Stacy McKee on "These Ties That Bind"...

Original Airdate: 11-13-08

I have this vase. It has its very own spot, right in the center of my breakfast room table, directly in front of the window, where the light will shine through it. It’s beautiful – Murano glass with multicolored stripes of orange and yellow and pink and blue… I love this vase. It was an engagement gift, and it’s one of a kind. Irreplaceable. And a few weeks ago, my kitten figured out how to jump up onto my breakfast room table (but he couldn’t figure out how to STAY on the table) so my new little kitten skidded all the way across the top of the table and crashed onto the floor below… taking my vase with him.

I jumped into action – first making sure my kitten wasn’t hurt, then starting the task of carefully sweeping up every last shard of broken glass… Only, as I stood there, broom in hand, staring down at all those beautiful broken shards, I started to cry. And cry. And cry and cry and cry and cry and pretty soon my husband was there, trying to figure out how I could possibly be sobbing – SOBBING – over what was, let’s face it, a PIECE OF GLASS. And through my crazy, slightly manic tears, I managed to blurt out that it wasn’t just a piece of glass! It was a beautiful vase. A beautiful vase that made me happy every time I looked at it and that was important because sometimes we all need reminders of things that make us happy. That vase was from a time in our life when things were new and bright and just beginning and now it’s gone. The vase is gone forever, there’s no way to bring it back. I felt connected to that vase, and I already missed it. I MISSED THE DAMN VASE.

Is what I said. Through my tears. Gesturing with my broom. Which was pretty ridiculous. Only, not – because what you don’t know is that over the summer, my dad passed away. Then a couple of weeks later, my cat passed away. Which is the only reason I have a new kitten in the first place. And the truth is – this was probably the first time I’d really – REALLY – let myself cry. I finally let myself start to feel that incredible mish mash of feelings we all have when we lose people who are important to us. I was crying for all the loss I’d been feeling for months. And it took a shattered vase to help me let it out.

In Callie Torres’s case… all it takes is some shattered bones.

I know, I know – Hahn isn’t dead. But she IS gone. And Callie is feeling it – sort of. Callie’s diving into work. She wants bones to break, skeletons to build, SOMETHING to keep her from thinking about Erica. Erica played an unbelievably important role in Callie’s life; Erica’s relationship with Callie has completely redefined how Callie sees herself. That’s something you can’t undo. Erica’s departure has left Callie with this big gaping hole that she has no idea how to fill. Callie had just started to figure out her own feelings, her own identity and now – Hahn’s gone. Without a goodbye. Whether or not Callie and Erica were ever soul mates, you can’t deny that they played irreplaceable roles in each other’s lives. The heartbreak that Callie is feeling is very very real. And very very private until – she starts to cry, and cry and cry and cry, in the OR, over the bones that she built from scratch. She’s crying for all the loss and heartbreak and sadness she hasn’t allowed herself to really feel yet. Which is why it’s so lovely that Callie’s friends – Yang, Sloan, and even Owen – recognize the moment for what it is and try to give her the privacy she needs to mourn.

Kinda like me with my vase. Only, Sara Ramirez looks WAY more glamorous than me when she cries.

Callie isn’t the only one feeling a lack of connection. It’s clear that Owen is having difficulty adjusting to life at SGH. He calls in Derek and Mark for help, then disregards their concerns about his patient. I love watching Owen’s face when he’s listening to his patient’s story, about how somewhere along the way the patient just lost the ability to connect. It’s clear that it resonates with Owen, and it’s only after that moment that he really becomes receptive to Derek. And I think that it’s because of that moment that Owen goes in for that kiss with Cristina… Owen doesn’t want to lose his ability to connect with other people. But, obviously, he’s having some difficulty connecting gracefully – that kiss isn’t soft or romantic. It’s a little desperate –- at least at first.

What’s nice is that Cristina seems to recognize this. And even though she walks away from Owen in the end, there’s no judgment there. It’s just that she doesn’t quite know what to do with all the feelings she’s feeling…

Which brings me to Cristina. And how displaced she’s got to be feeling in this episode… because of Sadie. Meredith’s Pre-Cristina Cristina.  Sadie knew Meredith back when Mer was traveling around Europe. Back when Mer was a little wilder and a little crazier (What? You think a girl who can throw back multiple tequila shots and perform surgery the next day doesn’t have a past?) Back when, apparently, Meredith’s nickname was Death. Sadie shares history with Meredith that Cristina can’t. She’s connected to Meredith in a way that Cristina never can be… and that’s uncomfortable for Cristina. She doesn’t like to share – she especially doesn’t like to share her person.

