Joan Rater On "The Becoming"...

Original Airdate: 5-8-08

Hi everyone, this is Joan.  Tony and I wrote this episode, "The Becoming" and I'd like to share some of my thoughts about it with you, but first I'd like to say ... OH MY GOD!!!!  I just saw some stuff that was shot for the Season Four Finale (that Shonda wrote) and it's soooooo good.  I don't mean to torment you and I really wish I could tell you all the cool things that are going to happen, and you should know the great restraint it's taking me not to give you even the tiniest little hint of what's to come (keep an eye on that champagne bottle from tonight's episode) because I have a big mouth and am really bad at keeping secrets so I can really relate to Izzie in this episode.

But enough about me and the Finale because first we have to get there and getting there is really what "The Becoming" is about.  Becoming who you want to be, who you know you could be if you weren't quite so screwed up or preoccupied with kissing when you need to be thinking about surgery.  All of our doctors are trying, really trying, to become these people they see in their head, the versions of themselves who are strong and successful and happy, their best selves.  Izzie wants to be a good doctor and keep the news of Ava confidential.  But how does she do that and be a good friend to Alex who is changing his life for this baby that doesn't exist?  Alex wants to be a good parent, but he himself didn't have very good role models so he's scared that he won't be able to do it.   George is trying to be okay with the fact that he has to repeat his intern year, and Cristina is really trying to make the best of a bad situation with Hahn.  And then there's Meredith.

Meredith wants to be a great surgeon.  She wants to succeed at this clinical trial.  But she keeps thinking about Derek.  Particularly his tongue.  Thoughts of kissing him keep interfering with the surgeries she loves.  So can Dr. Wyatt please give her some tools to make the thoughts stop?  Because Meredith feels like she has to choose.  Career or love.  She can't have both. 

I went to see my first therapist in my twenties.  She was this nice woman on the Upper East Side of Manhattan who told me, when I started whining about my lack of career, that most people she sees in their twenties are either good at career or good at love.  Not both.   And it makes sense, both things compete for your attention.  You want to spend time with your boyfriend but your boss asks if you can do some overtime.   How to negotiate both successfully is hard.  And I think when my therapist said it, she was trying to make me feel better, sort of like, "Yeah, you have no career but at least your boyfriend sounds very nice."  But it didn't make me feel better.  It made me feel competitive.  Because when I said, "Really?  You never see people with a good career AND a good relationship?", she said, "only a few."  Only a few.  That's all I could think about after the session.  Who were these FEW and how could I become one of THEM?  It was a subtle shift in my thinking, but I began to think less about my problems and more about how to fix them.  I started to imagine the new me in my head - she was a woman of action!  She didn't sit around all day waiting for things to happen!  She made them happen!  I'm making it all sound very purposeful and dramatic when actually it was ten more years of therapy that included much whining and many more hours of inaction before I had what could even be called a career .... but .... I think that Dr. Wyatt knows that Meredith needs to be pushed into action.  So Dr. Wyatt basically tells Meredith she's being a coward.  Derek's with Rose and it's not heroic to let the love of your life go.  It's cowardly.  How's she gonna handle it?  Because no one can fix this for Meredith but Meredith.  What's she gonna do?  I wish I could tell you --

And what about Mark?  When Bailey defends him to the assembly of nurses by saying, "You knew he was a whore when you slept with him, now you can't act all shocked when he behaves like a whore."  As everyone walks away, did you see the look on Mark's face?  It's like he's realizing what a whore he is for the first time and he's so sad.  A sad, sad whore.  What's he gonna do about that?  I soooo wish I could tell you --

I will tell you though that the Mark Sloan story was originally much smaller and much more a comedic runner until we had the read thru and Eric Dane brought such vulnerability and depth to his scenes.  We just had to expand that storyline.

