Jenna Bans on "Tainted Obligation"...

Original Airdate: 10-8-09

So I’m a large nerd.  I like my parents.  A lot.  I like to hang out with them, I talk to them almost every day on the phone.  I was the person in high school who was like, nah, I don’t think I’m going to that party, I’ll probably just chill with the ole’ parental unit.  We’ll order a pizza, play a few board games – it’s gonna be a blast if you want to stop by…yep, I was that girl. (I know you’re wondering and yes, shockingly, I still had a few friends my own age.)  Even now, I get a three day weekend and I’m usually off to Minneapolis to hang with the parents.  Now I recognize that that’s super weird and slightly creepy to most people, including my husband.  He’s all, ew nerd, stop being so obsessed with your parents.  But I am.  I just like ‘em.  They’re good peeps.  And they gave me a very happy and stable childhood – which I took for granted until I moved to Los Angeles and started working in television – because amongst creative types, I’m figuring out the normal upbringing is quite the rarity. 

My point being, it was REALLY easy for me to understand Lexie in this episode – ‘cause that’s how I imagine she grew up with Susan and Thatcher.  There was taco night, and movie night, and if she had homework issues, one of them was always around to help.  So now that her Dad needs some of her liver, recovering alcoholic or not, she’s gonna do it.  She’s not even thinking about the Chief’s upcoming merger – and the fact that recovering from a major surgery will put her on the bench, out of the game, for at least a month. Lexie doesn’t blink, because family isn’t an obligation to her like it is for a lot of people -  it’s a gift.  But Meredith, as we all know, did not have such a charmed childhood.  So you can hardly blame her for shutting down emotionally the second Thatcher shows up and pukes blood on her shoes.  Hell, anyone would draw the line at puking on the shoes, right? (Hey, fun fact – that wasn’t Ellen Pompeo’s feet, that was her stand-in’s feet that got thrown up on ‘cause Ellen was all pregnant and we got her off her feet whenever it was possible.)

What’s interesting about this storyline was that I thought I wrote a reconciliation story – between Mer and her father.  I thought I wrote the episode that was going to put all the bad blood behind them for good. And it did, in a way – Mer tells Thatcher the door is open, which is pretty huge.  And though it was incredibly hard for her to work up the courage to say that to him, she knew it was the only thing that would let him – or alleviate his guilt enough - to allow her to save his life.  But something happened in this story during the shooting process.  It changed – subtly, but substantially.  Here’s how it started -- Ellen Pompeo came to me on the first day of shooting and wanting to change that speech she gives to Thatcher.  She wanted to add a simple line, to have Mer say “I want you to do this for her.”  Because for Ellen, this story wasn’t a Mer/Thatcher reconciliation story – it was a Mer/Lexie story.  It was a story about these two women, who have done this awkward dance around each other for two seasons now, finally becoming sisters.  Ellen insisted that her main reason for doing what she does, for being completely vulnerable in front of the man who has hurt her in more ways than we can count at this point, was Lexie.  She was doing it for Lexie.  And the more I thought about that, the more I became convinced she was absolutely right.  And when that became clear to me, everything sort of fell into place.  That last scene when Derek’s watching Mer wake up, Lexie at her side, having slept with her all night, was even more emotional.  It wasn’t just about Lexie being grateful – that was there for sure – but now it was about Lexie unconditionally loving her sister.  And Mer actually loving her back.  Now I don’t think they’ll be having slumber parties and pillow fights with each other any time soon, but still.  From strangers two seasons ago to actual sisters is pretty amazing progress – especially for someone who’s ambivalent to the very idea of family ala Meredith Grey.

And though it seemed that Derek had a small part in Meredith’s story tonight, what he did for her was as important as if he had talked her face off for six scenes – he let her have space.  It’s funny, ‘cause in the writers’ room he DID have six scenes of talking her face off – he was originally going to point out all the pros and cons of donating the liver, he was going to be sort of a sounding board for her as she worked it out.  But then we came to something better, the idea of visually showing Mer struggle while Derek watches, knowing he can’t help her with this. Knowing to stop Cristina from going to her because she can’t help Mer either.  He knows his wife well enough to realize this was a huge, huge decision that she had to come to herself – and simply waited, ready to support her, whatever she should decide. 

