The End of the Beginning...

Original Airdate: 5-22-08

So that was Season Four.

Right after we finished filming the finale of Season Three, I sat down with the Grey’s writing staff and I pitched them the last scene of Season Four.  That’s how I do it.  I start at the end.  When Season Two concluded, I pitched the image of Cristina tearing off her wedding dress and crying in Meredith’s arms.  For this season, I knew immediately that I wanted more hope.  I knew I personally NEEDED more hope.  So I pitched Meredith standing on Derek’s land in a field of candles telling Derek where the living room could be, where the kitchen could be, where the kids could play.  Because I wanted them together.  I hated them being apart.  It made me sad.  It made me sad in a way that was bad for me and for everyone around me. 

But I also knew that, in order for Meredith to stand in that field of candles, she had to get there.  Inside.  Now I’m not an oogey inside person.  I don’t do warm and fuzzy and I certainly don’t believe in therapy.  For other people, it’s fine (yay, therapy!).  For me, not so much.  I write – that’s how I deal with my insides.  And Meredith, she performs surgery – that’s how she deals with hers.

But in order to get her to a place where she could stand in that field of candles, Mer needed a little help.   Professional help.  Which shocked my writers.  Cause they know how I feel about therapy.  But I knew something they did not.  Something I’d been keeping to myself for four seasons.  Which was the fact that Meredith sat on the kitchen floor in a pool of her mother’s blood after her mother attempted suicide.  See what I mean about me not being warm and fuzzy?  Nothing warm and fuzzy about pools of blood. Which is why I kept that detail to myself.  When you say things like that in a writers’ room, people tend to look at you funny.  People tend to suggest that YOU need therapy.  So I kept it to myself.  For four long seasons.  I didn’t even tell Debora Cahn, the writer of the episode in which Meredith CONFESSES her mother’s suicide to Dr. Wyatt.  Not until the last possible second.

We’d have these discussions about Deb Cahn’s episode in the writers’ room where everyone would ask “Shonda, what is Meredith going to TELL Dr. Wyatt in this last scene?  WHAT?”  And I’d be all, “I don’t know.  Stop talking about it.”  And they’d sigh and shoot each other these looks.  They love me but still, there were looks.

I’d like to point out that it is RUDE not to tell details like that to your writing staff.  It is cold and withholding, to use therapy-speak.  But I just couldn’t do it.  Because of two things: one, while I had pitched Meredith all whole and healed in a field of candles, I wasn’t sure I could get to a place where I BELIEVED that Meredith would ever go to the field.  And two, I love Ellis Grey.  Love her.  Even though she is dead.  I think she is fantastic.  And I couldn’t figure out, couldn’t fathom, what a mother says to her child when she is bleeding to death on the kitchen floor from self-inflicted wounds.  For a long time, I felt like anything she would have said to a five year old kid in that moment would make her a monster.  Because I have a five year old kid.  And I can’t imagine doing something so horrible and damaging to her.  What do you say to your child at a time like that?  Why is your child even there?  How do you redeem yourself in that horrifying moment?

And then I realized: be extraordinary.  Be an extraordinary woman, Meredith.  If you’ll remember, in Season Three when Ellis was lucid, she tells Meredith, “I raised you to be an extraordinary woman, Meredith and imagine my disappointment at realizing you are no more than ordinary.”  That’s what she says in the episode RIGHT BEFORE Meredith falls in the water and chooses to stop swimming.   To let herself go.   That was Meredith’s own pool of blood.

So suddenly, I had my answer.  Ellis would lie there in her blood and tell Meredith to be an extraordinary woman.  To not depend on anyone.  And she wouldn’t be talking about surgery.  But Meredith, at five years old, could not possibly know that.  And she’d become the surgeon in training who screws boys like a whore on tequila and then tries to drown herself.  Instead of realizing what Ellis actually meant -- don’t have ordinary love.  Have extraordinary love.  And that made it all possible.  It made it possible for Mer to stand in a field of candles because once she realizes that, her whole world opens up.  She can just stand there in her joy.

But like I said, I don’t do warm and fuzzy. So that last scene, it was hard for me.  To let her be oogey on the inside.  So instead, Meredith is screaming and pacing and cursing like a fishwife.  Because that’s how we do things at Grey’s.  She’s going to love Derek and be with Derek but she’s going to go in kicking and screaming.  And then I really didn’t want to just end with the two of them kissing.  Everyone said, “end with the kiss, end with the kiss, end with THE KISS.”  And I was all stubborn about it.  Because this episode, it’s not about the kiss.  It’s about the moment AFTER the kiss.  It’s about the moment when she’s standing in the field of candles alone having just DONE the thing she was most scared of doing.  She is free.  She is free.  And you’ll notice, there’s no voice over there, no Meredith telling us anything.  Because, for once, my girl Meredith is speechless. 