And Cristina. Singing "Like a Virgin" while carving corpses. She just found out that Burke won the Harper Avery and she needs to not think. About how he's thriving while she's barely getting to do any cardio. And fo course, the girl who told depressed Meredith to 'dance it out' would sing in the morgue. And it works, she manages to get through the day without thinking about Burke until Richard calls her in front of the sexual harassment committee. She can't seem to escape Burke. And she lets loose. She's been so controlled, managed to stuff all her feelings about the Burke thing for so long but she can't anymore. She lets loose with her feelings and goes home and crawls into bed. This is a sadness that can't be danced off and I'd love to tell you what happens...

Also... for a while we had "American Pie" be the song Cristina sang, but it was weird, it's already sort of a mournful sad song we wanted something that really played against the corpses in the morgue thing...

So ... "The Becoming."

Season Four is about change.  Letting go of the old and embracing the new.  Redefining who you are and struggling like crazy to be that better version of yourself that you see in your head.  Becoming is hard -- it hurts like hell and can cost you friends and lovers and career advancement.  And some of our characters will succeed, and others will fail.  But all of them will try.  Because the alternative -- standing still -- just isn't an option. 

Like I said at the beginning of the blog, there's such good stuff coming in the next three episodes, and I'd love to tell you what's gonna happen, but I've taken an oath and must observe doctor/patient confidentiality, so I gotta go all Izzie on you.  You're just gonna have to WATCH!!!!

Comments

[matthew Rushing]

I have not done this in a while, so bare with me. This was a brilliant episode again. Grey’s is back, even though I never doubted it. (The strike was a blessing; the place that we thought we would end up is going to happen before we thought; seriously!)

Meredith is growing and that is something amazing. Therapy and a purpose; she is healing and you can see the wounds closing before your eyes. She is reeling Derek in and she does not even know it. She is showing him her growth and strength; she is becoming the person that is ready for the things that Derek has been asking her for. Derek on the other hand is hurting. He is still so in love with her and is trying to pretend that he is not. I don’t feel sorry for Rose; she had to know she was the rebound girl. Derek is just waiting for Meredith to tell him she is ready. The success that he mentioned connected with the champagne was not just the clinical trial; he is speaking of them.

Mark deserves a special mention here; he wants to be different. He has seen himself and he is not happy. He wants to be someone of depth and that is really a big step for him. I also like that Mark is the guy to tell it like it is to others. Mark is the new Addison.

Cristina is in pain. Burke is gone and becoming a surgical rock star and Hahn is totally ignoring her. Cristina is starting to come out of the malaise that she has been in and is beginning to fight and deal with what happened. It was good to see Meredith be a real friend to Cristina; push her to deal with what is happening.

Alex, man Alex, he is in for a rough ride; everyone else has had their hell, now it is his turn. I cannot wait to see him open up a bit. I think that he and Izzie may be on a road back to a really good friendship and maybe couple-hood. George and Lexie are just hysterical. George is getting some teaching attention and it is about time. I hope that George will get a chance to be good at something, a break; he deserves it. Lexie is good for him; she gives him some life and fun; he needs that. Loving Lexie! The chief is changing and becoming a better man; it is going to be a long road though, as is evidenced with foul up of Bailey’ s situation. I am hoping that Bailey will get some more time soon. I would like to see her get more story. Hahn is struggling with needing connection with people, but like Cristina, not knowing how. I have troubling seeing her and Callie actually becoming a couple. It seems out of place for Callie.

One more week before the finale and it is going to be good stuff!

[Again!]

Once again you do not speak about Cristina in the blogs. Shame on you, Cristina was the best part of this episode. Sandra Oh should be brought front and center as she is a fantastic actress (when you give her more to do than listen to the whiney one).

[miki]

derek is sooooooo DREAMY! the champagne??? OMG.

that is all

[kryss]

just wanted to thank you... I'm so glad to see Alex turning around, though very sad at the idea of what'll happen when he discovers there's no baby. especially if it comes to be that she knew there never was one and made it up all along.

I'm glad to see George standing up for himself and Cristina being okay with not being okay.

Although I hope Meredith gets her stuff together (as I am SO sick of her whining), I really feel badly for Derek and for Rose, who are each good people who are working towards happiness. I hate that it's likely Rose'll lose in the end when Meredith finally mans up.

