as excited as you are to see how it all goes down! 

There’s so much more in this episode – Mark Sloan becoming the sexiest Grandpa on TV and Meredith making a deal with the devil and Arizona and Derek and Mark paying their own hard-earned money to save the life of a very sick little boy. It made my heart happy, that story. And so did the story of the woman living without a heart for all that time and surviving. Both of those were our gift to you, to send you into the holiday season with hope and optimism.  My friend Peter called me today and when I said, “How are you?” He said, “I’m trying, actively, to renew my faith and my hope and my joy and my optimism. They’ve all gone missing, which is not okay with me.” I love Peter. I love that when his faith goes missing, he doesn’t sit and feel sorry for himself. He goes turning over rocks and stones, looking for it. He prays and he calls friends and he says out loud what he’s feeling. Which, in itself, demonstrates that his faith is not as far away as he imagines. That’s the feeling I hope this episode left you with. That miracles are possible…That a simple song can lift your spirits…. That speaking your truth, or opening your checkbook, or offering a simple apology or making an attempt to understand another’s point of view can turn your whole day or your whole year around. That life doesn’t always happen the way we hope or plan but that that doesn’t matter. How we  greet what life throws our way is all that matters. “Do not waste yourself in rejection; do not bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good.”   Happy Thanksgiving. And Merry Christmas. And May There Be Peace on Earth. 

Comments

[Greta]

I totally love this episode, anyway, the way owen whispered that he loves cristina, that was really mean! and what about meredith?? is she crazy? how can she allow the chief to drink again? she has seen what drinking can cause and she didnt do anything about it? i felt it very cruel...anyway...great episode..

[Karen]

Arghhhhhh! Love Owen and Cristina kiss but hated that Owen almost cheated on Cristina! I was so sick to my stomach during that O/T scene. Hated it, hated Teddy! I don't know how you think we are suppose to be torn between who Owen chooses because I am only rooting for Owen/Cristina's love could careless about Teddy! She needs to leave asap because I will not be able to watch her pine over Owen with out gagging!

[Kerry]

Gosh, I read through this blog twice to try to find something about what Richard is going through and how the burden of Mer trying to believe him and then being faced with the fact that she may have to hide things for him and what kind of pressure that puts her under. How horrible for the Chief and s scary for Meredith. I'm hoping maybe through Facebook or Twitter Krista, you might give us some insight on how you handled the writing of this storyline because it was amazingly sad and painful, but very well done. Great holiday episode. Loved the little moments in it of Derek/Mark and Chief/Der as well as MerDer. Thank you for it all and happy holidays!

[Kay]

What a great episode! Personally, my 2nd favorite of the season. My 1st being "Give Peace a Chance". I waited for the blog to update after the show just so I could comment! It was so much going on! The Cheif and Mer? Closer than close? Wow! It seems the Cheif is using Mer-keeping her mouth shut by giving her one-on-one's. I'm worried about the Cheif. OMG! Dr. Sloan a Daddy and a Grandpa all in the same episode? I nearly fell off of my sofa! Little Grey slicing up her pinky - LOL!! The genius of Dr. Sloan and Dr. Shepherd - creating the tools they needed to save that little boy's life? Amazing! The trio's Christmas jam!!! LOVED IT! Very much uplifting. The only thing that could've made the episode more uplifting would have been Izzie and Alex walking through the door after dinner. But, I understand why that couldn't happen :-( What the heck was Dr. War on Iraq thinking? She knows Dr. Hunt is in love with Cristina. That was not cool! I feel sorry for her though. Maybe she will hook up with Jackson? LOL It was great not seeing most of the Mercy-West folks for an episode. I know they will be back though - they are like roaches! LOL! Great episode! Thanks for all the gifts! Happy Holidays!

[Maggie]

I tried really hard last week to try to like the Teddy character but this week I feel nothing for her at all! I hated the Owen interaction and I didn't even feel much from her as a doctor either! Trying to embrace but just didn't work.