There were other kisses in the episode.  Maybe you noticed?  Callie and Erica.  Callie and Erica!!  My god, did we discuss this a lot around here.  Because Callie kisses a girl.   We had this really cool meeting with GLAAD where we talked about the idea that a woman could decide she had feelings for another woman after being perfectly happy with men and we all got joyous because the chemistry between Callie and Erica and Mark is hot and interesting and fresh and like nothing any of us had seen on TV before.  And we wanted it to be real – not some stunt to get people talking.  We wanted to see what would happen if a woman suddenly had feelings for another woman.  Because that has got to be surprising.  And it is for Callie who so likes men.  Who so likes sleeping with men.  You’ll be very surprised when you find out where this story is heading next season.  Because we don’t do things the easy way.  And none of this will be easy.  Not for Callie.  Not for Erica.  And not for Mark Sloan…

How much do I love Mark Sloan?  He’s a dirty pretty manwhore who ends up being a hero.  And I love him for it.   Not that he’s going to become a good guy.  He’s no white hat.  But for one moment, he did what he thought was the right thing.  Because if there’s one thing he understands, it’s getting turned on by someone.  And who is he to deny that?

Okay, there is more to say.  I have more to say.  About George and Lexie.  About Alex and Ava/Rebecca and Izzie.  About Bailey.  About the Chief.  About Rose.  And about Cristina.  Oh, do I have more to say.

But my fingers are tired.  From writing all the kissing.  So I’m going to end this now and post it.  But I will write more tomorrow.  I’ll finish what I started.  But right now, I’ve got to head into the writers’ room and pitch them the end of Season Five…

Thank you so much for watching the show.   Every single time you watch an episode, we are grateful.  You are all extraordinary.

Comments

[Anne]

Shonda, this episode was amazing!!!! I know you don't like the kissing, but you made us fans go crazy with that kiss in the field. I had a bunch of friends over to watch it, and we were all cheering when Derek stepped up to her. I nearly cried!

Thank you for this episode, because it spoke to me, it gave me joy and hope.

I just wanted to tell you that I enjoyed this season immensely, and the finale was spectacular. I can not wait until season five (five! woot!) in September. Please hurry, I want to see what happens next!

[Aashi]

So I cheated...I missed the season finale, but got awesome updates from my best friend, while I sat in class learning about the reproduction cycle that's going to be on my mcats in less than 2 months and all I could think about was the finale!!! Reading the blog, and knowing that more blogging is going to come tomm, I am ESTATIC. With this season, I have grown into a person... and I seriously can't wait to see the finale tomm =D

[GO ELLEN]

ELLEN POMPEO MADE MY YEAR A LOT BETTER.

Thanks Shonda
this was amazing
Ellen is amazing
Meredith Grey : best chracter ever written.

I always come here to complain but today all I have to say is Thank you!! That was good TV, that was Great Mer/Der and that gives me hope for next Season. I hope you will let Meredith and Derek work though their issues together and become a healthy couple some day, but for now, I love knowing they still love each other and they will try to be together, thank you for that moment.
If someone can make a stable couple interesting that's you, I trust you. Just, please, no more Rose (or any other third parties) drama. Have a great summer!

[holgolightly61]

I also have a lot of things I would love to say about this episode. Because I am deeply attached to all of these characters. Love some of them to the end. Hate some of them to where I scream and want to throw things. I am attached and involved with all of these characters. But, I am also tired...therefore I will just say, you did one hell of an amazing job. On this episode...on the season...on ALL of the seasons. On EVERY episode. I love love LOVE your show. Keep up the good work, and I will always be watching.

-Jessica

P.s. And thank you for the ending. So happy for Meredith and Derek...FINALLY! :)

[B]

That was a truly beautiful episode. Thank you.

[Anoel]

That was wonderful! I loved that you went with hope in a depressing season of angst. I love that their were kisses that all meant different things and professional decisions that helped surgeons grow as people. I LOVED that you had the guts to do Erica and Callie because YES it is possible and they're adorable together. And most of all I love that Cristina proved herself, defended herself from Hahn and taught Lexie while still being nonchalant and awesome. She will always be my favorite so thank you for creating her and telling her story!

[Becky]

Thank you. This season finale is why I watch your show. Thank you so very much.

[TARA]

WOW

JUST WOW

Meredith Grey is now my all time favorite.
Shonda you are amazing.

Ellen Pompeo: you are extraordinary. thank you.

[DJ]

"If Ellen doesn't get an Emmy for this season, there's seriously somethign wrong with the voters for that show.