Most of all, good for Miranda for standing up for her womanhood and her sexuality!

[Elizabeth]

Welcome back Grey's Anatomy! The show I fell in love with has finally returned. Thank you writers!!

[Mary]

Meredith doesn't have to choose career or love because she doesn't have love. Not by Derek at least. Any guy who can seem so in love with the woman he has been with for that long, only to sleep with the nurse is not a guy who loves her. And any writer who tries to tell the young women who watch this show that this is how a guy treats a woman he loves and another that clearly he doesn't is doing a terrible disservice. Sad to see the end of Meredith and Derek tonight and we still have two more episodes, but it's already over for me.

[Mona]

Listen up, we love George and Izzie and want them back.

No other couple comes close.

Three episodes have apssed and I just miss them more and more every single day.

I am not getting over this.

[hank]

worst character of the night tonight? Derek Shepherd. You finally retired that McDreamy title once and for all. Nice job.

[Jess]

Derek & Rose have SEX. NOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo. Okay, I knew this was coming, but still, it shocked me that you'd do it. Very disappointing, but I suppose it has its purpose.

I can't comment on the whole episode yet because I only saw part of it. But here is my huge issue with you guys right now. You keep changing the problem with Meredith. First, she can't commit because she has trust issues. Now she can't commit because she's so focused on her career and she doesn't think she can do both. WTF?????

Honestly, pick and issue and fricking stick to it. If Meredith has trust issues (and I think she does), let's please DEAL WITH THEM.

Now, if she doesn't think she can have love and career like Ellis, that's an ENTIRELY different issue in my book.

Also, I adore Dr. Wyatt, but Meredith is NOT a coward. She has issues. So, let's get on with dealing with them. THe problem is not Derek and Rose per se. That is just a symptom. Meredith can't allow herself to be loved because every person in her life has let her down.

[B]

What a wonderful episode! Really, it was so good. Thank you for playing Meredith and Derek's song during the champagne scene. Thank you for having Cristina be brave enough to say her thoughts. There were so many good moments.

[Mana]

Alex is a jerk. First he forgets he slept with Lexie, then when George tells him, he doesn't even care he hurt ehr.

Then he treats Alex like dirt.

That is the guy some people want Izzie with, that guy to win over sweet, caring, loving George who loves Izzie heart and soul.

Because I think he deserves to be alone and miserable, Alex not George.

And george and Izzie deserve each other and to be happy.

[Jasmin]

Your episode was exceptionally well written.

All but one line, which ruined Derek's Mcdreamy image forever.

The scenes between Meredith and Derek, were spectacular, but I can't help but feel we were lambs led gently to the slaughterhouse.

I admit I don't care about the rest, but Crisitina, a character I dislike, was brilliant, she earned my respect tonight when she refuses to be happy for Burke.

Of course you're going to tell us how good the finale is. We've been asked to leap, we've leapt, we are getting promos from every direction and I cannot help but feel a heap of empty promises so we tune in. The ABC/Shondaland marketing team has been on its toes. Even the new photos for the last epi with Mer and a bottle of champagne, BRILLIANT, so we could stomach the elevator moment, of Derek letting us know he slept with Rose.

We have hoped.... and leapt... and kept our optimism.. but short of a broken Derek begging Meredith to take him back... it will not mean anything. If Meredith asks him to take her back, or in any way shape or form is the one to initiate that reconciliation...all of season 4 and her growth is for naught.

I hope you are right, and that what's coming is indeed going to make Derek worthy of deserving to be with Meredith, because right now, I am not even angry at him, I am truly sad and disappointed.

I hope Ellen Pompeo is finally recognized for the amzing job she's done this season, and her Emmy nomination has the "political" backing of Shonda's team.

[s.cali]

Fantastic! The soldier story line was great.

