Debora Cahn on "Losing My Mind"...

Original Airdate: 5-15-08

Why aren’t you crazy?  It’s a question that’s posed in the voice-over at the end of the episode, but at that point you’re (hopefully) so wrecked over the fact that Andre showed up and this poor woman’s in a coma and she’s never going to wake up and he was the love of her life and she was someone who thought she’d never have love, and then it happened and they were happy and on a boat, but she had a brain tumor, which is a good way to ruin a cruise for anyone, but he stayed with her, stayed, because he loved her, and he came home from his snazzy business trip to Singapore early to be with her in the hospital, but he’s just a little too late, because when he shows up, she’s already in a persistent vegetative state – YOU’RE WRECKED, so you don’t know that the voice-over says, “Don’t wonder why people go crazy.  Wonder why they don’t.  In the face of all we can lose in a day, in an instant, wonder what the hell it is that makes us hold it together.”

Why aren’t you crazy?

I thought I had it pretty bad in high school.  I thought things were pretty wild in my world.  There were parents, with a divorce, and my dad moved into an apartment next to a graveyard, and it was HIGH DRAMA and I couldn’t believe I was making it through.  Just getting from one day to the next.  Didn’t know how I did it.  And then I… I don’t know, read the paper, or a book or something, took my head out of my 16 year old butt, and realized my drama was sort of piddly and pathetic next to just about everyone in the universe, which momentarily made me feel better, and then made me just overwhelmed with the sheer volume of insanity in the universe.  I used to imagine these big thought bubbles around people’s heads that contained their stories.  Their life stories.  And everyone’s was so big, there wasn’t enough room for all of them along the cartoon horizon in my mind.  Especially in New York, where everyone was stacked on top of each other – the story bubbles over everyone’s heads just couldn’t be contained in the atmosphere over Manhattan.  I’d think about it and my chest would get tight and I’d worry the stories would eat up all the oxygen and we’d all suffocate. 

High drama.

Point being, isn’t it amazing that we hold it together?  I want to congratulate you all for acting like civilized members of an orderly society, given what you have seen in your lives.  We sit around every day coming up with stories for the show, and the craziest, most outlandish, you-can’t-put-that-on-tv-cause-it-sounds-fake-it’s-so-crazy stories come from the newspaper. 

Moving on…

I had fun with this episode.  The Bailey and Tucker fight was fun.  It was satisfying.  It was satisfying to write a fight where there’s no good guy and no bad guy and no mistake, just two people who love each other and want to make it work and can’t.  Because it’s really friggin hard to make it work.  And love and good intentions and good actions don’t always help.  It’s just hard.

The Andre thing was really fun.  We were putting together this story about a woman who was lonely and sad, and because of her tumor, crazy, and the crazy manifested itself in her fabricating a man to be in love with.  And she’d have this whole big happy love affair with a man who didn’t exist.  And then Shonda walked in the writer’s room and said, “Okay, fine, she can be in love with a guy who doesn’t exist, as long as he shows up at the hospital after she falls into an irreversible coma.”  That’s when I become filled with self-loathing, because I didn’t think of him showing up and being real the whole time, and then I decide I’ll leave writing and become an organic goat’s milk farmer, but I’ll stay long enough to write the Andre story because it’ll be fun.  And it was fun.  And I don’t really like goat’s milk, it has a weird smell.

And Mark’s new leaf was really fun, because I think Mark’s the most satisfying character ever.  He is who he is, and no matter how badly he wants to change, he can’t, because he doesn’t make choices, his behavior is written into his DNA, it’s as honest as rain.  I enjoy him so much.  I’m a big fan of Mark’s.  I think he takes a lot of crap from a lot of people – all that “he’s a manwhore” business.  He’s honest.  And he’s a fan of a good doink at a nice hotel.  He never claims otherwise.  But he seems so sweet and lost when he’s trying to be all romantic and sensitive man-ish.  It just warms my heart.