She's wonderful, Meredith adn Derek all the way through this episode, wonderful and Ellen Pompeo and Patrick Dempsey. Wonderful."

AMEN
I am so happy after this.
thank you

[Angelina]

First off, I love the fact Derek didn't make Meredith the dirty mistress again...he's doing it the right way this time and ending things with Rose FIRST. Meridith deserves this...after all of the work she did to get right, she so deserves this. Thank you Shonda for the finale we were all needing so badly. Each story line had such depth and clarity. And I loved the kiss between Izzie and Alex, not because this means they are meant to be together, but because Alex was tender and fragile. And because Izzie was there for him the way he had been there for her when Denny died. And I am so proud that Christina realized she also had a responsibility to teach. What an intense finale. Thank you for a phenomenal piece of work. Shonda, you did good girl =)

[Tara (Santa Cruz)]

Yes. That was the way to end the season. I am going to go crazy during the long months until September, but now I have this episode to hold me through. As soon as I am done typing this I am going to rewind TiVo and watch it all again. Even though I have to wake up for work in seven hours.
1. Thank you for giving Cristina her moment. She has been my favorite from the very beginning, and it has been so hard to know how great she is and see her unable to show it. While I love Erica Hahn, what the chief said to her was necessary (for both her AND Cristina), and I am so thankful that you had Cristina take it to heart and show Lexie a little piece of how to be extraordinary.
2. Borderline personality disorder is a psychologist's nightmare. A BPD diagnosis actually makes Alex's decision to walk away from Rebecca/Ava commendable. And while some moments did remind me eerily of working with borderline clients, there were still diagnostic criterion that were not met. So this is probably the one thing I was not satisfied with in this episode. However, it served its purpose in the arc.
3. Meredith and Derek. It was sweet and appropriate and I am happy with their version of the fairy tale.
4. Bailey... Her decision to bequeath the clinic to Izzie was the best thing for both of them. Kudos.
5. I've seen other people post about how they think that Dr. Wyatt is insensitive and not a realistic therapist. But the way she has acted is EXACTLY how I would treat a woman like Meredith Grey. Challenging her to step up and take responsibility for her own healing was the only way Meredith was going to gain some agency in her life. And this process was the only way that Meredith would face her issues in a timeline that would allow for any resolution with Derek. So thank you.
6. I really love the way you have handled Callie, Erica, and Mark. Because this whole story has really been about the three of them. Not in the menage a trois sense, but in the sense that they are all working through a process of evolving. While Callie facing her developing feelings for Erica was in the spotlight (and beautifully done, btw), Mark has also matured and evolved through this arc. The way that he guided Callie through everything was remarkably sensitive, and I am truly glad to see this side of him. He is still Mark, but he showed a lot of compassion in this episode. And Erica... We are just barely getting to know her, but characters like her are why I watch Grey's Anatomy. She is tough, and smart, but there is a rarely-expressed side of her that is also vulnerable and heartbreakingly human. Getting to know her over the course of the season has been one of the most rewarding parts of this show for me. I absolutely love Brooke Smith; she is such a phenomenal actress, and I can't wait to see what Season Five brings.

Post Script. Not sure where else to put this since I normally don't do the online forums, but I would like to wish a happy birthday to Brooke Smith, and also congratulate her on her new daughter.

Thank you for a wonderful show. You truly are extraordinary.

[Lutine]

I'm not going to say "thank you" because I think we deserved this amazing episode.
We deserved it for being there even after all the crap you fed us during the last 2 season.
Us, MerDer shipper, deserved this wonderful scene because we're still here even after the Plant stroyline, even after Derek being the biggest ass in the world.

I want to thanks Ellen & Patrick though, because they're the reason we're still here, because I don't know how, they managed to make us believe that Mer & Der were loving each other even if your words didn't show it.

So yeah, amazing episode, Grey's seems to be back.
To end this com, I'm gonna use your own words :I'm still mad at you and I don't know if I can trust you, but I'm gonna try

[Nina]

iloveyoushonda. absolutely loved the ending on this finale. words cannot express how i feel about merder back together, it's very enlightening. :D

[tania]

thank you for flirty Mer DEr, thank you for bossy ans cute mer and for a teary eyed derek.

And thank you for the Best line of the night uttered by christina:
"that's not sanitary"

[OMG]

PHENOMENAL
AMAZING
Ellen Pompeo: gorgeous amazing amazing actress
broke my heart made me laugh made me cry made me want to hug her

this show is amazing
Shonda you are amazing

[kammommy]

I am absolutely thrilled with this season finale. Loved it, loved it loved it. Thank you for giving that moment for Meredith and Derek - and the way that he looks at her. Oh my. Too bad for all those people that decided to tune out for their stupid little reasons because they missed a totally kick a** show tonight. Loved it!

