The End of the Beginning...

Original Airdate: 5-22-08

So that was Season Four.

Right after we finished filming the finale of Season Three, I sat down with the Grey’s writing staff and I pitched them the last scene of Season Four.  That’s how I do it.  I start at the end.  When Season Two concluded, I pitched the image of Cristina tearing off her wedding dress and crying in Meredith’s arms.  For this season, I knew immediately that I wanted more hope.  I knew I personally NEEDED more hope.  So I pitched Meredith standing on Derek’s land in a field of candles telling Derek where the living room could be, where the kitchen could be, where the kids could play.  Because I wanted them together.  I hated them being apart.  It made me sad.  It made me sad in a way that was bad for me and for everyone around me. 

But I also knew that, in order for Meredith to stand in that field of candles, she had to get there.  Inside.  Now I’m not an oogey inside person.  I don’t do warm and fuzzy and I certainly don’t believe in therapy.  For other people, it’s fine (yay, therapy!).  For me, not so much.  I write – that’s how I deal with my insides.  And Meredith, she performs surgery – that’s how she deals with hers.

But in order to get her to a place where she could stand in that field of candles, Mer needed a little help.   Professional help.  Which shocked my writers.  Cause they know how I feel about therapy.  But I knew something they did not.  Something I’d been keeping to myself for four seasons.  Which was the fact that Meredith sat on the kitchen floor in a pool of her mother’s blood after her mother attempted suicide.  See what I mean about me not being warm and fuzzy?  Nothing warm and fuzzy about pools of blood. Which is why I kept that detail to myself.  When you say things like that in a writers’ room, people tend to look at you funny.  People tend to suggest that YOU need therapy.  So I kept it to myself.  For four long seasons.  I didn’t even tell Debora Cahn, the writer of the episode in which Meredith CONFESSES her mother’s suicide to Dr. Wyatt.  Not until the last possible second.

We’d have these discussions about Deb Cahn’s episode in the writers’ room where everyone would ask “Shonda, what is Meredith going to TELL Dr. Wyatt in this last scene?  WHAT?”  And I’d be all, “I don’t know.  Stop talking about it.”  And they’d sigh and shoot each other these looks.  They love me but still, there were looks.

I’d like to point out that it is RUDE not to tell details like that to your writing staff.  It is cold and withholding, to use therapy-speak.  But I just couldn’t do it.  Because of two things: one, while I had pitched Meredith all whole and healed in a field of candles, I wasn’t sure I could get to a place where I BELIEVED that Meredith would ever go to the field.  And two, I love Ellis Grey.  Love her.  Even though she is dead.  I think she is fantastic.  And I couldn’t figure out, couldn’t fathom, what a mother says to her child when she is bleeding to death on the kitchen floor from self-inflicted wounds.  For a long time, I felt like anything she would have said to a five year old kid in that moment would make her a monster.  Because I have a five year old kid.  And I can’t imagine doing something so horrible and damaging to her.  What do you say to your child at a time like that?  Why is your child even there?  How do you redeem yourself in that horrifying moment?

And then I realized: be extraordinary.  Be an extraordinary woman, Meredith.  If you’ll remember, in Season Three when Ellis was lucid, she tells Meredith, “I raised you to be an extraordinary woman, Meredith and imagine my disappointment at realizing you are no more than ordinary.”  That’s what she says in the episode RIGHT BEFORE Meredith falls in the water and chooses to stop swimming.   To let herself go.   That was Meredith’s own pool of blood.

So suddenly, I had my answer.  Ellis would lie there in her blood and tell Meredith to be an extraordinary woman.  To not depend on anyone.  And she wouldn’t be talking about surgery.  But Meredith, at five years old, could not possibly know that.  And she’d become the surgeon in training who screws boys like a whore on tequila and then tries to drown herself.  Instead of realizing what Ellis actually meant -- don’t have ordinary love.  Have extraordinary love.  And that made it all possible.  It made it possible for Mer to stand in a field of candles because once she realizes that, her whole world opens up.  She can just stand there in her joy.

