Stacy McKee on "Elevator Love Letter"...

Original Airdate: 3-26-09

Just so you know, I am a sap when it comes to marriage proposal stories. I love them. I love hearing them, I love telling them… I fully enjoy all the cheesy romantic oooey gooey-ness. I LOVE that Derek proposed! I LOVE that Meredith said yes! I can’t help it. I’m just cheesy that way.

But first things first. Entirely too much happened in this episode. TOO MUCH. Owen went all PTSD and choked Cristina in his sleep then she forgave him and they had ridiculously beautiful sex until she realized she had to dump him after all. Alex snooched (yes, you heard me right. Snooched.) into a cup for Izzie so her eggs could be extracted, fertilized, and frozen before her body gets all sick with radiation and chemo. Derek finally came back from the woods looking all Grisly Adams-ish to operate on Izzie’s brain and – and then… there’s that elevator. Where Derek proposed to Meredith, and she said YES.

Yup. Too much happened in this episode. I’m overwhelmed. I don’t know what to talk about first.

Let’s start with the unpleasant part. Owen. And the choking. This was a tricky one. Let’s be clear. This is not a guy attacking a woman because he’s a guy who attacks women. We did not set out to tell a story about domestic abuse. This is a story about PTSD.

Owen is completely asleep when he attacks Cristina. Asleep, having a nightmare. Remember the story we did earlier this season about the guy with night terrors? Same thing. Did you see how dead Owen’s eyes look? He has no awareness of what’s happening. And the moment he wakes up, when Callie calls his name and he snaps out of the nightmare – Owen is more discombobulated and confused than anyone else. That’s why Cristina’s line is so important, when she asks Meredith if it would be any more appropriate to abandon Owen right now than it would be to abandon someone who had suffered a stroke or a heart attack. Owen is wounded. He does have war wounds. Which, as a doctor, Cristina recognizes. And she’s not going to let that intimidate her. She knows wounds can be healed.

The point isn’t the choking, it’s where Owen goes from here... The story we’ve always wanted to tell is one of healing and awareness and treatment for PTSD. That’s part of what you’ll see Owen struggling with in episodes to come. But before we can get there, before Owen can be truly willing to seek out help – we needed to see him hit rock bottom. We needed him to realize that his symptoms aren’t necessarily within his own control. We needed him to choke Cristina.

And if you felt a little worried when Cristina and Owen started to kiss, if you felt a little twinge of heartbreak for the two of them as they finally, beautifully consummated their relationship… that’s what you were supposed to feel. It’s exactly what we see creeping into Cristina’s face, after the sex, when she can’t fall asleep. She’s having a very quiet, but very real panic attack right there in Owen’s arms. I feel like there’s a part of Owen and Cristina that knew – even as they were finally having sex after all this time – that this was actually a goodbye.

NOW – Alex Karev. Can I just say – the minute I saw the first cut of this episode, I ran into Shonda’s office and declared that Alex should ALWAYS do the voice over because it is just so fantastic! Right from the start, the second you hear Alex’s voice and see him pacing outside of Izzie’s room… you know this episode is a little bit different. It has a different energy, a different pace. Did you notice all the quiet, haunting moments? Did you notice there wasn’t a single big, scary medical Act Out? This episode is quiet. It’s still. It needs to sit in its quiet moments, not breeze past them.

I adore Alex, always have. And this was the perfect time to have him narrate the show, since he’s just learned that Izzie is dying. When Alex is venting to Meredith in the on-call room-- Oh man. (I’ll just preface this with the fact that – as I mentioned before,  I am a bit of a sap and, yes, sometimes I cry easily) but  I’m telling you –  we ALL teared up on set when we were shooting Justin in that scene. He’s just tremendous. We don’t get to see Alex Karev be vulnerable very often, so when we finally do… It is so worth it. Especially when he says that this wasn’t how he wanted to make a baby with Izzie... Love him. Couldn’t love him more in that moment.

And I’ve saved the best, of course, for last. The Elevator Proposal.

First of all, you should know that there’s a long standing debate in our writers’ room about what does or does not make for a good marriage proposal. Some of us prefer what Shonda calls the Oooey Gooey Disgusting stuff –  the more traditional proposals, usually involving grand gestures and flowers and rings and romance. But Shonda’s taste is exactly the opposite of any of that. The minute one of us launches into a romantic recounting of one of our own marriage proposals… Shonda basically covers her ears as though they might bleed. To her, those oooey gooey romance filled proposals are pretty much akin to… well… Hell. Which is why she’s Shonda. She’s a little dark and twisty - in all the best ways. It’s also what makes her a little like Meredith Grey.

