Grey's Anatomy: Grey Matter

Krista Vernoff on "No Good at Saying Sorry (One More Chance)"...

Original Airdate: 4-30-09

Hi.  It’s Krista.  I’m saying, It’s Krista because it’s been a loooooong time since you’ve heard from me. The last time I wrote you was the second episode of the season, and now here we are, three to the end.   Crazy, that’s what that is. It’s not that I don’t love you, really. It’s just that we have this staggeringly good staff now who write really, really good TV. I love this staff because they make my life and my job so much easier. Also, because they make me laugh really hard every single day.  It makes me happy to have a life where people are nice and kind and funny and smart and no one is getting drunk and screaming and throwing things at my head.  My life was not always this good.
Which is why I love the episode you just saw, why I’m so, so proud of it.

What I just got to say to everyone watching was, “Advocate for the children in your life.”  I didn’t start out with that agenda. I started out with the theme of Making Amends – can’t remember who pitched it, but I loved it.  It started out with an idea about Thatcher finally getting sober and coming to make his amends.  But then one of the brilliant writers pitched this story he’d read about a kid who emptied a gun into his Dad. And the episode started to take shape. And it turned into an opportunity for me to say to millions of viewers, “Advocate for the children in your life.” And that makes me really, deeply  happy.  Because I was a kid who could have used an advocate. And I don’t wanna get all over-sharey and uncomfortable and make you feel like you have to avert your eyes cause you came here for some bantery writer blather and ended up in an unshot episode of In Treatment, so that’s all I’m gonna say. I was a kid who could’ve used an advocate.  And as an adult, I have never understood when other adults stand idly by, looking away and making excuses while people hurt children. 

I LOVE what Richard says to Meredith. I wrote it, so, y’know, I should love it – but I don’t always love everything I write – and man, do I LOVE that scene. I sat on set while the brilliant Tom Verica shot that scene and while the luminous Ellen Pompeo and the wonderful Jim Pickens acted it. And I cried. Every take. I just sat there crying take after take after take.  I cried for Meredith, mostly, because finally, FINALLY one of the adults in her life is taking responsibility for what happened to her. Finally, she’s hearing the words that she needed and didn’t even know she needed. People have tried to apologize before. Thatcher has tried. Richard has even tried. And it’s not that Meredith is hard-hearted. It’s not that she can’t forgive. It’s just that no one ever got it right before. She was just a baby. She was a little kid. She couldn’t stand up for herself. And here were all these adults running around acting like children and failing, every day, to fight for her. She was neglected and she was abused. Her mother, for those who may have forgotten, attempted suicide IN FRONT OF HER. This was an emotionally unstable woman, Ellis Grey.  Richard saw that – and he did nothing. And Thatcher, her freaking FATHER, who not only saw it, he lived it WITH HER, did less than nothing.  To make an amends is not  just to apologize. It’s to make a thing right. And Thatcher’s little scripted apology can’t do that for Meredith.   It can’t make it right. Her pain runs too deep. Her abandonment was too complete.  And so when Richard finally truly takes responsibility? It breaks down a wall in Meredith’s heart that I truly believe she didn’t even know was there. I think she’s as shocked by her tears as anyone.  And I think there is real and profound healing in that moment. 

Almost as much as I love what Richard says to Meredith, I love what Meredith says to the mother of poor little Maddy, who emptied a 17 bullet clip into her abusive father.  (And yes, by the way, there are 17 bullet clips. And no, 6 year old Maddy would not have been arrested and taken away from her Mom. We called the Seattle Police and asked. )  I know that what Meredith says and does is controversial, and I meant it to be.   I know that there are syndromes that abuse victims go through, and that perspectives get wholly skewed.  And I think Richard is absolutely right to order Meredith to stay away from that family. And I think Meredith is absolutely right – and powerful and awesome – to ignore that order.  And maybe it’s just my fantasy that an over-stepping doctor could prompt a woman that damaged to finally do the right thing and take a stand to protect herself and her child. But if it’s a fantasy, it’s one I’m proud to put on TV. 

There’s a lot more I could say about this episode, but I did the podcast this week, so I’m kinda sick of hearing myself talk about it.   So instead, I’d just like to say, once more, with feeling, please advocate for the children in your life.  With love, Krista

Sonay Washington on "Sweet Surrender"...

Original Airdate: 4-23-09

I won’t take up your time by telling you my name and that this episode of television is my first. I won’t tell you things about myself because I can hear you screaming “I DON’T CARE WHAT KIND OF TEA YOU LIKE TO DRINK, I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT MER AND DER!!!”  Because I understand what you want is a discussion of the episode.  So, I won’t tell you a thing about me.  Not until the end of this blog.  So here we go.   Discussing the episode…now.

Okay, too much is going on in this episode.  TOO MUCH I SAY!  People are throwing themselves out of windows, planning weddings, eating food by the barrels… And friendships are mended, a child dies and a daughter disowns her father. Okay, there’s a lot to discuss here, so let’s go.

Izzie is dying.  That really hit home for me after seeing her collapse.  I remember discussing this story in the writers’ room and Shonda saying “Izzie collapses.  This is the turning point.  She gets really, really sick.”  And I said “WHAT????? Izzie collapses?  MY Izzie collapses???  This is bull*!@# Shonda!”  Yeah, I said that.  It was all in my head, but I said it.  Seriously, it’s heartbreaking to see Izzie this way.  When Izzie fake codes and makes Meredith try on ugly wedding dresses, we get the sense that Izzie’s going to be okay - that the chemo won’t affect her.  And Izzie believes that too.  She fights to maintain who she is throughout the day until her body betrays her.   When Izzie vomits, this disease becomes real to her.  But what we also see is the beginning of a true friendship between Cristina and Izzie.  It took a lot for Izzie to admit that she’s sick to Cristina.  That the cancer is winning.  And Cristina is there for her.  She’s there to wipe her brow and to help Mer with her stupid wedding dresses.  And it’s for Izzie.  Cristina is there for Izzie.  And if anything comes out of this tragedy, it’s their friendship. 

