Allan Heinberg on "The Heart of the Matter" ...

Original Airdate: 10-18-07

Not long ago, one of my smartest and most soulful friends found herself in the middle of a brutal divorce at exactly the same time my own ten-year relationship imploded.  We were both wrecked by the experience, but we got each other through it by convincing ourselves and each other that with enough time and therapy, we’d one day be able to let go of the all-consuming self-righteousness and rage we still felt toward our exes (who deserved it) and move on with our lives.  But a year and a half later, it still wasn’t happening.  We were angrier and bitterer and really tired of being single.  That’s when my smart, soulful and now impatient friend told me she’d figured it out.  “I have to forgive him,” she said.  “I’m never going to be able to move on until I forgive him.”  And I knew she was right.  I had to find a way to forgive my ex, too.  But how?  I mean, even if I was finally able to let go of all my anger and be grateful for the ten years we had together, how was I supposed to get in touch with him after sixteen months of terrible silence and say, “I forgive you”?  What the hell does he care if I’ve forgiven him.  He’s probably already moved on with his life.  He probably doesn’t even think he needs my stupid forgiveness.

So what did I do?  I did what most television writers do when they need the answer to one of life’s unanswerable questions:  I wrote a GREY’S ANATOMY episode about forgiveness and hoped to learn a little something along the way.

So, the subject of forgiveness:

George cheated on Callie.  He did.  He didn’t mean to exactly -- after all, George has proven himself to be a principled, loving person in the past -- but in a moment of angry, drunken weakness, he fell into bed with his best friend and apparently fell in love with her, too.  And then -- as if that wasn’t bad enough -- George lied to Callie about it.  For a long time.  And when he did finally tell Callie about his infidelity, he didn’t say he was in love with Izzie.  He told her he’d slept with her.  Maybe because he didn’t want to hurt Callie any more than he already had.  Or perhaps because he was hoping she’d be the one to end the marriage so he wouldn’t have to?  But that’s not what happened.  Instead George got the one response he’d never even considered.  Callie forgave him.  For Callie, that’s what you do when you love someone -- especially when you’ve made a lifelong commitment to someone -- you forgive him.  No matter what.  That’s what love’s about, right? 

So Callie forgave George.  And George suddenly found himself paralyzed -- unable to move in any direction -- until it became clear in that moment of near violence with her patient’s boyfriend that Callie, in fact, did not forgive George.  In spite of her best efforts, she’d been hurt, betrayed, and publicly humiliated to the point where forgiveness was impossible.  And she certainly had no forgiveness in her heart for Izzie -- even though Izzie seems to have finally realized that, although she and George may be the star-crossed heroes of their own love story, in Callie’s story, they're the bad guys.

Richard’s story also turns on the question of forgiveness.  As much as he still loves Adele -- and wants to stay married to her -- he cannot allow his feelings for her to dictate the way he fulfills his responsibilities as a physician.  Which has always been the conflict in their marriage.  And which -- in the context of Camille’s life or death decision -- Adele ultimately deems unforgivable.

As for Camille, keen-eyed GREY’S ANATOMY viewers will notice that the role is now being played by the brilliant Camille Winbush.  (If you’ve seen THE BERNIE MAC SHOW, you’ll recognize her instantly as Vanessa, Bernie’s sane, sharp-tongued niece.)  When the incredible Tessa Thompson, who originated the role of Camille, wasn’t available, we were fortunate indeed that Camille was able to step into part at the last minute with such extraordinary grace, intelligence, and heart.  I know cast changes are jarring, but Camille’s performance is so beautiful and so strong, I’m hoping you’ll forgive us.

In fact, forgiveness figures prominently in nearly all our characters’ stories.  Cristina forgives Lexie for being an intern.  Lexie forgives Cristina for being the new Nazi.  Mrs. Bitzer forgives Meredith and Norman when their carelessness makes her Icelandic dreams come true.  But for me the most remarkable act of forgiveness comes from Derek.

As a GREY’S writer, the question I’m most often asked (by parents, siblings, friends, and agents) is “Why aren’t Meredith and Derek together?”  Especially since Addison is gone and there don’t seem to be any concrete obstacles standing in their way.  “Why,” they ask, “can’t those two just stop whining and get together and be happy for a change?”   And most of the time when people share their feelings on the subject, it’s poor Meredith who gets the blame.  She has issues.  She’s dark and twisty.  She’s self-destructive and can’t allow herself even a single moment’s happiness.  But I don’t think that’s entirely accurate or fair.  After all, Derek lied at the beginning of their relationship by not revealing he was married.  And then when Addison showed up at Seattle Grace, he left Meredith and went back to her.  So, I can understand why Meredith has trust issues with Derek.

But in terms of why they’re not together now, the most compelling analysis comes from Mark Sloan (and it’s a remarkable testament to the power of forgiveness that Mark and Derek’s friendship has survived to this point) when he observes that Meredith is essentially still an intern.  She’s just starting out -- as a physician and as an adult -- whereas Derek’s life and career are firmly established.  He knows exactly who he is and what he wants -- and he’s ready to settle down.  He’s ready to get married and build Meredith a house and have kids with her and grow old with her.  And I’m sorry, but Meredith just isn’t there yet.  Nor should she be.  She’s a second year intern who’s only now coming to terms with who she is and what she wants to be.

Meredith and Derek love each other -- they do -- they may even be each other’s soul mates -- but right now they’re at vastly different points in their lives.  It’s no one’s fault.  It’s just a fact.  And by the end of the episode when Derek gets on the elevator, I think he finally sees and accepts Meredith for who she truly is -- regardless of whether or not she’s able to give him what he wants in that moment.  He simply loves her.  In spite of everything that’s gone before and no matter what happens next.