It was all fun.  For me, anyhow.  I like my job.  I told my husband yesterday that I get much happier as I get older.  I hated high school.  College was better, but not as good as after college, and my 30s are better than my 20s were – it just gets much better as I go.  I don’t feel crazy like I did in high school.  I still have stuff … you know, real life stuff, that in large piles makes people run screaming down the hallways throwing mashed potatoes at the walls.  I have it in small enough piles that I don’t really ever end up throwing mashed potatoes, but I have it.  But it never seems as bad as it did then.  I guess I learned to handle it.  Break it down.  Process it.  That’s what we learn, I suppose.  To handle things that seem like they’ll destroy us.  It’s sad, in a way, what we teach ourselves to accept.  What used to seem crazy, and now just seems… like what people go through.  I guess my point is, if you feel like you’re crazy, you’re in good company.  Because, take a look a around.  Why would sanity make sense?

Comments

[Matthew Rushing]

Thank you so much for truly moving these characters to growth. I have always had faith in you all!

[miki]

meredith and derek need to just be with each other already. rose is just not cutting it.

[justme]

Didn't even read your blog. You have made one serious mistake with Rose and Meredith and Derek are almost impossible to root for anymore.

[Xav]

I liked this episode but please, let there be some sort of satisfying end to the Callie/Erica/Mark storyline that doesn't end in pregnancy or anything else really contrived. But any time that any combination of those three are on screen, I am ridiculously happy because they are all awesome.

That said. LOVED George tonight. I absolutely adored all scenes he had with Bailey and the Chief. LOVED Lexie standing up for herself too.

[frustrated!]

Ok so enough already with mer. she is so whiny! can they just be together and be done with it! Promise lots of people will still watch the show! Im tired of rose! ugh. Its gone on long enough! mer/der belong together! Why dont you guys break the sterotypical mold quit teasing us watchers we are tired of it! You guys dont have to wait till the very last season last episode for them to find happiness! get it!

[PamelaJaye]

I LOVE LEXIE!! she was just awesome in the bathroom with Mer. George was pretty cool too. I wasn't clear whether Alex was at Joe's with Ava for breakfast. I like Izzie's new hair. And I really hope that Tucker and Miranda keep on fighting till they get it fixed.

And Mark has become interesting.
I couldn't really follow what was up with Derek.

And I know that this morning there was something i wanted to say to you all. What was it???
Darn.

[B]

I enjoyed the episode. And I enjoyed your blog. I don't mind the personal stories of the writers - it's a nice insight into what motivates what you write. But ... you left out at least half the episode from your discussion. What's up with that?

Cristina is off the meter of her normal self. Erica kissed Callie. George is playing admin rather than being a doctor. Lexie is standing up for herself. Alex is in some very strange protective denial place about Rebecca. Derek is still too confused to know which end is up. Meredith hit her limit and is ready to get fixed. These are not small things! But no discussion about any of them?

P.S. I'm glad Andre is real. I figured he had to be, but I'm glad he really was.

[Lee Zett]

My favorite TV show featured a storyline tonight that kinda paralleled something i went through in a relationship last year. Down to the man who shouldn't have been doing and thinking as he was, to the 'me' character using things provided by the male character to distract herself from her own crappy day-to-day goings-on while at the same time making references to things she assumed were just flirting to the others, to the female character with the same NAME and feelings as the person she resembled in MY real life.

What the hell-how did Shonda Rimes and her crew get inside my head last autumn? And why did i watch it and think the whole time: No, Callie. Don't. Don't go in there, the serial killer is waiting.

Crap, i ALMOST don't want to watch the season finale, because the teaser shows Callie doing that same dumb Ish that I did....and I don't want that other cardiothoracic surgeon to end up feeling hurt or used.

Why can't i just bend the characters to my will?! C'moooooon. TV is reality, too, right?

* I said almost, people. I'm not made of stone. I WILL watch.

