Krista Vernoff on "No Good at Saying Sorry (One More Chance)"...

Original Airdate: 4-30-09

Hi.  It’s Krista.  I’m saying, It’s Krista because it’s been a loooooong time since you’ve heard from me. The last time I wrote you was the second episode of the season, and now here we are, three to the end.   Crazy, that’s what that is. It’s not that I don’t love you, really. It’s just that we have this staggeringly good staff now who write really, really good TV. I love this staff because they make my life and my job so much easier. Also, because they make me laugh really hard every single day.  It makes me happy to have a life where people are nice and kind and funny and smart and no one is getting drunk and screaming and throwing things at my head.  My life was not always this good.
Which is why I love the episode you just saw, why I’m so, so proud of it.

What I just got to say to everyone watching was, “Advocate for the children in your life.”  I didn’t start out with that agenda. I started out with the theme of Making Amends – can’t remember who pitched it, but I loved it.  It started out with an idea about Thatcher finally getting sober and coming to make his amends.  But then one of the brilliant writers pitched this story he’d read about a kid who emptied a gun into his Dad. And the episode started to take shape. And it turned into an opportunity for me to say to millions of viewers, “Advocate for the children in your life.” And that makes me really, deeply  happy.  Because I was a kid who could have used an advocate. And I don’t wanna get all over-sharey and uncomfortable and make you feel like you have to avert your eyes cause you came here for some bantery writer blather and ended up in an unshot episode of In Treatment, so that’s all I’m gonna say. I was a kid who could’ve used an advocate.  And as an adult, I have never understood when other adults stand idly by, looking away and making excuses while people hurt children. 

I LOVE what Richard says to Meredith. I wrote it, so, y’know, I should love it – but I don’t always love everything I write – and man, do I LOVE that scene. I sat on set while the brilliant Tom Verica shot that scene and while the luminous Ellen Pompeo and the wonderful Jim Pickens acted it. And I cried. Every take. I just sat there crying take after take after take.  I cried for Meredith, mostly, because finally, FINALLY one of the adults in her life is taking responsibility for what happened to her. Finally, she’s hearing the words that she needed and didn’t even know she needed. People have tried to apologize before. Thatcher has tried. Richard has even tried. And it’s not that Meredith is hard-hearted. It’s not that she can’t forgive. It’s just that no one ever got it right before. She was just a baby. She was a little kid. She couldn’t stand up for herself. And here were all these adults running around acting like children and failing, every day, to fight for her. She was neglected and she was abused. Her mother, for those who may have forgotten, attempted suicide IN FRONT OF HER. This was an emotionally unstable woman, Ellis Grey.  Richard saw that – and he did nothing. And Thatcher, her freaking FATHER, who not only saw it, he lived it WITH HER, did less than nothing.  To make an amends is not  just to apologize. It’s to make a thing right. And Thatcher’s little scripted apology can’t do that for Meredith.   It can’t make it right. Her pain runs too deep. Her abandonment was too complete.  And so when Richard finally truly takes responsibility? It breaks down a wall in Meredith’s heart that I truly believe she didn’t even know was there. I think she’s as shocked by her tears as anyone.  And I think there is real and profound healing in that moment. 

Almost as much as I love what Richard says to Meredith, I love what Meredith says to the mother of poor little Maddy, who emptied a 17 bullet clip into her abusive father.  (And yes, by the way, there are 17 bullet clips. And no, 6 year old Maddy would not have been arrested and taken away from her Mom. We called the Seattle Police and asked. )  I know that what Meredith says and does is controversial, and I meant it to be.   I know that there are syndromes that abuse victims go through, and that perspectives get wholly skewed.  And I think Richard is absolutely right to order Meredith to stay away from that family. And I think Meredith is absolutely right – and powerful and awesome – to ignore that order.  And maybe it’s just my fantasy that an over-stepping doctor could prompt a woman that damaged to finally do the right thing and take a stand to protect herself and her child. But if it’s a fantasy, it’s one I’m proud to put on TV. 

There’s a lot more I could say about this episode, but I did the podcast this week, so I’m kinda sick of hearing myself talk about it.   So instead, I’d just like to say, once more, with feeling, please advocate for the children in your life.  With love, Krista

Comments

[Jen]

Krista
First, let me start with what I loved. I loved, loved, loved Meredith in this episode. I love Mer who is growing and getting healed. It is a heck of a lot more interesting to watch that then the Mer who runs away. I loved her last scene with the chief. Ellen is a magnificent actress.

I also loved that Derek got Meredith and tried to help in his own way. I am so enjoying Meredith and Derek this season. They are such a pleasure to watch and one of the main reasons I continue with the show. I am eternally grateful that you guys finally decided to get them back together for good. My only gripe is that they didn't get much screen time.

I loved Alex & Izzie tonight. I thought Izzie's mom was okay. Kinda predictable.

Okay, that was the good stuff. The rest of the episode was frankly boring. I am truly not interesting in Callie, Arizona and Mark and Lexie. I thought the patient storylines, esp the girl in the tree, were incredibly boring and borderline annoying.