Which seems to me to be what forgiveness is really about:  acceptance.  Letting go of the hurt feelings -- or more precisely the ego blows -- we experience when our lives -- and the people in our lives -- don’t behave the way we want them to.  Which, let’s face it, is most of the time.  But if we can somehow recognize and accept ourselves and others for who we are -- without judgment -- those “hurt feelings” fade away and are replaced by what feels a lot like forgiveness.  At least that’s what happened with me and my ex.

Thanks for watching.  And for reading.

-- Allan Heinberg

Comments

[Matthew Rushing]

Wow! Wow! Every week it just keeps getting better! We are getting to the meat of the show, of the characters! So, so good!

Derek said what I have longed for him to say for a long time. He said that he love Meredith, wants to marry her and die in her arms. How poetic, how romantic, how amazing! He told Meredith that he understands her and why she is frightened and that she is not ready. He will wait. He also told her, honestly, that if someone else comes along, he might not be able to wait. The honesty is so refreshing. Sometimes the truth can set you free. Now if that new love interest comes along for Derek, Meredith can realize that she cannot loose him. She will be pushed to choose him. It is something that happens a lot in real life. I was so happy that Meredith wants to get better, she wants Derek. What steps for these two tonight!

I knew that Callie was going to tell George that she forgave him. I also knew it could not say like that. Callie says that Izzie took advantage of George, but if you look at it Callie was the one who took advantage. George’s dad died and he made an impulsive decision that Callie should have not accepted. But she took advantage, because she felt more than George and wanted marriage.You notice when Bailey says, ”People are stupid and just want to be loved.” the look on Callie’s face. I think that she realizes that she married George for the wrong reasons there. She wanted to be loved, and made a huge mistake. Izzie and George had a previous relationship that was taken to the next level. It was not right, it was the wrong time, but it was also the natural outflow of what was already there. Seems like there is more to happen here. Callie seems to be really unstable. I understand that she feels wronged, and rightly so, but she also did marry a man that she knew did not have the same feelings for her that she had for him. I could see her being the one that is fired next week. I hope that this will end with George and Izzie together.

Alex really grew tonight. He had a reason to feel hurt by Izzie. He put himself out there and got rejected for someone that he does not even like or respect. That hurts. It showed real growth though for him to tell Izzie what was wrong and even more growth to give Izzie the Kleenex. He really does seem to love Ava and she is back next week!

I was mad at Adele tonight. How could she be so selfish about her niece? If she truly loved her she would let her go. Poor Richard, he would love nothing more to save his marriage and Camille, but not at the expense of torturing his niece. He showed real strength as a doctor and as a man tonight.

Cristina really seemed to respond to Derek’s teaching. She is taking out some of her anger on her interns that is not right. I liked that she and Lexie came to a compromise in the end.

This week was really funny! Loved Norman again, Seriously! Mark trying to teach was great and George running all over the place! Seriously!

[Beth]

You didn't mention Alex and Izzie, which I thought was one of the more moving moments in the episode. He has to learn to forgive and let go of his pain too. And Camille, well, she just makes me cry. Another excellent episode for the season.

[Kendra]

For 3 years now, Derek has been 110% committed to Meredith and all of her internish ways. He has stood by her side through the death of her mother, the untimely death of her step-mother and even her OWN death! After all of this, Shonda Rhimes is still stunting Meredith's growth. She does still act like an intern and why is that?! Granted she has been through a lot, yet why does that have to consistently plague the one solid relationship she has? Shonda, please, let Meredith be happy. Let her grow. Let her be with a man that is offering her a lifetime of love. To keep them apart because of Meredith's inability to commit is ridiculous. After all this time, let her character grow.

[B.]

"Which seems to me to be what forgiveness is really about: acceptance. Letting go of the hurt feelings -- or more precisely the ego blows -- we experience when our lives -- and the people in our lives -- don’t behave the way we want them to. Which, let’s face it, is most of the time. But if we can somehow recognize and accept ourselves and others for who we are -- without judgment -- those “hurt feelings” fade away and are replaced by what feels a lot like forgiveness. " That bit of wisdom right there definitely just made me a huge fan of you.

[Nicole]

Absolutely FABULOUS episode!! The Greys that we love from season 1 & 2 is back!! THANK YOU!!!

[ali]

Wow. Quite an episode...

I don't know whether to scream, cry, grin... I'm bascially just freaking out.

So good job---because Callie's depression/rage/dissapoint, Izzie's fear/guilt/her own share of sadness, Meredith and Derek and... yeah. It all translated.

I've spent many a minute procrastinating this week, trying to figure out what was going to happen this week. And on pretty much every front, I was wrong. So nice job in that, too--keeping us our toes, for sure.

Thanks, also, for returning to some older charectors and arcs; I've wondered what's happened to Camille since the prom, and what happened to all those feelings Alex had for Izzie.

I'm having troulbe writing anything--that last montauge is just running through my head.

Well, something to get me throught to next week, anyway.

Thanks for a great episode! I'm loving this new season.

[Demi]

DONT BREAK UP MER AND DER PLEEEAAASE

[Sara]

Derek loves her? What a joke, he is the biggest jerk I ever saw for what he told her.

Let him go find his new woman to give him 2.5 babies and a house.

Meredith deserves a far better man than him. He is not McDreamy at all. Just end Meredith and Derek once and for all because this is just done and over with now. The writers ruined them and Derek is a joke of a selfish man.

[Jilly]

That's crap. If Derek really loves Mer, he wouldn't ever consider going off with someone else, because they want a house and kids, etc.

If he LOVES Mer, he will WAIT for her, no matter WHO comes along.

That was just insulting to all Mer/Der fans out there. Sure, say all the dreamy things, and then give him an out to leave Mer.