So get this – the story that was probably most emotional for me to write?  Irving gets a new penis.  And not because standards & practices gave me hell about it. (Which they did  - in the most gentle, polite way possible.  In fact, if you read the emails that went from ABC to our prop master, Angela, to me and Shonda Rhimes, you would laugh very heartily.  Because there was waaaay too much discussion about the penis.  The number of times we used the word, the ways we used the word, the actual shape of the apparatus… It was a very fun and incredibly absurd process to witness.) I loved this story because I hate the idea that once you’re old, your life is over.  I hate when people treat their aging parents like old furniture they want to get rid of but have to find a place for so they stick ‘em in the corner and forget about them.  I suppose because watching their parents age is too painful, so they just…put them away.  But the thing is, the truth is, the truth that actually inspired a lot of the writing, is something my Grandma always said.  She used to say that even though she was eighty, with horrible arthritis, she still looked in the mirror every morning and didn’t recognize herself.  ‘Cause inside, she still felt the same way she did when she was twenty.  That’s what I thought about while writing Irving– this guy just has no idea where all the time went.  And what I loved about the actors who played this story is that they made it so real – the son and daughter-in-law weren’t evil, just overly concerned about their Dad. (Okay, maybe just a bit condescending too…) And the amazing Ralph Waite (did anyone recognize him as Pa Walton from ‘The Waltons?’) played Irving so truthfully, without leaning too heavily on the comedy, he made us believe he NEEDED this surgery.  That it was truly the key to enjoying his golden years – that it would give him his “tomorrow.”  And how great was Eric Dane defending Irving’s right to a sex life? I wanted to cheer when he finally told the son and daughter-in-law what was what.  

Cristina, on the other hand, didn’t have so much fun with Irving’s penis.  (I believe that was mention #3, Standards & Practices.) Poor Cristina. She’s really struggling and lost these days.  Without a cardio god to mentor her, she’s adrift.  So much so that she turns a simple tick removal into a major surgery.  So much so that she says to the Chief, who has had a helluva crappy day himself– cut me from the program.  It’s clear at this point Cristina’s willing to do just about anything to get her surgical groove back.  And I can promise you, it’s going to be an interesting journey this season to see just how far she will go.

And Izzie.  Poor Izzie. The girl’s living with cancer, lost her best friend, impulsively got married and dragged her husband away to live in the woods.  That takes a lot out of a person.  I need to seriously recover on the couch for an hour after I go to the grocery store – I can’t imagine the emotional and physical fatigue Izzie must be feeling right now.  I think by the end of this episode, after Owen tells her that channeling her experience as a patient at Seattle Grace is undermining her strength as a doctor at Seattle Grace – she’s wondering if she made a mistake.  She’s wondering if Alex and Derek and now Owen might be right – that she came back to work too soon.  That she’s not emotionally ready to be cutting into people yet.  Because I think every doctor wants to believe all their terminal patients can be Izzie – but the odds tell another story. And I would imagine there’s a very careful dance doctors have to do between acting like a scientist and acting like a patient advocate and what Owen says to her at the end sticks with her – now that she’s been through this transformative experience – cancer - she has to decide who she’s going to be at the hospital.  She’s going to have to re-invent herself as a surgeon.

