Stacy McKee on "These Ties That Bind"...

Original Airdate: 11-13-08

I have this vase. It has its very own spot, right in the center of my breakfast room table, directly in front of the window, where the light will shine through it. It’s beautiful – Murano glass with multicolored stripes of orange and yellow and pink and blue… I love this vase. It was an engagement gift, and it’s one of a kind. Irreplaceable. And a few weeks ago, my kitten figured out how to jump up onto my breakfast room table (but he couldn’t figure out how to STAY on the table) so my new little kitten skidded all the way across the top of the table and crashed onto the floor below… taking my vase with him.

I jumped into action – first making sure my kitten wasn’t hurt, then starting the task of carefully sweeping up every last shard of broken glass… Only, as I stood there, broom in hand, staring down at all those beautiful broken shards, I started to cry. And cry. And cry and cry and cry and cry and pretty soon my husband was there, trying to figure out how I could possibly be sobbing – SOBBING – over what was, let’s face it, a PIECE OF GLASS. And through my crazy, slightly manic tears, I managed to blurt out that it wasn’t just a piece of glass! It was a beautiful vase. A beautiful vase that made me happy every time I looked at it and that was important because sometimes we all need reminders of things that make us happy. That vase was from a time in our life when things were new and bright and just beginning and now it’s gone. The vase is gone forever, there’s no way to bring it back. I felt connected to that vase, and I already missed it. I MISSED THE DAMN VASE.

Is what I said. Through my tears. Gesturing with my broom. Which was pretty ridiculous. Only, not – because what you don’t know is that over the summer, my dad passed away. Then a couple of weeks later, my cat passed away. Which is the only reason I have a new kitten in the first place. And the truth is – this was probably the first time I’d really – REALLY – let myself cry. I finally let myself start to feel that incredible mish mash of feelings we all have when we lose people who are important to us. I was crying for all the loss I’d been feeling for months. And it took a shattered vase to help me let it out.

In Callie Torres’s case… all it takes is some shattered bones.

I know, I know – Hahn isn’t dead. But she IS gone. And Callie is feeling it – sort of. Callie’s diving into work. She wants bones to break, skeletons to build, SOMETHING to keep her from thinking about Erica. Erica played an unbelievably important role in Callie’s life; Erica’s relationship with Callie has completely redefined how Callie sees herself. That’s something you can’t undo. Erica’s departure has left Callie with this big gaping hole that she has no idea how to fill. Callie had just started to figure out her own feelings, her own identity and now – Hahn’s gone. Without a goodbye. Whether or not Callie and Erica were ever soul mates, you can’t deny that they played irreplaceable roles in each other’s lives. The heartbreak that Callie is feeling is very very real. And very very private until – she starts to cry, and cry and cry and cry, in the OR, over the bones that she built from scratch. She’s crying for all the loss and heartbreak and sadness she hasn’t allowed herself to really feel yet. Which is why it’s so lovely that Callie’s friends – Yang, Sloan, and even Owen – recognize the moment for what it is and try to give her the privacy she needs to mourn.

Kinda like me with my vase. Only, Sara Ramirez looks WAY more glamorous than me when she cries.

Callie isn’t the only one feeling a lack of connection. It’s clear that Owen is having difficulty adjusting to life at SGH. He calls in Derek and Mark for help, then disregards their concerns about his patient. I love watching Owen’s face when he’s listening to his patient’s story, about how somewhere along the way the patient just lost the ability to connect. It’s clear that it resonates with Owen, and it’s only after that moment that he really becomes receptive to Derek. And I think that it’s because of that moment that Owen goes in for that kiss with Cristina… Owen doesn’t want to lose his ability to connect with other people. But, obviously, he’s having some difficulty connecting gracefully – that kiss isn’t soft or romantic. It’s a little desperate –- at least at first.

What’s nice is that Cristina seems to recognize this. And even though she walks away from Owen in the end, there’s no judgment there. It’s just that she doesn’t quite know what to do with all the feelings she’s feeling…

Which brings me to Cristina. And how displaced she’s got to be feeling in this episode… because of Sadie. Meredith’s Pre-Cristina Cristina.  Sadie knew Meredith back when Mer was traveling around Europe. Back when Mer was a little wilder and a little crazier (What? You think a girl who can throw back multiple tequila shots and perform surgery the next day doesn’t have a past?) Back when, apparently, Meredith’s nickname was Death. Sadie shares history with Meredith that Cristina can’t. She’s connected to Meredith in a way that Cristina never can be… and that’s uncomfortable for Cristina. She doesn’t like to share – she especially doesn’t like to share her person.

