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Debora Cahn on "Love/Addiction"...

Addiction.  Who doesn’t love a good addiction?  I know I do.  You try something.  You like it.  You try it again.  You build a little ritual around it, make it a special part of your day.  You tell time by it.  “Must be noon, cause I’m jonesing for another cup of my special English tea!”  or  “I know it’s morning cause I’m awake and ready for a hit of crystal meth!”

DON’T DO METH, KIDS.

See, here’s the thing:  anything can be addictive.  And it’s not always easy to spot when something slips down that slippery slope from experiment to habit to addiction.  Derek and Meredith thought they’d ended it.  Cold turkey.  White knuckle.  Over.  So over.  Well, it wasn’t totally over.  There was a bit of a hang-over.  A little no-strings-attached sex.  Just for old times sake.  No harm, no foul.  But the thing is, there is harm.  Derek doesn’t like it.  He wants to talk.  He wants to sleep over.  He wants lunch, with the woman he loved, or loves, or has some impossible to define love related interaction with.  He’s settling for just the sex, cause that’s all she’s willing to indulge.  But that’s only hurting him.  It’s just enough of the drug to keep him hooked.  Never enough to satisfy him, only enough to make him want more.  And he knows.  He knows he’s got a problem, but he can’t walk away.

Love.  It’s like crystal meth. 

DON’T DO METH.

Even Callie’s strung out.  Callie, who always seemed stronger than the rest of them.  More together.  Less at the mercy of her emotions.  Sure, George’s on-again, off-again interest, his loosey goosey commitment made her kind of nuts, but she always seemed like she was handling it.  Now she’s walking around the hospital like a crazy person.  Falling down on the job, which she NEVER does.  Unable to concentrate on anything other than the sneaking suspicion that her husband’s having an affair.  She knows it, in her heart she can’t deny it.  But she can’t face it either.  She’s in a marriage that’s destroying her, and her husband’s about to come clean and maybe put them both out of their misery, but she can’t let him do it.  She can’t let him say it.  She’d rather be a strung out junkie than deal with the pain of withdrawal.

That’s a pretty serious drug.

BUT NOT AS SERIOUS AS CRYSTAL METH, WHICH YOU REALLY SHOULDN’T DO.

I watched this documentary on crystal meth.  The fabulous Stacy McKee saw this documentary called “Montana Meth” right when we were starting to put together this story, and she told me to watch it, and EEEEW.  Meth is a nasty drug, and it makes you do nasty, gnarly things, like trade sex with people who don’t shower for a hit that doesn’t even make you feel good, and all sorts of other things that I don’t even want to get into.  I watched it with my 15 year-old niece, figured I’d do a little, “I’m your cool aunt and I’ll show you this documentary on meth and scare you away from drugs” and I’m a little worried that I traumatized her for life.  Meth is foul.  Don’t do meth.

And don’t get into relationships with people who can’t handle them.  Don’t you just want to shake Derek and Callie?  Don’t you want to shake them and say, “These people keep telling you they can’t give you what you want – believe them!”  But shaking them wouldn’t help.  Because they’re addicted.  They can’t walk away even when they want to. 

Maybe it’s okay.  Maybe you can’t avoid addiction, all you can do is pick your poison.  Special English tea is better than meth, and love’s better than special English tea.  It may put you through the ringer sometimes, but when it’s good, it’s really really good.  Worth coming back to, time and time again.  Worth getting hooked on.

Comments

Kate

I actually think I am going to be sick! So everything you have been telling us about Derek & Meredith for the past 3 season has been a lie. Just last week...These two love eachother, they really love eachother....but now Derek loved, loves or whatever. Sick!

I guess I am sick for watching this trainwreck. There could have been so much more. What a waste!

QueenC

When is George/Izzie going to end? When? I'm so tired of finding reasons to leave the room while they're on my screen.

We used to have weekly parties in my neighborhood because I had the big screen t.v.. No one comes anymore and I don't have to wonder why.

gladluvgrey

Now I don't know what to think. I'm all for MerDer and you say that we'll be shake Der and make him realize that Mer will never handle the relationship he wants??? I want to be optimistic for these two, because they're the main reason for me to watch the show...and your blog isn't helping. I know Der deserve more, he wants more and now, he is hurt by Mer's decision of only gives him sex, but I want to think that Mer will grow up and realize that she wants more too and that she can let him loves her. She knows she had a problem, and with her talk with Lexie, I really hope she's giving a step forward and figuring out things. So, I don't want to give up on MerDer and on the show because I love them, it's my Addiction and I can't walk away...but I want more.