Lots of good stuff coming your way in season six, lots of BIG stuff.  It might be my favorite season so far – although I tend to say that a lot, about every episode, and no one in the writers’ room believes me anymore.  So I’ll just leave you with this little nugget.  When you’re shooting an episode of television, there’s this thing called the “call sheet.”  It’s basically a notice sent to all cast and crew, telling them what time to be on set the next morning, the order scenes will be shot in, make-up and hair requirements for characters, special effects needed, things like that.  It’s a handy little document.  And this is what our call sheet said the night before we shot the opening scene with Alex:  DUE TO THE PRESENCE OF A BEAR ON SET, BREAKFAST WILL NOT BE SERVED. PLEASE EAT BREAKFAST BEFORE YOU ARRIVE AND DO NOT BRING ANY FOOD ITEMS ONTO THE SET.  I read that, laughed for about ten minutes straight at the absurdity, then got kind of scared for the crew and Justin Chambers (it’s a supposedly trained “Hollywood” bear but you can’t have a granola bar around in case it goes all “me bear, me hungry” and eats you?)  And then it suddenly hit me – how is this my work?  How is it work to go to the woods and watch a huge grizzly bear scare the crap out of Alex Karev?  How is it my work to read funny emails about the overuse of the word penis? (#4.)  I came to the conclusion that I don’t say it nearly enough - I love my job. I love the people I work with.  I loved every minute of writing and shooting this episode.  And I love all of you for being such loyal, amazing fans of the show.  I hope you loved watching it.  Or at least liked it.  Or at least laughed once or twice while checking email and paying bills.  

Comments

[Blondie]

"She's my wife."

Thank you! What a fascinating, wonderful episode! Waited years to hear Derek say this about Mer. Thank you!

[Chef Jeff]

Shame on you writer, producers and technical consultants for this epidsode dealing with a living partial liver transplant! You have done a GREAT disservice to your viewers with your totally inaccurate portrayal of what is involved in such a procedure. If one believed the storyline, all a person has to do to be a partial living liver donor is to have a simple blood test. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I know because I donated half of my liver to my younger brother 10 years ago and have followed medical advances in the procedure since that time.

First of all, much more is involved in screening a potential liver donor that a blood test to determine blood type. All livers all different in terms of the veins and arteries, bile ducts, etc (the "plumbing" for lack of a better phrase)that run through them and it is necessary that the donor and recipient have compatible "plumbing" so that the donated partial liver can be successfully hooked up to the recipient's "plumbing." Thus, a radiographic procedure such as a MRA (like an MRI but of the "plumbing" of the liver) has to be performed to assess compatibility. Generally biopsies are also done of the potential donor's liver to insure that the liver tissue is healthy. In addition, a very comprehensive full physical is also performed to rule out any potential health problems with the donor. The entire screening process usually takes DAYS, not hours!

In addition, beyond the screening is the preparation for the surgery itself. The donor has to be "NPO" (no solid food for 24 hours) and has to take a series of very strong laxatives so that the entire digestive system is cleaned out. This is due to the fact that the intestines are disturbed during the donation procedure, which causes them to stop functioning for several days. Thus, not only is a donor not allowed to have solid food after the procedure, but he/she is also not allowed to have any water, contrary to what your episode depicted (Lexie offering Meredith a drink of water immediately upon gaining consciousness in her room, which is ludicrous).

Thus, not only did your story trivialize the extremely serious nature of the donation procedure, but it accordingly trivialized the sacrifice made by the donor. In addition, the story leads your viewers to believe that if they are ever in need of a liver transplant, they can simply persuade a family member to donate in the afternoon and they can receive the liver in a surgical procedure that evening. Your story also ignores the fact that the procedure is so specialized that it is performed by two teams of surgeons who specialize only in transplant procedures (i.e. no Jacks of All Trades like Dr. Bailey).

So shame on you Grey's Anatomy! Your show is revealed to be based on real medicine to the same extent that WWF wrestling matches are real. I thought that your show was better than that but I was clearly wrong!

[Leslie]

LOVE. I loved this one. It was just...great. The end.

[Simona]

Oh that episode was really funny (I laughed a lot @ Justin scenes in the trailer after Alex woke up and with the bear.. Well the tick scene scared me.. LOL) and at the same time, really emotional. I like it so much!

[Mari, from Brazil]

Dear Jenna,

It wasn’t painful. It wasn’t sacrifice. It was magnificent.

Meredith didn’t care at first. She didn’t care about him. But she learned how to have a family with Lexie. She didn’t have it, even with her mother. Now she has Derek and Lexie. It was lovely as should have been. And I knew Alex would say something. “He is the sick one”. He has this in common with Meredith, a bad father. But he learned in the hard way. And he regrets. So he helps everybody with the same issues as he did. Derek was supportive (“you don’t owe him anything”). It’s wasn’t about obligation. It’s about family and Derek always had one. But he could not tell Meredith what to do. She had to learn by herself. She had to feel. And she did! Love her! The door is open.