One story I love in this episode involves Meredith and her other person – Derek. Meredith and Derek are as healthy and happy as we’ve ever seen them. And what I love is that they are functioning the way solid, happy couples function. In this case, Derek sees a chance for Meredith to connect with her sister, he encourages her to do so – and it works. Once Meredith talks to Lexie, she does get worried about her little sister’s well being, and enlists Derek’s help keeping Little Sloan out of Little Grey.

Which, by the way, really IS one of the most ridiculous things any grown man (especially Derek Shepherd) could say to one another man. And that makes it all the more sweet that Derek is perfectly willing to say it to Mark Sloan. He does it for Meredith. Which makes me love him for loving her so completely.

In an episode about connection, I also love that we introduce a character whose very identity is wrapped up in the fact that she has difficulty connecting with the people around her. Dixon (played beautifully by Mary McDonnell) has Aspergers syndrome, which is a mild form of autism. This doesn’t keep her from being an incredible surgeon; in fact, her obsessive interest in the human heart is probably the very thing that has helped her master it.  But her condition does keep her from being able to communicate with patients or with our doctors in a way that we’re use to… The moment in the elevator, when Bailey finally realizes why Dixon is the way she is… Couldn’t love it more. Because it’s so rare that Bailey, of all our characters, ever oversteps. Only it’s so clear that she has and that she’s ashamed of it.

And then, of course, there’s Izzie. Who is clearly still connected to Denny, even beyond the grave…

Here’s what I’ll say about Denny.

I want you to take a moment, and just think for a second. About what you would do if someone you lost, who was unbelievably important to you, suddenly showed up in your room. Right now. While you’re sitting at your computer and reading this blog and suddenly feeling a chill on the back of your neck and hearing, from behind you, in a familiar voice: “Hi.” It’s someone – your lover, your parent, your grandparent, your best friend, your ex-fiancée… someone you thought was gone forever and suddenly now they are right there. Standing next to you. Asking you to talk to them, asking you to hold their hand.

Sure, at first you’d be scared and freaked out and seriously considering the possibility that you might very well be crazy… but in the next moment, what would you do? You have wished every day since that person left that you could see them, touch them, just one more time. What would you do?

I know what I’d do. I’d take my dead dad’s hand. And we’d sit there and stay up all night talking about all the things we never got a chance to talk about. And I wouldn’t care if he was dead or if I was crazy because it would be so great just to hear his voice again.

So, can you imagine, if you were Izzie, what you might do if Denny suddenly appeared to you? And after trying to ignore him, and trying to say goodbye to him, and even after BURNING his fricking sweater, he was STILL there…

All I’m saying is… maybe this is one connection that gets to defy all logic and common sense and, instead, maybe it just gets to be. Even if it does seem too good to be true.

Like the new vase that magically appeared on my desk the other day. I walked into my office and there it was. Just like new. Like magic. (Turns out my husband secretly contacted the glass factory in Venice that made my vase, found their one local retailer in the states, and – amazingly – was able to track down an almost near replica of the very vase my kitten shattered. He snuck into my office in the middle of my work day and left it there for me.) But to me it was magic. My magical Murano vase, back from the dead. And in that moment, for so so many reasons, I’d never been so happy.

Comments

[Chelsea]

DENNY IS DEAD AND NEEDS TO STAY THAT WAY! Seriously, this is absurd. Why does a dead character who wasn't even a regular get more of a storyline than Sloan? Alex does not deserve another messed-up girlfriend, especially one who is choosing Denny over him again.

[Liz]

I really really feel sorry for you.

This could have been a great episode, except for the ridiculous Denny plot.

Seriously? Katherine complains about not having a storyline and now she haves to own the show? It's been all about her in the last episodes. It bugs me a lot. She isn't the lead character. And the fact that now Denny is back from the death. Seriously? She's never gonna move on if Shonda doesn't move on either.

I'm happy because we finally got a little bit more MerDer screentime. I keep watching to SEE them being a healthy couple and dealing with their issues as a person, and as a couple.

I hope their screentime is steady, not four episodes of 20 seconds snippets, one with 2 minutes, another 4 with nothing, and well you get my point. Cut the screentime of the non sense storylines. And the ones people are not interested in.

Remember who are the leads of the show.

And by the way, where was George?

