Debora Cahn on "Losing My Mind"...

Original Airdate: 5-15-08

Why aren’t you crazy?  It’s a question that’s posed in the voice-over at the end of the episode, but at that point you’re (hopefully) so wrecked over the fact that Andre showed up and this poor woman’s in a coma and she’s never going to wake up and he was the love of her life and she was someone who thought she’d never have love, and then it happened and they were happy and on a boat, but she had a brain tumor, which is a good way to ruin a cruise for anyone, but he stayed with her, stayed, because he loved her, and he came home from his snazzy business trip to Singapore early to be with her in the hospital, but he’s just a little too late, because when he shows up, she’s already in a persistent vegetative state – YOU’RE WRECKED, so you don’t know that the voice-over says, “Don’t wonder why people go crazy.  Wonder why they don’t.  In the face of all we can lose in a day, in an instant, wonder what the hell it is that makes us hold it together.”

Why aren’t you crazy?

I thought I had it pretty bad in high school.  I thought things were pretty wild in my world.  There were parents, with a divorce, and my dad moved into an apartment next to a graveyard, and it was HIGH DRAMA and I couldn’t believe I was making it through.  Just getting from one day to the next.  Didn’t know how I did it.  And then I… I don’t know, read the paper, or a book or something, took my head out of my 16 year old butt, and realized my drama was sort of piddly and pathetic next to just about everyone in the universe, which momentarily made me feel better, and then made me just overwhelmed with the sheer volume of insanity in the universe.  I used to imagine these big thought bubbles around people’s heads that contained their stories.  Their life stories.  And everyone’s was so big, there wasn’t enough room for all of them along the cartoon horizon in my mind.  Especially in New York, where everyone was stacked on top of each other – the story bubbles over everyone’s heads just couldn’t be contained in the atmosphere over Manhattan.  I’d think about it and my chest would get tight and I’d worry the stories would eat up all the oxygen and we’d all suffocate. 

High drama.

Point being, isn’t it amazing that we hold it together?  I want to congratulate you all for acting like civilized members of an orderly society, given what you have seen in your lives.  We sit around every day coming up with stories for the show, and the craziest, most outlandish, you-can’t-put-that-on-tv-cause-it-sounds-fake-it’s-so-crazy stories come from the newspaper. 

Moving on…

I had fun with this episode.  The Bailey and Tucker fight was fun.  It was satisfying.  It was satisfying to write a fight where there’s no good guy and no bad guy and no mistake, just two people who love each other and want to make it work and can’t.  Because it’s really friggin hard to make it work.  And love and good intentions and good actions don’t always help.  It’s just hard.

The Andre thing was really fun.  We were putting together this story about a woman who was lonely and sad, and because of her tumor, crazy, and the crazy manifested itself in her fabricating a man to be in love with.  And she’d have this whole big happy love affair with a man who didn’t exist.  And then Shonda walked in the writer’s room and said, “Okay, fine, she can be in love with a guy who doesn’t exist, as long as he shows up at the hospital after she falls into an irreversible coma.”  That’s when I become filled with self-loathing, because I didn’t think of him showing up and being real the whole time, and then I decide I’ll leave writing and become an organic goat’s milk farmer, but I’ll stay long enough to write the Andre story because it’ll be fun.  And it was fun.  And I don’t really like goat’s milk, it has a weird smell.

And Mark’s new leaf was really fun, because I think Mark’s the most satisfying character ever.  He is who he is, and no matter how badly he wants to change, he can’t, because he doesn’t make choices, his behavior is written into his DNA, it’s as honest as rain.  I enjoy him so much.  I’m a big fan of Mark’s.  I think he takes a lot of crap from a lot of people – all that “he’s a manwhore” business.  He’s honest.  And he’s a fan of a good doink at a nice hotel.  He never claims otherwise.  But he seems so sweet and lost when he’s trying to be all romantic and sensitive man-ish.  It just warms my heart.