Love Owen and Cristina! Please no more torturing us with Owen loves them both! In our lives we all love many people, because there are many loves along the way to our true love! Now that Owen has found his TRUE LOVE that trumps any old love feelings you felt for someone in your past. Yes, this needed to comfronted and laid out there so we understand Owen IS IN LOVE with Cristina but hopefully it won't be revisited because it will be fake!

[Jane]

Owen Hunt is amazing.

[angie]

Seriously, we are suppose to be excited to see how it all goes down! TRULY AM NOT! I alread had my fill of this triangle! Just want to see Owen and Cristina deal with the difficult life issues together and his PTSD road without Teddy. For me to say get Teddy packing is huge, because I have been longing for Cristina to get a Cardio god but not at the expense of her love for Owen!

[Lori]

Hot dang, Cristina and Owen are amazing together!
There I Love you Scene was the Best!

Please no MORE Teddy romantic interference, I am so not interested in the triangle! It played out tonight, and Owen professed his love for Cristina! Let's move on to other drama for this couple! PTSD, life, and such!

[Laurie]

Things that put me in a daze: missing glow in the dark kidney (noticed this in the big Derek episode);Where is the MerDer progression? The house?; Where was the MerDer holiday sap to carry us over for the hiatus? Our parting shot was Mer cheek to cheek with the Chief!

[nyla]

SaRa Ramirez is AMAZING!!!! I kind of wanted Bailey to shut up so I could hear the song more - lol.

And thank you for no Reed or CaveMan, Jackson was nice to look at in the background but it was great having just "my people" on screen.

And you get 10,000 brownie points for Derek's "your kids are bickering" line. BWAHAHAHAHA! (Mark needs a woman, not Lexie. )

Jan. is too far away. Happy Holidays Grey's peeps! :)

[K.]

Dear Writers,

Sorry to be the one barking at the bad, I know that this is the opposite to your blog, but if you share your thoughts with me, I think I can share mine with you.

You’ve made me really sad tonight. I had been loving Owen and Cristina’s relationship for the last year. It is the first time ever that I have been dragged in a TV story like this. I am 33 years old, a professional, and suddenly find myself stuck to the TV and writing in an internet board. If someone had told me a year ago I would have gotten so involved, I would have laughed at their faces. Previously, I had only followed Grey’s anatomy sporadically, but last season this couple hooked me in.

Somehow, you sold me a passionate strong love story. A grown up one; something you do not see much on TV. You have two amazing actors, that have made a painful story about damaged people believable. I have really been thankful and loved you for that. I have kept trying to think that you were going to give us something good, that you were not going to make this a classic triangle, that it was just over-rated publicity… you have sorely disappointed me.

First, you make Owen have feelings for one woman while engaged to other (fist Beth, and now, while being involved with Cristina). Great, it does count as cheating guys! And for me Owen was never a cheat. This is an ugly thing to do to such a decent character. Additionally you have just made the guy stupid; because bringing in for your girlfriend someone for which you have feelings is clearly stupid. Really, are you trying to make people hate the character?

Even if at the end he declared, once again, that he loved Cristina, the episode left a bitter taste in my mouth. I do remember that this show used to be about drama AND fun. I have been trying to recall last time it was fun.

About Teddy; at first I wanted the character to stay as Cristina’s mentor, even if it was meant to be awkward. Now, I just do not want to see this story at all. My first reaction was that I wanted Teddy to be thrown under a bus. I'm crossing my fingers that the character will walk to the parking lot never to return.

Sorry to write this much, I feel like a silly teenager spilling my gut on a writer’s blog. IF you are even reading this, you probably think I’m crazy, or will just not care. However, I think that you writing that “Owen clearly loves them both” has been the last drop that has driven me to write; and to do it in such a personal way.

On the positive side, since I do love the idea of chanting to the good. Last kiss between Owen and Cristina nearly made me forget about the previous scene. That was HOT, what an amazing chemistry! Sandra’s acting while trying to leave him off the hook was amazing, soul breaking. I could feel her pain, and I could see how much the character had grown. Insecurity was there, but also the generosity to set someone free, if you think that they are going to be better without you. That’s love.