In general, I really feel like Greys suffers from too many characters. I could really live without Callie and Arizona. I suppose they can pop up now and then, but not every episode. It takes away from the storylines I care about -- Derek, Meredith, Mark, Christina, Owen, the Fab 5, Alex, etc.

Lastly, I want to say a few things about Mark and Lexie. I HATE them. I don't mind the characters individually, but I don't see any chemistry whatsoever and feel like they are a waste of screentime. I start checking email when they come on screen. I truly hope you give Mark a real love interest next season.

[NB]

Good

Mer/Chief
Mer/Der
Alex and Izzie
Fab 5 together
Chief/Derek conversation

Bad
Christina/Owen with no screentime and constantly in pain. Blech. Give it a rest.

Lexie/Mark - they are just painful to watch. No chemistry.

Callie/Arizona -- you are giving them WAY TOO MUCH SCREENTIME.

I really hope you pare down the characters on this show and give more screentime to the core characters --- meredith, derek, fab 5, Christina, etc.

[Adam]

Ellen Pompeo was FANTASTIC
I can't get enough of Meredith and her scenes with Richard tonight... breathtaking. thank you for the great work.

[B]

Krista - what a wonderful, wonderful episode. I should have known that you wrote it! It hit *so many* right notes, and was so moving.

I loved the Chief and Mer - loved that someone finally got it right for her, and that she heard the apology she needed to hear. It seems almost like she blamed him more than her real father. The whole scene was so moving.

I loved Derek and the Chief, and how Derek told the truth, which led the Chief to tell the truth. Good stuff.

I loved Mer standing up for the little girl. You're right - too often people look the other way. (That boy who shot his father is from here in AZ. He's 8, and he shot him after receiving sustained abuse. He plead guilty to negligent homicide - so as not to be charged with premeditated murder - and is currently in juvenile detention awaiting sentencing. Young kids don't automatically go free - or maybe that's just AZ. I wonder how much advocacy he's received. Sorry to hijack the subject - but since you mentioned it ...)

I loved Cristina and Owen. Man, in one scene those two go to such depths with each other. So emotional. I loved the subtlety of Cristina using one of Owen's three-word phrases instead of the one neither of them can say. They are amazing.

I loved that Callie decided not to lie to her family ... but I don't believe that without her trust fund she can't afford rent. Everyone else manages, and she's not even living alone.

I loved Sharon Lawrence. She was awesome - and when the mom realized that Izzie was dying ... wow. What a performance. Katherine Heigl was great in the scenes with her, too. I don't buy wanting to send her mother away, though, in her situation, when there is acknowledged love between them.

Still not sure how to feel about Mark and Lexie. Kind of whatever, I guess, but they have some nice moments, and I like that she's the more mature one. I hope that Thatcher is able to stay sober.

Anyway - a fantastic episode, and an excellent example of what has been greatest in this show.

[Leah]

This episode was a bit boring and downhill from the consistently good previous episodes. Was it necessary to introduce Izzie's mom like that? I just find that pointless. It did not evoke any emotions for me bringing in Izzie's mom like that. I can see why Izzie doesn't want her around. Her character is just so 2-dimensional, and didn't even provide any comic relief.

I miss the quirky moments between the residents we've come to know and love. There is too much focus on secondary characters: Callie, Mark, Lexie, Arizona. Bring us back to the characters that we know and love, and who have such amazing chemistry and humour.

And also, it is very hard for me to believe the limit on George and Izzie scenes. They are best friends for goodness sakes and they've not shared one heart to heart about this whole ordeal?

[Blondie]

Callie's story in this epi was wonderful. I hope somehow standing up for your "bulldozed" sister becomes a major metaphor on GA next season. We have been waiting for these events for a long time. Wonderful episode!

[Hush]

I think that there should have been a warning sign at the beginning of this show. One that said "You must have a box of Kleenex this tall, to be on this ride."

Mer connects with her past, while the chief connects with what didn't happen in his. Both dealt with some heavy issues.

Izzie deals with her momma. Sharon Lawrence did a good job with this one. She made you want to scream! And cry! And run away!

Mark became the boyfriend. A strange look for him, but it suits! It's sweet!

George didn't have all that much to say this time around. He's sooo underutilized it's not funny anymore. Can we maybe see about a love interest for him - at least he'd have something (or someone) to do then!

Loved the emotional mix-up between Cristina and Owen. Frustrating in the beginning, understandable at the end, but still left hanging. You do love to play with us, don't you?

GOOD JOB. I'm thoroughly annoyed and teared out. And I can't wait for the next one!

[Alwin]

Oh man, Grey's left me in silent tears. Private Practice on the other hand, screaming obscenities at the TV. What a range of emotions in 2 hours on a Thursday night. Thank you all kindly.

FYI, it's "17 round magazine", not "17 bullet clip", if you ever have to scriptwrite the detail.

[Jayne in MI]

Krista...I should have known this was your episode! Whenever I'm crying and standing inches from the TV (b/c it's too good to sit down)...it's always your handiwork!

Like the episode when George's dad died, and there was farting... hilarious and heart-breaking! Thanks for another AMAZING episode... Maybe the best yet!

