Stacy McKee on "These Ties That Bind"...

Original Airdate: 11-13-08

I have this vase. It has its very own spot, right in the center of my breakfast room table, directly in front of the window, where the light will shine through it. It’s beautiful – Murano glass with multicolored stripes of orange and yellow and pink and blue… I love this vase. It was an engagement gift, and it’s one of a kind. Irreplaceable. And a few weeks ago, my kitten figured out how to jump up onto my breakfast room table (but he couldn’t figure out how to STAY on the table) so my new little kitten skidded all the way across the top of the table and crashed onto the floor below… taking my vase with him.

I jumped into action – first making sure my kitten wasn’t hurt, then starting the task of carefully sweeping up every last shard of broken glass… Only, as I stood there, broom in hand, staring down at all those beautiful broken shards, I started to cry. And cry. And cry and cry and cry and cry and pretty soon my husband was there, trying to figure out how I could possibly be sobbing – SOBBING – over what was, let’s face it, a PIECE OF GLASS. And through my crazy, slightly manic tears, I managed to blurt out that it wasn’t just a piece of glass! It was a beautiful vase. A beautiful vase that made me happy every time I looked at it and that was important because sometimes we all need reminders of things that make us happy. That vase was from a time in our life when things were new and bright and just beginning and now it’s gone. The vase is gone forever, there’s no way to bring it back. I felt connected to that vase, and I already missed it. I MISSED THE DAMN VASE.

Is what I said. Through my tears. Gesturing with my broom. Which was pretty ridiculous. Only, not – because what you don’t know is that over the summer, my dad passed away. Then a couple of weeks later, my cat passed away. Which is the only reason I have a new kitten in the first place. And the truth is – this was probably the first time I’d really – REALLY – let myself cry. I finally let myself start to feel that incredible mish mash of feelings we all have when we lose people who are important to us. I was crying for all the loss I’d been feeling for months. And it took a shattered vase to help me let it out.

In Callie Torres’s case… all it takes is some shattered bones.

I know, I know – Hahn isn’t dead. But she IS gone. And Callie is feeling it – sort of. Callie’s diving into work. She wants bones to break, skeletons to build, SOMETHING to keep her from thinking about Erica. Erica played an unbelievably important role in Callie’s life; Erica’s relationship with Callie has completely redefined how Callie sees herself. That’s something you can’t undo. Erica’s departure has left Callie with this big gaping hole that she has no idea how to fill. Callie had just started to figure out her own feelings, her own identity and now – Hahn’s gone. Without a goodbye. Whether or not Callie and Erica were ever soul mates, you can’t deny that they played irreplaceable roles in each other’s lives. The heartbreak that Callie is feeling is very very real. And very very private until – she starts to cry, and cry and cry and cry, in the OR, over the bones that she built from scratch. She’s crying for all the loss and heartbreak and sadness she hasn’t allowed herself to really feel yet. Which is why it’s so lovely that Callie’s friends – Yang, Sloan, and even Owen – recognize the moment for what it is and try to give her the privacy she needs to mourn.

Kinda like me with my vase. Only, Sara Ramirez looks WAY more glamorous than me when she cries.

Callie isn’t the only one feeling a lack of connection. It’s clear that Owen is having difficulty adjusting to life at SGH. He calls in Derek and Mark for help, then disregards their concerns about his patient. I love watching Owen’s face when he’s listening to his patient’s story, about how somewhere along the way the patient just lost the ability to connect. It’s clear that it resonates with Owen, and it’s only after that moment that he really becomes receptive to Derek. And I think that it’s because of that moment that Owen goes in for that kiss with Cristina… Owen doesn’t want to lose his ability to connect with other people. But, obviously, he’s having some difficulty connecting gracefully – that kiss isn’t soft or romantic. It’s a little desperate –- at least at first.

What’s nice is that Cristina seems to recognize this. And even though she walks away from Owen in the end, there’s no judgment there. It’s just that she doesn’t quite know what to do with all the feelings she’s feeling…

Which brings me to Cristina. And how displaced she’s got to be feeling in this episode… because of Sadie. Meredith’s Pre-Cristina Cristina.  Sadie knew Meredith back when Mer was traveling around Europe. Back when Mer was a little wilder and a little crazier (What? You think a girl who can throw back multiple tequila shots and perform surgery the next day doesn’t have a past?) Back when, apparently, Meredith’s nickname was Death. Sadie shares history with Meredith that Cristina can’t. She’s connected to Meredith in a way that Cristina never can be… and that’s uncomfortable for Cristina. She doesn’t like to share – she especially doesn’t like to share her person.