[Beartown Mountain Girl]

I love your show and never miss it if at all possible. My husband and teenagers know not to even speak to me during the show. However, as much as I love your show, it's time for Meredith and McDreamy to get back together and start working on some sort of future.Drama is good, but it is getting for the romantic in me to bear the hurt Meredith is going through. (been there, done that and don't want to watch much more of it) Meredith can have it all, a career and true love - it just takes work. Love adds a dimension to your live that makes all life's difficulties easier to bear. It's time Meredith gets to experience that instead of constant pain and disappointment. I've watched all the stuff ya'll have put her through, but if Rose turns up pregnant from this one night with Derek, I'm going to stop watching the show. Enough is enough. It's time to start working on Meredith's happiness!!!

[Misha]

Derek and Alex are jerks and I do not want Mer and Izzie with them, they do not deserve them.

Poor Lexie, poor Rose, poor Izzie, poor Mer, being treated like that by those two goons.

How can Derek continue having sex with Rose thinking of Mer?

Poor Rose, that is terrible, what a douchebag!

And Alex, I hate him.

The way he treats Lexie and Izzie and everyone.

Plus he and Izzie do not work, never have.

I do not want love and hate, I want love nd love like George and Izzie had.

I miss them, I want them back.

They never even got a chance ebfore you had them have bad sex.

I want them to find their chemistry back like they ahd when they had that hot elevator kiss.

[grey's fan86]

I just want to say, I've loved grey's since it started but I always hated meredith. sure, she's the main character, but she was just SO annoying and whiney! and there were enough other good (great) characters to keep me interested and eventually make me love the show insanely. and since the show started up again, i...don't hate meredith. i wouldn't say i LIKE her, but, she doesn't annoy me. i like meredith in therapy. i like meredith doing the clinical trial. i really like meredith\cristina scenes, especially when they have great lines like "no, cause we screw boys like whores on tequila, and then we either try to drown ourselves or marry them" (best line of the season). tonight's scene in the morgue was awesome. but anyways, i even like meredith when she's NOT with cristina or derek, when she's just talking to her patients and actually doing something interesting. i find myself thinking 'wow, that was a great scene'. and not 'wow is meredith annoying'.
so whatever you're doing, keep doing it. it might actually make sense that her and derek love each other now, which would be good timing since i think you're going towards a little rekindling...and i can actually applaud that instead of wonder why derek wants to be with a whineyface.

[Alisha]

I am so happy that the post-strike episodes are trying to fix many of the problems with this season of Grey's. For once, Meredith refrained from constant whining! I thank the writers for that one little piece of improvement.

[Alexa]

I hate Alex, I hate how he treats people. I hate that some people want him to get the girl and forgive him everything because he is supposedly hot (I don't find him hot by the way, give me Mark and yes George any day).

George was so cute and adorable and amazing, I love how he pointed out Lexuie to Alex when the jerk forgot her.

I love how he blushed when he was with Izzie talmking about sex. How they could not even look at each other, they are such an amazing couple, I want that back

[Anon]

Why is Meredith the coward? What about Derek? Going to therapy isn't being a coward. That is strong. McAss is the coward who ran to Nurse Rose to replace Meredith but Meredith is the coward who let the love of her life go? What a freaking crock.

[Alisha]

I am so happy that the post-strike episodes are trying to fix many of the problems with this season of Grey's. For once, Meredith refrained from constant whining! I thank the writers for that one little piece of improvement.

the season finale better be good...

[Ephraim]

Absolutely BEAUTIFUL

[Ann]

Derek is not dreamy the man's a douche.I hope Meredith gets her stuff together and NEVER takes him back again.

[Darla]

How is Derek dreamy? He sleeps with a woman, thinks of someone else, and then offers champagne to another woman. That is low.

More like McDouchy.

Both he and Alex are portrayed as great guys and they make me sick.

Yet they get all the girls and a guy like George is relegated to being the comedic status guy, just because he is not 6,4 and looks like a model.

I have enws for you, many of us would give an arm and a leg to go out with a guy like George in real life.

Abnd he and Izzie were HOT despite your attempts to prove otherwise.

They are still hot, one look between them makes the whole show for me.

[Liz]

"Derek's with Rose and it's not heroic to let the love of your life go. It's cowardly. "

And.....what Derek is doing is what? Dreamy?