Krista Vernoff on "No Good at Saying Sorry (One More Chance)"...

Original Airdate: 4-30-09

Hi.  It’s Krista.  I’m saying, It’s Krista because it’s been a loooooong time since you’ve heard from me. The last time I wrote you was the second episode of the season, and now here we are, three to the end.   Crazy, that’s what that is. It’s not that I don’t love you, really. It’s just that we have this staggeringly good staff now who write really, really good TV. I love this staff because they make my life and my job so much easier. Also, because they make me laugh really hard every single day.  It makes me happy to have a life where people are nice and kind and funny and smart and no one is getting drunk and screaming and throwing things at my head.  My life was not always this good.
Which is why I love the episode you just saw, why I’m so, so proud of it.

What I just got to say to everyone watching was, “Advocate for the children in your life.”  I didn’t start out with that agenda. I started out with the theme of Making Amends – can’t remember who pitched it, but I loved it.  It started out with an idea about Thatcher finally getting sober and coming to make his amends.  But then one of the brilliant writers pitched this story he’d read about a kid who emptied a gun into his Dad. And the episode started to take shape. And it turned into an opportunity for me to say to millions of viewers, “Advocate for the children in your life.” And that makes me really, deeply  happy.  Because I was a kid who could have used an advocate. And I don’t wanna get all over-sharey and uncomfortable and make you feel like you have to avert your eyes cause you came here for some bantery writer blather and ended up in an unshot episode of In Treatment, so that’s all I’m gonna say. I was a kid who could’ve used an advocate.  And as an adult, I have never understood when other adults stand idly by, looking away and making excuses while people hurt children. 

I LOVE what Richard says to Meredith. I wrote it, so, y’know, I should love it – but I don’t always love everything I write – and man, do I LOVE that scene. I sat on set while the brilliant Tom Verica shot that scene and while the luminous Ellen Pompeo and the wonderful Jim Pickens acted it. And I cried. Every take. I just sat there crying take after take after take.  I cried for Meredith, mostly, because finally, FINALLY one of the adults in her life is taking responsibility for what happened to her. Finally, she’s hearing the words that she needed and didn’t even know she needed. People have tried to apologize before. Thatcher has tried. Richard has even tried. And it’s not that Meredith is hard-hearted. It’s not that she can’t forgive. It’s just that no one ever got it right before. She was just a baby. She was a little kid. She couldn’t stand up for herself. And here were all these adults running around acting like children and failing, every day, to fight for her. She was neglected and she was abused. Her mother, for those who may have forgotten, attempted suicide IN FRONT OF HER. This was an emotionally unstable woman, Ellis Grey.  Richard saw that – and he did nothing. And Thatcher, her freaking FATHER, who not only saw it, he lived it WITH HER, did less than nothing.  To make an amends is not  just to apologize. It’s to make a thing right. And Thatcher’s little scripted apology can’t do that for Meredith.   It can’t make it right. Her pain runs too deep. Her abandonment was too complete.  And so when Richard finally truly takes responsibility? It breaks down a wall in Meredith’s heart that I truly believe she didn’t even know was there. I think she’s as shocked by her tears as anyone.  And I think there is real and profound healing in that moment. 

Almost as much as I love what Richard says to Meredith, I love what Meredith says to the mother of poor little Maddy, who emptied a 17 bullet clip into her abusive father.  (And yes, by the way, there are 17 bullet clips. And no, 6 year old Maddy would not have been arrested and taken away from her Mom. We called the Seattle Police and asked. )  I know that what Meredith says and does is controversial, and I meant it to be.   I know that there are syndromes that abuse victims go through, and that perspectives get wholly skewed.  And I think Richard is absolutely right to order Meredith to stay away from that family. And I think Meredith is absolutely right – and powerful and awesome – to ignore that order.  And maybe it’s just my fantasy that an over-stepping doctor could prompt a woman that damaged to finally do the right thing and take a stand to protect herself and her child. But if it’s a fantasy, it’s one I’m proud to put on TV. 