But like I said, I don’t do warm and fuzzy. So that last scene, it was hard for me.  To let her be oogey on the inside.  So instead, Meredith is screaming and pacing and cursing like a fishwife.  Because that’s how we do things at Grey’s.  She’s going to love Derek and be with Derek but she’s going to go in kicking and screaming.  And then I really didn’t want to just end with the two of them kissing.  Everyone said, “end with the kiss, end with the kiss, end with THE KISS.”  And I was all stubborn about it.  Because this episode, it’s not about the kiss.  It’s about the moment AFTER the kiss.  It’s about the moment when she’s standing in the field of candles alone having just DONE the thing she was most scared of doing.  She is free.  She is free.  And you’ll notice, there’s no voice over there, no Meredith telling us anything.  Because, for once, my girl Meredith is speechless. 

There were other kisses in the episode.  Maybe you noticed?  Callie and Erica.  Callie and Erica!!  My god, did we discuss this a lot around here.  Because Callie kisses a girl.   We had this really cool meeting with GLAAD where we talked about the idea that a woman could decide she had feelings for another woman after being perfectly happy with men and we all got joyous because the chemistry between Callie and Erica and Mark is hot and interesting and fresh and like nothing any of us had seen on TV before.  And we wanted it to be real – not some stunt to get people talking.  We wanted to see what would happen if a woman suddenly had feelings for another woman.  Because that has got to be surprising.  And it is for Callie who so likes men.  Who so likes sleeping with men.  You’ll be very surprised when you find out where this story is heading next season.  Because we don’t do things the easy way.  And none of this will be easy.  Not for Callie.  Not for Erica.  And not for Mark Sloan…

How much do I love Mark Sloan?  He’s a dirty pretty manwhore who ends up being a hero.  And I love him for it.   Not that he’s going to become a good guy.  He’s no white hat.  But for one moment, he did what he thought was the right thing.  Because if there’s one thing he understands, it’s getting turned on by someone.  And who is he to deny that?

Okay, there is more to say.  I have more to say.  About George and Lexie.  About Alex and Ava/Rebecca and Izzie.  About Bailey.  About the Chief.  About Rose.  And about Cristina.  Oh, do I have more to say.

But my fingers are tired.  From writing all the kissing.  So I’m going to end this now and post it.  But I will write more tomorrow.  I’ll finish what I started.  But right now, I’ve got to head into the writers’ room and pitch them the end of Season Five…

Thank you so much for watching the show.   Every single time you watch an episode, we are grateful.  You are all extraordinary.

Comments

[ALEX]

I LOVED THE FINALE
This was truly amazing
thank you soo much.
I cannot wait for season 5.

the last scene was breathtaking.

Ellen Pompeo is beyond Phenomenal. She is the star. captivating and right on the spot. She deserves than Emmy Globe or SAG.
I love Meredith even more now. THANK YOU SHONDA
THANK YOU ELLEN.

[SSP]

ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT!!!! YA'LL AMAZE ME!!!! THANKS FOR THE GREAT, GREAT, GREAT STORY!! this is the 1st time i've ever commented ANYWHERE about a show. the writing staff is awesome! thanks for the great finale. can't wait to see what happens next season!

[Suz]

Shonda, for someone who says she doesn't 'do warm and fuzzy', you sure could have fooled me. What a tremendous gift to the show's fans this episode was.

I can't remember the last time I enjoyed all the characters on a show...not like this one. The writers have taken the time to develop each character to the point that it's hard to say I have a favorite one or two. I care about all of them.

Great job in not keeping us dangling over the summer. Thanks!

(I enjoy your blog; your writing sounds just like Bailey talking...or, I guess it's the other way around, eh? :)

[fps]

Shonda,
Thank you for putting the blof so early. As much i like this episode,I'm not to sure if like the end, seems like still something hangin' between mer/der, But Everybody did a great job, Ellen did amazing job, i always love her!!! hope she got nom. this year!!!.
It's going to be a long summer for me.....
Thank you Shonda

[CanuckFan]

*sigh* Finally. Planning the house. Amid all those candles. Amid all her kicking and screaming. But this time... THIS TIME.. I believe (and hope SO much!) that it's a done deal. We can't take anymore of the on again/off again. Please make THIS time stick. And give some other characters the drama. Which of course, you've set up beautifully in the finale!
I'm in withdrawal already... NOT looking forward to a long summer of crappy reality shows. But sooooo looking forward to next season!
YOU Shonda, and all your writing staff... are extraordinary. :-) Thank you all for yet another wonderful season, and I hope you and all the staff who work so hard to bring us such a fabulous show, have a wonderful summer!

