Joan Rater On "The Becoming"...

Original Airdate: 5-8-08

Hi everyone, this is Joan.  Tony and I wrote this episode, "The Becoming" and I'd like to share some of my thoughts about it with you, but first I'd like to say ... OH MY GOD!!!!  I just saw some stuff that was shot for the Season Four Finale (that Shonda wrote) and it's soooooo good.  I don't mean to torment you and I really wish I could tell you all the cool things that are going to happen, and you should know the great restraint it's taking me not to give you even the tiniest little hint of what's to come (keep an eye on that champagne bottle from tonight's episode) because I have a big mouth and am really bad at keeping secrets so I can really relate to Izzie in this episode.

But enough about me and the Finale because first we have to get there and getting there is really what "The Becoming" is about.  Becoming who you want to be, who you know you could be if you weren't quite so screwed up or preoccupied with kissing when you need to be thinking about surgery.  All of our doctors are trying, really trying, to become these people they see in their head, the versions of themselves who are strong and successful and happy, their best selves.  Izzie wants to be a good doctor and keep the news of Ava confidential.  But how does she do that and be a good friend to Alex who is changing his life for this baby that doesn't exist?  Alex wants to be a good parent, but he himself didn't have very good role models so he's scared that he won't be able to do it.   George is trying to be okay with the fact that he has to repeat his intern year, and Cristina is really trying to make the best of a bad situation with Hahn.  And then there's Meredith.

Meredith wants to be a great surgeon.  She wants to succeed at this clinical trial.  But she keeps thinking about Derek.  Particularly his tongue.  Thoughts of kissing him keep interfering with the surgeries she loves.  So can Dr. Wyatt please give her some tools to make the thoughts stop?  Because Meredith feels like she has to choose.  Career or love.  She can't have both. 

I went to see my first therapist in my twenties.  She was this nice woman on the Upper East Side of Manhattan who told me, when I started whining about my lack of career, that most people she sees in their twenties are either good at career or good at love.  Not both.   And it makes sense, both things compete for your attention.  You want to spend time with your boyfriend but your boss asks if you can do some overtime.   How to negotiate both successfully is hard.  And I think when my therapist said it, she was trying to make me feel better, sort of like, "Yeah, you have no career but at least your boyfriend sounds very nice."  But it didn't make me feel better.  It made me feel competitive.  Because when I said, "Really?  You never see people with a good career AND a good relationship?", she said, "only a few."  Only a few.  That's all I could think about after the session.  Who were these FEW and how could I become one of THEM?  It was a subtle shift in my thinking, but I began to think less about my problems and more about how to fix them.  I started to imagine the new me in my head - she was a woman of action!  She didn't sit around all day waiting for things to happen!  She made them happen!  I'm making it all sound very purposeful and dramatic when actually it was ten more years of therapy that included much whining and many more hours of inaction before I had what could even be called a career .... but .... I think that Dr. Wyatt knows that Meredith needs to be pushed into action.  So Dr. Wyatt basically tells Meredith she's being a coward.  Derek's with Rose and it's not heroic to let the love of your life go.  It's cowardly.  How's she gonna handle it?  Because no one can fix this for Meredith but Meredith.  What's she gonna do?  I wish I could tell you --

And what about Mark?  When Bailey defends him to the assembly of nurses by saying, "You knew he was a whore when you slept with him, now you can't act all shocked when he behaves like a whore."  As everyone walks away, did you see the look on Mark's face?  It's like he's realizing what a whore he is for the first time and he's so sad.  A sad, sad whore.  What's he gonna do about that?  I soooo wish I could tell you --

I will tell you though that the Mark Sloan story was originally much smaller and much more a comedic runner until we had the read thru and Eric Dane brought such vulnerability and depth to his scenes.  We just had to expand that storyline.

And Cristina. Singing "Like a Virgin" while carving corpses. She just found out that Burke won the Harper Avery and she needs to not think. About how he's thriving while she's barely getting to do any cardio. And fo course, the girl who told depressed Meredith to 'dance it out' would sing in the morgue. And it works, she manages to get through the day without thinking about Burke until Richard calls her in front of the sexual harassment committee. She can't seem to escape Burke. And she lets loose. She's been so controlled, managed to stuff all her feelings about the Burke thing for so long but she can't anymore. She lets loose with her feelings and goes home and crawls into bed. This is a sadness that can't be danced off and I'd love to tell you what happens...

Also... for a while we had "American Pie" be the song Cristina sang, but it was weird, it's already sort of a mournful sad song we wanted something that really played against the corpses in the morgue thing...

So ... "The Becoming."