It was all fun.  For me, anyhow.  I like my job.  I told my husband yesterday that I get much happier as I get older.  I hated high school.  College was better, but not as good as after college, and my 30s are better than my 20s were – it just gets much better as I go.  I don’t feel crazy like I did in high school.  I still have stuff … you know, real life stuff, that in large piles makes people run screaming down the hallways throwing mashed potatoes at the walls.  I have it in small enough piles that I don’t really ever end up throwing mashed potatoes, but I have it.  But it never seems as bad as it did then.  I guess I learned to handle it.  Break it down.  Process it.  That’s what we learn, I suppose.  To handle things that seem like they’ll destroy us.  It’s sad, in a way, what we teach ourselves to accept.  What used to seem crazy, and now just seems… like what people go through.  I guess my point is, if you feel like you’re crazy, you’re in good company.  Because, take a look a around.  Why would sanity make sense?

Comments

[Mer/Der Fan]

Good episode but was SO disappointed in the forward movment with Mer/Der! Can't believe you ended with Derek leaving with Rose..enough already.......Git rid of Rose and bring back our Mer/Der!

[Julianna]

LOVE MARK AND CALLIE..............

CALLIE/HAHN?........Simply step the channel......

[Nelle]

I am a die-hard Meredith & Derek forever fan.

So I really wanted to puke with the Derek-Rose scenes.
Why are you throwing that crap in our face? I can't stand them. Will it be the last scene of the final episode when Mer-Der get together?

I am not sure I can hang around to even watch, but I am sure I will and then I will just puke some more with the torture of Derek & Rose.

PLEASE give us Mer-Der fans a break. Please.

P.S. I adore Ellen Pompeo.

[Nora]

I loved George tonight for the first time in a year. I loved that everytime he ran, you could hear his sneakers making the sounds they do when you're running on a gym floor. Nice touch. He was a do-er tonight. Remember the episode when he and Izzie were saying they aren't do-ers and they were right. Good to see him focused on his career instead of all trivial problems in life.

I have a lot of other thoughts, but I have to wake a four year-old. But you're spot on in your blog about the way life progresses in spite of all the crazy stuff that happens. And after years of hoping you never get old, you reach 40 and hope that you have the opportunity to get old because the scary stuff is worth it for all the good stuff in between.

[Pete]

Some positives ad negatives about the episode:

I like George for the first time ever. Congratulations.

Finally we see Christina fighting and experiencing Burke demons. Good. i want to see resolution there.

The Chief was wonderful.

Bailey needs to have her storyline progress more. Let;s see her resolve her issues. Let's also see her be the Nazi that career choice she's still so focusd on, instead of half-assing it

Callie/Erica/Mark were great..until the cliffhanger kiss, that was terrible.

Izzie gets the worst material and a great character has been written into a terrible character. We know Heigl wants to leave, but geez, give the character some dignity.

Alex and Ava is terrible and stupid. Ava should have just died, because every scene she has is awful and killing the show. Alex isnt much better.

Mer/Der is in a state of despair. This all needs to be remedied. Right now Meredith needs to progress and stop bing damaged and be the meredith we saw at the beginning of season 1, the reason we watched the show, the character the show was named for, bring season 1 dynamic meredith back. Derek needs to be McDreamy again. This new Derek is putrid.

Rose and Lexie were ok, no real thoughts there.

the bar was set so high and you continue to miss it. I urge you to try ad make the bar you set.

[Paula]

I know why Shonda gave out the Mer/Der info now...I mean, I would have stopped watching 4 episodes ago with all the needless Rose scenes in here. Still Dempsey and Stamile have zero chemistry and each scene makes less sense than the one before it. Watching them tonight just brought me down and made me question whether Shonda can pull a Mer/Der reunion off at all, let alone "for good" This Rose character was a plot device that was unneeded from the start and has now well out stayed it's welcome. It has now impacted my enjoyment of the show and makes me question the finale and a believable Mer/Der outcome.