[Jenny]

Shonda-For Meredith and Derek and their new beginning.....

Thank you.

[Shayna]

THAT WAS AWESOME!

I love Meredith dearly, cursing like a fishwife as she was. It was a very Meredith thing to do, and endearing as all bloody hell.
Mc Dreamy rocked on this one too. He has been handling the whole situation with Rose really, REALLY badly up until now. And even just what he said, about how he needs to talk to Rose first before he can be with Meredith made my night.
I'm glad that Izzie ended up holding Alex. Alex needed that alot more than anything else that she could have given him.
CRISTINA GOT HER GROOVE BACK!
I'm glad that she got a chance to shine. It's about freaking time.
Between the strike and the storylines, this season has been full of alot of transitions and pain. This was an awesome episode full of lots of hope. :) And potential for yet another amazing season. Thank you Shonda & EVERYBODY!

[fps]

Shonda,
Thank you for putting the blof so early. As much i like this episode,I'm not to sure if like the end, seems like still something hangin' between mer/der, But Everybody did a great job, Ellen did amazing job, i always love her!!! hope she got nom. this year!!!.
It's going to be a long summer for me.....
Thank you Shonda

[SLC]

Whoa. That's all I can say. Whoa.

[MarryhimBlondie2]

I am so grateful for this season. It was incredible the whole way through. Thank you for the most brilliant story I have ever heard. It has helped me more than I can ever say. You are amazing Shonda Rhimes!

[Kalyn]

You. YOU are amazing. :) Thank you for being funny, intelligent, sarcastic, witty, emotional, and everything in between. I love every little detail about this show. The actors- the depth- the shallowness- it is by far the best show on television!!
THANK YOU!!

[Jamie]

If Ellen doesn't get an Emmy for this season, there's seriously somethign wrong with the voters for that show.

She's wonderful, Meredith adn Derek all the way through this episode, wonderful and Ellen Pompeo and Patrick Dempsey. Wonderful.

I'm a happy person now. Waiting for the new season to see them find their way to a real relationship.

Thanks Shonda!

[Ally]

Wonderful Shonda! And the rest of the writers staff! I'm speechless just like Meredith!!! :D That episode was EXTRAORDINARY!

[Tiffany]

Oh my goodness am I the first to post! I have to say thank you. Thank you for giving me my wonderful, fabulous Grey's Anatomy back. Thank you for giving me the show that I fell in love with on the very first episode. Tonight was perfect and wonderful and just as it should be. I can't wait for Season 5! THANK YOU.

[Carolyn]

Whoa. I mean... wow.

And I say this with absolute honesty, because (in perfect truth), I haven't been that big of a fan of this show for a while.

You should know that my being less of a fan doesn't really mean that much. I was a BIG fan. Still am, although less obsessively. I used to watch episodes live and record it for future favourite-moment-rewinding (of which there was -- and is -- much). And sometimes -- quite often, actually -- I would try to miss little parts of the episode the first run through. Just so that I could save some of the magic for later.

Actually, I still do this. But that doesn't mean the show hasn't broken my heart a little. It was good before it got too soap-opera-y. Too confusing. Too conceptual. Too in love with itself. Being dark and twisty was way cooler when you didn't state it.

Heck, I even stopped reading the writer's blog, and that was pure religion to me -- seeing as it was what turned me onto screenwriting to begin with.

And now I'm sitting here, typing away, in love with that moment when Meredith is cursing and pointing to living rooms and kissing. And I'm desperately hoping for the music guide on ABC to update 'cause I'd kill for the names of some of those songs used. And now I just gotta wait. For next year. And the end of Season Five.