I love Sadie, I think she's going to bring some interesting information on Meredith, and finally Cristina is going to realiza is not all about her. I'm all for Cristina separating from Mer. That's not what real friendships are made of, that's the most unhealthy and obssesive relationship I have seen.

[Jessica]

Okay, so I have a major crush on JDM and I LOVE Denny. Just love him. Normally I would just hate IZZIE'S ANATOMY as she has gotten just WAY too much screen time lately, but Denny makes that all tolerable right now. He's so worth watching. Give me some more dead Denny! He's a doll and Izzie's one true love.

[dlferriola]

It was a really good episode and after reading your blog, I understand where you were coming from. I am really sorry for your loss. The only aspect of Denny returning and acting real is sad. She had moved on and was happy with Alex. I am really not happy about this storyline because it does not make any sense. Why make a character move backwards and in such a bizarre way? I just hope he disappears again and she can pick up her relationship with Alex. Everything else was great, Mer&Der being a real couple,Cris &Hunt getting closer, Mer&Lexie connecting as sisters, Sloan comforting Callie as a true friend.The medical cases were really interesting. Thank you for a great episode.

[insatiable]

the thing with denny, and dont get me wrong, i was devastated when he died, is that honestly i dont think its healthy for izzy. it took her two seasons to get over him? let it go. let her move on, let her be happy with him as a part of her, but not something she still clings too like hes coming back. she isnt 3 - she doesnt need an imaginary friend. although i thought he was hilarious in this episode, still, let her move on. PLEASE

[Eli]

You are ruining the show bringing Denny back, you will see it in the ratings and in the critics of the episode please ABC people do something! Stop this torture!

[L]

LOVED that you brought Denny back! LOVED it!!! Thank you!!!! I was mesmerized in this story tonight. Also enjoying Cristina and Owen. And, I agree with a previous comment, bring Callies strength back!

[nathi]

DENNY IS NOT YOUR VASE!!!!!!!!!!!! DENNY IS DEAD AND ABOVE AL THINGS HE WAS A PERSON!!!! YOU CAN'T BRING SOMEONE BACK!!!!You can't call the "factory" in Venice to bring Denny back!!! please, keep him DEAD. This is getting so damn ridiculous I can't barely take it anymore. And I used to be grey's #1 fan, die hard fan, I have to say!

on the other hand, I LOVE MERDER!!!!! I LOVE it when they have screentime, act like a couple! I just can't get enough of them! Their chesmitry is just... WOW! More MerDer, I say!!!

[Remy]

You know, I've been watching from the very beginning. Which is weird for me, I don't watch any primetime shows.. just this one.

It's been this guilty, dirty, secret, fanfic-epic fantasy of mine that Denny would come back.

In the end, I settled on something ridiculous like a long-lost twin brother. But I wanted him back, even if it meant as a ghost.

It's not right... everything about it is wrong... everything is wrong about his reintroduction.

The worst part about it, is that I loved it. It felt so good to see Denny kiss Izzie.

I know everything about it is wrong, but my tiny little heart just yearns for that ridiculous stretch... and now that I've gotten it, I feel so satisfied.. so satisfied in all of the wrong ways.

[MoftheC]

Horrible, horrible episode. The whole Denny storyline is ridcolous. Let the man rest in piece. I'm disheartened by the previews for next week. I've been one of the show's biggest defenders, but this was horrible. I see you brought the ramps in and you're going to jump the shark next week.

So sad, especially since episodes 2-6 were great.

[Tammy]

I love this show. I really do. It's awesome. I love the secret intern society, I love the humor, I love the characters and the stories told.

I'm just not sure what to think about Denny anymore. I was ok with bringing Denny back when it was used to tie up his storyline. Ya know, the whole Izzy steals the heart from someone and that person comes back to SGH. I was ok with all of that. In fact, I LOVED that episode!

I could understand why her feelings would come back to the surface so quickly. He was a huge part of her life...even if it was only for a short time. So having him show up then was ok. But to be able to touch him?! To feel him and talk to him, that's a bit of a stretch for me. How could you explain that? I don't want Izzy to go crazy. Especially with Alex trying so hard to be there for her. To help her. I really like her and alex finally having their shot at love. So please let there be a good way to explain all of this!!

As for Callie: I love that Hann is gone. I hated her!! It was nice to see Sloan as someone other than the resident manwhore of SGH. It showed a new side to Sloan and it was refreshing. I really really really hope that sloan and callie get together. They would be perfect for each other!!