There’s a lot more I could say about this episode, but I did the podcast this week, so I’m kinda sick of hearing myself talk about it.   So instead, I’d just like to say, once more, with feeling, please advocate for the children in your life.  With love, Krista

Comments

[t]

So, I'm guessing with all of the drama. The season finale will be the death of Izzy Stevens. Does Katherine Heigl think she will be the next George Clooney...more like the next Matthew McConaughey making crummy mushy movies.

[JC]

I said this a few weeks ago, but I feel like my Grey's is back. I loved the evolution of Meredith in this episode. I love how being in a functional relationship doesn't mean she's suddenly happy and shining. As Derek said, with the crap she's been through, dark and twisty is okay. Beautifully done with Mer, Der, and their growth.

Has anyone told you how much better Christina is with Owen than with Burke? I am currently having a bit of a marathon of past seasons, and I'm realizing that I was never comfortable with Burke and Christina trying to make more of their relationship than it was. Why? Because Preston wanted Christina to be something she wasn't. He wanted her to be HIS version of who she should be instead of who she really was. In fact, I've stalled in my marathon in the middle of season 3 because I find the episodes leading up to the non-wedding to be painful. Preston's insistence on twisting Christina into the mold he has in his head makes me physically uncomfortable.

Owen, though? Just like Christina sees him for who he is, Owen sees her for who he is. Even in their dark and twistiness, they see each other as they are, which is amazing. Excellent job introducing Hunt to the show and to Christina. Well done.

Oh, Izzie, Izzie... I am suddenly reminded (again) how grateful I am to have a functional, good mother. (I'm 36, btw, I've had time to ponder this.) And Alex and Izzie growing together is beautiful.

Like I said, my Grey's is back. Dark and twisty, funny and heartbreaking (did I mention that the Callie/Mark BFFness rocks my SOCKS, as does Callie/Arizona?)

Thanks for letting me share, for creating these characters, and most of all for bringing my Grey's back. :D (Don't tell anyone, but I watched my Grey's DVR before my Supernatural DVR. SSHH!!) :-p

[Michelle]

Awesome episode, Krista! I, too, loved that moment with Mer and Richard. I've been yelling at him to say those things for nearly three years!

Oh and one more thing...can y'all please give poor Owen and Cristina a break? Pretty please? Those two are KILLING me. I'd really like them to reach some sort of understanding...soon. Thanks!

[Caroline]

Loved the episode, loved your blog entry!! All the stuff about making amends and Richard getting it right, and Meredith standing up for that kid - that was amazing to watch.

On a less serious note, the end scene where Mark comes into the restaurant and holds Lexie's hand is one of the most romantic things I've seen on tv in a long time. I adore them as a couple and I'm so happy you writers keep getting that right from week to week!!!!

[mmm]

I loved this episode!

The first scene with the Fab 5 was classic! When Derek came out in the Tux, Meredith's face was priceless! And Cristina's expression were hilarious!

Mer/Chief was quite good! By the end it brought more insight to their relationship and understanding of the angst!

Mark/Callie's relationship is just so believable, a friend to lean on.

Can't believe I am saying this but I truly enjoyed Izzie in this epi and her offbeat mom! Also, I saw some love between Alex and Izzie tonight. I was missing that connection before but there it was.

Still don't get the Mark/Lexie relationship - I just don't feel it. I love Mark though and his growth!

It was so cool to see Owen as the Badass Surgeon and Mentor to George.

My favorite scene of the night - Cristina and Owen! WOW! These two actors are just so powerful! I cried my eyes out when Owen told Cristina in a round about way that he loves her but is no good for her! Cristina's reaction was just heartbreaking! Their love is just off the chart mixed with angst of not being able to be together because he is still dealing with his PTSD makes this so tragic. As much as I loved it, this couple needs some happiness ASAP!

[Tina]

Please don't let Izzy die!! She is great on the show!!!
Thanks for reading this

[J.]

Please don't let Izzie die!

It broke my heart when Bailey was talking to her at the end, and that one single tear rolled down her face. I cried for an hour.

[Kate]

Thank you for sending out that message to the world. It is the right of every child for there parents to protect them. I to wish it had been the case for me and seeing this episode reminded me that that is just what I will be for my little ones!

[Katue]

I came in to this episode with really low expectations. The trailer did nothing for me. I really thought it would be one more episode where Mer picks some weirdo to defend and rages against everyone else. We did that this season and I liked it but didn't want to see it again.