I loved Derek, Arizona and Mark being generous and saving the boy’s life, while the chief made the wrong decision. Even if you have to make tough money decisions, there are limits. Good that someone put the kid first.

It might be good that I have some weeks to decide if I want to continue watching a show that makes me unhappy, or go and watch Fringe. It might not be so good, but at least will probably give me a good time, and do not make me want to throw up.

Once again, my apologies for my rant, and my best wishes for the holiday season!

K.

P.S. I know this will probably not get published, but I do want to send it anyway.

[Sally]

So happy the passion and hotness is back with Cristina and Owen! I love this couple because of how passionately they love each other!

[Tamara]

Yay for the passionate, intense loving Owen/Cristina returning! This is what we have been missing since SP6! We need more of this! Thank you!

[CC]

No cute holiday moments between Arizona & Callie? What gives? They've replaced Mer/Der for me (still love Mer/Der, but now I love Arizona & Callie too, they're adorable!). I'm likin' Teddy too, you guys lost me for a year+ w/ the bizarre story lines but you've wooed me back to spending Thursday on my couch. Since I missed a year I'm not invested in the Owen/Cristina thing, so I say rock on Desert Storm Barbie!

[Melissa C.]

I believe it when you say you miss Izzie. The writers obviously love writing for that character and she always gets big storylines that are about her.

I only wish someone in the writers' room missed Alex as much as you and he miss Izzie. Where the heck was he? Was has he done besides cry and be angry since Izzie has left? I really wish the writers would write something for and about him, not just have him around to react to whatever Izzie is up to and to take off his shirt. Not that I have a problem with a shirtless Alex, those scenes are very pleasant to watch and I welcome them I just want him to finally have a storyline and be appreciated not only by Izzie but also by the writers.

[Jenna]

EXCITED... NO! Krista, I hope this Teddy business ended tonight with Owen declaring his love for Cristina. Teddy is a waste of time, because heart is totally invested in Owen and Cristina. What I did feel torn about was when Cristina was telling Owen she is not oblivious etc... My heart broke for her as her voiced cracked! I was in tears, then Owen passionately kissed the daylights out of her! Talking about taking me on a emotional roller coaster ride! But now I am ready to get off the "Teddy ride" and have them deal with their real story, how to live with PTSD and how to deal with life issues for the next 40 years!

[B]

So many lovely and moving and sad moments in this episode - too many to mention - but that's to be expected when you write, Krista. Always lots of emotions. I do want to say, though, that I love Bailey/Chandra Wilson. Love. And I'll have to go back and listen to Silent Night!

[Tanya]

I just want to start by saying that you are one of my favorite writers on this show. That said, I am just a little confused as to why cram all these holiday's into one 45 minute period? Why not have 2? It seemed just a little rushed, in a way that was hard to commit to one emotion.

Though I am not a fan girl (wholeheartedly), I have just discovered a new found adoration of Callie and Arizona's romance. It's a shame that we missed the passion that Owen and Cristina have, while the domesticity is nice and amazing for Callie, one kiss in 10 episodes is a stretching it. And the fact is, its hard to see them as a couple when they don't get to do those things, ever. You've established Arizona as a very lovable character, and the actresses have the chemistry, so why not? Its just funny because when Callie was with Hahn (a mostly hard to like character) we saw a topless callie, a 5 second kiss and a post coital (though fully clothed) kiss.

That being said, I think that both Jessica and Sara are amazing, both individually and together, so if slow and steady keeps them a couple, so be it.

Finally, Sara singing was the best gift you all could have given us. That had to be one of the best renditions of 'Silent Night' I've ever heard, please please tell us that we can purchase that soon!

[Kelly]

Wonderful performances by Chandra Wilson, Ellen Pompeo,Chyler Leigh and James Pickens,JR.

I like Mer and the chief bonding but it felt like a payoff to keep her quiet. I was happily expecting to see Mer and Thatcher open the door alittle. But she slammed it when he expressed concern for Richard. Cold.

