Bill Harper On "Beat Your Heart Out"...

Original Airdate: 2-5-09

Hi.  First of all, if Grey’s Anatomy just ended -- stop!  Go back, sit down, and watch Private Practice!  I know, you’re probably doing it anyway, but seriously -- it’s going to get SO GOOD and if you miss tonight’s Private, you’ll feel like you’ve missed out.  GO!  Come back here when it’s over! 

Hi.  So, Valentine’s Day is almost here.  Every year, my wife and I do the same thing -- or a version of the same thing.  She’s not a fan of Valentine’s Day, she doesn’t care for the hype.  “It’s needless pressure, it’s invented by the greeting card companies; a gift or gesture on any random day would be more meaningful...”  So every year we agree not to do anything.  Just ignore it.   Honestly, I love this about her.  My wife is smart and sensible and pragmatic and these are qualities I love and depend on, because I have none of them. And it certainly takes the pressure off.  But I’m just not wired that way.  I can’t not do something.  And it’s often just cheesy flowers or chocolates, sometimes it’s something more elaborate, but I end up doing something.  Even though I promise I won’t.  And this upsets her.  Because she did nothing.  Like we agreed!  And now she’s the one who got something and did nothing, even though nothing was what was the only appropriate thing to do.  In short:  every year for Valentine’s Day, I make my wife feel a little crappy.  Romance!

So I felt especially close to Derek as he spends the day trying to plan the perfect proposal.  (Can we just take a second here to say DEREK’S GOING TO PROPOSE. Who would have thought that a drunken tussle on Ellis’s living room rug would lead to this?  Not Meredith, I bet.)  And while Derek’s twisting himself inside out to keep this surprise for Meredith, trying to find exactly the right way to do it, all of his efforts are actually backfiring, sending the wrong signals and sending her into a panic.   

Romance and Panic Attacks.  As this episode began taking shape in the writer’s room, it became clear that these two main factors that would be at work.  Either people were experiencing one or the other, or one was leading directly to the other.    Romance and Panic Attacks.  Which go together, I thought at the time, like peanut butter and clams. 

Start with Cristina and Owen, who have maybe the most romantic day I’ve ever seen. Shonda was very interested in the hotness of the chasteness between these two. We had lots of discussions of the tortured sensuality of the Victorian Era, where a hand placed next to another’s hand could be so electric, so concentrated, that it was actually better than sex.  To go further, to consummate that kind of compressed excitement, would be to risk losing it. And I loved that in Seattle Grace, where people famously steal into on-call rooms between surgeries, these two were living a bodice-ripping romance novel under everyone’s noses.  Cristina doesn’t even have words for what this is. So they choose to long for each other for a while.  And it’s painful, but in that way that you sort of don’t want it to stop.  It’s clear they’re both loving it.

Meanwhile, Mark and Lexie, at the height of their own romance, start to crumble under all the secrecy.   Poor Lexie’s collapsing under the weight of trying to keep her relationship with Mark from Mer and Der, and then lying to Jen about her husband’s surgery, to keep Jen from going hyper-hypertensive.  She’s killing herself trying to protect everyone.  Even at lunch she almost outs herself as a penis-breaker.  I love Mark and Lexie, I have to say.  I admit, I was not so sure at first about this pair, but I think I had the same misgivings Mark did.  I like most what Lexie is forcing Mark to learn about himself.  And when he finally tries, in Derek and Meredith’s bedroom (he really tries!) to come clean to Derek, it’s not just to clear the air, or apologize or confess as much as to share with his best friend this great thing they’ve both found.   Cause it’s the real thing.   When he can’t -- it’s horrible timing -- his disappointment is so clear.   

And then Callie, who’s looking down the barrel of her failed relationships learns that even when he chooses to be OK by herself, it’s just lonely.   And at the moment she feels it hit rock bottom...  Enter  Arizona “actions-speak-louder-than-words-especially-in-the-ladies-room” Robbins.  I love characters who sneak up on us.  What I think I love most about Arizona is that she is genuinely, positively interested in people, in the most selfless way.  We knew this right away, when she made Alex squirm on the plane a few weeks back, with all the questions about his girlfriend.  So it seems perfectly natural that she would just stop in the loo to cheerlead a colleague.  Then....surprise!  Romance!  And she turns Callie’s whole set of expectations upside down.  Which I’m all for.  I want Callie to be happy.  I can’t wait to see where this goes. 