So you can imagine just how hard it was to come up with what the perfect marriage proposal might be for Meredith Grey. It couldn’t be oooey and gooey. Couldn’t be a traditional, down on one knee proposal. But it’s also a piece of Grey’s Anatomy history, five seasons in the making. It needed to be true to who Meredith and Derek are together – what their history is, why they love each other, how they understand each other…

And it did have to be romantic. But not predictably romantic. It had to feel magical and fresh and totally, completely perfect for Meredith and Derek.

So what better place than their elevator? And what better way than by revisiting their lives together as doctors? It would be wrong for Derek Shepherd to get down on one knee. Even worse for him to offer up the ring he hit into the woods. Derek needed to give Meredith HER perfect proposal. Which, as it turns out, involved an elevator, light boxes and a lot of brain scans.

I love that Meredith only says yes when the proposal is right. She stays true to herself; she won’t say yes out of pity or because Derek needs an ego boost. She will only – can only – say yes once Izzie is fine. Once Derek is fine. Once the proposal is finally, totally right. And what I love is that what makes the proposal right is that Derek finally gets it. He finally understands and accepts completely who Meredith really is. Sure – she’s got a dark side. She’s seen more trauma in her life than most people. And, amazingly, she’s just about the only person this entire episode NOT suffering from PTSD. As Derek says, she’s seen worse, she’s survived worse, and she knows the people around her will survive it too.

What I love is that Derek finally puts into words the one thing she really needs to hear from him. That Meredith’s dark side is not a flaw, it’s her strength. It’s what makes her who she is. And that’s why he loves her.

See? Not too cheesy. Not too sappy. Magical proposals CAN be achieved, even without rose petals and rings in champagne glasses! Although, it does help when Grisly Adams finally shaves off his beard!

When I was pitching my episode down to Shonda, back when it was just an idea and nothing more, Shonda stopped me mid-pitch to say this: “Stacy. Just so you’re clear, if you pitch me that the last scene of your entire episode is the proposal, I will vomit.”

Which, given the fact that proposals basically make Shonda break out in hives, I should have been prepared for… And though it is entirely possible I maybe might have once upon a time planned on ending the episode with the Elevator Proposal, that is NOT how I pitched it. And that is NOT how I wrote it. Because that would have just been too Oooey and gooey. Too romantic. Too cheesy. Too me. And not enough Meredith Grey.

Plus, I really really hate vomit.

Comments

[maricris from philippines]

wow.. what an episode... all the lines, all the scenes and especially all the characters, fantastic, great, the best. all in one drama series. two thumbs up.
everything about the episode are so touching. the way alex and george reacted about izzie's condition. they are both in their bended knees just for izzy to be healed. i love alex showing his weaker side. i bet they are the one who will get married in the end..izzie and alex.
next, how compassionate miranda is. i love that resident. really. the way she comforts izzie and how she encourage derek to take it slow. eveything about her is great. and also the chief. by merely letting derek understand and not to give up on meredith and the way he stop meredith taking the first elevator.nice job chief. i love that..
and owen and cristina, well i love cristina. i love how she tried to fight and how she admitted to herself that she was so scared. i know they will be apart for the meantime.
and last but not the least, my favorite tv couple of all time. meredith and derek. kuddos to the two of them. i love how derek proposed and those words that came out from his mouth was so touching. i can barely see a man loving the dark side of a woman. of course its disappointment. right. i love him loving meredith dark side. its not actually dark because it is what makes our main character of the series strong and find herself fighting with the man she loves. i love the proposal. i cried because you see for five seasons of waiting finally. they are together, engaged.. i love how meredith said i want to spend the rest of my life with you.. ellen and patrick was so great actors.i love them
to stacy, one of the best episode ever..
more power to grey's anatomy
more power shonda..
thank you for a worth watching series.
thanks for touching our lives...
its the best thing you can have.. not the ratings.. but how much you've touched a person's life..
more power guys..

[AtelierGal]

Proposing in the elevator is the perfect place for MerDer.
Hell, if they made a chapel out of it, I wouldn't mind. Okay, that's wishful thinking on my part.