[klh]

ok so heres the thing. i know its supposed to be high drama, and i NEVER miss an episode. but the whole, we're two girls and we're gonna kiss just to tease a boy, is SO high school. and Callie is the one who brought it up in the first place. so when Hahn kissed her, why is she so surprised. she knows deep down Hahn's been wanting her. that was callies way of finding out she does. I must say that when McSteamy said "on call room, now!" I did LITERALLY LOL. that was so true to his character. i would like to see him turn a new leaf with callie. she deserves to be loved the way george couldnt love her.
ok on to mer-der. i kinda like that hes using rose for a rebound girl, because, a) she annoys me and b) he needs to get it out of his system before he goes to meredith and begs her to love him. the same way she did when she said "pick me love me, choose me". that needs to happen. rose needs to go.
bailey/tucker fight was great because they need to fight it out and work it out. its gonna be hard and take time. believe me i know. but he needs to stop being such a manish pig. he knew bailey loved her career when they got pregnant, he sounds like a man who has been home with a baby too long. WHINY!
alex/izzie/rebecca. he needs to let her husband know whats going on with her! um, hello, how is being the boyfriend of a married woman entitle you to be in charge of her medically, and what about her kid? weird. that whole thing is weird to me. i see that you are trying to change alex into this caring mature man. and izzie will see this, fall in love with him, rebecca will get better and return to her family ...yadyadayada..ok we'll have to wait and see on this one, i think.

i hope next season, our characters will return to semi-normal while still growing. and honestly, IF Izzie returns, please do something with her character...shes annoying me lately. IZZIE, not Katherine. I love Katherine.

[Jay]

Meredith was just all over the place! Oh and Lexie, ugh that scene was just awkward?! Is Ava going nuts? Oh and I loved the fact that Andre showed up at the end; I did NOT see that coming!!
I CANT WAIT FOR NEXT THURSDAY!

[tvadictmom]

pretty good show. I agree with one of the other posts that you missed talking about half the show in your blog. An important half, I think. This stuff with DerMer, I'm beginning to wonder if we're being lied to that they're getting back together. I don't see it shaping up. Too much has to happen in a double epi next week. It seems rushed.

[Cassie]

Last night's episode was just ok for me but I'm one of those fans whose level of enjoyment comes only from the MerDer storyline. Writer's have their work cut out for them if they're going to pull off a reunion in the season finale. Rose needs to get a clue!

[Steph]

The Andre storyline was so sweet and yet depressing at the same time. I hate such endings. :(

Great job with George! This was the first time I've liked George in a long, long time. Loved how he helped out with Tuck! That baby is too cute.

Aww. I was hoping Mark was really turning into a new leaf! Loved it when he was acting professionally and giving out advice to Derek. Looks like he'll have to try harder. But then again, who could blame him? That kiss! The look Erica gave Callie as she pulled away was pretty intense. More of the same, please?

I've said this last week and I'll say it again... bring back kickass Cristina!! Although she does seem happier in the finale promo so here's hoping she'll be back.

[kyra]

Let's see...When it comes to Mer/Der, it goes a little something like this:

Season one) ends with "love triangle"

Season two: Love triangle

Season three: Love triangle

Season four: YET ANOTHER Love Triangle.

Can you please STOP it now? Geeze, can't you take Mer/Der anywhere without this story line? It's so old and it's just cheap now. Please just write for the TWO OF THEM as this gimmick played itself out in the 2nd season. ENOUGH ALREADY!!!

[Amanda]

I feel as though you guys are finally getting back to the formula that has made Grey's my most cherished addiction since I viewed the greatness which was the pilot episode, so long ago! It is so fulfilling to watch you focus on the characters again. The little things, you know? The interaction with Derek and Mark has been fabulous to watch. These two sexy, charming men, being witty together makes for some light-hearted moments. Mer finally making a little progress with all of her mommy issues, Christina finally reaching her breaking point and dealing with the fallout of Burke, George just being George again, Alex dealing so tenderly with Rebecca......ahhhhh, progress is a phenomenal thing!

It's nice to see that our beloved characters are finally going to move on. The anticipation of what's to come has become exciting again because you have finally convinced me (with theses last couple of episodes) that you are determined to get them out of their rut.

Thanks for another great episode!

[vicky jo]

I loved the show!I fell in love with George all over again!Lexie is AWESOME!Last nite proved that Derek is no jerk & I so hope he stays with Rose,I think people will tend to like her.Mer. is too messed up for him.Christine was too weird...Yes,Izzy finally told Ava she wasn't pregnant!I wish that lady could of seen she didn't make him up,that he was real,that was so sad..Mer.counselor is not the same lady that played her stepmom....Can't stand Baileys husband,if u marry a Dr. then expect them to work alot...Can't wait til next week,it looks sooo good.

