Debora Cahn on "Losing My Mind"...

Original Airdate: 5-15-08

Why aren’t you crazy?  It’s a question that’s posed in the voice-over at the end of the episode, but at that point you’re (hopefully) so wrecked over the fact that Andre showed up and this poor woman’s in a coma and she’s never going to wake up and he was the love of her life and she was someone who thought she’d never have love, and then it happened and they were happy and on a boat, but she had a brain tumor, which is a good way to ruin a cruise for anyone, but he stayed with her, stayed, because he loved her, and he came home from his snazzy business trip to Singapore early to be with her in the hospital, but he’s just a little too late, because when he shows up, she’s already in a persistent vegetative state – YOU’RE WRECKED, so you don’t know that the voice-over says, “Don’t wonder why people go crazy.  Wonder why they don’t.  In the face of all we can lose in a day, in an instant, wonder what the hell it is that makes us hold it together.”

Why aren’t you crazy?

I thought I had it pretty bad in high school.  I thought things were pretty wild in my world.  There were parents, with a divorce, and my dad moved into an apartment next to a graveyard, and it was HIGH DRAMA and I couldn’t believe I was making it through.  Just getting from one day to the next.  Didn’t know how I did it.  And then I… I don’t know, read the paper, or a book or something, took my head out of my 16 year old butt, and realized my drama was sort of piddly and pathetic next to just about everyone in the universe, which momentarily made me feel better, and then made me just overwhelmed with the sheer volume of insanity in the universe.  I used to imagine these big thought bubbles around people’s heads that contained their stories.  Their life stories.  And everyone’s was so big, there wasn’t enough room for all of them along the cartoon horizon in my mind.  Especially in New York, where everyone was stacked on top of each other – the story bubbles over everyone’s heads just couldn’t be contained in the atmosphere over Manhattan.  I’d think about it and my chest would get tight and I’d worry the stories would eat up all the oxygen and we’d all suffocate. 

High drama.

Point being, isn’t it amazing that we hold it together?  I want to congratulate you all for acting like civilized members of an orderly society, given what you have seen in your lives.  We sit around every day coming up with stories for the show, and the craziest, most outlandish, you-can’t-put-that-on-tv-cause-it-sounds-fake-it’s-so-crazy stories come from the newspaper. 

Moving on…

I had fun with this episode.  The Bailey and Tucker fight was fun.  It was satisfying.  It was satisfying to write a fight where there’s no good guy and no bad guy and no mistake, just two people who love each other and want to make it work and can’t.  Because it’s really friggin hard to make it work.  And love and good intentions and good actions don’t always help.  It’s just hard.

The Andre thing was really fun.  We were putting together this story about a woman who was lonely and sad, and because of her tumor, crazy, and the crazy manifested itself in her fabricating a man to be in love with.  And she’d have this whole big happy love affair with a man who didn’t exist.  And then Shonda walked in the writer’s room and said, “Okay, fine, she can be in love with a guy who doesn’t exist, as long as he shows up at the hospital after she falls into an irreversible coma.”  That’s when I become filled with self-loathing, because I didn’t think of him showing up and being real the whole time, and then I decide I’ll leave writing and become an organic goat’s milk farmer, but I’ll stay long enough to write the Andre story because it’ll be fun.  And it was fun.  And I don’t really like goat’s milk, it has a weird smell.

And Mark’s new leaf was really fun, because I think Mark’s the most satisfying character ever.  He is who he is, and no matter how badly he wants to change, he can’t, because he doesn’t make choices, his behavior is written into his DNA, it’s as honest as rain.  I enjoy him so much.  I’m a big fan of Mark’s.  I think he takes a lot of crap from a lot of people – all that “he’s a manwhore” business.  He’s honest.  And he’s a fan of a good doink at a nice hotel.  He never claims otherwise.  But he seems so sweet and lost when he’s trying to be all romantic and sensitive man-ish.  It just warms my heart.