Season Four is about change.  Letting go of the old and embracing the new.  Redefining who you are and struggling like crazy to be that better version of yourself that you see in your head.  Becoming is hard -- it hurts like hell and can cost you friends and lovers and career advancement.  And some of our characters will succeed, and others will fail.  But all of them will try.  Because the alternative -- standing still -- just isn't an option. 

Like I said at the beginning of the blog, there's such good stuff coming in the next three episodes, and I'd love to tell you what's gonna happen, but I've taken an oath and must observe doctor/patient confidentiality, so I gotta go all Izzie on you.  You're just gonna have to WATCH!!!!

Comments

[Lea]

What are you doing to Derek? Right now, I am a Rose fan and a Meredith fan but not a Derek fan, they both deserve better.

Also, I 100% agree with the person asking why Gizzie is at a standstill.

We watched them fall in love, suffer, long for each other, we went through it all with them and fell in love with this couple and now you act like all the tears, efforts and love we put into this couple was for nothing and they never happened and you expect us to just buy Alex and Izzie insta love. I would say refalling into love but they never were,won't happen.

[Mindy]

I agree with the person who complained about what you are doing with Gizzie.

I put months of total love into those two, my whole heart and soul into them.

I do not do that, I have fancy fling loves and get over it, but not with those two.

I really gave them all my heart, and you just end it like that.

I know they had their haters, but they also ahd their fair share of fans.

Do our feelings not matter one bit here?

I have seen Gizzie fans write to you all season long with their love for this couple, do you not care about them at all?

We count too.

[Della]

I was so disappointed that Bailey called Mark a whore.

I think he has been really trying. He wanted with Addison and she cheated on him.

And now Callie is using him for sex, he deserves better.

Eric Dane does an amazing job.

Alex is annoying me right now. He needs to grow up.

George, Lexie and Izzie were amazing. I adore the friendship with Lexie and George and want Izzie and George to make it as a couple.

They are so cute when they cannot even look each other in the eyes.

Richard and Adele are great, I am so glad e got her back.

Yay for him.

[Claudia]

I love the friendship with George and Lexie, Now that I want him to be with Izzie romantically (yes I am not giving up on that), I want him to have a best friend again that can make him laugh and cares about him the way he deserves to be cared for an she does that.

I like her so much, she is a breath of fresh air.

Thanks for bringing her, and boo to Alex for forgetting her.

How can you forget a great girl like that?

[Gina]

Rose is a nurse who doesn't know the definition of "sex" Seriously, this character dumbs down more and more each week. Completely absurd question to George out of a nurse and the fact that this character continues to take up quality showtime from the regulars on this show is getting insulting now. What's next, she won't realize she's pregnant with McDreamy's baby next season until the baby actually comes out? Give me a break Grey's, you can do better than that.

[Marie-Claude]

Cristina rocked my world with that scene about Burke and Hahn, give her an Emmy stat!

Sandra Oh can break your heart and everything she said about Burke and Hahn was true. Make her happy again, make her show those two she does NOT need them.

Mark is HOT, period. More of him.

Gizzie, Gizzie, Gizzie, they make the show for me every single episode. They are funny, sexy, adorable and oh so hot. Thee will never be any couple as wonderful or that irresistible, so please put me out of my misery and reunite them.

Bailey is great, I love how she can put everyone in their place.

[Nancy]

Mary Senn, why would you want Rose hurt? I may not like her with Derek but she is a sweet person and she does not deserve t be hurt.

Like Lexie did not deserve to be hurt with Alex.

Alex and Derek are on my ht list with this episode.

I love that the chief got some from Adele, go chief, I always loved him.

And that Callie and Mark got some.

Now I want George and Izzie to get some again, some of the amazing sort of the beginning not the ridiculously and unbelievable bad of the end.

[Nickandtessfan]

If I had any doubt about hating Alex and Izzie, they ended tonight, he was a huge jerk. The cruelty with Lexie, the horrid treatment of Izzie, and plus the lack of chemistry between the two.

In their short scenes, when they joked together and blushed and could not even look each other in the eyes, George and Izzie made the show for me.

The show tries so hard to make Alex and Izzie all intense to build the chemistry, but nothing.

George and Izzie, they try to hide their chemistry yet it sparkles out so strong every time.

I hate Alex and Alex and Izzie more than ever and want Gizzie together more than ever.

[Amy]

Wonderful episode. I enjoyed it thoroughly. I dearly hope that the fact that Derek did sleep with Rose is not something that is simply overlooked, and that there was a deeper purpose to that single, heart-wrenching line than it appears at first glance.