And amidst all this romance, all these panic attacks:  Jen, whose concern for her husband is actually endangering her and her baby’s lives.   Owen’s past catching up with him, just at the wrong moment.  And Dr. Dixon, who suffers a perfect storm of social anxiety:  too much touching, talking and unexpected information at once, causing her to lose control of herself.  But knowing what she needs to cope.  (The treatment she demands from Bailey and Cristina was inspired by the amazing work of Temple Grandin, whose work with livestock led her to amazing insights on how to ease anxiety in people with Autism and Asperger’s.  If you ever feel like being inspired by astonishing humanity and creativity, just Google her name).    Finally, Izzie, spending all day trying to make sense of Denny’s parting message, and clearly expecting the worst.  Only to be left at the end of the day with a clean bill of health.  And Alex.   

It was Izzie’s sense of dread that made me realize something about Romance and Panic.  They seemed at first like an odd combination, until I realized they are remarkably similar experiences.   They share a lot of the same symptoms: rapid hearbeat, breathlessness, sleeplessness, obsessive thoughts, etc.   But more to the point, I think they have the same root cause:  Expectation.  Romance puts us in a state of anticipation that is as good as (sometimes better than) the actual fulfillment.  Look at Owen and Cristina.  And anxiety, panic -- Dixon’s, Bailey’s, Izzie’s -- comes from anticipating the worst outcome -- one that might not ever even occur.  They’re the same kind of scary.  Sort of like falling:  when we dream we’re falling, we call it a nightmare.   But we also call it “falling” in love.  Because we have absolutely no control over the outcome.   

Happy Valentine’s Day, by the way.

Comments

[Jamie]

This episode was WONDERFUL!!! Welcome back Grey's... This season was off to a bumpy start but now its back to the old grey's the laughs, reality and romance.. I LOVE Mark and Lexie.. They do have chemistry and finally Mark realizes that sex isnt everything. That white hot intensity fades and you have to have something substantial to keep it going...

Derek and the ring.. liked the idea, it was funny to see everyone know, but enough already!!!! Now Mer is freaking out and finds a rose petal.. I know what i would think HOLY Sh$% he is cheating on me...

Please dont keep torturing us or her.. let it just be...
Love all the face time with my favorite couple...

Keep up the good work!!!!

[crazymoogirl]

all i have to say: MORE GEORGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but i loved the epi last night though. :)

[Susan]

Please do not repeat Meredith's Mom story on her, Derek has to propose, not just PLAN to propose.

[message from greece]

Grey's anatomy is a fantistic tv series.
Never get bored looking this series.
Loved the relationship between Derek & Meredith. both of them are fantastic. We are so glad that their relationship is growing to the best.

[Mari (from Brazil)]

I love his eyes when she talks about how cute their kids will be. And I love her eyes when he tells he wants all her crappy kids. I just love them! I’m sorry we can have to wait until Archer problem is solved. But I’m waiting for a house of candles and bedroom full of roses’ kind of proposal! Thanks.

[KL]

Fabulous episode. For me, Grey's is BACK. It was floundering there for a while, but I LOVE IT again.

First, Mer/Der! So great! I love that he said he felt stupid and cliche trying to set up this proposal. And that Mark was there helping him. Such BFFs. Great scene.

And Mark and Lexie. They are so great together! I love that she has stood up for herself to him about being secretive, because that's exactly the opposite of what we'd expect a simpering young intern to do in this situation, right? And Mark is clearly smitten with her. Love it! In a lot of ways, she's being the adult in that relationship and he stands to learn a lot from her. It's a little reminiscent of Baby & Johnny in Dirty Dancing... hehe, maybe that's why I love it!

I have to admit that I'm not a Dr. Dixon fan, but I loved the hugging scene. The combination of characters was perfect.

And Christina and Owen, oh my! They are fabulous together. He's got so much baggage, and she's the perfect one to help him sort that out. For all of his life experience, she really seems like the sage in that relationship.

Keep up the great writing. I'm really liking where this season is heading.

[Melinda]

Okay, great episode GA and PP. However I have a sidebar suggestion... I think it would have been better to advertise the crossover after last nights PP episode. Because it would have made for more suspense that out the blue Addie is calling Derek...ok anyway. I love Mer being all grown up and mentioning babies I like that. And I hope she says yes. Christina and Owen: I love the whole cheesy victorian novel thing they have going. Callie: it seems like it is all rushed, with George and Erica it was a process, now out the blue she has these two women after her, can they atleast be friends first. Lexie and Mark, honestly I don't really care! Bailey I was so excited to see her offered a promotion. I really want her to be an attending, she deserves it. As for Izzie, we (the fans) have waited for how many weeks to see this whole dead Denny return thing play out, PLEASE DO NOT KEEP DRAGGING THIS OUT...LET US KNOW WHAT IT IS ALREADY...but thank you for taking Denny off! I hope her and Alex will stay together. I can't wait for next week the big crossover!