Sounds an awful lot like CONDITIONAL love, not unconditional love. Either get on my game plan, or I could be gone?

That's not the Mer/Der we know. That's not the Der that pulled Mer from the water. And it's not the Der that ended things with Addison. And it's not the Der that stepped aside for Finn.

NO, this is some cheap way to up the ratings.

[Matthew Rushing]

Thank you for such a beautiful blog. I really love your showing how dreamy, McDreamy really is! Great episode! I am loving Grey's!

[Genevieve]

Ok Grey's. First episode in a LONG and I do mean a LONG time that was worth watching. Keep it up, and I might forgive you. Slowly. Maybe. Forgiveness is the theme this week? Well, that wasn't bad for an episode of atonement.

[<3]

first comment!
I loved tonights episode, and thought it was really amazing. Callie was AMAZING and I really enjoyed every scene that she was a part of..Having her tell Izzie off was SO great. As mean as it is/was on my part, I really loved that! haha..

Merder-Okay..I loved the first scene they had together because it was basically more time then they had last week.lol. I loved Derek's speech, because it was really mcdreamy..i literally loved it. They need to get their act together.SOON.
Also, they BOTH need to stop listening to other people's opinions..
thats getting old.fast.

[Pam in Janesville CA]

I think the main reason watching Grey's is so compelling from week to week is the hard work you writers put in.....I am grateful for blogs, and the insight it provides to us, the viewers for each episode. It reveals the blood and sweat and tears of the making of each one. For that I do thank you all.

You writers, all of you - how you delve into your own life's experiences and bring those lessons to the table for us to see.......
enjoy is not really the right word in this situation. We do enjoy watching Grey's obviously, but the wonderful thing is that
you all make such an effort to make this human. Medicine, especially emergency medicine is more about the human in all of us than
diagnostics. How we live our lives, whether we do it in spite of hurting others, or find ways to go on and try to be kind - like
as in the forgiveness quotient tonight.

Thank you for continuing to write intelligent shows for us to see........and enjoy too.

Pam in Janesville

[Chelle]

That was a really good episode, no it was, great! Thanks

[Jenny]

I think you, Allan, did a great job on your blog. Thanks.

[Patti]

damn - soooooo good. and you are soooo right about forgiveness. you can say "i forgive you," but it doesn't really just happen. you have to really work at forgiveness. like my sis said, when she was going through her divorce "fake it 'til you make it." you will come out the other side, and you will be stronger. crap - now i'm preaching! sorry. but great episode, thank you. and i really was prepared to hate lexie, too - but she is awesome. thank you again...

[Ky]

Awsome episode my favorite of the season so far!!!

Mer Der it just feels like every week you guys come up with a new way to keep them apart and quite frankly its getting pretty old...... just try and be different and let them be together for a change in a healthy relationship.... if Derek understands like you say then he should just be happy with a serious relationship and wait for the rest of the stuff with family and homes and such....... Oh and by the way they are eachothers solemates so even try to say differently!!!

Awsome episode.... i think it was my fav because gizzie didn't have any scenes together haha

[Fran]

Hope to see Meridith and Derek's relationship grow into a more mature relationshiip. Love the medical stories. The old intern gets on my nerves. Love love Bailey. I want to see Izzy lighter and have more fun. Love to see her and Alex together. Tonight it looked like he was reaching out to her. Give Mark a hot woman. Perhaps he and Christina would be a good match with their egos. George and Callie are a disaster. George would be good with Lexie. I want to see lots of humor and great medical stories. Callie needs to lighten up. Not sure where you are going to take her.

[Anna]

Poor poor Derek, he loves Meredith who is so childish and can't give him what he wants.

SERIOUSLY? You people think it's sweet for him to say "I love you, will wait, will sleep with you, but if someone better comes along who wants what I want now Bye bye"

That is love? Jeeze. Just end Meredith and Derek now we can all see the new Derek love interest coming, so just at least give her some dignity so she isn't completely treated like trash she was today by Derek.

Let Derek go have his new love and person he wants a family with. But Meredith but freaking get the same deal with a real man who knows love, unconditional love and won't sleep with her until someone else comes along.

[Mollie Christianson]

Wonderful comments on tonight's show! I too find my heart wrenched for Derek and Meredith...i am an INCREDIBLY faithful and vigilant Grey's lover...and i think Derek's realization in tonight's issue was..amazingly written. It opened my eyes to see his eye's opened up to Meredith and what she wants and what she needs...i'm on the edge of my seat to see what happens to them! Can't wait for next week!! Thanks for another incredible episode:)
~Mollie

[Catherine]

Shonda!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Noooooooooooooooooooooooo I cant even believe it. Its like the season 3 finale all over again. Nothing went right with this episode. How are you even going to pick up from here. I miss the old greys, the one with burke and addison. One where everyone wasnt so miserable. I just dont get it. I love greys so much but every time i watch it now it just makes me sad. I just dont get why with greys and private practice, nobody seems to get to have a happy relationship. Cant there be some happiness. Life is not as horrible as you make it seem. I just read this weeks "grey" matter and i dont care what it says, derek and meredith do belong together, i know that he lied to her, i know that she has been through alot, but when he said all that stuff about marriage to her i was just like please go kiss him and say yes, please please please, but of course that didnt happen. I JUST DONT GET IT. Just please fix the whole mer der thing, even if they dont get married right away at least let them start dating, cause right now it seems like something might happen between lexie and derek and that absolutly cannot happen. I never share my opinion, except with greys because i love greys, except now i dont no if i can continue watching cause every week when i watch this show i just get sad, and nobody wants to watch a show that makes them sad every week. And izzie, i dont care what she did callie doesnt have to be so rude. i really dislike callie now, i dont feel sorry for her at all, after all she did cheat on george with sloan. I just dont understand how in a little over a year, which is supposed to be how long they have been at seatle grace, izzie can start of dating a hockey player or whatever, date alex, get engaged to denny, have denny pass away, and get involved with george. Come on is that really realistic for a little over a one year period. I feel like there just cant be happiness with love. Its just so sad. Please fix it, please please please,

[Nelle]

If what you are telling us is that Mer and Der have timing issues and they are not going to be together this year or maybe any year, I"m done. I can't sit and watch two people who are supposed to love each other continue to hurt and disappoint each other every week. What hooked millions of viewers on this show was seeing Mer/Der together, happy, loving each other. This continual conflict and disappointment every week turns me off...for good.