[pitch]

What a fantastic episode - thank you for giving it to us, and for giving us so much to look forward to next season!!

[swack]

Thank you Shonda, It was a great episode. I'm a pretty jaded viewer television, and yesterday I found myself rushing through my day, trying to get home to watch GREY'S, as if that would make it come faster.

Thanks for that. And thanks for Callie kissing Erica. That means more than you know to some of us.

And thank you for warning us that it won't be easy for them next season. Kinda knew that 'cause it's not how life is, but I need to keep that in mind as I rush through my summer, as if that will make next season come faster.

[DANNY]

Shonda, you are the extraordinary one here :)

I am in love with Meredith on so many levels, and I am on this Meredith high that I have no Idea how to come down from. I know there are others in this story. but your lead is the BEST CHARACTER EVER WRITTEN FOR TV. I cried with her, I laughed with her I even wanted to scream with her when she was standing in that beautiful house of candles.

and OMG please please please tell Ellen Pompeo she IS truly extraordinary and phenomenal. I'm sure you know that. She has captured my heart with her breathtaking performance.
please do something, get her that award she soo deserves. Tell her how much She makes Meredith "just perfect" for us.

Thank you again. THIS WAS ONE AMAZING SEASON.

P.S. How about writing us a hint about season 5 finale , it's so hard to wait.
:) lol

[Jasmin]

Truly did not think it could be pulled off..especially after he said did not want to talk to her or see her....but you did. But his admission of not being enough...redeemed him a bit, and going to look for her...almost back to Mcdreamy.

It was an extraordinary episode. Yes, I"d said on message boards...a .9.5 ...and the Mer/Der scene 8.5.....but after reading the blog...I can say almost a 10 in both cases.

Callie/Hahn... those scenes will be my time to take TV breaks or write emails.

Ellen Pompeo is beyond doubt extraordinary in her portrayal of Meredith,and hope she gets that recognition. She made the last scene, it was totally and completely about Meredith, and being a "fishwife" was brilliant...and the kids room...yes...amazing.

[McSassy]

Thank you for finally bringing Meredith and Derek back together. And, thank you for the journey you took Meredith on. It was hard and painful to watch her get there, but I am givig you a big high five. And oh my goodness do I so hope no five year old child ever ever ever has to go through what she did.

I love Bailey. I love her heart. Thank you for her heart, and her goodness. Thank you for how she talked to Izzie, alone in the clinic.

I love Lexie. She is the underdog. She is real, and she loves, and she is so young and vulnerable. I want to see her character develop, because boy does she have potential. PLEASE find a way for Meredith to love Lexie back. It's not Lexie's fault that Ellis wasn't the best mother, or that their dad is who he is, or anything. She loves Meredith in spite of everything, and it would be so great to see them be sisters.

Thank you for a great season. Well done. GO TEAM!!

[Emma]

Wow, what a fabulous episode! So much change and progression in the characters and all the sudden Grey's feel like a fresh new beginning with tons of new possibilities.

I loved that the ending didn't end with the kiss, I felt as though Derek realized that it was time for him to be the man he wants to be. And that it was time to do things right with Meredith this time cuz this was it for them, and that meant ending things with Rose!

So Bravo, the only disappointment is that I have to wait til next fall for the next new episode. Now if I can just continue to ignore all the fellow GA watchers saying Rose is pregnant and that the ending was only a sign of more turmoil to come for MerDer I will go rewatch the eppy with a smile:)

[Amy]

Meredith and Derek rocked it, plain and simple. There's a reason they are th ecore couple of the show. Made my night and I will watch this episode many times before I purchase the dvd. Can't wait to see their future. I'm sooo ready for it. Thank you Shonda!

I like Meredith. She has balls. She has brains. She just needed a little kick in the pants, and now she has Derek. Thank you!

[ali]

Great end to a great second half of the season.

I like the direction the show's taken, and can't wait for season 5.

Thanks for four fantastic seasons!

[healing]

This episode was phenomenal. You are an amazing writer with an amzaing staff and I can not wait for next season.

I love the ride you all take us on and it rarely ends where I thought it was.

Loved loved loved the candle house - brilliant.

You are extraordinary