[Mira]

Thanks for the great blog!

While I loved Cristina and Bailey towards the end of the "group hug" and I was VERY good and googled Temple Grandin, I have to say, I'm still very disappointed in how you are portraying autism. I have worked with this population since my junior year of college and really, you are exaggerating this condition in the STELLAR actress that is Mary McDonnell! While I totally understand that she may be an exaggeration or perhaps inspired by someone, if you're going to portray someone who has autism, please show them as a person and the reality of someone who would have gone through medical school and her residency. A high functioning austistic doctor would have a very different disposition that Dr. Dixon.

Okay, rant over.

Can I just say how much I love Derek Shepherd in this episode? I LOVE that he called himself a cliche, then scrapped the plan to help Addison. It's going to be an interesting ride to the proposal, and I for one can't wait! :-D

[Tessa]

The best part of this episode BY FAR was...No Denny. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Enjoyed Cristina and Meredith together, and Mark and Derek, and always love Alex. The bedroom rose explosion was hilarious.

Really like Arizona, with or without Callie. Hope she stays so we can see more of Bailey and Alex in peds.

The idiot interns belong in the Day Care center. All they do is detract from any scene they're a part of. Enough of them.

The cafeteria scene was fun, though, as was Cristina's play by play of Ellis' diary. Really looking forward to next week now.

[ML]

this week's episodes should not have been announced as the big cross-over event, when really all the crossover we got this week was a phone call (!) and the crossover is not happening until next week. i was too busy being disappointed to enjoy the episodes..it's fine that it is happening next week, but the trailers then shouldn't have built it up for this week, that is just not fair.

[Kat]

Christina and Owen rock my socks. I love, LOVE, the softer, flirty, more gentle and nuturing side of Christina. Sandra Oh positively glowed.

Also love Mark and Lexie. Its fun watching a playa like Mark lose his heart and have no idea what to do. He wants to be with her even when no sex is involved, and that throws him for a loop.

And, seriously, where is George.

[Heather]

DING DONG, DENNY IS DEAD!!!

This episode was the best of the season.

YAY writers! Thanks for getting this back on track.

Still need more George, but this episode was so much easier to watch without Dead Denny in it!

[Sara 2730]

I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I never believe thar this season became my favorite, every single episode is just amazing.

I dying to see how Dereks is going to propose

Mer and Cristina are back I love them!!

Am agree George deserves more than 5 secs

[you're forgiven]

it has taken me some time to recover from what you did to deny. i will never look at or think of him the same way. for me, he has been stripped of his dignity and place. with the loss of deny, you lost me. that is, until last night. arizona, arizona, arizona. i love her. ahhhh, and dixon...she's wonderful. the hug scene was your gift to me. it brought me back. it slowed my heart rate and gave me back my breath. thank you.

[Kendra]

I love Mark and Lexie. I don't know how people missed the story line building up, but I love it. Also, thanks for not making whiny George a part of this episode. I loved every minute of it!

[Julie M.]

OK, My turn. Another GREAT episode! I love the Jane Austenish turn that Christina and Owen are taking. Uptight awkward longing. And what a terrific scene where she "applies pressure to calm his central nervous system". This storyline is golden! Christina cares for him deeply, more than she has ever cared for anyone including Burke who was just an object to be admired. She just flat out likes this guy and is on track to have the closest relationship that she has ever had. I don't think she realizes at all! Any chance of bring back Derrek's mom to steer Owen in the right direction? Keep this a slowly building controlled relationship until -wow, suddenly it's not!

Derrick and Meredeth- Ok, throw in the monkey wrench we can take it! Line of the night "I want all of you crappy babies. Every single one."

Mark and Lexie- Line two of the night "I can't sleep with another one of Derrek's sisters!" Lexie is a flake and I think he will be so invested that I think she will end up breaking his heart. Like it.

Izzie- Don't care. All I like is her hair.

Alex- I love him and everything that comes out of his mouth. So unconventional!

Arizona-Don't care, yet.

Callie-Want to care, but don't.