[PamelaJaye]

I remember - at least one thing - thank you for beinging back the Mer/Der *music.* I've missed it.

[Angela]

Wow, All I can say is Wow! Another wow episode. There is not one episode where at the end you don't leave us going wow. Thank you!

[Ephraim]

Der/Mer's patient and her Andre being a mirror to Der/Mer's relationship!!

Callie joking early on about her relationship & then, wham!! It's no joke. Ramirez was superb as was Wilson. And you are going to let us stew all summer in the juices that you've extracted from all these ingredients.

This show is addictive. I am going to need drugs after the next episode to get me though until next fall. Good drugs.

What are you doing to poor George?

[PamelaJaye]

nope, that wasn't it - this is it

stop making the characters - all of them - say "saving lives" all the time. also "the surgeries that i love" (Callie and Mer do *not* speak in the same way, don't make them) and also "mind-blowingly good in bed" - the characters all need to have their own voices - not all sound the same. Seriously. ;-)
(the seriously is okay - some things are just viral)

we want to believe these are all different real people, not the figments of *one* person (even if they are)

remember that when a writer on Buffy gave Willow's line to Xander, Joss noticed.
:-)

love the improvement in the show. no one but David E Kelley should write more than one show at a time.

[MPF]

What just happened? I feel very unsettled, as though everything was blown out of the water. Can't wait to watch the episode again to see if I missed anything that will make me feel any differently about it. I can't wait to see how next week will unfold. I really hope there will be answers because right now I feel somewhat shellshocked. Judging by the title of this episode, you have achieved your goal.

[Brenda]

It'll be interesting to see how you can pull this off. I just have one thing to say... How can you tease us with the Fantasy question #5. You have put us MerDer fans through he!! and back. That's just cruel. Next week looks great for MerDer but enough with Rose. She's served her purpose.

[Wary]

Meredith and Derek didn't even get a mention in your blog even though they are the show's saving grace...interesting.

Despite the end and just about every scene with Rose in it, this episode was actually decent. Although I have to be completely honest in saying that you should've kept the last part out. Instead of showing Derek conflicted over Meredith's rant about fairytales not existing, all you succeeded in doing is making look like a bigger ass, not worthy of Meredith. If you thought it was hard to ship this couple before, it's damn near impossible now. Good job in making me hate Derek, which up until now, I didn't.

It's a good thing you spilled the beans on the reunion, because with all the nauseating scenes with Rose thus far, I can almost guarantee the show would've suffered a much deeper dive in ratings. The fact that ratings continue to drop or haven't risen to what I know you had hoped it would with the "for good" announcement, shows that fans are wary and untrusting of your MO and tonight, our feelings were proven correct with a scene that we all could've done without.

What was once renewed excitement for a MerDer reunion have been reduced to wary reluctance, simply because I can't stand to look at Derek anymore. I thought we were going to see a change in Derek after the whole "whore" realization last week, but then he goes all bipolar and leaves with Rose "to have fun".

[Lisa]

great episode, but it just kills me to watch Rose & Derick walk out together holding hands. I would have liked to see Christine do the big heart operation, and get her game back on.
Is Meredith pregnant?

[jessicafreels]

It had some really good moments. And I hate to say it....but I hate Izzie more and more.

And I loved, "Dr Bailey and I are in love. Im going to Vegas with her once my divorce from Dr. Torres is finalized. "

George is back!

[Melissa]

I loved the episode. George was amazing. Meredith was so heartbreaking in therapy.

But Derek continues to upset me. If Meredith and Derek are supposed to get together next week, and he's still dating Rose, I don't see how it can be believable, and not feel rushed or fake.

But I trust you. I'm hoping this finale lives up to all of the hype!

[Elizabeth]

I stay up late on the east coast sometimes just to read the blog before I go to bed. Sad but true. I'm so happy and thankful that this show is back and I feel like it's back at it's peak. Having dealt with things before I love Meredith and her personal struggles and anyone who has experienced that in some way shape or form knows that it's never just one issue, it's all of them.