And that “my wife” was dreamier than ever! Please make them legally married! I know is true to them, but they need to be able to protect each other if there’s a legal issue. Please. Don’t make the lovely post-it scene be a thing we would lament after all.

Lexie is lovely. She’s young and happy and naive. But she’s lovely, caring. And she’s full of love. To Meredith, to Mark, to her father. She makes everyone feel loved. And they need love!

I feel sorry for Mark childhood at that “parent who give you everything” scene. He should have suffered a lot. And he has become mature and healed. I can only root for him. Love the big boy’s scenes together.

I didn’t care about Owen at first. But he has grown a lot these episodes for me. He didn’t take Cristina’s nonsense at all. He’s not selfish or arrogant as Burke. He’s compassionate and strong. A leader too. And Cristina will learn a lot with him. As Izzie did today.

Love it. Thank you! Just please make Derek and Meredith kisses more! We need it!

Great job!

[Elizabeth Foss]

Great episode. I, too, preferred the company of my parents to my friends in high school. Family is there your whole life, while friends come and go. And to the writers, Eric, and Ralph, fabulous job with Irving's story.

[Mari, from Brazil]

Just forgot! How amazing Ellen Pompeo was! “I want you to do this for her.” Love her even more!

[Felicia]

I enjoyed the episode, but this statement: "But then we came to something better, the idea of visually showing Mer struggle while Derek watches, knowing he can’t help her with this" is all kinds of wrong. It was so not better. I would have loved to see six scenes of Derek TALKING to Meredith and her TALKING to him. This is EXACTLY the type of issue they should have been talking about. Do any of the writers, producers, whatevers actually have a spouse? Would any of you actually NOT discuss this with your spouse? Fans have to suspend disbelief that Meredith and Derek couldn't have taken an hour within sixty days of the time they got their marriage license to go to city hall and spend five minutes getting married, but now we have to believe (and see) that Derek and Meredith never have a conversation. And writers, they are not husband and wife, no matter how many times they say it. If it's not important enough for them to get married, then the words "husband" and "wife" shouldn't matter one bit to them.

[RB]

Oh my gosh!! This episode was awesome!! Alex's scream will probably be one of those moments that you think of when you think of Grey's not as a drama, but as a comedy. It was great! I just really enjoyed this episode. I have to admit, I am a HUGE Alex and Izzie fan. Have been since season 2. They have come so far and it's nice to see them love each other. I also enjoyed Mark and Cristina in this episode. Mark has got some great one liners. Last weeks "That's why I know I'm safe Yang. I re-attach babies arms." I just love him. And Cristina is so strong and so brilliant. She should be used more, because what a waste of talent if she isn't. I hope to see more scenes with Alex and Izzie. I know Katherine Heigl is leaving for a few episodes, but I hope for double the airtime between them when she returns. You'll need to make up for the lost time. Also, can we see some Alex-Izzie sex? Gosh, don't they ever get it on any more?!?! We're waiting! :)

[Tina]

Okay, we all get what you're trying to do to the Alex and Izzie relationship. You keep mentioning how "impulsive" or "rushed" their marriage was. And yet, their relationship was not. We've been with this couple for over five seasons now, so it's not okay to just write it off because the marriage was rushed. That would not make sense after all this couple has been through.

[Wala]

That was a great eppy Thanks for it :D.

[rhett]

ummmm... any callie,arizona word?

[Frances]

I love Grey's anatomy and unlike a lot of hit shows, you still havent messed it up!! I do have one comment however, I wish you wouldnt show so much blood and gore...we watch this show for the storyline and the characters NOT the true medical procedures.

Keep up the good work!!!

[Bangnificent]

I love this episode! <3 Chyler Leigh was amazing! YAY GREY SISTERS! :)

[jm]

Please stop calling Meredith Derek's wife. They are NOT married. Maybe in their hearts they are but vows on a post-it does not make them married. Loved the episode other than that.