One story I love in this episode involves Meredith and her other person – Derek. Meredith and Derek are as healthy and happy as we’ve ever seen them. And what I love is that they are functioning the way solid, happy couples function. In this case, Derek sees a chance for Meredith to connect with her sister, he encourages her to do so – and it works. Once Meredith talks to Lexie, she does get worried about her little sister’s well being, and enlists Derek’s help keeping Little Sloan out of Little Grey.

Which, by the way, really IS one of the most ridiculous things any grown man (especially Derek Shepherd) could say to one another man. And that makes it all the more sweet that Derek is perfectly willing to say it to Mark Sloan. He does it for Meredith. Which makes me love him for loving her so completely.

In an episode about connection, I also love that we introduce a character whose very identity is wrapped up in the fact that she has difficulty connecting with the people around her. Dixon (played beautifully by Mary McDonnell) has Aspergers syndrome, which is a mild form of autism. This doesn’t keep her from being an incredible surgeon; in fact, her obsessive interest in the human heart is probably the very thing that has helped her master it.  But her condition does keep her from being able to communicate with patients or with our doctors in a way that we’re use to… The moment in the elevator, when Bailey finally realizes why Dixon is the way she is… Couldn’t love it more. Because it’s so rare that Bailey, of all our characters, ever oversteps. Only it’s so clear that she has and that she’s ashamed of it.

And then, of course, there’s Izzie. Who is clearly still connected to Denny, even beyond the grave…

Here’s what I’ll say about Denny.

I want you to take a moment, and just think for a second. About what you would do if someone you lost, who was unbelievably important to you, suddenly showed up in your room. Right now. While you’re sitting at your computer and reading this blog and suddenly feeling a chill on the back of your neck and hearing, from behind you, in a familiar voice: “Hi.” It’s someone – your lover, your parent, your grandparent, your best friend, your ex-fiancée… someone you thought was gone forever and suddenly now they are right there. Standing next to you. Asking you to talk to them, asking you to hold their hand.

Sure, at first you’d be scared and freaked out and seriously considering the possibility that you might very well be crazy… but in the next moment, what would you do? You have wished every day since that person left that you could see them, touch them, just one more time. What would you do?

I know what I’d do. I’d take my dead dad’s hand. And we’d sit there and stay up all night talking about all the things we never got a chance to talk about. And I wouldn’t care if he was dead or if I was crazy because it would be so great just to hear his voice again.

So, can you imagine, if you were Izzie, what you might do if Denny suddenly appeared to you? And after trying to ignore him, and trying to say goodbye to him, and even after BURNING his fricking sweater, he was STILL there…

All I’m saying is… maybe this is one connection that gets to defy all logic and common sense and, instead, maybe it just gets to be. Even if it does seem too good to be true.

Like the new vase that magically appeared on my desk the other day. I walked into my office and there it was. Just like new. Like magic. (Turns out my husband secretly contacted the glass factory in Venice that made my vase, found their one local retailer in the states, and – amazingly – was able to track down an almost near replica of the very vase my kitten shattered. He snuck into my office in the middle of my work day and left it there for me.) But to me it was magic. My magical Murano vase, back from the dead. And in that moment, for so so many reasons, I’d never been so happy.

Comments

[Margarita]

Ok, so as much as I loved the Denny character she has a good thing going with Alex now and DENNY IS DEAD! Please stop trying to bring him back. Also, this Sadie chick is irritating. I don't like her and "her and meredith" will never interest me like "Christina and Meredith" do. I really hope she's not a permanent character! I do love the way Derek & Mer are together. They look so happy & "normal".

[Mel]

NO.

I REPEAT, NO.

what the heck was THAT!?
i am the BIGGEST denny/izzie shipper in the history of GA shippers, but i have NO IDEA WHAT THE HECK THAT JUST WAS.

is izzie going to kill herself, stacy mckee!?
denny is a GHOST. she CANNOT TOUCH DENNY. what's going to happen when she steps off the looney train!? am i/izzy going to lose denny AGAIN!? because i sat through this entire episode crying, and i can't be doing that EVERYTIME, especially if you're just going to KILL HIM AGAIN.

i loved it though. i laughed at every one of denny's comments and as much as i hated seeing him, i forgot how much i missed him. i fell in love with denny and i'll never get tired of his character, even if it does mean a resurrection from the dead.

but,
are you going to break my heart, abc7!?

[wtf?!]

If I had just lost somebody and they came back to haunt me, I wouldn't want to have sex with them.

Something strange in Seattle Grace...who you gonna call...Ghostbusters!!

[Annie]

Denny, are you kidding me? He is dead, why cant he just go the light. I hate this storyline. This is not realistic anymore. Just get rid off Denny, please!!!