I've been re-watching Seasons 1-3

Watching this episode shows just how much Mer & Cristina have matured.

Mer no longer dwells and thinks ahead. The future.

Cristina. She's the type of person who walks away because she can't handle it. But she stood by Owen, despite the choking.
Okay, she dumps him after sex.

I do hope they would get back together after Owen's healed. Really.

They are compatible and Owen's the one I wanna see pry the scalpel out of Cristina's hands 40 years from now lol

[Yalie]

Thank you for writing that amazing proposal, it was so much better than the hideous flower vomit.

I'm sure this will make sound 100 years old but FYI, it's Grizzly Adams not Grisly Adams.

[Jackie]

Phenomenal, outstanding, beautiful, magic..there's not enough words to describe Meredith and Derek's relationship through the years and the proposal tonight was perfect. I have loved watching their journey and although they did move off course at one point in S3, the two actors Dempsey and Pompeo have never missed a beat in playing Meredith and Derek in such true form that you find yourself rooting for them every time. As a long time fan who has been waiting for the marriage of Mer/Der, I cannot tell you how nice it was to see them finally moving towards getting there. This whole season has been of their growth and I just want to thank you. Watching these two talk, listen and be there for one another has been beyond a pleasure. Thank you for what was one of the most wonderful moments for me in my entire five seasons of watching Grey's Anatomy. May there be many more for Meredith and Derek.

[Leila]

How is it that after 4 years, five seasons and endless craps Meredith and Derek are still so sizzling? Talk about amazing chemistry!!!

[Tara]

I agree, what about George? We have waited all season long for him to have something to do. And why does Izzie act like George emans nothing to her? George has always been her person. Them breaking up wouldn't magically make her stop caring. Didn't they break up not to lose the friendship?

We love the Gizzie friendship, so for the love of God, give us Gizzie friendship scenes.

And yeah I'll never like Alex no matter how much you shove him down my throat. In fact it just might make me hate him more.

You show George and you show Gizzie or this is my last episode.

[ADam]

Love it all.
this was amazing.

but I always love Meredith voice overs better than anyone. but I get the change every now and then, but If Meredith is doing the voice over, something is lost for me.

[Marcia]

Ellen and Patrick were shining in that scene. I love those two. they are the reason for this whole show for me.

Ellen is doing amazing acting this season.

thank you for a great epi.

[Mila]

Thank you for Meredith and Derek, thank you for one of the best episodes!!! Waiting for wedding!!!

[B]

Excellent episode, all around.

Loved the proposal, and all that Derek said. Loved that Meredith wouldn't accept until it was the right time, for the right reason. Loved.

So moved by Alex. Love him. And always have. Don't want to see him hurt further. We've waited so long for him and Izzie to be together, I *really* don't want to see him hurt again. Back a few episodes when he was so happy about getting support for his skills as a doctor, and how he couldn't wait to share with Izzie - that's the Alex I want to see.

Felt a little sad for Izzie, being alone all day. Good for Bailey for calling out her friends on it.

Felt bad for George and Callie, both. Callie's guilt is obviously misplaced, yet understandable. We don't have that kind of power, but it's so human to think we must be the cause because of bad thoughts. And George ... also understandable that he is so hurt at being shut out by Izzie. I hope they can repair their friendship.

Love the actress who played the oncologist, but wow, does that doc need some lessons in bedside and even OR manner.

And then there's Owen and Cristina. Wow. Just - wow. Someone earlier commented about Cristina's growth in accepting people; I thought the exact same thing. Her strength, even in recognizing that she had to leave, was amazing. And Owen ... thank goodness he's getting help. He's not a bad man. It was obvious how wrecked he was by what he'd done. And there is something so heartbreaking in watching someone so "big and strong" being so humble and vulnerable. Both these actors need many awards. They are amazing together. Their lovemaking scene was very moving. Really beautiful, and sad, and it did feel like a goodbye. I'm glad it wasn't dragged out, and that Cristina realized she couldn't handle the situation after all. Now he is getting help, and they have a chance instead of it becoming bitter and ruined between them.

I can't wait to watch this one again.

[Dan]

When will Ellen be awarded her long deserving Emmy or Globe or whatever, this woman is amazing.
thank you for a great episode.

[meme]

Please don't kill Izzie! I love her with Alex!!