[adam]

I want to thanks Ellen & Patrick though, because they're the reason we're still here, because I don't know how, they managed to make us believe that Mer & Der were loving each other even if your words didn't show it.

soooo true

[brittany]

thank you. it was amazing. i needed hope and suddenly it was there. girls like meredith (girls like me) we can have a happy ending. we can recover from traumatic childhoods and we can overcome it all in the face of adversity. we can have our happy endings. even though mer is still on her path and still learning to trust there is all of this hope and i'm so glad that things for all of the characters ended up so hopeful. this was one of the most amazing episodes i have ever seen and i think all of you writers are extraordinary.

[Sheri]

I am so very happy, hyper and excited! The season finale was freakin' EXTRAORDINARY! I really loved absolutely everything about it!

This episode had so many funny moments: Mer and Derek being 'pimps' and guarding the door. Bailey talking about Han Solo and Star Wars. "What? I like SciFi." Chandra Wilson is a Queen! And Mer in the field of candles, "I'm a lame-ass loser."

Then there were tha cry-moments. Mer and Derek's end-scene. I LOVED the fact that they were looking for one another. They really are going to be extraordinary together! And Bailey when she gave Izzie the keys to the clinic because she was seeing the bigger picture! SHe loves being a surgeon and she loves her husband and child. She realized she had to give up something in order to really and truly 'have it all.' That really struck a chord with me as a woman, a wife, and a Mommy. That was truly beautiful!

And FINALLY Cristina has her mojo back! I cheered when she told Hahn to shut up and let her work!

I'm glad we finally know a little more about Alex. And George standing up for himself with the Chief was great!

I know there's more I want to say but I'm too excited to think straight right now!

Thank you again for an amazing season finale! I am so excited for season five!

[Laura]

Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you you thank you thank you thank you thank you you thank you thank you thank you thank you you thank you thank you thank you thank you you thank you thank you thank you thank you you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you you thank you thank you thank you thank you you thank you thank you thank you thank you you thank you thank you thank you thank you you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you you thank you thank you thank you thank you you thank you thank you you thank you thank you thank you thank you you thank you thank you thank you thank you you thank you thank you thank you thank you you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you you thank you thank you thank you thank you you thank you thank you thank you thank you you thank you thank you thank you thank you you thank you thank you thank you thank you you thank you thank you thank you thank you
and some more THANK YOUs!!!!!!!

The finale was amazing. I can't wait till you blog more about Izzie/Alex (I LOVED it when he answered his cell and walked away from Rebecca and called her Iz!) and Cristina (she stepped up for Lexie! and who knew she was dyslexic?).

And Meredith and Derek...it was so touching that the patients were children; you touched us before with the military men but then this week's patients were even better.

THANK YOU TO THE ENTIRE CAST AND CREW OF GREY'S ANATOMY, ESPECIALLY MISS SHONDA AND HER VISION!!! (I kept thinking to myself throughout the show about the symbolism - - I compared Bailey's "big picture" to yours for the show, after reading that you watched the entire series during the strike :)

[Theresa]

Well, that was an amazing two hours. So many ups and downs, and I was always on the edge of my seat. It was all great, but of course my favorite was the MerDer of it all at the end. That was simply perfection. However, I was a little freaked out by the ominous feeling I was left with when Derek walked away, but after reading the blog, I see how powerful and meaningful that moment was for Mer to be there alone with her victory. Too bad I'm going to need therapy after waiting for season 5 all summer...

[Emily]

That. Was. SO. GOOD. so good.

[kristi]

All I have to say is 'I Love Grey's Anatomy'!!!!!!
Please don't ever go off air!!! :-D

[Nancy]

Shonda
That was a brilliant episode. Ususally, I have lots of complaints and critics. I almost stopped watching the show, but tonight you made up for so, so much. It was such a beautiful, funny, heartbreaking episode. In fact, all the post strike episodes have been great, but this was by far the best.

But, I did really, really want to hear mer/der say "I love you." I know that is coming down the road, but I was just dying to hear them say it now.

Also, I didn't understand why Derek went off on Meredith and said he never wanted to see her again. That seemed a bit much.

I loved Bailey in this episode - I like where she is going.

Yang = perfection. And thank you for finally giving a little to Hahn. Oh I've been waiting for that for so long.

I didn't hate Rose quite as much, but just for the record, I still really, really hate that character - please don't have her return to season 5.

I'm so-so on the Callie/Hahn thing. What I'd love to see is have Sloan get a girlfriend and have Callie become jealous.