It was all fun.  For me, anyhow.  I like my job.  I told my husband yesterday that I get much happier as I get older.  I hated high school.  College was better, but not as good as after college, and my 30s are better than my 20s were – it just gets much better as I go.  I don’t feel crazy like I did in high school.  I still have stuff … you know, real life stuff, that in large piles makes people run screaming down the hallways throwing mashed potatoes at the walls.  I have it in small enough piles that I don’t really ever end up throwing mashed potatoes, but I have it.  But it never seems as bad as it did then.  I guess I learned to handle it.  Break it down.  Process it.  That’s what we learn, I suppose.  To handle things that seem like they’ll destroy us.  It’s sad, in a way, what we teach ourselves to accept.  What used to seem crazy, and now just seems… like what people go through.  I guess my point is, if you feel like you’re crazy, you’re in good company.  Because, take a look a around.  Why would sanity make sense?

Comments

[Leslie]

nothing about Christina, or Alex, or Meredith in the blog? :(

Loved the Erica/Callie/Mark elevator scene. Fabulous.

[James]

Meredith still rocked tonight even if you didn't give her any credit for it. Bravo again to Ellen Pompeo!

[Safin]

Greetings from POLAND!!!
Thank you all for the Grey's! It's very touching and funny and thrilling and cool all at the same time. In Europe we are a season behind - we haven't seen season 4 yet - but I'm loking forward to watching it. Can't wait actually. Is it as good as the first three? Hold on there.
Saf.

[Mary from Washington]

Hey Debora,

You wrote a really beautiful episode. I was chatting with some friends across the country and while we were all watching we knew that Andre was going to show up. It just seems like the kind of crap that happens to people, and it's a good way to show Mer that fairytales can exist. Don't tell Shonda, but you actually can have a career and a happy personal life. Ahhh, I know it's a shocker.

So, I loved loved loved Mark. He could not be more fantastic. Funny and witty and just plain steamy. I've loved his banter in the last few episodes. It's great.

I have to say though that I'm a little worried about the finale for next week and how believable it's going to be that MerDer are getting together "for good." I know that Ellen Pompeo really wanted it to be believable and I really hope you all have a brilliant plan to go from barely talking to dedicated to each other for all eternity in only about 86 minutes. Good luck!! I love MerDer though so I really hope you can pull it off.

Thanks again for the amazing episode. I appreciate all the hard work that you do. Have a nice week.

---Mary Senn

[C.]

Debora Cahn!! (Extraneous exclamation points because I’ve been a fan since the WW and am always excited when your Grey’s episodes come around.) Anyway, great episode. Am intrigued by the Ava situation, and the Bailey/Mr. Bailey fight was really – well, kind of heartbreaking, actually, but awesome. But more to the point: can George carry babies around in every episode? For real. I think the sweetness might trigger spontaneous world peace.

[jesse]

well, i think you are brilliant with your writing. I love the show, I am curious about Alex's past obviously its big. I know through the seasons there have been hints, but we never really get answers and i hope they come soon. I also think that it was sad to brake up George and Izzie, because now they dont even have scenes together. I miss them, if you are not going to have them as lovers, then at least have them as friends again...I like the idea of Callie/Hann....that would be really interesting. and please reunite meredith and Derek, so i cant stop hearing people wine about them....Give Christina her edge back, she lost it and she looks bad without it...Give Izzie a love story that doesnt end in tragedy! And make Alex open up to someone, so we could finally learn who he is!! Im guessing he will be opening up to Izzie..hhhhmmmmmm..

[Tara]

Thank you. I had almost stopped watching Grey's during the third season, but you are back and you are amazing! I realized earlier that I started loving Grey's again once you introduced Hahn as a regular character. Brooke Smith is a phenomenal actress and I love the direction you are going with her. I can't imagine anyone else pulling off her lines without coming off as a b***h, but she brings an amazing likeableness and vulnerability to her character. The elevator scene was perfect--the look on Mark's face made me rewind TiVo about six times. I really truly appreciate the way you have handled the development of the Mark/Callie/Erica storyline; I just hope you treat them gently (and don't break Erica's heart).
I also really want to thank you for Meredith's therapist. She is pitch-perfect as a shrink who isn't a quack and I think she is taking exactly the right tone with Meredith. (I am a psych grad student, so I know these things...) I had worried when I saw the trailer that Meredith might be saying the "fix me" line to Derek, which would have been all wrong, so I LOVE that you had her saying it to her doctor. (Also, the moment when Meredith bursts into the office and sees Hahn--completely awesome.)
Awesome episode. I cannot wait for the finale; you have me completely addicted to Grey's again! Thank you!