[Amy]

This is the best episode put ou since season 2 finale!!
First and formost the proposal was PERFECT!! It was pure Meredith and Derek. Just..WOW.. thank you!! It doesnt get any better then that!!Only thing is would it have kiled ya to give them some passion in the bedroom afterwards?

Cristina and Owen, this is going to be an amazing storyline if written right! For the first time in the series I actually believe Cristina loves someone other then herself and Meredith!!!

Love the cheif and Baily. Loved teh whole episode. oh and I love the fact I didnt have to put up with Lexie/Mark... I love you for that alone!!!

[Hush]

Sex, violence, and the dreaded sample cuppie!

Excellent show. I could use several more of these, although I know it ain't gonna happen. Maybe next season? :)

[esra]

thank you:)

I think, for the first time in the fifth season, you had a great job about merder:) proposal is amazing...

but I really need to say: that was mer's first I love you after the pick me, choose me scene... why you didn't say anything? and it should have been extraordinary, not like this:((

[McIce]

Thank you so much for the Alex/Izzie scenes, they were beautiful!! so much love!

[Angel]

One word = Brilliant
Okay..and also genius and beautiful. Derek proposed! Yipeee! And of course it was perfect, so reminiscent of all their 'momenents' of their relationship together. This is my favourite elevator scene by far now of course.
I hope Owen gets better and Cristina and him get back together. And I beg you please let Izzie live! And I hope next episode George forgives Izzie for not telling him she was sick, and Derek apologizes to Mark (well at least accepts) about the whole Lexie thing. Can't wait till when Meredith finds out about "Mexie" either!!!!
Ahhh...great episode.

[Chantal]

Stacy, you just made my day, my week!! Thank you sooo much for this ABSOLUTELY PERFECT episode! The proposal was PERFECT! I couldn't have written it any other way... it was the best episode ever! I totally agree with you on everything. The elevator was the perfect place. Getting down on one knee wasn't right for MerDer. Just telling each other they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together was THE thing to do! And yes, Mer's dark and twisty side is her strength... so true. It was the BEST!!! So thank you so much, I love you!!!!! And I love Grey's, and their number one couple! I'm so happy for them...

[Gunveen]

That was the BEST proposal EVER.
It's perfect for MerDer.
I can't thank you enough.
I was crying throughout this episode and I was BAWLING when Derek proposed, it was just so RIGHT.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

And I love how Callie was the one who finally got George to realize he doesn't need to be angry at Izzie.

I've loved Alex since season 1 and I'm SO GLAD he's finally showing everyone that he's not the jerk everyone thought he was. In fact, he's Izzie's McDreamy.

This is the best episode of Grey's EVER and it was perfect in every way.

[Chelsey]

Hi SHonda and Co,

I used to comment here all the time but fell out of the habit. I commented when I was alone in a college dorm and Grey's was my only comfort.

Now Im about to go off travelling Europe on my own, so this was the last Grey's I'll get to see until I have access to my mom's TiVo in May, so I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for the proposal, and for Meredith and Derek.

Thank you.

[MCGIDDY]

omg this was your BEST epi yet. So much emotion going on everywhere. LOVE DEREK! LOVE HIM!!!!! ALEX=OMG!!! LOVE HIM!!!!! THIS WAS THE BEST EPISODE THUS FAR. HANDS DOWN!!!!

P.S. THANK U FOR NOT SHOWING ANY LEXIE MARK SCENES (THOUGH I LOVE MCSTEAMY) I'M ANNOYED WITH THEM AS A COUPLE.

[Sandra]

So... did you guys intend to do an entire "hands" motif throughout this wonderful, wonderful episode? Because if you didn't, and it just crept in there, then that is poetry and justice at its finest. Still, I don't think that could have been accidental, and it is absolutely brilliant. Everyone, if you didn't notice this, go watch the episode again (twist your arms, right?) and look for the hands. Brilliant.

[kim]

I loved the whole thing. Thank you for the best episode in years.

[Jackie]

Alex and Izzie are the best thing about Grey's Anatomy. Nothing else comes close. Not even Meredith and Derek. If Izzie dies, this show is OVER. Alex and Izzie make the show. I love them.

[Shelly]

Oh my god, Owen and Cristina! So bittersweet. I adore these two and I look forward to their journey together. It will be hard to see them apart for a while, but I am hopeful that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. PLEASE let Cristina and Owen be happy. They are so captivating on screen and are the reason why I tune in every Thursday.