Roberta

Callie begging George not to say anything had me bawling my eyes out! Brilliant! And Alex figuring out the meth story was amazing. I love him. Awesome episode.

Melrose

I thought this episode was far better than the premiere, but I still can't sit through the George and Izzie junk. I flip the channels while they're on. I just hate it. It makes my stomach hurt.

They were much better as friends and George and Callie were much better with each other. Callie loved George back to life after he felt wronged by Meredith and she made him retire his Bambi costume and become a man.

I don't know who or what the current George is, but he's no one I care to know. Neither is Izzie.

Callie, on the other hand, is a great character so if you have to demolish her then at least let her make babies with McSteamy or head to Addison's show because Sara Ramirez is a wonderful role model and actress and she keeps me tuned in.

Jamie

So once again this relationship that we ALL love so much is gonna fall and Shonda is laying out the roadmap to it.

What a BIG shock ONCE again it's MEREDITH'S FAULT. She loves him, we all know it, but the way Shonda now writes about her, it will again be on Meredith if/when this this relationship again fails


This is your lead character Shonda, but you seem to hate her more than some of the jaded fans do. It can't be all her fault.

Boy that Derek is a lucky character though. He doesn't need PR..He's got Shonda Rhimes defending him in every podcast and blog.

Survey says: Relationship over by sweeps and of course it's gotta be Meredith's fault, becasuse Derek's perfect (well in the creators eyes anyways)

Gaaaawwwdd...I actually believed you Shonda when you said this season was gonna bring the fun back. Mer/Der not together? Well that's no fun at all...

Allie

Nice blog. Short, simple, and to the point. This episode was one of my absolute favorites!!! All of my friends thought it was the best episode YET!!! The storyline was amazing. (And if you werent flipping out when crazy meth dude punched alex than took the baby...well your crazy) And I REALLY loved the topic...addiction. Oh and how addicted are all our little friends at Seattle Grace? VERY ADDICTED!

Derek and Meredith. Oh Derek and Meredith. I love them. I do. But poor Mer needs to sort through her issues. I love Meredith. I will always love her. But, I'm really rooting for her to give Derek a chance. A real chance. I want them to talk and have lunch dates and flirt. I want that. Derek wants that. And i think in a way, Meredith wants that but doesn't know how to have it. I love how Derek is addicted to her. (reminds me of the song Addicted- by Kelly Clarkson) He's stuck. Wanting her. Needing her. But not being able to escape her. I loved how he went home with her in the end...that made my McDreamy heart skip a beat. MAJOR SWOON! I just hope Meredith lets him in and they can get into a real relationship. Please? Give them a chance...but, I still love where this is going!

Keep up the great work!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!

P.S: CAN DEREKS MOM PLEASE COME TO SGH?!?! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!

Amy

I loved the episode, and Der is addicted to his love for Mer and to her, even in real life marriage after 25 years you need to still be addicted to that love and that person, so for me it was a beautiful moment!!! This just better not be saying Mer will never give him more, because the fans fully believe in Shandra and that our MER-DER will be together and happy from this year on out!!

abbiekay

Actually, I want to shake Meredith. I hope she can come to her senses before Derek shakes his addiction.

Rachel

This one made me cry, alright almost every one them makes me cry. Poor Callie, she needs a little McSteamy to take the edge off that addiction. ;)

Cinny

You realized that you just compared Derek and Meredith, the reason that keeps everyone watching, to a deadly, dangerous, illegal drug???

I thought I was okay with what happend...in fact, I was okay with the whole episode until the end of it---it showed tons of promise to returning to the Grey's that I loved so much. But I have to tell you...I'm hanging by a thin string right now. The fact that you used the words "He wants lunch, with the woman he loved, or loves" takes away a little of that hope. The fact that there is yet ANOTHER character joing the show soon as a possible love interest for Derek...well, that takes away even more of my hope. I care about the characters that are on the show already, not the ones that are coming in to stir up drama. I like drama, but this is going about it completely the wrong way, because you are continuing to alienate your fans.

4x06...that is the episode that everyone is holding out to. And I'm going to wait to. I keep telling myself that I should just trust you guys...but, you know, sometimes, you have to give up your addiction because it hurts you. Grey's...it's hurting me right now. So...we'll see.

And Gizzie? Don't get me started.

Rhonda

I have no words. I really have been waiting for this blog so I could speak and I'm just drawing a blank.