And then there’s Cristina, who is hurting over Owen. Here is a guy she can’t have.  You see, Cristina never thought she would find love again after Burke.  And I’m not comparing Burke and Owen because they are very different, but love is love and Cristina feels it deeply for Owen.  And she can’t have him.  Can you imagine that?  To love someone and they love you but you can’t be together.  To see him everyday – every single day, and not be able to touch him, hold him, kiss him.  Well, this is the hell that is Cristina’s life right now.  She longs for Owen.  She wants him.  But she can’t have him. Because it’s dangerous to love him.  Loving him can get her hurt again. So Cristina stays away and watches him from afar.  Does she have hope for them?  That they will be together again one day?  I don’t know.  But I think we should hope for her. 

And Owen is trying.  He is struggling to heal himself.  He’s done with denial. Let’s face it, nothing hits home like choking your girlfriend in the middle of the night. Which is why Owen’s in therapy.  And I admire Owen for seeking help right away.  It’s brave.  Brave because he has to relive things that nearly killed him.  And yet he’s given himself over to Dr. Wyatt, hoping she can help.  And when Owen defines that feeling at the end, our hearts break because he is so tortured, but we also feel victorious.  Because there’s a chance Owen can mend.  And with that possibility comes hope.  There’s that word again…

And George.  When I think of hope, I think of him.  I wanted George to find himself – his strength as a doctor.  And he has.  Who would have thought that George “007” O’Malley would be a kick ass trauma surgeon?  Seeing George in action took me back to the elevator.  You remember the elevator right?  Intern year.  George and Alex are stuck in the elevator with a patient and the patient needs emergency medical.  George excels and Alex…well, Alex kind of chokes.  So yeah, it’s the elevator moment again and George saves a life.  Again.  I love that this happened again years later. In the bar, when Alex acknowledges that George is great at trauma, it shows that Alex has grown, just like Meredith. Alex would have never admitted George was better at something years ago.  Alex would also never admit to feeling fearful, especially to George.  And Alex is absolutely terrified because Izzie’s sick.  And he’s scared that she’s going to die.  And he’s scared of what that might do to him. And we see yet again, the beginning of a friendship. One between George and Alex. 

Speaking of fear.  Bailey is full of it because she has to tell her husband about PEDS.  Let’s not forget, Bailey’s marriage almost ended because of her job.  And now she wants to take on a new specialty?  PEDS will require all of her time and energy.  How can she tell her husband and expect him to understand?   And why is she doing this in the first place when she’s in the company of dying children all the time???  Well because she loves it.  And because the children…well, sometimes you save one. And that victory is worth it.  Worth the time and the energy and the risk of possibly losing something that’s very important to you, like your husband. But today, Bailey wonders why she’s doing it.  This sweet child that she held all day long, died.  And there was never a chance of saving her.  How does one become accustomed to such tragic loss? 

And loss.  Callie cuts off her father.  How brave is she?  Callie constantly surprises me. She never planned to introduce Arizona to her dad.  Not today.  But, she’s proud of Arizona.  Proud of her relationship and if her father supports her - like he’s always done - then he will accept her relationship, right? Wrong.  My heart goes out to Callie.  But my heart also goes out to Mr. Torres.  He loves his daughter more than anything in the world and he believes that taking her home will help Callie.  He wants to protect his daughter.  He wants to be there for her.  He wants her close.  So no one wins here.  Both Callie and her dad hurt. And we don’t know what this loss will do to Callie.  She has a strong family unit and who knows what life will be like as Callie leaps into life without her parachute.

Let’s end this discussion with some happiness. How proud are we to see Meredith all grown up?  I mean, she is.  Meredith is so sure that she wants to marry Derek Shepherd that it doesn’t even come up for discussion with Cristina.  Meredith is sure.  The only thing Meredith isn’t sure about is this wedding that Izzie is planning.  I mean, Izzie is going all wedding-planning-zilla on Meredith, except rather than go crazy, Izzie is using her illness to get everything she wants.  And Meredith wants to make Izzie happy.  No, this wedding isn’t what Meredith wanted – buffalo wings, hair in a pony tail, reception at “Joe’s” is what she wanted.  But Meredith has grown up, people, and growing means giving your dying friend whatever she wants.  And it doesn’t stop there.  Meredith is finally the big sister that Lexie wants and needs.  I LOVE when Meredith and Lexie approach the guys in the scrub room.  To see Meredith take up for her little sister makes us proud of Meredith.  And the last moment with Meredith and Lexie is wonderful.  Yes, we are happy that Derek and Mark mend their friendship but we are happier that Meredith is accepting her family.  That she’s letting people in.  That she’s growing. 

Hello.  I’m Sonay and this episode of television is my first.  I want to thank Shonda, Krista and Hammer as well as all the writers of “Grey’s Anatomy” for this opportunity and for being such an amazing support system. Tony, it was an honor. Also, thanks to all the assistants and the crew of “Grey’s Anatomy” for making this experience so memorable.

And I don’t drink tea.  I drink scotch.