[Sushi432]

It was a nice episode but terribly cruel to Izzie. I'm sure it will impress a lot of people who impose Gizzie but to me, and all other Gizzie fans, it was hard to see her get shut down without George to even help her get through it. Instead, he was a coward. He neglected to tell Callie he loves Izzie and yet even though that would get him out of his marriage, he just DOESN'T DO IT! How frustrating. Now, what? Callie is going to just assume reconciliation is an option when she does finally forgive him? Grrrrr... what have you done to Gizzie? I know people have had their problems but now everyone is suffering. Izzie is STILL alone and now ostrosized as a bitch. Callie is humiliated and still married to George. And... George is nowhere to be found. Not in Izzie's room comforting her, not in Callie's hotal room apologizing and ENDING his marriage. Why make the George character move backwards? He was doing such a good job up until now... now.... I don't know what to think. I just hope Gizzie gets support from Meredith and a convinced Alex. Honestly, just don't make judgmental friends decide what Gizzie is, let George and Izzie decide.

[Angela]

Derek's speech...heart wrenching! I sobbed! Love it! Thumbs up on the episode!

[Angela]

Loved the episode! I loved it mostly because of Sara Ramirez and her amazing acting skills. She is able to convey so much without even speaking that you just feel for Callie and what she is going through. Major props and kudos to Sara who was the STAR of your show tonight!!! I can't wait to see more of what is ahead for her character and I would love it if it in some way involved Mark...they are awesome together and she deserves better than George.

Bottom line...the season is getting better and better with every show and I am totally on Team Callie! :-)

[Stephanie S]

Ok I can only comment on the last half hour due to storm coverage here, lol. I will comment later when I finally see the whole episode. I loved the Meredith and Derek scene. Wow...can they get any better I ask you? But you guys have to stop saying "maybe soulmates" They are period. I get what Derek was saying and I thought it was beautiful *smiles*
I am a die hard MerDer shipper and I firmly believe that she wants it but has to work out some issues. May not want it right now but I think she wants all that Derek wants. And I love that he laid it all out for her, makes me wish I got to see the scene with him and lexie :( Trying to be patient here, lol.
From what I watched, Greys is awesome once again...this could be my new fav....but next week may be even better! I think our Meredith is growing up *awwww* Good Job! Oh and Sara? Rocked tonight! Just nailed it, gosh I love her! Oh and I see Lexzie emerging once again!!! I love that it was Alex who had the biggest issue with it..I knew he still loved her!
Yeah and any love interest for Derek? So not interested here, lol. Just had to say that, lol. *hugs*

[Mary from Washington]

Hey Allan,

First of all, I just want to commend you on writing a magnificent episode. You did a great job, and I know that writers don't always get the glory in television or film because they are rarely in the spotlight, but I just want to let you know that I appreciate the work you do so much and I'm sorry that you're not more appreciated. I know that Grey's couldn't exist without people like you, so thanks.

Now on to the episode. I loved this episode so much. It packed in everything I love about Grey's. There was humor, drama, tension, affection, and of course kissing ;).

First of all I just want to say that Sara Ramirez was amazing tonight. That girl can act and I really hope you guys aren't planning to write her out of the show. Even if she isn't with George I think her character is strong enough to survive at SGH without a man helping her succeed. Her performance was both heart-wrenching and beautiful. Do I hear Emmy calling?

Secondly I love love love love love love MerDer. Did I mention love. I'm not only in love with them, but in fact obsessed with them. And Derek did a very noble thing tonight. He finally told Meredith that he understands her and accepts her for who she is. Mer is a woman who has been hurt in the past. She was hurt by Thatcher, her mother, Derek and probably others as well. It's going to take her some time to understand who she is and learn to trust again. And I'm glad that Derek is willing to wait.

Now on the other hand, if Derek is willing to wait I can't say I'm really happy over the prospect of him dating other women. If this leads to a jealous Mer who sees someone peeing on her territory and reclaims her man, then I'm all for it, but I'm afraid that this could be dragged out until the season finale when we have some kind of triangle (real original for Grey's) where Mer finally realizes her love for Derek, but he's about to propose to another woman. *Oh no!*. Please don't let this be the case. I want Meredith and Derek to work through their problems. Not avoid them and never talk. The lines of communication are open at this point, and I would like to see Derek move slowly with Meredith until she is ready. (He may be surprised that she could change quickly if not pressured.)

Well, I guess I should wrap this up. Once again, I just want to thank all of you for the hard work you do. I know actors often get sole credit for television shows and I know that there's much more to it than that. If it weren't for the writers especially, there would be no words for the actors to recite. You are the storytellers. Thank you and I'll be here again next week.

---Mary Senn

P.S. Shonda and Betsy, I have listened to the podcast every single week since you began and have never missed one. I hope you know that you have more than a couple loyal fans who love to hear you two say, "Phone!"