[Judy]

Please tell me Grey's you aren't going to go contrived soap opera and make the Rose characer pregnant. You guys are so much better than that and it is so obvious we can see it coming a mile away. Please don't take the cheap day-time soap gimick with our show. Youa re SO much better than that.

[abigail]

I just had a thought about the pregnancy reveal. I think its Callie. She either says this in front of McSteamy and Hahn to ward off Hahn as she's scared by her new found emotions and/or wants to scare the crap out of McSteamy. ITS NOT THE PLANT. If it's Rose then I swear it Shonda, I'm out. Enough is enough.

[Jessica]

Oh wow, George and Izzie plummeted from being my favorite characters near the end of S#, but you guys have completely 180'd them back into my good graces again these past few episodes. Loved George's interactions with Bailey and the ever adorable Tuck :D

Thanks for giving Lexie some backbone. She needed to tell Meridith off finally!

And Callie/Hahn... I knew it was coming, but it still made me grin spastically. I love these two. :)

[Debora Cahn Fan]

Hey there,
It took a case of pneumonia and lots of time to watch episodes from my boxed set of West Wing episodes to discover how much I love the way you tell stories.

Two years ago, on my couch, too weak to read work email, too hoarse to dial into conference calls---strength only to pull popsicles from the freezer and feed dvd's into the player---I figured out you were the one who wrote my favorite shows. The final CJ episode..brilliant. Really. Just brilliant.

I spotted your name in opening credits tonight and liked the show so much I thought I'd be a geek and google your name to see if there was a place to drop you a note.

It's so interesting and impressive to me to watch how you can deliver such thought-provoking ideas in such an entertaining way.

No need to post this, just please print it out, stick it in a drawer and the next time you get fed up--read this again, remember that I depend on you to continue to explain life to me....and start typing.

[Jade]

This episode was amazing.

jaw dropping with the confessions Meredith made. but amazing.

Ellen Pompeo was phenomenal.
amazing acting, the last part of the show had me in tears. she is amazing.

[Bobbi]

Lexi-Mer-Therapist-Bathroom..........Brilliant

[Pam]

First I have to say how much this series has resonated with me, and my life. I'm graduating from Alex's alma mater tomorrow-the University of Iowa-and its been a crazy ride. The characters are so resilient and in my toughest moments I'll watch an episode and something new will strike a cord, and I usually end up reframing my thinking so I can move forward.

This episode for me was really about the struggle to face those issues we didn't want to face, and the fight to become that person in our minds. It doesn't happen in one day, or one episode, but a daily effort to march toward the goal. Meredith is finally doing that, and I think because of that we're in store for some really great positive things from her.

On that note, can I just say how thankful I am for the last few episodes, they are so refreshingly after two and a half long seasons of dark and twisty. The Becoming was particularly powerful for me because I think we all strive to be the better versions of our selves we have in our minds. Except the change that happens doesn't take hold unless we really are ready for it. I felt Meredith is, thankfully, and finally ready to deal.
On another note. I'm so sick of Rose/Derek. She had a point about having a bruised ego when he vanishes after sleeping with her. However, Derek clearly wants the fairytale--in Denny's words--he's an optimist! "Just happy" didn't seem very happy at all he is not the sort that can just settle. I don't mean to say it has to have a Disney ending, but certainly something more than a ho-hum, half-hearted "just happy."

Its getting late so I'll be quick... love Izzie's new hair... actually loving the Mark story line ... really liking Callie after a long period of loathing. Loving Cristina (because it adds depth to her character, since I didn't think the whole Burke thing was really resolved at the beginning of the season, even though he wasn't physically there) and George, because even though he's not doing surgeries he is growing as a person and I adore that.

Ava/Rebecca whatever--love her--but really not sure what to think about where she's headed.

Alex... sometimes I love him, and others he drives me nuts. I'm an Iowa native and can I just say that we have good people here. However, Alex tends to be an ass, and the other guy from Iowa State was a masochist who had himself shot on purpose, and Alex was all buddy buddy with him.

I realize its TV, but we don't get much press for anything but corn, the primaries and our state fair so I'm just saying that it would be great if he could have more nice guy moments.

[S]

More Callie and Hahn, please. That was the best moment of Grey's ever. I love those two actresses so much.