[asd]

I agree with the first few comments that have appeared by now and would like to add, that the Owen Christina scene at the end was extremely good as well. Good job everybody!

[Cristina]

THANK YOU Krista for this wonderful episode. And thank you for all you've said above about children!

[mamaloa]

I lost some of my recording so I didn't catch everything, but I gathered it had something to do with abuse, with that child. I will always advocate for children. I hope Owen and Christina will get it together.

[Mark]

The best episode in a very long time. Katherine Heigl and Sharon Lawrence were amazing - both Emmy worthy.

[Grey Guy]

See the difference between these last few episodes compared to the Denny-Izzie arch??? It is night and day. Last night was the Grey's "of old", vintage Grey's a throwback from either season 1 or 2. Excellent writing and even better acting. Amazing!!! Loved every second of it.

[Zeliha]

Krista,

A great episode! We've missed your writing!
I still adore your last ep 'Into you like a train' cause was that a GREAT episode!
I've read your blog then and i've read it now! And boy can you write!!
This epidose i cried my tears out! It was so beautifull and strong and sad...

Hope you'll write more in the future..

All the way from the Netherlands,
Love Zeliha

[Ivy]

I am in china.
i love the story very much.
there are lots of people like GA here.
i am waiting for the 100th episode.
love you ,thank you

[Julie-wa]

all of these last episodes have been brilliant (well, I think every single ep of Grey's is brilliant, but lately brilliant major).

I just hope things keep going my way - like Meredith and McDreamy really do get married!!!

but just basically, brilliant job to everyone who is any part of Grey's.

[esra]

thank you... thank you so much:)

this is one of the most beautiful episode in the history of Grey's Anatomy.

and thank you for writing such an amazing story line for meredith, for Grey's Anatomy's GREY :)) really thank you so much:)

I've been sick of the riddiculus izzie story line, and this was really really perfect. meredith is the main reason watching the show for me,and you did a great job in this episode. I needed that:)

I didn't cry izzie's any of scenes all of the cancer crap, I mostly skipped her parts actually, but the scene between mer and chief is increadible! I cried, cried and cried... meredith deserves that, she deserves a right apoligize and thank you for giving her:)

thank you so much, again and again:)

[Karen]

Truly fantastic. I loved it all. I loved that Der did stand up to Richard for Mer--there was a time when he would not have.

I can't wait until next week!

[Amy]

Good episode.

Ellen did a stellar job as always, and JPJ, all I can say is WOW. I see you contacted Seattle Police, but why did you not contact children services? In many states this child would have been taken from her mother, because her mother FAILED to protect her time and time again. Her mother reported the abuse of her daughter to anyone. She in fact neglected her daughter. Yes her mother is also a victim, however, like to said, someone has to advocate for that child, the mother sure didnt. Women on average will leave a man 7 times before they leave for good. Chances are this women will go back to this monster, or she will find another one just like him. I was disheartened that this little girl was allowed to leave with a VERY neglectful mother.

Can I jsut say, I was not impressed with Izzie at all tonight? In fact I am sick of her all together!! She has monopolized screen time all season and mso tof it was having sexual relations with a ghost. I did love her mother though, and JC did an awesome job as Alex tonight.

Loved the Callie/Mark scenes! Could have done without the Lexie/Mark scenes!!

MerDer awesome as always!!

All in all a very good episode!!!

[Anna]

Thank you for this wonderful episode. It really moved me. I loved the scene with Mer and the Chief in the end, I loved Izzie and her mother, I loved Cristina and Owen, I loved the story with the little girl. Pretty much everything. The actors were just as amazing as always. I thought especially Jim, Ellen, Katherine, Sandra, the woman who played Izzie's mother(sorry for not remembering your name) and Kevin were terrific.

[Barb]

Krista, I know there was a lot going on in the epi, but you couldn't mention Christna and Owen? What an amaaing moment between those too. "Take Care Now." It totally made me cry.

I loved that Meredith became an advocate for that child. She will stand up for what she believes in. Derek was great too, standing back and letting her do what she felt was right. Earlier in their relationship, he would have tried to stop her.

Fantastic episode. This has turned into a great season. (I was kinda of worried with Dead Denny.)

[darkandtwisty1]

This eppy really hit home. I could relate so much. I think alot of people could take a piece of this and relate to it. People really need to stand up and protect their children. The children are innocent bystanders and can't do anything. The adults however can.

That chief/Mer scene just broke my heart. It's something Meredith needed imo to take another step to heal herself a little more. Nothing will ever heal her completely. Her childhood was stolen from her and that's something she can never get back or forget.
But finally someone stepped up to the plate and delivered what she needed to hear. The chief meant it to, it wasn't from a piece of paper, rehearsed over and over. He actually meant it. This broke down another wall to allow Meredith to continue healing.

Much LOVE this eppy was fabulous.

Thank you for delivering such a powerful eppy!

Jenna~

[tets]

Ellen Pompeo was great!

[There's No Excuse for child abuse!]

Powerful episode, incredibly so as a Grey's fan, more so as a Meredith fan. As a child advocate, it was even more powerful that the episode was on last night, the last day of April's child abuse prevention month. That's what I've done all month,activities to create awareness.