One story I love in this episode involves Meredith and her other person – Derek. Meredith and Derek are as healthy and happy as we’ve ever seen them. And what I love is that they are functioning the way solid, happy couples function. In this case, Derek sees a chance for Meredith to connect with her sister, he encourages her to do so – and it works. Once Meredith talks to Lexie, she does get worried about her little sister’s well being, and enlists Derek’s help keeping Little Sloan out of Little Grey.

Which, by the way, really IS one of the most ridiculous things any grown man (especially Derek Shepherd) could say to one another man. And that makes it all the more sweet that Derek is perfectly willing to say it to Mark Sloan. He does it for Meredith. Which makes me love him for loving her so completely.

In an episode about connection, I also love that we introduce a character whose very identity is wrapped up in the fact that she has difficulty connecting with the people around her. Dixon (played beautifully by Mary McDonnell) has Aspergers syndrome, which is a mild form of autism. This doesn’t keep her from being an incredible surgeon; in fact, her obsessive interest in the human heart is probably the very thing that has helped her master it.  But her condition does keep her from being able to communicate with patients or with our doctors in a way that we’re use to… The moment in the elevator, when Bailey finally realizes why Dixon is the way she is… Couldn’t love it more. Because it’s so rare that Bailey, of all our characters, ever oversteps. Only it’s so clear that she has and that she’s ashamed of it.

And then, of course, there’s Izzie. Who is clearly still connected to Denny, even beyond the grave…

Here’s what I’ll say about Denny.

I want you to take a moment, and just think for a second. About what you would do if someone you lost, who was unbelievably important to you, suddenly showed up in your room. Right now. While you’re sitting at your computer and reading this blog and suddenly feeling a chill on the back of your neck and hearing, from behind you, in a familiar voice: “Hi.” It’s someone – your lover, your parent, your grandparent, your best friend, your ex-fiancée… someone you thought was gone forever and suddenly now they are right there. Standing next to you. Asking you to talk to them, asking you to hold their hand.

Sure, at first you’d be scared and freaked out and seriously considering the possibility that you might very well be crazy… but in the next moment, what would you do? You have wished every day since that person left that you could see them, touch them, just one more time. What would you do?

I know what I’d do. I’d take my dead dad’s hand. And we’d sit there and stay up all night talking about all the things we never got a chance to talk about. And I wouldn’t care if he was dead or if I was crazy because it would be so great just to hear his voice again.

So, can you imagine, if you were Izzie, what you might do if Denny suddenly appeared to you? And after trying to ignore him, and trying to say goodbye to him, and even after BURNING his fricking sweater, he was STILL there…

All I’m saying is… maybe this is one connection that gets to defy all logic and common sense and, instead, maybe it just gets to be. Even if it does seem too good to be true.

Like the new vase that magically appeared on my desk the other day. I walked into my office and there it was. Just like new. Like magic. (Turns out my husband secretly contacted the glass factory in Venice that made my vase, found their one local retailer in the states, and – amazingly – was able to track down an almost near replica of the very vase my kitten shattered. He snuck into my office in the middle of my work day and left it there for me.) But to me it was magic. My magical Murano vase, back from the dead. And in that moment, for so so many reasons, I’d never been so happy.

Comments

[Niki]

OMFG...Please tell me this is a joke. Denny's REALLY alive? Really? I can't handle this. It's so soap opera-ey but I want this to be real SO BAD!

[md]

this episode was okay. I'm only watching now to see what happens between Owen and Cristina. They rock!

[kathy C in NorCal]

Wow!
The whole Denny thing. I am one of those who has loved seeing Denny appear from time to time, but this...
It is too good to be true and she's not crazy. Are you all giving her a tumor?
Hope not. I like Izzy.
Callie, why would she have break down after surgery like that because Hahn left?
Afterher marriage fell apart I don't recall any major break downs. Why are you making her so suddenly so fragile?
And in surgery? You did it with that procedure in the first episode too. She's a surgeon, an experienced one; so give her her strength back please.
More Christina. More Sloan.

[meee]

the major mcHunky storyline is REALLY doing it for me! the vulnerability now is in such stark contrast, yet in perfect sync with owen from the 2nd epi. i love that cristina sees that. :)

alsol, i hate sadie.

*bow* :P heheheheh

I love that Denny is back. But this is a show about science, occasionally miracles, but mostly doctors and facts. I'm just not sure how this isn't going to end badly. You can't just bring someone back from the dead that only one person can see on a show about science and doctors and facts, even if he is my favorite character ever.

[Dayna]

Are you kidding me??? This Denny nonsense is making me hate this show and I have been one of it's biggest defenders. It's dragging everything down and making me wish Izzie would die and take Denny away with her so that I never have to see either one again. Enough is enough.