[Danielle]

Jenna I loved this episode for so many reasons! Mer is my absolute favorite and I relate to her more than the other characters so this was heart wrenching to watch! I thought you guys did an excellent job and I love that Lexie and Mer are now bonding. You stated all my favorite parts already so I'll just end with...thank you and all of the people on this show for renewing my faith that Grey's is the BEST show out there today!

[Barbra]

Loved this episode. By far, the best in quite awhile. "Squeeze the jewels to inflate" was the all time best Grey's line ever!

[Kathy]

Hi Jenna,
This was an absolutely fantastic episode in so many ways. From the shot of Alex screaming at the bear (crack me up hysterically funny!) to Lexie sleeping at Meredith's bed side, everything was great. And it wasn't dripping with significance, but just naturally proceeding great, if that makes any sense.

This was vintage Grey's at its finest--funny, sad, provoking the viewers to think about what was going on.

Thank you for letting the Chief rehire Callie, and for the way he reached out to Thatcher. Only someone who has fought his way to sobriety could connect with him like that. And thank you for listening to Ellen about Meredith's motivation in donating part of her liver.

I could go on and on, but I'll leave that to the other posters who are better at summing things up. Thanks again for a great episode; I am looking forward to your taking the helm again soon.

[Kasey]

LOVED the episode, but something crazy was happening to the sound. Hopefully it was just my area's station, but we couldn't hear a WORD of the opening scene with Alex and then his confrontation with Izzie!!
But I got the gist and the whole episode was great. LOVING season 6!!!

[VJW]

Jenna, I totally get what you're saying about your parents being your "peeps." I feel the same way. You're not a nerd, just a rarer breed these days. :)

I enjoyed the episode very much, too. Thanks for doing such a great job.

(Oh, can we please refrain from Derek and Meredith using the terms "husband" or "wife?" A sticky note doesn't make you married. It's kind of offensive.)

[Nichole]

This was an amazing episode!

[Yuval]

That's the best show i have ever watched. I love reading your posts guys, it's always make me laugh and smile. Keep doing your work as great as it now!

[Carolyn]

Jenna,

I'm a nerd too. I love my parents. I always tell people the 3 of us come as a set, so I completely understand your point of view. Last night's episode was so touching. I agree that Meredith had every right to feel resentment towards Thatcher. As a matter of fact, when I saw the preview last week, I knew she'd turn him down...but she wouldn't turn Lexi down. Somehow these girls have formed a sisterly bond and it plays really well on screen. I almost cried when Lexi asked Meredith to donate for HER. Well done!

[Jess]

No mention of Callie or Arizona? I thought that was one of the cutest scenes of the episode. One of the only signs of affection they have had this season was a hug on a park bench. Please tell me there is more than that as I want to see a couple, not just really good friends.

[LivingDonor101]

I'm willing to suspend disbelief on a lot of medical-based television shows because well, it is only an hour long. However, last night's story line on living liver donation could not have been more unrealistic and disrespectful.

I'll overlook the reality that many transplant centers would never even consider performing a liver transplant on an active or near-active alcoholic, especially with a LIVE donor (more on that in a second), or that the evaluation period for a living donor is far more than a simple blood and tissue matching test.

However, it is inexcusable to treat living liver donation as something akin to donating a pint of blood. It is major, mostly-unproven surgery that causes COMPLICATIONS in TWO-THIRDS of its living donors. In fact, a number of liver donors have DIED (google Rhonda Boone &/or Vicki Hurewitz), & Thomas Starzl, the inventor of the liver transplant is adamently opposed to the use of living donors for liver transplants.

There are NO support or aftercare services for living donors of any kind; no one to treat the depression, anxiety, anger and PTSD many LDs suffer. Not to mention the bodacious scar liver donors sport for their efforts, often resulting in hernias and chronic pain (http://www.livingdonornightmare.com/).

Showing living donation as safe, simple and seamless experience perpetuates very dangerous propaganda. Worse, it negates the real experiences of many living donors, who must live with their physical and psychological wounds every day.

www.livingdonor101.com