Let me say this:

I used to put my Grey's Anatomy scrubs on, pop a bowl of corn, turn off my phone and watch the episode. Then, because I record it, I'd watch it a second time so I'd be the smartest one at the water cooler on Friday morning.

Now? I use my time to pay bills and glance up at the television when people I like are on there.

I like Callie. I like Cristina. I like Mark. Alex is okay. Bailey still rocks.

But everyone else has gotten so pathetic and ridiculous that I have to look away. George and Izzie? Seriously!? Sex and mockery?! Seriously?! Chief Webber crawling Callie for *everything*, but doing NOTHING to Izzie for LVAD-gate? Yeah ... seriously!?

I put my scrubs in a yard sale last week and then as an afterthought I grabbed them back out. I think I'll burn them in the fireplace to purge my system once and for all.

This is not Grey's Anatomy.

This is George's Anatomy knowing and loving every woman on the show. I don't buy it.

Meredith is finally communicating! Derek and Lexie just don't like what she is saying.

Was Derek "testing" Meredith when he had Mark tell her not to wait for him and that he was in surgery? Was he trying to get her to go to Joe's with Mark?

Meredith IS an only child. I get that.

Addicted

I have an addiction too. It's for Grey's Anatomy, and I am about to end the relationship. It will be hard, I have been addicted for 3 years. Heavily addicted. But now I feel manipulated and used by my favorite addiction. I was SO deeply invested in some of these characters. I was in love with Mer/Der, I was in love with IzzMe/Alex (Even IzzMe/Denny for a while!), I even loved my somewhat dopey friend George. I loved the strong kick-butt Cristina & Callie...but I realize now as I rewatch seasons 1 & 2 that none of the characters that I grew to love exist anymore. Instead of Meredith growing and learning from her expieriences, she continues to regress. Izzie turned from one of my favorite characters to a whining, preachy, witch. George merely exists in name now. His character has been distorted so badly since season one that I don't even care what happens to him. Cristina shines only because of Sandra Oh, and we still know nothing about Alex. He is the only character that remains fun to watch...though if Rebecca comes back, that will be over as well. Callie was introduced as this beautiful, sexy, kick-butt ortho doc, and she's been reduced to nothing but the girl who is "curvy", and not quite as beautiful than the blonde supermodel who got her man (WHY again are they fighting over George????) I feel manipulated. Not one of our favorite relationships has turned out favorable. Watch out Gizzie fans....though I will NEVER understand WHY anyone would want them together, it will STILL end up bad. It's the way of this show. You invest your time and hopes into a relationship, and it ends in adultry or death. I don't want to be let down anymore. I continue to watch hoping beyond hope that there is hope for Mer/Der....but after reading the latest gossip, and promos...I GIVE UP. I have many other ways to spend my time. I am just so sad because this is the first time that I have been so invested in a television show.

oh, I do agree with one part of your episode. Meth IS VERY BAD.

Addicted

I am addicted to this show. Las year I felt the pain and not the high. This year I am feeling the high and not the pain. Keep up the good work.

Chelle

Grey's Anatomy ... it's like Crystal Meth.

The drug pusher says, "Leap with me, trust me" and like lemmings we do just that.

I'm going to rehab.

It's called 'The Office'.

What?

We get invested in a couple for over three seasons so you can tell us their love is like crystal meth? Are you kidding me? And no, I don’t want to shake Derek, I want to shake some members of the writing staff and ask them what the hell are you thinking?
I am so done, unlike you characters; I am fully capable of kicking the addiction I had with this show.

Mary from Washington

Hey Debora and everyone else working over at Grey's. Thanks for the amazing episode last Thursday. I can see that Grey's is finally starting to get back on track. I thought the part written for Chandra Wilson was great and she acted it perfectly as usual.

I'm also a huge Meredith fan and I just want to say that I think Mer has every right to not want to know Lexie. She was hurt as a child and that was partly because of Lexie. Because Thatcher had a new daughter to take care of and nurture. He ignored Mer and chose to forget about her. So Lexie can't expect that suddenly Mer is going to want a sister. Especially a sister who inadvertently made her the way she is.

I absolutely love that Derek is addicted to Mer. I have to say I'm addicted to MerDer, so we're all even, but I think it works. I hated the bouncing back and forth for Derek where he was there and then not. The real Derek can't be away from her. He will take anything she's willing to give, so although it hurts him, it's part of his biology. It's what makes him tick. And I can only hope that Mer will eventually be able to let him in and love him back. (We already know she loves him or she would have gone to Joe's with Mark), so we just need more change (hmmmm, reminds me of a season slogan I may have heard.)