[Araceli]

I'm sorry but the whole Denny thing, could only be explained one possible way and it will be sad if that is true. As much as I understand your story about what would happen if a loved one came back the truth is that stuff like that doesnt happen in real life, and this is supposed to be a realistic show.

[Heather]

Thank, thank you, thank you for the Mer/Der screentime! Please keep it coming! It really was a great episode except for Denny. I mean this is insane. I'm also not a fan of Sadie, but was pleased she really didn't get that much screentime. Great episode overall!

[Rachel]

I love what you said about Callie in this week's blog, and I loved seeing just how much Erica and the relationship they had meant to her.

That said, I really hate that she's gone. Really really really. She added so much to the show, both in regards to her work at the hospital and her romance with Callie and I'm sorry to see her go. Actually, sorry would be an understatement. Enraged, pissed off, offended might be better words, but I know that's the fault of the higher-ups and I can't take it out on you, the writers.

Anyway, I guess I'm glad to see that she's mourning in a very real way, because I think she's lost a great deal. We all have.

[Christine]

Loved the post and how you tied it in with the vase. What a sweet husband you have..

Funny, I feel a little protective (like Christina) since Sadie showed up. Hunt is nice touch and is very in tune with emotions..which i like, but sometimes I feel it's a little too intense. Lastly, the whole Denny saga is creepy but intriguing. Makes me wonder--what the heck is going on??

[S.Cali]

Enough with Denny already!!! He was three seasons ago. Can we end that storyline yet? And how come Alex can't just have a non-crazy girlfriend?

Anyway, Sara Ramirez rocks. Eric Dane deserves more of his own storyline.

By the way, where was George this entire episode?

[Liz]

First off, I'm really sorry about your dad. And I loved the way you described Callie's breakdown- it makes a lot of sense, and it was very well done.

BUT I CAN'T STAND THE DENNY THING! And this is coming from a girl who cried buckets when Denny died. I was a wreck. But this is silly; unless Izzy is hallucinating and something is wrong with her. Because it just is crazy otherwise, and not cool.

Thanks.

[Denise]

Stacy- I really loved the episode and even though I still wanted to see more Meredith and Derek, I want to thank you for taking the time to acknowledge them in your blog post. Thank you for reassuring me because after last week's episode, I have to tell you, I was afraid for them. So I thank for giving me something that I haven't had for almost this whole season thus far when it comes to Meredith and Derek and that's (dare I say it?)....hope.

I appreciate that more than you can ever know.

[Incredulous]

Stacy, I loved the vase story. But Denny, dead Denny needs to go far far away and never be heard from again! He was utterly annoying in this episode and it has gone way beyond realistic or even entertaining. If Izzie has some sort of sexual experience with a fantasy of a dead guy next week I will just have to shut off the TV.

[PamelaJaye]

Um.... okay

stipulated that I have not yet read your blog post, but...

This ep felt as if Shonda asked the network for 10 extra minutes and they said no.

Who in heck is this old friend of Mer's? Why can't anyone figure out why she would call Meredith "deth"? The girl needed some more exposition and she just didn't get it. but that's not my biggest gripe (even though I felt like I watched only half an episode rather than a full one)

3 hours (and one slightly overwrought episode of ER) later the only things I can remember are
Callie crying - good for her
Mark hugging her - good for him
Alex helping burn The Sweater - good for both of them
And Denny The Friendly Ghost.

You know, Alex doesn't really need another crazy girlfriend, Izzie said goodbye last week, and now you are into unexplained Denny overkill - the only reason I can see is ratings - and you don't need the ratings!

Oh, and I loved Mer worrying about Little Grey. Thank you for putting some sisterly action back into the story. It's appreciated.

BTW, I'm no expert, but I have some Asperger's friends, and that new CT attending seemed a lot more like the Autistic kid I know, than *just* Aspergers. (Okay, so I've never seen an autistic surgeon and cannot imagine it, but still... she seems a bit past Asperger's in my limited view)

Hunt and Cristina are nice. And Alex is trying so hard with Izzie.
But honestly, about Denny The Friendly Ghost: Are you people out of your freaking minds????
If Izzie can let him go, Why Can't You Guys??

Season 2 was not a hit because of Denny; it was a hit because of good writing. And honestly, tonight of all nights, characters back from the dead made a lot more sense on ER (where, come to think of it, there was more than one)

Also, how *many* times does Cristina have to "wake up" to the fact that she is not teaching her interns? Seriously?

Nice Mer/Der scenes here and there. Happy even though I wasn't one of the gripers.
I can't even remember the patients.

Going off to watch again now.