[jenn from dallas]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EXPLAINING ABOUT MERDER!! I mean on some certain sense I understood that, but after the drowning and all I figure that she was ready to move forward. It was just frustrating for me to see nothing really changing; before and after the drowning was the same if not even more depressing after, of course its not all meredith fault though. I was just wondering if she would have any kind of flashback to remembering that happened (which would be really cool by the way). Great episode! I wish Derek will just sit back and think of all he did and said to meredith. sigh

I loved how you portrayed Callie, and Izzie finally figured that its not just about her and George, and Callie will go away when she finds out.
\
By the way, I'm not a big fan of how the shows go through marriage like its something important and yet they still cheat. Like seriously?!?
=)
Great episode! I'm crossing my fingers for some real MerDer relationship eventually.

[woohoooo]

gotta say- last year the show was going downhill. but now, i am so happy to see it back to its roots. you are doing a phenomenal job once again and i'm so glad because the last thing i wanted to see was my favorite show being cancelled.

--

on a more serious note. i'm 16, and i just found out my friend has a rare form of cancer. i won't see her for six months. i hope you guys know how much your episodes really hit home with many viewers. maybe you could base a medical case on my friend? just a thought...

[Auni]

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for writing the first absolutely FANTASTIC Grey's episode this season. The others had some good and great parts, but yours was consistent, very deep and very well thought out from beginning to end. Allan, I just have to say that I love your writing and what you do for the characters. This isn't the first time I have loved a Grey's episode and looked to find your name on it. I just wish you wrote more of them!!

Thank you for such a meaningful theme. I feel like the themes that come from personal experiences feel the most real to viewers. And that's just what this episode did. If there's one thing I feel Grey's has lost lately, it's that sense of groundedness and believability. Thank you for bursting Izzie and George's bubble and making them realize that what they were doing was hurting so many people. I'm not saying they can't be in love (though I feel that they have both had better, more compelling pairings), but they needed to be aware of the magnitude of what they were doing. And what Alex said to Izzie about why he was mad at her--it was so unexpected, yet so fitting and felt so right. My heart did a happy little leap for joy. I hope things continue in that direction.

But most of all, THANK YOU for bringing some believability to their relationship and why they are not together. THANK YOU SO MUCH for not blaming Meredith. I spend so much time defending her and explaining that while she had trust issues to begin with, Derek hurt her like she had never been hurt before when he lied to her and then chose Addison. She was still so sweet and naive and trusting in the first season and beginning of the second season. She did, after, give the whole "Derek, I love you...pick me, choose me, love me" speech. She was trusting to some degree and put herself out there and SAID SHE LOVED HIM (first, might I add), which we have (surprise surprise) NEVER heard her say to him since. So I do not blame her. Thank you for pointing that out. On the theme of forgiveness, yes, she forgave Derek for what he did, but that doesn't mend what he broke (to use another quote from the second season). She is still very much broken inside, and while she wants to be whole again, it'll take a while and perhaps some more stability in her life for her to get to that place. I love Derek for seeing that about her, for loving her and forgiving her (he certainly owes her a good amount of patience and forgiveness...she spent all of second season unwittingly waiting for him when she had practically NO hope of return).

But WHY OH WHY that line at the end about someone else coming along??? Derek himself was so hurt when Finn came along and he wasn't even with Meredith. Please let him be patient and don't let him get involved with someone else. It will break Meredith's heart, PARTICULARLY if it is Lexie (which, from this point on, given the bar flirtation, she might be suspicious of). But more importantly, Derek would never get involved with Lexie if he loved her the way he does now. I know Meredith may suspect it later on (that will hurt her enough), but PLEASE do not let anything happen. I think it might break the collective Grey's viewing audience's heart along with Meredith's. And then her trust issues really might be beyond repair.

But, at the risk of being terribly redundant, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for such an amazing episode that made complete sense, felt real, and for the first time in a while, pretty true to the characters we all grew to love. It had that magical Grey's mix of humor and joy and heart wrenching sadness (but not depression-inducing sadness that comes from killing off Susan or drowning Meredith--events rather hard to take seriously in their inconsistency with the show's general tone). I know you can't write every episode (and I really do love most of the other writers), but please try to keep it that way!!! Thank you for bringing back the magic!

[Mel in NC]

I get it, I truly do. We have waited for Derek to explain to Mer that HE gets it too. Just tell my why on earth did you have to ruin it by him saying to her...unless someone else comes along that is ready to accept all I have to give and is ready to give me all I want?

That just trashed that whole scene to me. Couldn't he just have said, I love you and I'll wait for you?

[Paula]

I love Meredith and Derek. Why do you keep doing this to them every week? Is it that hard to make them a couple? We've waited four seasons for this?

[Mcdoucheisback!]

Well your concept of love seems to me very different from mine. Love is definly NOT telling the person you love who happens to have abandonment issues that you will wait “until someone who wants to play house with you comes along”. I am sorry but that is not love, or dreamy, it’s SELFISH and Disgusting. Please give Meredith someone who really loves her no matter what, that can fight for her and who RESPECTS her.
Congratulations, you have made me hate Derek, I am of the Mer/Der train. Too bad that was the only thing that made me watch.

[Bittersweet & beautiful]

This by far has been the best most well rounded episode all season. Writing,acting, all of it.

Since I'm truly a mer/der fan, all of their scenes today were great, throughout the episode with and without each other. But the end, what a powerfully beautiful statement of his feelings. We saw hope,and love in both of these characters for each other.
Then, the unexpected blow. I've watched the end about 3 times, and finally it dawned on me, she in essence begins to trust, she wants what he wants to, though she is not ready, she wants to try. But, though I understand why he had to say it, he walks away from her, again.

I know there's ratings and sweeps, but really, we are not watching this show to have them turn to other people. Yes, Meredith is an intern, but she's not 22, and if they do love each other, isn't it time they start working on how to be together, rather than apart.