[Joanna]

I haven't seen this episode yet because of that ^&#*&**$^&Q# football game, but I wanted to say that your husband rules.

This Denny thing has gone too far. He's DEAD, gone. Stop bringing him back. We've already forgotten about him. He wasn't even that huge of a character to begin with. And now he's using up the screen time of characters we actually LIKE. I get that Izzie needs to get over him, but you could have done that in one quick episode. Have her bury his stupid sweater and develop her story line with Alex! WOW, there's an idea! *head desk*

[mosippy]

I agree with Rachel. Hahn's departure is a loss, and I felt genuine sadness seeing Callie break down in the OR like that. If Brooke Smith has to be gone (and I surely wish she weren't) please allow Callie to grieve and grow in a real way. It would be a disservice to all involved in the 'Callica' story line for Callie to suddenly snap back to her old self and hop back into bed with Sloan or someone new. I have to say I really dislike that Hahn supposedly left without any goodbye whatsoever. Yes, she was apoplectic, if you will, but Hahn's character is someone who deals with things head-on, including, as we saw, matters of the heart. To have her disappear after "I don't know you" simply feels shoehorned and out of character. I realize that this is TV we're talking about but please don't forget the best moments of shows like Grey's happen when we, as viewers, can all watch nodding in agreement about something that seems true and real.

[fey]

i liked this episode a little less than the previous two, but Dixon, Christina and Owen rockded. <3

it wld be fun to bring back burke for a guest episode when c and o are together for good.

p/s: denny was really too much.

[sarah]

Izzie can't live this story anymore. Do you wanna know why?

Cause you KILLED denny!!!!
Too late, move on!!!!
M-O-V-E ONNNNNNNN!

Poor girl, what are you doing with her? Is she going nuts or something?

[Liz]

And please let Meredith and Cristina remain best friends, and not let Sadie replace her. Mer and Cristina need eachother.

[alex fan]

poor Alex he doesnt deserve at all he trusted Izzie and all opened up for her and now all he is gonna take will be pain

You're just caring about izzie, denny..

and alex?
he is a person!!!!

[Joy]

well, thank you because finally you've listen to all the Mer-der fans of the World. We don't need for them to Kiss or have sex, we need to see them COMMUNICATE as couple who are in a relationship. Glad that derek pointed out to cristina how he feels everytime she jumps in bed with Mere/derek, finally cristina got the taste of her own medicine. Love that.

But i don't feel comfortable with Denny always showing up. Game over for Denny Please. Denny's storyline needs to stop the show is not about Ghost & supernatural. the 1st time he show up Im OK, the 2nd one tolerable. But now it's kinda disturbing already. You have so many character you can utilize them, why keep bringing Denny Up?

and where the Hell is George O' Malley? Where is He?

[Anna]

Thank you
Thank you
Thank you

For MerDer screen time and they talked to each other all episode long!

FINALLY a writer that gets it and gives us what we want.

Can you write all the episodes please?

[Kate]

The thing I thought was kind of stupid tonight was no one recognizing Auspergers Syndrome from the begining. They're supposed to be doctors. I knew in the first 20 seconds that she had Auspergers, why didn't people who are supposedly trained medical professionals?

[Maya]

I could go on and on about Denny, but I'm honestly tired of beating a dead horse. I wish you all would move on from Denny, or that Izzie would. I guess that is the point of it all in the end.

I am finding Owen more fascinating with every episode. The man is broken. When we saw him in the premiere, he was invincible and all bad ass. Am I to assume that he is back to normal when he starts answering questions with "So?" He is someone that cares so much but is struggling with hiding his own emotions about what he went through and eventually it is going to blow up in his face, but I'm hoping that Cristina will be there to help him along.

Regardless, the desperation he was feeling after the conversation with the patient really got to me. You could see in his face that he didn't want to be that guy that couldn't make it back into society. The kiss with Cristina was hot but I honestly felt sorry for him. When she caught up with him he was on gaurd and you could tell by his face he wasn't there. But as you said he decided that he had to do something to feel human again. I agree the kiss was desperate, but I will again agree with you that what I loved so much about it was Cristina's reaction. She completely accepted him, even though she was all confused by it, and other feelings she had that day in regard to Sadie. Cristina is the only one Owen has a real connection with in SGH. She knew him in a way before that the other staff will never know, and she's the only one that can help him on the way to getting back to himself.

He's such a tragic person, but I am really intrigued by his storyline and the pairing with Cristina. It will be interesting to see how everything falls into place. You can tell that Cristina is being very non-Cristina in terms of how she is reaching out to him, usually people have to reach out to her. Hopefully they will be able to find their way soon because they're so hot together. Sandrah Oh and Kevin McKidd have great chemistry, I'd like to see him interact with more of the characters on the show.