George- Miss him.

Baily-Love her self discovery and maturity. More Bailey. She has a lot to teach!

The Chief- See "Bailey" above.

British chic friend of Meredeths-Don't get her at all.

All the new interns-confusing.

Denny-Good ridance.

[Lau]

hi, I'm from italy and I just saw the episode...it was amazing except the mark and lexie relationship...I really can't stand these two together...please end them now!it's too forced...(sorry for my english!)

[hokiejL]

After all those episodes with Denny there is NO WAY that Izzie has a clean bill of health.

Seriously.

[Cristina]

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!

i really loved last night's episiode. the cristina/owen relationship is being perfectly handled and im really rooting for them! i think everyone can relate to having so much electricity with another person that just barely touching hands can be exhilirating.

i liked dr. dixon this time around. we all need group hugs from time to time! and of course, i like how she gave cristina the idea to hug owen when he was freaking out at the end of the episode. it completely melted my heart!

before i forget, i miss TR having more than a few lines per episode. he had funny lines this time around, but i really hope you guys figured out something!

im really trying to get on board with arizona/callie. i guess i cant decide until i see more development, but i WANT to be on board with them.

i like mark/lexie. honestly, it is much better for mark to have someone to be with who is already in the show than bring ANOTHER new doctor into seattle grace.

overall, this was an amazing episode. it was definately well written and i loved sanda oh's performance in particular.

[Greys Hardcore McGirl]

Ok seriously. Love Derek and Mer scenes this week. I hate that he didnt propose yet and took down all the roses. but i get why he did it. It wouldnt be far for Addisons emergency visit to overshadow this moment in their lives.

Gotta tell ya...Mark and Lexie are really not working. Please stop. For the love of Greys Anatomy God, please stop the madness.

P.S LOVE Christina and Hunt :)

[Cece]

Great episode for the most part. My Grey's is back!!!
Loved everything about this episode, all the characters, EXCEPT the Arizona and Callie thing? Why? Are you lacking for story lines. Sorry, but it disturbs me greatly.

I love Mark and Callie together...why have you ended their "friendship" into nothing more than acquaintances? They are great together. I'm sorry but Mark and Lexie have no chemistry on screen. I love both of them, but not together. They are NOT cute! Lexie and George would have been cute. Please give Mark a better story line.

And I have no words as to how I feel about Izzie...stupid and ridiculous was her quest to find out what's wrong with her by having the "interns" practice on her. What is wrong with this picture? Is she not a doctor? I am so tired of seeing her on screen for nothing. Glad to have Denny go into the light and gone!

Loved Meredith and Christina back! Loved Christina and Owen!!! and of course, I always love Meredith and Derek...now that is cute...him trying to find the best way to propose and being so "scared".

Anyway, great job on the rest of the episode. Glad Grey's is back on the map.

[Kate Clevinger]

Where is George? I miss George. More George please.
BTW I love Cristina and Owen

[lhash]

This episode is one of my favorites. I love when there is some humor mixed in with the heavy moments.

Personally, I like Sloan and Little Grey. While the two of them together is a little awkward (and what relationship isn't at that point), I really love seeing what it's doing to Mark. Fun.

[Alicia]

I loved the Christina/Owen scenes, all of them. He deserves to be called McDelicious, he is so adorable. She is also fabulous. They are both incandescent. What a great combination and what a phenomenal couple, one of the bests on TV.
As for Mark/Lexie, I don't buy it for a second. I laugh when he pretends she is a sex goddess. She is too insipid, although I like her character getting stronger. She still lacks spice to make the relationship believable. I personally think it is hopeless but am willing to go with it. I like though the sweet relation she is starting to have with her sister, a nice believable sisterly relationship.
I also like it that Izzie is coming back to her senses and starting to teach the interns something, even if it was self-serving.
I am not sure I would like to see Callie having a relationship with Arizona. A bisexual person is by definition a free-spirit and here, Callie seems to be forced into a lesbian relation, which is kind of weird.
Finally, I am glad Meredith did not see the bed covered with so many rose petals, it was so over the top. She would have totally freaked out.

[Lily]

Thank you for the wonderful Owen and Cristina scenes (although I could have done without the cheesy piano music). Kevin McKidd and Sandra Oh as usual pulled it off perfectly and I loved the flirtatious fun scenes for a change. Its nice to see them lighthearted inctead of so intense. Also I loved to see Cristina's nurturing side taking care of Owen. Great episode!