I could continue to sing your praises about every character but it's almost 2 am my time. I've always loved Ava/Rebecca but it was a little strange when she came back this season (even though I was thrilled to see her back). Her part in tonight's episode was perfect. I love where the character is going and that all of the emotion has finally caught up with her and there is only Alex with the hidden link.

Thank you for another great episode! I can't wait for next week.

It's going to be a long summer....

[Alex]

Let me start off with how pleased I was with how you demanded me to give George respect again. The past season, George has become a dull person for me and I didn't care for his stories. Not tonight. Well done, thank you.

Now my favorite character since Addison left, Ava. Let me say that I love her and her acting skills, however, I am quite worried about the direction she is heading. I trust you guys but please don't make her not be my favorite anymore.

Same thing goes for Alex.

The Andre storyline was brilliant! I was debating the whole show on whether he was real or not and whether she would survive or not. Very well written storyline, especially with the emotion that Derek and Meredith put into it.

Rose/Meredith/Derek triangle... I trust you. I only hope you can pull this off without making it forced.

Mark! My favorite story line of the night. It kept me laughing and I enjoyed every moment of it. Turning over a new leaf huh?

Callie and Hahn. What can I really say? The three of them in the elevator scene was brilliantly played. I literally said "Oh My God" out loud. We all saw it coming but it still made me gasp. Wonderful.

My heart goes out to Izzie. Her fusturation with Alex and Ava. I hope it works out.

Cheif was great in this show too! Loved him. Him and his wife, very funny.

Yang and Lexi was great. Although brief, but great.

Thank you for making tonight's show incredible. I'm glad with how it turned out! Grey's is BACK! Can't believe there's only one more left! I have faith in you to make this finale mind-blowing amazing and a compelete masterpiece.

[Claire]

The Rose/Derek pairing and repairing is such a mistake on a level I have yet to think the writers get. Each time you put this character who means almost nothing in terms of the show with Derek, it makes it less and less believable that Meredith and Derek would have any real chance at a meaningful relationship. It was a huge disappointment to see what you keep doing there with Derek and Rose..all it does is make me less hopeful for the finale. Why are you doing this?

[Jasmin]

It's so revealing to read the writer's perspective. I had thought it was an excellently written episode, but after your description of how much fun it was to write, I have to reevaluate my opinion.

Yes I thought it was very well written, all the characters moved forward, but not once was there a scene that was fun in this episode. Perhaps, I simply fail to understand the symbolism, foreshadowing or layers of depth around these characters. Was that your sarcasms, or is it mine now.?

Shonda ask that we leap, and we have foolishly done so. As last week, one scene destroyed the rest of the advancement of the show. Derek chooses to go after Rose, to make it fun, yet he does not have the conviction of character to fight for Meredith, to prove to her he is her knight in shining armor, that he she is the love of his life, that their fairytale is worth fighting for. Now we will be expected to believe like silly immature and foolish adolescents that all will be well in the last episode? I had much higher expectations, that finally, we'd be shown a bit of depth and build up on that reunion Shonda keeps telling us will happen. However, 30 seconds in the final scene of next season will only reiterate how disconnected you are with many of us viewers that fell in love with the show because "soap opera" was not a term to define it.

I don' t want another prom scene, I don't want a reunion in the final scene. I had faith in the first 10 minutes you were going to set it up for us to believe in their reunion next week. Now, from what I've seen, it just does not seem credible, thus I will watch for the soap opera writing of it all.

Then, the biggest "fun" scene of all. We find out Meredith has kept a deep dark secret, Ellis tried to commit suicide and as a child she knew. But, who am I to say, only a foolish viewer, after all, that was probably a fun scene to write as well.

Have all of you taken a good look at the number of posts on the blog? Last season, there was hardly a blog with less than 800 comments, in fact thousands would post. Do you see the "fun" writing on the wall?