Please - don't make the reviewers laugh at you and the audience give up again by keeping dead people around whenever sweeps come. You have plenty of other really good storylines and character development going on. The is really no need for this silliness. I could believe cutting an LVAD wire, I could almost believe Izzie not getting kicked out of not only the program but medicine in general, I could even take three eps of Mer being mostly dead, but I'm sorry, my suspension of disbelief just can't take a tangible Denny wandering the halls talking to Izzie. Not after what Alex went thru with Rebecca and the make believe baby.

Please don't do this anymore.

One of my least favorite eps this season.
Sowwy. (but I'll have withdrawal if I don't watch it one more time before I sleep)

You were doing so well...

(and I'll read this blog after I watch again (and then i'll watch *again*))

[Melissa]

Great episode and great blog, Stacy. Thanks for finally giving us the MerDer we've been waiting for!

[Christina Harris]

Ive been a huge fan of the show since the beginning, but I don't know about tonites show,, it was a little out there. I felt like I was watching an episode of Days of our Lives. I felt like it was all over the place. Bringing in 2 new Dr.s. The Inturns cutting themselves, Dennys ghost not leaving. It was to much for one episode. I kinda lost track in all the chaos. This is my favorite show and I look forward to Thursday nights, but I was really disapointed. Hopefully next week I get to see the old Greys and not another daytime Drama!!!!! Sorry I was just not loving it!!!!

[Fun While it Lasted]

Tonight proved what I have suspected since season 3. You write Grey's for only one fanbase. Your choice of course, but since I am not a viewer within that fanbase the show no longer is worth watching for me. You have destroyed everything good about Grey's and replaced it with MerDer shipper moments, useless extraneous characters and Denny. Characters I invested in from minute 1 (and every season since) on this show are pushed aside just so you can give your MerDer audience what they want and have your all time favorite guest star continually chew up airtime. Sadie? Is she really necessary when George gets 2 seconds of airtime, Mark has been on for 2+ seasons with no storyline, Alex barely gets a thing, Bailey needs more, Richard needs more? Random interns cutting up their arms does nothing for me either. Since you don't care about any non-MerDer fans I know you don't care whether or not I tune out but I wanted you to know that you have lost a very loyal viewer. After this episode I cannot imagine that I will be the only one. Good bye, it was fun while it lasted.

[GypsyGeisha]

THANK YOU! I have to say I loved this episode, and this season totally rocks. This Epi left me saying "WHAT THE HELL!" Just like old times.

[Notdiggindenny]

What are you people trying to do to this show. Denny is dead! Let him be dead. You seriously spent the first half of the season setting up Izzie and Alex only to have this happen? If you would read what the viewer are saying on a lot of the boards, you would see that the viewers are not buying this. Not buying that Izzie and denny share a love "that defys all reason." There was a good thing going for a while, but this viewer is done. Never watching again. I know I'm not the only one!

[bringbackburke]

Ok...the episodes this year have been much better...more like season 1 and 2 but enough is enough with Denny. We all loved him and love the actor but please - let it go.

[Justine]

Enough,keep denny dead please!Obviously some of us don't enjoy him nearly as much a you do,the storyline is just so unbelievable.We finally get Alex and Izzie grown up interaction and now denny's back for the what seems like 50th time to interupt again.Please no more denny.

[Shari]

So the dead guy gets more screen time than the boyfriend whose alive. Got it.

[Jenna]

Yep..I love myself some Meredith and Derek. Thank you Stacy. Great episode.

[Jasmin]

Excellent episode. I had many misgivings before it aired, because I'm a die hard Mer/Der fan, and I did not think we'd get anything more than we've had lately. But, you did it, with only about 30 seconds more of screen time, you gave us a sense of intimacy between them and that they are ok. That their relationship is growing. Love all you mentioned in your comments about them.

Cristina, as much as I have hated her relationship with Mer, I loved her tonight, as well as Derek and Cris talking, those moments were great; and Owen a man with demons that the Cristina we've seen tonight can take on, and hope McKidd was right when he spoke of soulmates.

Mer/Lexie...little sloan priceless!

Now...as for the rest, all was perfect except the Denny & Izzie, I'm sorry, but it's not like your vase, you can't bring him back, and yes, if somebody suddenly appeared you'd talk, but no matter how much we want to, we can't defy the laws of nature (or whatever they are) there is not matter to touch or feel when someone is dead, which is not to say you can't sense, or see them, but you cannot touch them, next week's previews defy the barriers of common sense and intelligence.

Dr. Dixon/Bailey in the elevator absolutely perfect portrayal by McD and CW. Bailey's shame was palpable and so appropriate from this woman that is always so committed to respecting others. Very poignant scene.

Just for the record, again, thanks for giving us those mundane moments between couples that reflect their commitment, their growth and the intimacy that even without a kiss or a sex scene portrayed how they feel for each other.