I can't compliment the writing and the episode enough. Just bittersweet ending, hoping that Derek dating does not mean finding that person that can give him what he wants from Meredith,and that she in turn, interpreting him walking away, again, does not turn to finding tequila and sex as her best friend again.

I understand, truly, what you explained about them, but any woman listening to Derek's words, could not have let him walk away.

At the end, I was speechless, I hope you get to write the episode when she too, realizes that he is the love of her life, and doesn't want to let go. You sold us on her coming back for Derek, because a whiff of him was not enough, please develop that character we hve come to know and love, dark, twisty and damaged opposite Mcdreamy, loving her in spite of it all.

[mamaloa]

Wow! Nice blog. You sure got that one on fast, and I'm the first to write on it. What should I say. I'm one of the anti Mer/Der fans, and I'm writing first, ha! I'm glad that Derek realizes now that Meredith is not ready, and maybe she never will be, or both will move on to someone else. I know a lot of people want them together, but I never felt that they were right from the very beginning. Maybe if there wasn't an Addison, but even if there wasn't an Addison, how can one dertermine they are in love with a one night, drunken sex? If they hadn't have discovered that they worked together it would be another one night, never to see you again type situation. At least with Meredith. So there was an Addison, and Derek had almost everything he said he wanted with Meredith already with Addison. My question is: Why is it he can forgive Meredith but never could he forgive Addison? He now even forgives Mark for what he has done. So, I say bring on the new love, or bring Addison back. Make him realize that he can have it all and a women to really love him, and make it work out. You are creative writers. Who's to say that the main couple has to be Meredith and Derek. The main couple should have been Addison and Derek, but hey bring on a new love for Derek. Make them be the hot couple. You're creative, you can pull this off. Make the public forget all about Mer/Der. You've pulled it off with Mer/Der, you can certainly pull it off with Der/????? Meredith is too immature, like Mark said. She's a baby, and needs to grow up, and if she does grow up finally, who's to say she's going to want to be with Derek? As for George and Izzy. Once again, another drunken sex situation, but the difference is they new each other. At least those two had conversation. They were close friends, and they should continue to be that way, and I think George should do everything he can to get it right with Callie. I also noticed that Alex was upset with Izzy for saying she's not ready after Denny to be with anyone else, and then she suddenly falls in love, and with George!! How cold is that? I mean I think Alex is an ass at times, but he does have a point, and if Alex new that it was a one night sex after being drunk all night. George couldn't even remember what he did, he was so drunk. I have to say this was better writing. You always have done good writing. Another question. What are you teaching the youth, if you work out a one night stand?

[p.s.]

thanks for posting so quickly and for a well written blog.

[Sara]

first!
absolutely loved the episode. even though i know i'm in the minority, i'm a huge fan of george and izzie together. please keep them as a couple! but it was still good to see callie finally stand up for herself in a way.

[Rebecca]

You have to understand Allan..it's only been a year for Meredith, but for us fans, it's been FOUR. FOUR long years of wanting this relationship to work.

And so for the writers of Grey's, you have to try to move it along just a bit faster. This was the most incredible love story on GA, but you are darn close to it ending in fans eyes and what a waste of a story for those of us who invested nearly four years in it.

We aren't "interns" either, so it's hard to just give out acceptance to this story. Maybe you can try to understand that when a fan asks you about Meredith and Derek. At least try to see it from our angle please.

Don't end them PLEASE.

Callie rocked tonight btw..

[kammommy]

Excellent episode. Thanks. I felt tonight that the old Grey's was back and there were surprises in each story. I felt "whoa" in so many places this evening. There are a few things I still don't understand but I'll wait to see where the path takes us.
But I have to admit - if McDreamy stood there and told me that he wanted to marry me, have kids with me and grow old with me until we die...well, I would be a complete idiot to not jump in his arms and say "ok!" So, to Mer: "stop being an idiot!"

[Denise]

Meredith and Derek are the main reason I watch the show. You break my heart with them every week. I wish you could just let them be a couple faults and all for a change, because the ups and downs are insane to watch.

What you said about Derek: it's about time. I've been waiting for him to realize that most of the problems between him and Mer came about directly BECAUSE of him. He told her to trust him and have faith...Addie shows up. He says he's getting a divorce...he doesn't (and he gets mad at her when she "tries" to move on). He says, I'll always show up...then ignores her calls and avoids her for days without telling her why. Then he says, I don't want to breathe for you anymore...so she turns to her friends who were always there, and he gets hurt and jealous.

Derek is the brooding, overthinking kind of guy that sometimes doesn't know how to say what he truly feels. Like with that whole "I met another woman" moment; it was intended to open Mer's eyes, but sounded more like an ultimatum-type thing. I'm glad that in this epi, he was able to better understand where Mer's coming from and that they're at different points in their lives. I do think he also needs to realize the extent of her trust issues with HIM and not just her non-parents et al. He helped break her, even though he didn't realize the extent of the damage...probably because he was hurting too and was more focused on that.

Mer in this epi showed some growth, which I was happy to see. She said that she hated the IDEA of Lexie and not the actual person...which leaves the possibility of a relationship between the two of them...maybe. I like that she took full responsibility for Norman's mistake; she makes a great teacher and cares more than she tries to let on. (Actually, Mer has always been more...mature(?) at the doctor thing than the other interns) and is already showing herself to be the better of the old interns at teaching the new ones. AND, she didn't run when Der said those things...progress!!