[Maigray]

If I wasn't suicidal before and I had a therapist like that, I'd sure as hell be suicidal afterwards. According to this one, Meredith is a coward, a quitter and her biggest problem in life is that she's too scared to be with the man she loves.

I mean - wow - what a way to help someone work through their problems; make them understand that they are worth something; make them understand that their identity should not be based on what others think of them; make them value themselves as a person.

If this is your version of addressing Meredith's issues, it really says something about how females are viewed on this show. I think every adolescent girl on the planet needs to watch, so we can make sure they understand just how worthless they are as themselves and that they should be falling at the feet of the people who say they love them even if they treat them badly.

You know - just in case.

[sara]

the episdoe was cool
George and Lexie Were cool
Writers we want alex and izzie back and fast please!

[marmar]

LOVED all the Alex and Izzie scenes
thanks for putting AI together!

[Sarah in Mpls]

I loved this episode except for the last scene with Derek and Rose... I was so hopeful earlier when we discovered that he Derek hadn't called her. Why does he continue to look more and more like a jerk?
We know Mer is messed up, but the therapy is great! I loved the bathroom scene: Mer wants out, Lexie forgives her, and then the fantastic "Is 2:00 good for you?" I never had thought of the bomb episode being similar to the drowning. What an insight! Then the admission by Mer that Ellis tried to kill herself - WOW!! I did not see that coming! I'm looking forward to the finale; I just hope the Mer/Der reunion doesn't seem rushed. Hopefully it takes place a few weeks later so that Mer has a chance to make some real progress in therapy.
Absolutely loved George and the comment by Walter(?) that the decision to hold George back would've been a very difficult one for Richard. He needed to hear that even if the truth hurts.
I loved the way he wanted to help Bailey talk to her husband by taking Tucker to play with office supplies-very funny.
It was frustrating to see Izzie talk to Alex about Ava's condition. I thought she had decided to keep her mouth shut. The insight from Sloan was very interesting. I feel bad for Ava having to deal with all of the changes that she has gone through.
And how great was Mark? I love him more and more. I liked how Derek was basically telling him to stop obsessing about the whore comment - "You were happy, right?"
Can't say that I love the Callie and Hahn story. I just don't see it.
And why hasn't the chief talked to Hahn about Cristina? I couldn't believe that she wasn't in the surgery despite being "in the dark place". However, Lexie's remarks to her were perfect!
So overall, I did like the episode. I even made the comment that I couldn't believe the old Grey's was back, except for the fun, flirty banter between Meredith and Derek. Rose has got to go...
Oh and why DIDN'T you write more about the characters in your blog?

[NotADuhMe]

Watched live and then watched again after getting kiddos to bed. Wonderful episode full of what makes GA stand out. Great drama juxtaposed with just right amount of comedic relief.

KUDOS to the entire core cast of the show tonight. Meredith for all the depth that she's showing as a doctor and person-and finally trusting enough to talk about her demons, Lexie for standing up for herself with Meredith and Cristina and for being a great friend to George, George for finding himself and for helping Miranda & Tucker, Miranda & Tucker for showing just how hard it is to be in love and fight for what you need/want in your life, Alex for sticking with Rebecca and taking care of her after learning the depth of her problem, Mark for showing all sides of his persona, Callie for being so cute with Mark and so rocked by Erica's kiss, Erica for being a cardio rock star who didn't want to be remembered as the one who killed the king of her cardio world, Richard for being Richard (I just loved his quandary about why the women don’t listen to him), and Cristina for not being herself (but hopefully turning it around next week). My only disappointment is that Izzie seems stagnated, but she was integral to moving along the Alex & Rebecca storyline, so baby kudos to her too.

I am stoked for next week’s show and can’t wait for the DVD’s! YAY!!!

PS - KUDOS to Amy Madigan for maintaining her natural look.

PS again - Rose can go.

PS one last time - Private Practice is okay, but Addison rocks on GA.

[RA]

Meredith Grey, poor Meredith.

I was in tears hearing her talk about her mom. wow nice twist there, another major reason why she is so hurt in life.

Ellen Pompeo is fantastic. she is just amazing, I can watch those scenes over and over. wonderful ...

Derek is someone i really dislike now. A LOT

Now if Derek thinks the fairy tail can wait, then he can get back with Meredith... because that's the reason he broke up with her.

he is so messed up now. He better be saying lots of I'm sorries to Meredith next epi. he needs to redeem himself big time.