[Nona]

if you want people to really care about what happens to Alex, do not have him be such a giant jack*ss.

The way he humiliated Lexie without a care, nice, sweet, amazing Lexie made me boiling mad.

The way he treats Izzie, the one all the A and I fans claim he loves so much is disgusting.

Are we really suppose to be rooting for this always destructive, sick relationship over the true love and chemistry and loveliness of Gizzie?

I don't think so.

[Walla]

I am so sick and tired of the shrink telling Mer how amazing Derek is. He is not, he is a major douchebag as some mentioned.

The way he tears women is abominable.

I don't get why you are selling the McDreamy angle so hard on us.

Because you have a thing for him?

Is that the same reason you are selling the Alex can do no wrong, he is just a misunderstood underdog thing? Because it is not flying for me, neither is Alex and Izzie's unbelievable, and not in a god way, connection.

They will not ever come close to Gizzie. You trying that is laughable.

I am tired of George always ending up the loser and being the only person, guy, to pay for his mistakes just because you don't happen to have a crush on him.

BTW, many of us do.

My sister and I are in love with George's gorgeous blue soulful eyes, his sweet smile, hot lips and hot hands.

Tell him that if you see him for us, how many of us love him and how many of us are devastated Gizzie, the best couple in the show, is being thoroughly ignored.

[Meredith deserves better]

Did you REALLY HAVE TO GO THERE WITH ROSE AND DEREK???? It was not necessary. At least Meredith never slept with Finn because she loved Der too much. This only proved he doesn't love Meredith.
And I hope you are not planning on having her pregnant with that pathetic guy (yes Derek is just pathetic) baby, because if your ratings are already down you will be left with noone to watch your soap opera.

[Donna]

I am not surprised, we have been telling you since the beginning Eric was amazing, he is the one who makes Mark so sympathetic.

I wish patrick and Justin could do the same, because they are making their characters, or you are but they cannot rise above it, insufferable jerks.

It was so bad I wanted Mer and Rose to gang up on Derek kneeing him and going all Kill Bill on him and I wanted Ava to die right in front of a devastated Alex and for people to laugh in his face.

I am not a violent person usually and I do not think those are the reactions we are suppose to have towards Derek and Alex.

But then silly me, I never read the directives right.

Because I am suppose to think Derek is the perfect guy.

I am suppose to believe Alex is the wounded soul and he and Izzie have so much chemistry (though I do not see it at all).

I am suppose to think Gizzie is better as friends and not notice the sizzling sizzling chemistry they still have in their every scene.

What a bad fan am I being!

[Karina]

Have you not noticed by now nobody is buying the whole Derek is McDreamy? Most people, including MerDer fans, are getting more and more turned off by him.

To be honest, Derek was never my McDreamy though Patrick is great, Derek never has been.

As for us being enchanted by the finale, the one thing that could make me do a victory lapse of joy and really excite me would be if the kiss was George and Izzie.

I waited all season for a repeat of that hot steamy elevator kiss.

But I forgot you think nobody wants to see Gizzie kiss even though many of us do, so this will never happen.

So I already know I am not going to love the finale, especially if Alex and Izzie do the kissing, I do not like them and I am being respectful here because it goes much farther than not liking.

[Melissa]

What a wonderfully written episode. The depth of what each of the characters are going through came through brillantly. Every episode seems more and more like the Grey's Anatomy I fell in love with years ago. Thank you for getting back to that.

I only have one problem, Derek sleeping with Rose. I can see the big picture. I may can even see how this could wake him up to how he really feels and that he has many issues himself. But I just can't believe that the Derek Shepherd you have written up until now would sleep with someone else so easily. Dating her, perhaps, but actually taking it to that level and realizing that he was thinking of Mer the whole time, I just have a hard time buying that. My only hope is that this will lend to some growth in his character, some realization of his own mistakes.

I love the Meredith and Derek moment in the OR, that was written and acted perfectly, so much was said without a word and the scene with the champagne, that was amazing. That moment was McDreamy at his best, unfortunatly it was ruined by Derek's admission later in the elevator. Please don't let Meredith go crawling back to him. She is growing, she has strength, she deserves Derek to finally own up to his problems in thier relationship as well.

Also, I loved Cristina tonight. She was brillant and moving when she admitted she wasn't happy for Burke. I loved seeing her stick up for herself and her feelings!

Looking forward to the finale and hoping that it will be worth it!

[Sabrina]

Adele is a nurse? I didn't not know that. So glad she and Richard seem to be on the way to recovery, fell in love with them last season.

Love George as Richard's intern.

I am sorry but I ff all of Alex's scenes, especially the ones with Izzie, those two really bring out the worst in each other, which is why I always hated them so much.