Oh, and how McDreamy was that speech? Seriously, only Patrick Dempsey could pull that off...*sigh*

yeah, I wrote a lot, but they're two of my favorite characters

As for the rest... :)

I'm glad Cristina was taken down a peg or two in regards to being a better teacher. She's always been a strong surgeon, but very condescending to those she considers less capable...which includes interns. Add that to the fact that Lexie is related to her person and that affects Meredith...so she'd be harder on Lexie just for that alone. Not to mention that Lexie shouldn't have touched the guy...

I don't like how much Derek stepped in though. I think he was a little harder on Cristina than necessary because he's kind of jealous of her relationship with Mer. In the end, I'm glad Cristina realized that she has to be a better teacher...but still insists on calling Lexie "three." lol!

I don't lean either way for the Iz/George/Callie triangle...personally, I think both women could do better. And Izzie has changed so much, that I don't quite like her at this point. However, this epi made me love Callie more than before. She's strong...yes, made some big mistakes in the past with George, but only because she really is an insecure person when it comes to him. I love that she tried so hard to take the high road through the entire epi, but in the end was just too hurt to actually MEAN the forgiving. Loved what she said to Izzie...very true.

I love Alex. A lot. I think he has shown tremendous growth over the seasons (with minor setbacks lol). What he said to Izzie...wow. He loves her, has since the beginning, but he's also too screwed up to know how to deal with that. He waited through the Denny thing, and she said she wasn't ready. That probably hurt him...especially to find out that she did move on... to a married man, which Alex rightly feels disgusted with. Izzie and George? Very self-righteous, judgemental people...they've always looked down on Alex (hello, never considered him an actual part of the "family" in previous epis) and for them to betray another person that way? Well, it appears they shouldn't be so condescending towards Alex after all.

umm, the Ava thing? I don't much care for...feels too much like the Denny thing or something.

The chief parts. LOVED. I'm glad he stuck by Camille (noticed the actress change, but loved her!) and didn't give in to Adele's emotional blackmail. Because that is what she did. She threw the past mistakes in his face when, for once, he DID put his family first. Camille wanted to go home, so he gave her what she wanted.

Always love Bailey! She kicks serious @$$ always!

AWESOME EPISODE!

lol...I'll stop with my novela-type post now... :)

[Jamie]

Mer/Der are the only reason I watch the show anymore..You are ming it so hard to hold on to hope here. You write these lovely blogs of hope after you spend the episode bringing whatever they had in the promo crashing down.

It really is hard to hang on anymore.

[Lois]

Absolutely fabulous episode, truly characteristic of the Grey's that I love! The only problem I have with the show right now is Alex. It was great that he finally shared his unhappiness about Izzie, but can we finally hear what he has to say about Addison? I'm still really angry that after a whole season of building up a strong romance, much more than just sexual tension, their relationship was used as an excuse to send Addison to her crappy new show. The return of Ava next week might just make me throw up.

[C2]

I liked how Alex forgave Izzie for going to George instead of him when she was ready to move on after Denny.

I kind of can't stand Callie, and absolutely can't stand her with George. They make no sense together. She stole him from Izzie, when it comes down to the bottom line. Callie deserves someone who loves her - the way that George and Izzie have loved each other for a long time, even if they didn't see it.

Derek's speech at the end was beautiful. If he goes to someone other than Meredith though, he's kind of a dog and that won't help the trust issues. If he sleeps with Lexie, or has a relationship with her, I will never watch this show again, ever.

Thank you for writing a beautiful episode about forgiveness.

[Jen D]

What a beautiful episode - you guys just get better and better. :) I love the point that Alex and Izzie are at, where they really can forgive each other, even if it's in an unconventional way.
And no one, *no one*, delivers a speech like Patrick Dempsey. Absolutely stunning, and if the group of us who watch it weren't already in love with McDreamy, we are now.
Callie was great tonight as well - every line, every moment she was on screen you could feel exactly what she was feeling, and when she finally admits to George that she hasn't forgiven him, it's perfect in such an imperfect way.

[Mike]

Nice to see that Derek finally got that Christina needs to be helped too. She's still learning herself.

Go Callie! She was just heartbreaking tonight. So awesome. Made me hate GIZZIE even more.

And Mer/Der...Geeze, let us have SOME hope. Seriously, how can you keep coming up with new ways of keeping them apart? Do they pay you extra for that?

[Matthew Rushing]

I love the podcasts too, listened to everyone! Phone!

[Sharon]

What Derek did to Mer tonight. To call her out on what HE EXPECTS yet again after ALL she's been through is hardly McDreamy at all. She fought for him in season one. I guess everything has to happen on Derek's timeline. Nice. (not)

[Pam]

Why don't you just level with us Allan...The writers are never gonna let Mer/Der be together are they?

[Sammi]

Alex and Izzie. OMG ALEX AND IZZIE.

He finally called her out on "not being ready" and it was fantastic. And NOTHING in the blog.

Go Alex.

[Erin]

Seriously great episode! It's like Grey's is getting back to the Grey's of it all now.

Seriously.

[teds]

AMAZING BLOG, mr. heinberg.. maybe even better than the actual episode... and it was a GRRREAAT episode.

the rawest and most bittersweet concept in this whole episode of forgiveness is, i think,the HONESTY. i mean, for yoiu to be accepting, you have to have something REAL to accept first right? ..from there, you realize that in most situations, there IS no fault. no blame. and maybe, that's the hardest part to accept. that YOU played your own big part too in all that went wrong. ..but i digress..

honesty. that's what derek had that callie didn't. that's why derek has, actually, forgiven.

[Loved Tonight]

Loved tonight's episode, first one in a long while. I'm sure that Derek will be crucified on the boards and in this blog, but I absolutely loved it. I was thrilled to see him speak up for what he wants in life. He understands that they are in different life stages, he was honest, he was caring. Most will hate him (and maybe you :) )for it but I wanted to thank you for writing it, it was a fantastic scene and Patrick Dempsey delivered it perfectly. He loves Meredith but also wants his life's dreams. Just because you love someone doesn't mean it always works out. Not even on TV. Beautifully done!