All in all, loved it. this was great. thank you.

[Chantal]

I loved the episode!! Except the Hahn/Callie thing, HATE THAT!

Don’t let any people nagging about Meredith “being whiny” get to you; it’s a GREAT thing that she’s finally dealing with things. Anyone who is complaining about it doesn’t get her, and doesn’t get the complexity of Mer & Der’s relationship. I understand that you can’t just hook them up like that. It doesn’t work that way in real life, so why would it on television.

The best storyline was – of course – Greta & Andre. It’s so clear that Greta and both Derek desperately waited for their true loves to ‘get there’. And Greta’s sister and Meredith both don’t want to believe in it. It was a great parallel and great storyline. So touching to see Derek waiting for Andre. Giving her all the time she needed, although it meant that it was 17.12 instead of 15.00. Wanting to take that time. And great to see Mer’s face when Andre finally showed up. Mer faced that fact and told Andre that she was the one who didn’t believe in it. Andre
Both Derek and Meredith so overwhelmed with emotions… Oh I loved it! The things that were said… Derek watching at Meredith while it was said: “the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen”, “
And then those lyrics…! “woke dreaming we had broke, Dreaming you left me for someone new” (Derek), “But this is the way I need to wake / I wake to you / And you never left me / All that I dreamt had been untrue / Open my eyes / I see sky” – Meredith!

There were a lot of things I enjoyed, this episode. I loved George, who finally is getting back on track, getting back on being the George I liked. The same applies to Izzie. I’m very curious what will happen with Alex, Rebecca Pope and Izzie. I’d love for Alex and Izzie to get together, but who knows what you have in mind. Alex is cynical and Izzie is the eternal optimistic, that would be so much fun to watch.

The only one I don’t like, is Hahn. I’m not even calling her Erica, that’s too familiar and she’s not nice. I hate that you are hinting at a possible get-together with Callie?!! Callie & Mark is a great match, please PLEASE don’t make Callie laughable by turning her into an overnight lesbian!

I also love Richard wooing Adele again. It’s great! “Tell her… the train is leaving the station” and then her reply – loved it! He had a great wife, lost her and she’s worth the effort of trying to get her back.

Thank you for making Mer’s therapist such a good one! I’d hug her if I could.

Bailey & Tucker fighting – well at least they do communicate, although they need work :-)

Mark and his new leaf – Nice try! I’d love that but I don’t know if he could ever change. But I love him. Nevertheless I’d love to see him swept off his feet by a great woman!

Cristina – What will happen? When will she be back?
Lexie – Oh she’s so sweet. She’s kind of strong, digesting all the crap from Meredith, from Cristina, from her father (nice thing to explore in the future?)… I think Lexie & George would be a great couple.

I HATE Hahn & Callie, can’t she switch places with Addi or something!

Best scenes:
- Lexie, Meredith and the therapist and the “I forgive you” scene, “two o’clock work for you? Yeah, okay.”
- Richard, George, the cell phone and the flirting with Adele
- Derek and Mark and the new leaf that needs work
- George and Tuck and George getting all enthusiastic again! Made me smile.
- Lexie to Cristina: “whatever crap you want to rain down on me, go for it, because I saw the inside of Tapley’s heart”

Callie teasing Mark with a threesome would be fun to watch if you weren’t using it to make Callie aware of the fact that she’s suddenly attracted to Hahn?! It’s ridiculous!! Please stop it, if you go on with that storyline you will create Gizzie 2! I HOPE those lyrics “open my eyes” don’t apply to Callie but I’m afraid that’s exactly what you intended! :-(

[Corina]

You make it really hard for fans to ship Mer/Der. It's almost impossible!
Derek is such a jerk. I really hate him! Rose is so unnessesary! And what is this crap about sleeping with her, thinking about Meredith, not calling her but STILL going out with her?

I want to have faith in them but the storyline just sucks and I want that Meredith gets a decent guy who knows how she is built and how he has to deal with her.

Derek is so not believable as McDreamy anymore and he probably never will be.
I don't even want a reunion by the finale. It is so not believable!

[Chantal]

Hey, What happened to the podcasts? Are they dropped?? Or are Shonda & Betsy too busy with wrapping up the last episodes? Aren't they done shooting them already???