I was wrong. I love being wrong in these cases! I LOVED this episode. It made me laugh and cry. It wasn't at all what I expected and I'm so thankful! It was one of those episodes where I sat back and continued to think about it. I really enjoyed it as I've enjoyed this entire season.

[Laurel]

love the Chief AND Meredith interactions. Chief taking responsibility for his actions years ago

i love Mark and Lexie Scenes. Mark is growing up. Arizona and Callie scenes are great

love the show
keep up the great show

[Cady]

Gosh, I love Izzie more everyday. I am hoping against hope that she doesn't die and even if the actor wishes to leave, maybe Izzie could visit occasionally. I don't know if I can do Grey's without her. She has been my favorite since the first episode.

I'm happy for the maturing of Mer/Der, but I'm just not that much into them. I wish Callie were with Mark - not crazy about Lexie.

I also can't get on the bandwagon with Yang and Hunt. Yang, after Izzie, is also a favorite character and I don't like her with this new guy.

I love Meredith the most when she interacts with her "person" Yang.

George continues to make me love him more and more, and Bailey is the conscience of this show.

I'm just mourning the change in the ensemble with the obvious coming demise of my sweet, sweet Izzie and don't know if I will love the show next year. Sort of like a love that disappoints you and no matter how hard you try to get the magic back, sometimes it doesn't exist anymore. I'm thinking losing Izzie could be the loss of the magic for me....

[Anna]

I cried reading your blog. So great, thank you for the awesome Meredith/Richard scenes

[Lauren]

Dear Grey's Writers,

Thank you so much for giving us young struggling lesbians out here in the Heartland the characters of Callie and Arizona. It is so amazing and real to watch their relationship progress, to watch Arizona care about and hurt for Callie. My family is just like Callie's and I think she is so brave, brave in a way that I want to be. She makes me think that someday I could be that strong. And Arizona makes me believe that someday I could find someone strong enough to support me through it.

Arizona. I know that eventually coming out doesn't hurt anymore and that it's possible just to be yourself and not struggle with being gay all the time. I know this in my head, but watching the character of Arizona makes me really believe it. She's just Arizona, a talented, compassionate doctor struggling not to be haunted by the "tiny coffins." She's not torn to pieces over being gay, it's not all that she is. Perhaps she even has a family who think it's no big deal. While I connect most with with Callie is going through right now, I watch Arizona carefully. She is out and gay and happy and finally it's no big deal. I pray for the courage to get to that place in my life someday too.

I know you're just writers setting out to create something that entertains, but you have the ability to really affect people's lives, particularly young people like me. Thank you for taking that ability seriously and giving me something inspirational to hold on to. Callie and Arizona make me think that perhaps someday I could have a relationship like that, that I could be as calm and nonchalent about being gay, that perhaps all the struggle I'll have to go through first will be worth it. So thank you writers, I am deeply grateful.

Lauren, 16

[Julie]

GREAT EPISODE!
Christina and Hunt - absolutely fantastic! What a tremendously acted scene. I really loved when Meredith laid down the law to Derek about uninviting Richard to the wedding and he just said "OK". No arguing or posturing, just respect. I could go on and on about how great the whole ep was. Good job Grey's!

[Anna]

Fantastic episode! I cried more than once, Ellen Pompeo at the end during the Chief's apology just did me in. I kind of hate that the show wastes so much time on stupid storylines like the tree with Callie and Arizona. I was bored and found myself wanting back the characters I care about on my screen again. Give us more MerDer, Meredith, Alex and Izzie, George. All the idioitc Callie tree and Callie (illogically) broke ruined what could have been an amazing episode.

[Angela P]

Loved it! I'm so glad Chief and Mer made amends and are moving forward. Loved how Derek helped out. What an awesome episode!!!

[C]

From another child who needed someone to stand up for her... thank you.

[Jenni]

Krista,
Truly amazing as always! You are my favorite Grey's writer.
Ellen Pompeo always gets more screen time when you write an episode, which is a good thing.

Can't wait for your next episode.