[Frustrated]

I loved the Andre story line. A true heart pulling story. However, I think the writers really need to consider the Hahn/Callie idea. Other blogs are abuzz with the idea of them in a relationship. I for one hope the writers don't go there. Callie "loved being an O'Malley". What about a reconciliation with her husband? And what about George? What would this do to him? Meredith already hurt his ego. I for one don't plan to watch the show if this relationship comes to be.

[vstewart]

I really like George as an administrator- I remember in the first episode of the show, Bailey saying that not all of them will be surgeons. But I still felt for him when Tapley basically said Richard must have had his reasons for holding you back. But maybe this is it- again, you have this person in your head but maybe that's not who you are.

I'm really liking Sloan as a character right now.

And I have to say, if a man did to me what D did to R, have sex, not call me and then ignore me, and then finally say, "I don't want complications, I don't want the fairy tale," I would run as fast as my abnormally large feet would take me, that's all I'm sayin'.

The chief was brilliant. Callie and Hahn were brilliant. Lexie great, Christina, even thought she's usually mean, I didn't like her this mean.

Looking forward to next week!

[Canada loves Greys]

My favorite episode this season, i loved it, i love my Meredith Grey. Finding out more about her is great, as usual Ellen blew me away. Please bring back the shrink next season, i love her. So sad next week is the last episode, just as you guys are getting good again.
Thank you.....(oh, and i really hate Rose, and i would like to slap Derek upside the head)

[Angelika]

Relax people! :-) The Meredith, Rose, Derek storyline is not as hopeless as some of you think. Derek lost hope of Meredith being able to function in a normal relationship. She has yet to show him otherwise. Hence, the whole therapy experience for her. He hasn't drastically changed who he is. He isn't promising anything to Rose. Hence, the "fun" and "no drama" speech. It's clear that he wants Meredith to become a whole person, but he has doubts about whether it can happen. Then again, I don't write for the show, so what do I know? It is tv---not real life. :-)

Anyway, I enjoyed the episode. The emotional struggles were believable (tv-land believable...), and I wanted more when it was over. It's painful to look at the clock & realize that I'm not getting anymore for a week. Well done!

[Cara in NJ]

WOW!! Once again, you blew me away. I have to say, I am not one of those people who was writing you and this show off(it would be like amputating my left arm), but I was getting tired of the direction the show was heading in. I have to say Shonda and crew, I took the leap with you and I am so glad that I did!!!! This episode was awesome!!!!
Thank you for finally fixing Mer. I was wondering how long it was going to take this woman to realize that her mom was wrong, she is NOT worthless!! She deserves every happiness that is down the road for her. She rose above all of that crap that her parents gave her. Kudos to you for this revelation!!
Derek needs to just cut Rose loose! Don't string her along, just make a clean break. She is not the woman for him, never was! I am not a big fan of her, but this guy is going to once again break someones heart.
I am scared for Alex and Ava. I am not getting this whole thing with her. Creepy!!
Hahn kissed Callie?? What? I saw it coming but still was flabergasted when it happend!! And the look on Marks face, priceless!!
Cristina needs to get over herself!! really. I am not liking Yang at this point, What a b***h!! Lexie is finally strapping on a set. Good for her!!
I am done rambling. Thank you for another brilliant episode!! I cannot wait for next week. And 2 hours of goodness!!!!! WOO HOO!!

[Lia]

Compared to last week's episode this one was good, but didn't hit that wow factor for me. Didn't really get the Rose/Derek ending. I mean he obviously loves Meredith and had a hard time with sleeping with Rose and thinking of Mer. His speech to her and them walking out hand in hand was lame. Would have been interesting to see him see Mer walking into therapy or something. Hoping that next week's finale, you guys actually write Meredith to speak to Derek and open up to let him in. Then over the summer all you guys sit back and realize what the fans have been saying regarding the "wow factor" EP and PD bring to the show and let them be together.

Bailey's baby is unrealistic! Being somebody who works at a daycare, who calls the parent when the kid fights with another one over a graham cracker? Seriously?

LOVED Alex in the episode. Not too sure why he is being so hard on Izzie, but seeing his compassion at the end with Ava was finally nice to see.

Looking forward to next week with the MerDer reunion and hopefully the write off of Rose.