Izzie and George as always bring out the best in each other. I hope when everyone gets over the affair, Callie has it seems, they get a chance to be together with a real romance.

If they do, as someone on another site said, they will be amazing, even more amazing than they were the first time around and they were pretty up there even if the critics sadly never saw that.

Cannot wait to see Ava back next week, I think she will break my heart, Elizabeth Reaser is so amazing, I will again be ff all the Alex and Izzie stuff though.

Watching him yell at her is not hot, it is disturbing and scary.

[bonnie]

why did you feel like you had to have derek and stupid rose have sex. That was the only disappointment of the epi. i wish you didn't go there. Mer was amazing as always. christina rocked.

[Jsamine]

Meredith never slept with Finn, but a still married Derek calls her a whore on the wrong assumption she did...

But Derek sleeps with the "nurse" and thinks of Meredith the whole time, just as he did when he slept with Addison), and still he's "McDreamY"?

Seriously Grey's writers, what am I missing here?

It's a messed up world at SGH when Mark is called a whore for mutual sex with co workers, yet Derek skates for being a complete scum. There's just something wrong in your thinking here and yet you do it almost weekly on this show. Truly dissapointing.

I wanted Mer to sort out her life not for her whole to center around that idiot Derek. He is the one to blame, not her, and I would much rather hear her talk about her parents.

That therapist is a joke and an insult to women.

You seem to get off on abusive men. First Derek who is emotionally abusive and then Alex who is abusive to Addison, Izzie, Lexie and Ava by treating their feelings like they don't matter and judging them.

I cannot stand him.

But you are showing all those a and I scenes as so hot and true love and it disturbs me.

George and Izie had the real dea

[Aubrey]

I wanted Mer to sort out her life not for her whole to center around that idiot Derek. He is the one to blame, not her, and I would much rather hear her talk about her parents.

That therapist is a joke and an insult to women.

You seem to get off on abusive men. First Derek who is emotionally abusive and then Alex who is abusive to Addison, Izzie, Lexie and Ava by treating their feelings like they don't matter and judging them.

I cannot stand him.

But you are showing all those a and I scenes as so hot and true love and it disturbs me.

Then Burke who treated Cristina like his thing, I am so glad she blasted him today, Sandra was amazing.

George and Izzie had the real deal despite the affair, they had love, respect, trust, chemistry, laughter, unconditional love and support.

Your one sane relationship and you ended it, why?

Do you hate women so much you always make them pick the supposedly hot assholes over the great nice guys?

Most of us do pick the nice guys, especially when the nice guy kisses like George.

[Adele]

I love Lexie, she is amazing, I want more of her, with Meredith, and in her friendship with George.

I hope Alex dissing her makes her realize what a huge loser he is.

She deserves better, they all do.

I want George and Izzie back together SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much, cutest best couple ever.

I want Cristina to get it all.

I want callie to not be using Mark.

Callie and Hahn are disturbing.

I want Bailey, George, Lexie, Izzie, Cristina to be happy.

[Treavpr]

You touched on a lot in this blog, but I really wanted to hear about why the soldier storyline was chosen. It was great but sucky. I wanted them to be together. Just like I'm ready for MerDer to get back together AND STAY TOGETHER.

And yes, the Cristina story was awesome. Sandra Oh is magnificent. I was expecting Adele to jump up and clap for her.

It seems like the hiatus worked magnificently for you guys. Glad to have the old GA back.

[Marah]

Mark, Mer, Cristina, George, Izzie and Lexie made the episode for me.

Derek and Alex and Hahn were my most hated characters again for the last three weeks.

George and Izzie make me squee like a teenager, I want them to kiss so badly.

George was so cute as the intern and I really like his friendship with Lexie.

[liz]

Yeah, it's MEREDITH who has to fix everthing, right?

You people disgust me. It's an insult to all women to think "oh what a great man!" of that jerk! McAss doesn't even covers it. And this show is written by women??? One has to wonder what happened in your lives to think that being treated like THAT is SOO great!

And while the scene with the champagne was nice, it totally disgusted me. I hope he showered before he came to see Mer. There is no such thing as soulmate on Grey's. Mer at least never slept with Finn, the one she was in a relationship with, the one she was supposed to move on with: because she loved Derek. (wonder what Derek will do when he finds THAT out! After all, he called her a whore for that! AND slept with Addison..).

No soulmate anymore. I'm really sad.

[Mallie]

Bailey was great, loved her. Her son is so cute.

The show was good but I am not into it as much since you broke up George and Izzie, they were my real love on the show.

Always will be.