I thought Dr. Dixon's storyline was well handled. A lot of people do not know or recognize Asperenger's syndrome as a type of autism, but do not seem to realize that one can still have a brilliant career and life in spite of the social disorder. I thought it was handled responsibly and it will be great to see how this story plays out.

As for Sadie, I'm trying hard to find the purpose of her, of the show adding yet another character, I'm just not digging it. I wish you guys would invest more with the characters you do have and have left hanging like George and Lexi instead of bringing up new people. I mean what are you doing with George SERIOUSLY??

Also poor Mark still has no purpose, but I love that he is being a true friend to Callie. Its so odd their relationship but I guess we just have to accept it for what it is. Give him something soon please!

Other than that great episode, though I feel that it wasn't as huge as the promo made it out to be which is I guess the goal of promos.

Keep the Owen/Cristina stuff going though its awesome!

[Katie]

I just finished the episode and my first reaction was to jump on the computer and read everything everyone else was saying about it. I have been watching the show since the first episode and let me be the first to say that Shonda I will follow you anywhere. If Denny and Izzy hook up, so be it. If she has a tumor, ok. If Mere (or Death) has an old friend named Sa-die then ok. Just lead the way.

[jessica]

Your husband is very sweet.

Loved the story you told about Meredith and her other person Derek. I'd come to expect bookends 20 seconds of them an epi. Seeing them throughout and functioning as a couple heathy and happy was what I've been waiting all season to see.

[Ginger]

Stacy,
Let me start with what I loved.

I lOVED Meredith and Derek together in this episode - talking, sharing, being togehter, HAVING SCENES together. Yum. I loved every second. They are NOT boring togehter. Trust us, we love them. I've never been one to long for the old days where Meredith and Derek are pining for each other. I love them as a committed couple, reading in bed together, kissing, etc. Patrick and Ellen have the most amazing chemistry together and I just never get tired of watching them. I loved every second and of course want more, more more.

I also thoroughly enjoyed Mark tonight. He is awesome and needs his own storyline. Not sure about him and Little Grey though.

I enjoyed the Christina and Derek interaction quite a bit. I would love to see them get closer and if Sadie makes that happen, I suppose I can tolerate her.

I didn't enjoy Sadie AT ALL. I think she is going to be super annoying. I'm over the bad girl routine.

Also, I find the whole intern secret society proposterous. Truly absurd.

Where was George tonight. I missed him.

Now, saving best for last. I HATED the Denny storyline. HATED IT!!!!!! It really ruined the episode for me. I like Alex and Izzie together for one. But also, I never liked Denny the first time around. And maybe, just maybe if you hadn't rushed out and had George suddenly become Izzie's true love, I might have bought this whole Denny thing, but seriously, what a cluster.

But, let me end on a good note. The Mer/Der stuff is fantastic and I love where you guys are taking them this year. It was so nice to see them together in the hospital because in prior episodes, they have had so littel sreen time it is hard to tell the nature of their relationship. Tonight we got a window into things. Even starting with them snuggling in bed was huge.

[cookie buchman]

Stacy, so sorry about your dad. Please accept my deepest sympathy. Yes, I still watch G.A.
Love, Eric's mom

I don't like Sadie, she can go. Cast is kinda too big needs to go down some in size.

More Lexie&Mark with MerDer that looks like a funny 4-some.

MerDer time was really good! yay thanks

What was the point of Alex and Izzie together if Iz "big love story" is denny?

Ahh, to make alex suffer a little bit more!!

As much as I love them together I think he deserves better... I don't want him to get hurt AGAIN by the same person.

He is in love with izzie since season one! This is beyond ridiculous!

[Brenda]

Mer/Der being together and us seeing it!! Best episode since the season fnale

Denny's so hot. Logic or what he is ok with me!

[Jesica]

I would have to say that I do agree with a lot of these comments on Denny, how is it that he is real? I mean that would have to be a serious switch. Then Hauhn leaving the previous episode...and anger over the stolen heart. And then bam a dead guy is real. Keep Sloan away from lil Grey that was great! And I think that you have to give the interns props for learning on their own, when most of their teachers, are emtional upset and worried about other things than teaching. All in all a good episode, made ya think, see ya next week.

[Lola]

No more Denny, enough with the Denny storyline. It's so many seasons ago it's getting ridiculous. And it's making this show unwatchable.

I liked this episode except for that. Nice blog too, but you guys really really really need to put Denny away and give Izzy and Alex a chance.

[kathy]

You gave hope for Mer-Der that the writers remembered who they were and are a couple. I enjoyed them so much this show.