I am amazed by your choice of words. Fun certainly did not apply to anything we saw tonight. Then again, who am I to judge, I had mistakenly considered this an excellent episode, powerful, poignant and superbly acted.

Meredith confession at the end? Surely that did not deserve a comment. Wonder how much fun it was for her as a child she was not enough for her mother to want to stick around. Fun, indeed.

[Carrie]

Ellen Pompeo simply stunned me with how great she was in this episode. I laughed with Meredith and I credit with her at the end. How you as a writer of this episode can write a blog and not acknowledge how outstanding she was in this episode is beyond me. I guess it keeps with the spirit of all of the writers and the creator's enjoyment of punishing Meredith on a weekly basis and then justifying it on this blog. Despite what you do to Meredith, Pompeo makes her so sympathetic and utterly believable. For you just to ignore that is something that makes me less than willing to continue to support this show. The reason I do, is for performances like she gave tonight and like she has given since the end of the strike. What a bad step on your point not to point it out.

[Jamie]

Gosh, how bad do you want this Mer/Der reunion to be. I think Derek is at his worst with Rose and she as a character brings nothing to the show. You gave us no Mer/Der movement tonight yet we are suppose to believe that Shonda has "lost sleep" thinking of (her quote) "yummy" reunion for "good" but you just keep driving this unneeded character and Derek into the ground until all hope is gone. I can't for the life of me figure out why you keep doing this to the fans of the show. You do value your ratings right? Because at least I can turn to Pam and Jim as the writers know what fans want there and are giving it to them. This Derek/Plot device nurse thing is a nightmare.

[jaded_greys_fan]

You see, I never comment on these blogs. I think that someone else will usually say what I'm saying.. but this time I have to comment. I'm SO sick of no writer commenting on Cristina. She is acting crazy. She is in the dark place. I like that she's there, it's interesting and I want to know more of why.. yes its because of Burke, but its got a deeper meaning than that. You know it and I know it.

And Lexie Grey... please tell me why she exists. If my math is correct Meredith's mom left Meredith's dad when Meredith was 5... meaning that Lexie has to be at least five years and 9 months younger than Meredith, not one stupid intern year behind her. That doesn't make sense and anytime she goes off on a rant about them being sisters it makes me sick.

And please. Get Rebecca/Ava/Jane Doe off the show. You already did the whole patient with a doctor storyline with Izzie. Then you tried to do it with Alex, but now its just creepy and stalkerish. Give Alex something better to do than play babysitter to Rebecca's fake baby and crazy. She is annoying.

And stop blaming Meredith for everything in life. She has her issues. She has REASONS to have her issues. You guys built that up in the first two seasons. You knew she needed to go to the bad place so don't act like Derek is the fix all to her problems. If anything he causes more problems by stringing her along. I think someone commented last week on the blog that it is a disgrace to women for a man to go off and sleep with another woman but still be the "love of her life" yes, people make mistakes, but if he loved and knew Meredith at all he would realize that everything he did was just pushing her further away, and for good reasons. She's not ready to get married. She's not ready for a house. She had issues when it comes to commitment, that didn't mean that she didn't let Derek love her, because she did. Don't try to turn her into the bad one here. As much as everyone else might get upset with Meredith and call her whiny, she has her reasons. Her really good reasons. And you need to let her be okay with those reasons. Not have a therapist throw those reasons in her face. She should talk about them and work through them not just focus on her relationship with Derek. Grr.

George shouldn't be an intern.
Is the season finale going to be the end of a year or the end of a few months? The grey's time line is very messed up (3 seasons = 1 year) and I don't know if I can take 2 more seasons of George being the reject.

As many people have commented before, I've waited. I've hoped it would get better. But more often than not there are moments that make me question this show and all its greatness. This show brought me back to watching great television. Please... I can tell its moving toward better things, but please make some explanations and defend your main character... and BLOG about Cristina. She has feelings too.