And I'm sorry, but I'm a little tired of Gizzie. From everything Shonda was saying pre-season and the title of the next episode I can only expect that Gizzie is ending soon and probably O'Callie along with it. I think these characters need fresh starts so I hope we get them in the coming episodes.

And finally I just want to say that I'm obsessed and addicted to this show (to a point that my family thinks I need rehab), but I just want to thank all of your for your hard work and I can't wait for more episodes to come. Thanks.
---Mary
P.S. I'm assuming you like that I'm addicted, so I don't feel as bad :).

I'm with the other poster who is "cutting to the chase"....

If Lauren in for Derek as a love interest (right after he professes his "undying" love for Mer and has hot "breakup sex)...then Dunder Mifflin is my new home on Thursdays at 9.

While things appear to be "happy and lighter this season" at the moment....I have this horrible feeling about what is to come. And a new love interest for Derek means his OLD love interest is no longer in the picture.

At least Jim and Pam are together at The Office!

Kykooz

Okay well you managed to keep me watching because i wasn't going to continue if MerDer broke up and they did yet i am still watching because i am really hopefull that you can really do it this time. I hate to inform you that i used to watch the show for all the characters, but the summer before season 3 something snapped and i became a HUGE merder obsessor soooo i really need things with them to get better because frankly thats the only reason i watch the show.....

Gizzie is just nasty and annoying and taking up screen time that i would rather for merder

Its makeing me mad that Derek is all butt hurt because episode 1 he got it and understood her, but now he's all pouty and hurting and i think he should just stick around and wait for her... i mean that is if you say you can't see him anywhere else besides her side....


And lastly i am tired of the daddy issues as an excuse i really hope mer can really mature this season..... so please don't dissapoint me like you did last season....

Shane

I never thought I'd say this, but my guilty pleasure, my addiction, my Thursday night rendezvous has come to a screeching halt.

I hate the George/Izzie storyline.

I hate that Callie is the new Meredith and must therefore be abused.

I hate that Burke is gone.

I hate that Meredith and Derek are in this pathetic S&M phase.

I hate Bailey's bad attitude and Webber's too.

I can't see a single reason to stay and watch. Sara Ramirez is enough of a lure for me, but I'll just look at her website.

Maybe I'll go fishing next Thursday to seal my independence.

Noreen

So you're telling us "don't you feel like shaking Derek and Callie and tell them to get out of the situation?". Yes I do, indeed. Instead of asking us, MAKE IT HAPPEN. Write the story and make it happen. Let Derek and Callie have that little smidgeon of self-respect and tell Meredith and George respectively to just go to hell.

Gizzie needs to end. It's disgusting. And the addicted there are George and Izzie, not Callie.

Until I see Meredith dealing with her issues and behave like an adult person, I don't want her anywhere near Derek. Fix it and make it happen. Fix Meredith, and let Derek have some dignity. Only after that happens they can be happily together.

Please

Can you get Derek some rehab to get over his addiction? Please let him be with someone else, someone that cares about him even remotely. You know, someone that wouldn't mind eating lunch with him.

And - when is someone going to have a drink with Mark? Poor guy!

nikki

my addiction is clearly greys!!! new ones, reruns i gotta watch! ha
loved this eppi and the storyline. i feel bad for derek that he loves meredith sooo much and she just cant return that love. it saddens me. and meredith shes being a little unfair to lexie. i want them to be friends. i think they got could use someone to lean on. and alex he could smell the meth...so whats that say about where he came from?? hmmm. interesting. next weel looks STEAMY!!!

Jayne in MI

Loved the episode...I am so rooting for Meredith and Derek. I loved the scene at the end when Derek saw Mark talking to Meredith and couldn't take it, he just had to go get her.

Here's what I don't get...you really believe when someone is in love and devoted to another person,that's "addiction"? As long as the other person is in the relationship too, that's just called committment. (Sometimes I wonder if people in Hollywood become so wrapped up in Hollywood, they forget about the rest of the world and how real people live). This show has been so good because it "lives in" the real world, and that's what keeps us hanging on until next week (as yes, that's our little addiction!)

So, let's give Meredith and Derek a shot at a healty relationship... she's never had one in her life, so why should anyone expect her to know how to? Derek can teach her that when the going gets rough, the tough stay, they don't leave!

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