[HS]

Good epi AND trust me, we all could lose our mind on any given day. I too, had the High School Parents Divorce, Cheating College Boyfriend (love of my life..or maybe not?), Mother died of cancer, and now infertility and Premature Ovarian Failure/High FSH at age 31(same as Addison). BUT...we just keep on Marching.

I'm not sure how you are going to turn the Mer/Der thing around...but you HAVE to. I've been waiting 4 years for this. Just do it. Life isn't about Fairytales- people make mistakes and work through them. Let Mer/Der work through it. I just can't take Rose/Der anymore. There is NO chemistry and it looks forced. He also needs to realize that he made his share of mistakes.

I loved Mark/Callie/Hahn. Mark is a manwhore, but thats who he is--and we all love him---and know him. Poor Callie doesn't even know who she is.

Cristina was awesome. Its good to see her "not so cold side" and seeing how a blown marriage just doesn't get swept under the carpet. She needs a rebound guy.

Not a big fan of Ava. I think Alex is being sweet but in serious denial.

Loved, loved George and Bailey/Tucker.

Keep it coming!!! I can't Wait for next week!!!!!!

[Katie]

I feel as though many people are patronizing you, the writers, telling you how glad they are the show is "back" and where you're taking the characters. If we could write shows and keep characters interesting and give them individual voices, we would be doing it, rather than telling you how to do it. With that said, I appreciate all the work you guys put into every show and have to say... it was desperate times during the strike!

I'm excited to see where the plot lines are going and think they're taking interesting turns. I have never liked Rose but that is obviously because we are biased and want McDreamy to only have eyes for Meredith. We are selfish beings and believe if this is supposed to be that once in a lifetime kind of love, he should be willing to wait forever for Meredith. The truth is, no matter how "whiny" people feel Meredith has been, it's a lot of really bad crap that's happened in her life and she has to wade through that and it takes time, you don't just get over it and move on, you don't just open yourself up to the best love in the world like you've never been hurt, because fact is... Meredith has been hurt. We've watched her deal with a mom who couldn't remember her, and when she did, she was heart breakingly mean, we've watched a father abandon her in favor of a new life with new kids, we've watched Derick choose Addison over her after begging him to "choose me, love me." Now, we find ourselves watching Derick walk out the door hand in hand with Rose. Meredith is taking the steps to get better, she's doing the work in therapy, but what is Derick doing to prove he's still worthy of this love they share? He's dating another woman. Perhaps his redeeming quality is his persistence with their trial, he's trying to be the hero for her, but is it enough that he be there medically and not emotionally? Like I said, we're selfish and perhaps a little bit hopeful, because who isn't a little bit damaged, who doesn't want to believe that there is someone out there who will love them deeply and passionately and wait around when we go to the "dark place," we want to believe and when we see Derick not holding up his end of the bargain, we get angry and yell at you, the writers, to get Rose out of there! She's ruining our hopes for unconditional love. You get to control this world we're all addicted to, we don't.

May I also say, I have never liked Ava/Rebecca, but this episode was really surprising, I thought she was trying to trap Alex with a fake pregnancy. I still don't like the thought of her hanging around and sucking all of the good out of Alex. We're all rooting for Alex to polish off the rust from his armor and prove himself to be the nice guy we all believe him to be but I hate to see him waste that on Rebecca. She's a little too flawed in a somewhat unrealistic way for my tastes. I also hate to see Izzy with no where to really turn, George is off finding his way with new intern friends and new responsibilities (and may I say, being AWESOME), Alex is angry with her, and she really has no one. It's lonely for Izzy and I feel for her.

I can't wait to see Christina back in the saddle, she's always been kick ass and let's face it, she's Christina, she knows her stuff and she's passionate. I hope she gets her fire back and becomes unstoppable.

I look forward to the season finale!

[HatesRose]

Well, I have to say...you are hilarious! While I do like personal writers stories I wish that you would have written the Grey's Anatomy blog ABOUT Grey's Anatomy.

This episode was exremely intense. It may be my favorite by far this season, aside from the end when Derek walked away holding hands with Rose. I do see now why Shonda decided to tell us that Meredith and Derek would end up together, otherwise by now, you would not have much of an audience if any, I know I wouldnt be around.