[Angel]

Loved it loved it loved it! It was sweet yet funny, and it wouldn't be Grey's if there wasn't a tear here and there! I personally loved the whole Cristina/Owen thing, but then I'm just like that. Hehe. Loved the guest stars, thought Izzie's mum was a great actor. Alex and Izzie were sweet too, I'm so happy they are together. By the way thought I'd also mention that Derek Shepherd looks VERY DASHING in his little outfit don't ya think? ;)

[Casey]

Last night's episode was amazing. Mer/Chief and the little girl, Cristina was exquisite as usual.

Izzie's mom was so hilarious yet touching. Callie/Mark always makes an episode for me.

What I didn't like was anything Slexie oriented. They still seem contrived to me, and the chemistry between Eric and Chyler isn't as strong as Eric with Kate or Sara. Also, if I brought a guy to dinner to meet my father that looked closer to his age, my dad would blow a gasket. Having Mark show up like that, and Thatcher just taking it, was kind of grotesque. Mark is like the sleasy guy that cradle robs.

It would be fine if Lexie actually seemed mature. There's a reason why Alex initially didn't seem to want much to do with her; he wanted someone more mature and realistic. But the dinner just looked weird, like she was having dinner with her dad and uncle.

Please listen to the majority of your fans and ditch them. Grey's used to be a show that you could watch and not wonder if sixteen year olds had pitched certain storylines and odd pairings.

[Chantal]

Really an AWESOME episode, Krista! LOVED it. Beautifully written. Izzie taking care of her mom by making Bailey lie about her condition... Mer and Lexie, their reaction towards their father... both so understandable. Mark & Lexie in love, sooo great! Of course Derek choosing Meredith and respecting her wishes... and the Chief. It's good that he told her he was sorry, but please let us know: what more could he have done, besides ending the affair? He did that, right? Could he really have stepped up and make Ellis or Thatcher get more involved?? maybe, but if a bad parent is a really bad parent, can others make them change?? The mother of this girl finally understood she had to step up for her daughter, but would Thatcher have changed? Ellis wouldn't! I doubt Thatch would have had enough backbone to invest in his little girl... Ellis was too agressive and dominant! So I really wonder what he could have done. I think he was right about what he said to Derek. He can't be held responsible for what Ellis did after he left. For the way she acted towards her daughter. THAT is so true. He was only to blame for the affair with Ellis and HE ENDED THAT so he set that straight. And now he takes care of Mer, which is GREAT!

[L.S.]

Thank you so much. It was amazing to finally hear Richard take responsibility for what happened so long ago. And Mer's response to Thatcher's almost audition-like apology was perfect.

Also? The continuity. There were so many mentions in this - Alex and Izzie's first date, Richard giving Derek hell, Cricket. The mentions of old really grounded the episode and gave it so much more weight.

Meredith standing up for that little girl almost broke my heart, I have to say. It was so clear that she knew, she knew what would happen to Maddy otherwise and Meredith didn't care about the personal consequences as long as she could defend that beautiful six-year-old girl.

Also, in a pretty much unrelated note, thank-you for (however unintentionally it may have been) not putting in buckets of Mark and Lexie. I'm making my peace with them, but it's not going down easy for me (I much preferred Mark+Addison and then Mark and Callie), and I was glad that there wasn't too much gush to distract me from the overall amazingness of this episode.

Anyway, in my book, this was A-grade television.

Thank-you.

[H.M.]

Loved the show but have to say here (because I don't know who else to say this to) but PRIVATE PRACTICE needs this same kind of forum. Maybe it's out there and I can't find it, but I need to hear from the writers of that program. And who knows, you could all be writing for both. Is there a forum like this??

And YES, always be an advocate for children. And not just yours but everyones.

[Bo]

Great show...The characters are finding themselves now (Mark, Callie, Mer)...Can I just say the scene with Owen and Christina brought me to tears. I love them trying so hard not to be together and I hope that you write it where Owen begins his healing so that they can be together. Alex's kiss to Izzie was beautiful. His world will shatter if Izzie dies, so maybe just maybe she won't have to (Are you listening ABC and Katherine Heigl?)

[Mary]

Beautiful episode. I cried so much. Christina and Owen were amazing. Richard and Meredith were great. Izzie and Alex were great. Just beautiful