Alex deserves better. I didn't miss Izzie at all.

Why can't Mark&Lexie, Callie&Arizona and Meredith&Derek get the make out scenes that Cristina&Owen always get?

I loved Lexie being there for Mark. I hope this new obstacle has them leaning on each other and not drifting apart or the dreaded soap opera twist of Lexie cheating or Mark cheating.

I was shocked Mark knew the kid was out there. Levin and Eric have similar eyes and it's cute her first name is Sloan but I wasn't feeling the love or connection. Wasn't feelin the vapid or annoying. It just all fell flat.

[sophia k.]

I absolutely fell in love with Mark Sloan all over again. When Arizona pointed out: "has you met your daughter" he said, "I'm in," and I cracked. Hilarious. Also, Callie and Alex's and Lexie's are just gold when Sloan's Annoying Child announced herself.

I also laughed when Sloan Child declared that Lexie is freaked out by the whole situation because she's "hotter than her". Funniest thing ever. If that was supposed to be a joke. If not, then I have no idea why that's written in. hahaha. little grey > hotter than Sloan Child.

That Callie and Arizona kiss made me smile. Also liked Callie' conversation with Bailey's father.

And Bailey. Dear Bailey broke my heart at the Christmas dinner.

Meredith and Chief scenes? Pretty pointless. Maybe it's just because I hate them two.

And Cristina and Owen are just too much into my face. It's getting aggravating, please minimize their screentime for others who are sidelined.

[Kelsey]

So is this how the Cristina/Teddy/Owen triangle is something we haven't seen before? Owen has feelings for BOTH women? And Owen will be redeemable ever again how?

And yes, the scene with Teddy and Owen did make me vomit in my mouth a little bit.

I don't want to be so negative but where was the magic of any of the past holiday episodes? This one just seemed incredibly disjointed.

[elle]

wow owen loves both women...you have ruined Owen and cristina for me

[Judy]

I had mixed feelings about this episode. There were things I really liked (Owen and Cristina's kiss at the end - HOT!), Owen making it clear to Cristina and to Teddy that he loves Cristina (Can you tell they're my favorite couple on TV - ever?), Mer and Der chatting in bed, the awesome cafeteria scene, and Cristina saying she was Jewish in the OR...

But there were also things I didn't like so much. I don't like the whole idea that Owen had feelings for Teddy in Iraq. First of all, I don't buy that the Owen Hunt who showed up unexpectedly in the ER last season wouldn't have said anything to Teddy for all that time if he felt that way. For goodness sake, he hauled off and kissed Cristina on impulse, so him pining for Teddy just doesn't fit with the character you've given us. I was also not a fan of being led to believe that Owen and Teddy were about to kiss. It's a step down in the quality of interaction I expect when I see Kevin McKidd on my TV screen. It felt like a cheap trick to me, and I'm afraid it may have diminished the character for those who may have already been turned off by his behavior this season. I'd like to see the writers show this character a bit more respect and paint him more consistently.

I was really happy with Cristina telling Owen he shouldn't be with her out of obligation. The girl has standards, and she's really matured. No way will she settle for having Owen with less than his whole heart. I liked that whole scene very much. Thank you for finally giving Cristina something admirable to say this episode. It's been a rough road for her the past few weeks.

[LoveCris]

After I read you blog, I have to say the whole O/C/T triangle love is more disturbing rather than different.

Have you writers seriously think about you are actually ruining Owen Hunt? First, he emotional cheated on Beth when he was in desert, that made him a douche. Then he bought his ex whatever to Cristina and said we didn't have a history with her, that made him a two times douche, and now you are making him in love with Teddy when he is still basically in love with Cristina. Well, must say congratualtions, you make Owen a three times douche bag. Worst than any man on this show.

[Kelly]

I love Mark&Lexie.

Sara has a beautiful voice. Chyler is gorgeous and talented and has such a beautiful husband. Loved seeing the talented and hot Nathan West guest star.