And I loved cristina and hunt. Keep that coming!! They work so well together and I can't wait to see more of them!

Oh and I really don't like sadie. She came barging in and it was like Meredith changed into a completely different person. It was weird and I didn't like it.

But like I said, I love this show. I can't wait for next week's episode. Although I am getting nervous as to how this Denny thing will play out...

[PamelaJaye]

I just wanted to add that I'm blaming for the concept, not for the execution. And
Shonda = concept
The rest of you = execution
(I do remember how hard Krista fought with Shonda over Mer sleeping with George.)

Callie's "that'll do" was just right.
Sadie (? is that her name?) is making slightly more sense in round 2 - but still not enough.

Am enjoying seeing Mer and Der talking to each other.

More later or I will never get to sleep

[Tray]

What would I do if the ghost of my dead fiance showed up right now? I sure wouldn't have sex with it, as it appears happens next week.

The show has been weak since the middle of season 3, and now it is officially a joke. I don't know who thought a ghost storyline would be a good idea, but it sucks. I don't know how you will get out of the corner you have written yourselves into.

And having doctors slicing themselves up for practice? Performing a SURGERY on each other???!! Practicing IVs was one thing, but the line gets drawn there.

Are there sharks in the Elliot Bay? Because the show is about to jump one

[brookeccc]

the whole denny thing is frustrating so moving on... i LOVE sadie! im not a cristina basher or anything (shes funny sure) but meredith and sadie seem more fun to watch, i'm glad the writers is bringing back a bit of her past... so why didnt we get to hear what meredith reveals to derek??? i mean SERIOUSLY?! haha

[MindyM]

I normally take some time before I post, but I had to come on here to talk about this episode. It was nice to see the blog up already.

Stacy -

You got me right in the heart. I lost my Dad in February and have been struggling with it ever since. The problem is that I didn't get to see him before he died. It was unbearable. He was calling for me, I could hear him crying out for me on my cell phone. I begged him to please wait until I got there. But I was too late. He died before I got to see him. I hadn't seen him in a little over a year and a half. I was crushed. I went back east for his funeral and became deathly ill. I developed bronchitis and my asthma got really bad. I wound up in the emergency room. I even had to delay my trip back home to L.A.

I just haven't been the same since. When you started talking about your Dad, I broke down. For weeks after the funeral I kept hearing his voice all the time. I had nightmares where I could hear him calling for me. I have been getting better, but it's a hard road. The lack of closure, of not being there to hold his hand and say good-bye, has left me emotionally devastated.

As someone who was abandoned as a child, I am not well equipped to deal with this. The guilt is almost all consuming. So I get where you are coming from. I know my father and I shared a special bond and he would not want me to be destroyed over this. I get through it one day at a time.

I am okay with Mer and Der. I don't share any of the anger that so many have expressed here. I see that they are happy and normal and helping each other. I don't need to have them monopolize the whole episode.

I think Sara Ramirez did a great job when she broke down over Hahn. That was more real to me than their relationship. I never felt it at all. But I have to respect where she is and what she is feeling. It was done so beautifully. I love how Sloan is actually showing some real feelings for her. There is a human being inside him, underneath that arrogant and snide exterior.

I don't know what to think about Izzie and Denny. I mean, I get what you are trying to say here. Of course we all want one more chance to see and touch a loved one who is gone. I would give anything to see my father again, to hear his voice and touch him. But it isn't going to happen. So what on earth is going on with Izzie? Are you saying that she wants it so much that she has made it real? Or are you saying that Denny has come back from the dead?

All I can say right now is that you are walking a fine line here. This could easily be a total disaster. I can see how a lot of fans will be really offended and even insulted. What about Alex? He's here now and that's important, too. Denny has been gone for so long. Why bring him up now when Izzie has finally found a new relationship with Alex? It's bringing out the best in him and I love that. Don't take that away! It would be a shame to destroy what they have found together.

Why can't you let Denny stay dead? We all know that you can wish all you want, but you don't get a chance to have someone come back from the dead. I have my memories of my father and that is what sustains me. Izzie should just be glad that she experienced a love like that. Many people never even have that, if only for such a short time. It's true that they never got to realize their dreams, but Izzie has a life to live, for heaven's sake! I think this is asking too much, at least for me.

[Nikki]

Stacy....
Really loved this episode... except for the Denny thing. I loved him when he was in season two... but he's dead! This just doesnt make sense on a medical show. It's supposed to be realistic.