I fall more in love with Meredith every week, I love how much she is growing. I'm really curious to see how Meredith and Derek end up together without it seeming rushed and I hope he had already ended it with Rose. Hopefully she has enough good sense to walk away.

Plot device needs to go away! Also in the fantasy challenge it lists Rose as one that may be pregnant. I really hope you do not go there, then I'm definintely OUT.

Next week cannot come soon enough!

[lili]

Every week after the episode I spend 3 to 4 days trying to find ways to justify Derek's action so I can stop hating him and I manage to find one around the fourth day only for him to do something even more stupid the next week .I was beginning to tolerate rose if having her meant that Derek finally realizes he could have everything he wants and still he won't be happy as long as he doesn't have Meredith ,now I'm confused again why would Derek want fun and casual with rose didn't he have that with Meredith didn't he broke up with her because he wanted more ?what's the point of having rose in the show what will it make Derek realize?

I can't justify Derek's behavior on the fact that he doesn't know how Meredith feels or that he thinks Meredith doesn't believe in love. Meredith thinks that Derek has moved on and is happy and doesn't want her but that doesn't mean she should stop dealing with her crap and live in denial. I'm so tired of Derek justifying his actions based on what Meredith did to provoke them .Derek doesn't show up and doesn't want to breath for Meredith it's ok because she drowned ,Derek flirts with a woman at the bar it's ok cause Meredith pushed him away(which by the way is like saying it's ok that Addison cheated on Derek cause he was absent!) , Derek doesn't know what he'll do if he meets another woman it's ok because he deserves more than what Meredith is giving him , Derek kiss another woman while still sleeping with Meredith and dragging her along it's ok because they(he)were dating other people so technically he wasn't cheating he throws her house plans to get her to break up with him (in the most manipulative and coward way possible) and ask someone else out 5 minutes after breaking up with her and it's ok cause Meredith doesn't trust anybody and will never be ready for what HE wants! ,……

I only watch this show for merder and I love them together but If I was Meredith I would have dumped him long before she did and I wouldn't take him back she deserves much better than this. to say that Derek really fought for their relationship while Meredith just give up is pure crap as far as I'm concerned he stopped fighting for them after the ferry accident he just stopped caring like he used to and I can really justify Meredith's action from then on, for me it was like he was punishing Meredith for having issues that aren't even her own fault without ever acknowledging his own part in those issues. Derek is still where he was 5 episodes ago there is just no movement in his part. After last week's episode and Derek's whore comment in the elevator I thought that he was finally moving forward but now he is right back to where he started.

There is no way you can address half of the stuff that needs to be addressed in 2 hours and have a semi believable reunion (I'm not even expecting that much) I just want Derek to acknowledge that he made a lot of mistakes and in his way to figure out what he wants he hurt and humiliated Meredith a lot and I want him to apologize for it. I hope Derek will be the one who will fight for her in the final he is the one who is with someone else after all, I don't want Meredith to go to him while he is still with rose, I don't want Meredith to suddenly trust Derek cause he hasn't done anything to gain her trust and I would hate it if going to therapy means that she will suddenly be able to let him in, he hasn't done anything to deserve that either , I will probably kick the TV if Meredith proposes or agrees to the house plans if Derek doesn't show that he loves and wants Meredith for who she is and not for who he wants her to be I don't even want them together .

[Diana C]

I enjoyed your episode last night. The stuff with Meredith is so true and hopefully people will finally get her. I have one of those mothers that say stupid stuff to their kids and a father who wasn't there. But I was lucky to have a grandmother that stepped up. Thanks Nana.

I get Christina's dark place. She was mean to Lexie but people need to learn. When people like Christina says like me alone- run. She needs her dark place. That is where she figures stuff out.

All that stuff happens to people everyday. Why are we all crazy indeed? But then look at the world itself-aren't most of us crazy?

I feel sorry for Callie. She is in a situation that I detest the most in life. Someone you don’t want sticking their tongue down your throat-gross. Callie needs to tell her to back off before we get a steamy baby.
Rose is such an idiot. She has been given so many chances to walk away but she stays. I can't wait to see her cry, when Mer take back her man. It will be the best comedic moment ever. Hope Shonda has her watch them make out like