[idahobec]

DENNY- what the F@#%@^@# is this? I loved Denny- loved loved loved Denny! But this craziness is INSANE- not a fan at all of this storyline. What about Alex- doesn't he deserve someone sane? I get that Denny & Izzy are soul mates- but this??
Also not a fan of Sadie. I really hope you seriously didn't bring her in for Mark.
I feel for Cali- still shocked over this absurd mess of letting Brook go. I loved the breakdown of Cali in OR- I got it. I loved Yang & Sloan there for her. Are you sure that Sloan & Cali aren't meant to be together? They have incredible chemistry together. I love watching them together!
I love Mer & Der- wish I saw them more- more kissing please- please don't make them into an old boring couple yet.
Dr. Hunt is growing on me! Cant wait to see where he & Christina end up.

You husband is so incredibly thoughtful to go to all that to replace your vase.

Crossing fingers & impatiently waiting for next week~

p.s -my husband wanted me to say HE loved this eppi & thought it to be one of the best. He said this one kept him awake the entire time. (he isn't a true fan though)

[Suzie]

Denny is dead!! Why won't you people just leave him there?

I feel so bad for Alex. He's finally being a good guy to Izzy, yet dead!Denny's in the way. Denny really needs to go, even if it means Izzy has a tumor or something.

[Pat]

Hi,

Listen I love the show, I really really do, but what is this with denny? Yes, the man playing him is a very good actor but this isn't healthy for Izzzie, or the show. People like to see redemption: the little guy winning in the end, or a relationship that once seemed doomed but is now budding, but this is proposterous. Please resolve this quickly or I fear that the show will die.

[Sarah Grace]

I was so happy to see more of Meredith and Derek, so thank you for that. However, I agree with everyone else in saying that Denny is dead - please, please, PLEASE get rid of him. You guys have let your cast grow out of control, but the main storyline is going to a recurring dead guy? It’s really disappointing – I have to admit that I tivoed the episode and did quite a bit of fast forwarding.

I love the early seasons. I love the fab five. Heck, I loved the drowning episodes. But this is really taking it too far. It’s unrealistic and I just want you to get rid of Izzie so we can put the whole thing to bed. I understand that it’s hard to get rid of characters that mean a lot to you, but I don’t find the story appealing or interesting or anything that I want to watch, and I know I’m not alone in saying that.

Honestly, next week is make or break for me. I really don’t have time to waste an hour watching something that I hate, so we’ll see.

[RIP Denny please]

Well written blog, and get your analogy. But, you know, I have seen someone that departed, truly a ghost, and they gave me a message to deliver, so, I can even buy that you can see ghosts, and you can talk to them, I did not...I heard was given a sentence. But you CANNOT touch them, there is no matter to touch, and you cannot defy logic..don't ask us to take yet another leap into shark territory...shonda burned it all down in season 3, please let us not repeat that story. Let Denny rest...or have shonda write another pilot for JDM

[Mary from Washington]

Hey Stacy,

First of all, I just want to tell you that I think the episode tonight was written beautifully. You have a gift with words and I think it was great.

The storyline, though, is a little disconcerting. I'm not really sure how I feel about Denny. I didn't mind it when it was more about feeling his presence, but now she's having sex with a ghost and that sort of freaks me out. But I'm going to choose to trust you guys and hope that there is a master plan for why all of this is happening.

Thank you so much for the MerDer time. They were so sweet together.

And finally thank you for being a writer. It's a job that's rarely appreciated or given credit. I know that the words coming out of the characters I love come from you and I thank you for all of your hard work. Thanks.

---Mary

[Megg]

Umm...I'm pretty sure it's spelled Mary McDonnell...not McDonald. She is on your show after all...

[Leann]

Ok so maybe everyone needs to back off on the Denny thing! There is probably a great reason why he is here! How many people would love to touch there mother that died or spend just a few more hours with someone who was gone to really tell them how they felt while they were alive! Many many of us live with regrets of what we should have or could have done, well maybe this is her chance to finally tell him! He didn't get to see her dress and maybe this is just what she needs to move on with Alex and have a happy and pure love and life with him! Haven't you guys figured out that with this show there is ALWAYS a reason!! And for the rest of the episode, it was great! I loved the Callie stuff, the mer/der/sadie/christina stuff and even the owen christina! But the best part was the Little Sloan in Little Grey! Great Job!! Can't wait til next week!