Loved Alex in this episode.
Loved Callie - Sara Ramirez was amazing tonight in every scene.

I am enjoying the friendship between Derek and Mark. Its nice to see a male friendship on the show and a nice change from the romantic storylines. Hoping this continues throughout the season.

Overall a wonderful episode. Thank you for it and for the thoughtful blog.

[Kristina]

I love you.

Haha you actually GET MerDer. Which I didnt think ANY of the writers actually did anymore. But you do. And you, with this episode and more so with the blog, have restored a little faith in the show for me. I was SO CLOSE to giving up on the show (I prob would have all ready but P Demp is really hard to say no to). But now I have some faith to go on. So thanks...I really didnt want to give up.

[RSJ]

Bring Addison Back....
Please!

[Janet]

Thank you Allan for explaining Meredith. No matter how much you try (and believe me, she's my favorite character) I try, some ere just NEVER gonna get her.

She's such a fantastic character and McDreamy is NOT all that great sometimes people. It isn't always her fault for everything.

[Marley]

Dear Allan,
I'm THRILLED by tonight's episode, this was really the one I was waiting for for quite a long time!

I was excited for the Izzie Callie fight and now I feel sorry for Callie, because I was excited. I knew it was not going to happen that would be just an humiliation, but yay, you brought Callie back. The Callie I care about. The missunderstood Callie, who's supposed to kick Izzie's ass but doesn't, cuz she's not like that. She's a good girl.

And holy crap, she forgave George and Izzie turns out to be a mistake. Which makes me feel sorry for Izzie, but still. She forgave George who didn't even want her to forgive him in the first place. I think it's good for George and Izzie to try all over again.
Izzie obviously has Alex, kind of. You brought Alex back too, even though it's mean, it was great to hear what he said about George because that was just what Alex would say. Alex and Izzie. Alex and Izzie. Sort of.

And Meredith and Derek. That was almost a proposal. Seriously. I couldn't breathe for a second. That was a Mer Der moment, how I truly love them not even being a ultra big MerDer Fan.

You even brought the Chief back, I almost forgot him during the last episodes.

This episode was soo intense. And his niece was there, the one from the Denny episode.

And I still like Lexie, she's awesome and funny.

And I came to like the new intern (who still kind of seems to remind me too much of Rory's Grandpa but still) he's much less annoying now and even seemed kinda cute trying to get the "grey's slang"...I mean, seriously! He rocks my socks.

I liked the patients, too, today.

But to summarize, what I was gonna say is THANKS for bringing Callie back, I like her again.

And THANKS for the nicely written episode, I hope you are fine now.

(I know I forgot something but it's late...)

[sophie]

"Which seems to me to be what forgiveness is really about: acceptance. Letting go of the hurt feelings -- or more precisely the ego blows -- we experience when our lives -- and the people in our lives -- don’t behave the way we want them to. Which, let’s face it, is most of the time. But if we can somehow recognize and accept ourselves and others for who we are -- without judgment -- those “hurt feelings” fade away and are replaced by what feels a lot like forgiveness. At least that’s what happened with me and my ex."

gosh..it's like you're talking to me..i'm also not talking to my ex because of some stupid things he did to me..guess that's what i should do too..accept him for who he is and accept the fact that people don't always act the way we want them to..this is probably the most difficult thing to do that's why a lot of people just can't forgive.oh..i hope eveything goes well with you and your ex..and i'm hoping i can be able to do the same pretty soon..

really great blog..and even though i haven't watched the episode yet..i know it's good..

[Nicole]

Derek is an jerk. Yea, I said it. No matter what Shonda thinks, Derek is no McDreamy. So he wants to marry her and have kids with her...until someone better comes along? WHO SAYS THAT? Derek talks in circles and it's getting old. I'm at the point where I want Meredith to heal and then just say screw Derek. He doesn't love her unconditionally...and that does not a McDreamy make.

[Brigette]

This was the best episode of the season thus far, and one of the best episodes of the entire series. You guys were right last week when you said this week's episode was very funny and very moving- it was the perfect blend.

The scene stealing moment was when Callie lost it with that patient- I was covering my face with part of my hand and making exasperated sounds! Poor Callie, trying to be strong and push through something that is IMPOSSIBLE to push through. I am a HUGE Gizzie-shipper, but I love Callie and I really feel for her. She needs to get OUT of this relationship once and for all and take care of HERSELF!

This episode left me completely wired. HOW am I suppose to wait until next week?! How am I supposed to sleep?!

AH!

P.S. Like Mary, I listen to your podcast too, Shonda and Betsey! It's a great thing to listen to while doing something horrible and boring, like you know, cleaning the fridge. My environment is cleaner b/c of you guys. :)

[Melissa]

Ok. Great Episode! I loved it. it filled in all kinds of grey spots. Alex still has a little feelings for Izzie, or he wouldnt have brought up their kiss. Right? BUT if he truley loved her like he loves Ava, he would have been there for her from the beginning. From the time she told him she slept with George. He would have held her and and et her know it was ok. But he had to be a jerk about it. But him giving her kleenex.. that shows he has some sympathy.

Now, I am a HUGE Gizzie fan. (Georgeisnotawhore)
I loved how George was running through the hospital looking for Izzie in the beginning. He wanted to tell Izzie so bad about him telling Callie.. But she did it anyways. And made a fool out of her self. Now, I admit Izzie made a fool of her self too, in the cafeteria.. But she didnt know what to expect.. a fight or not.. all of the other doctors expected a fight too.. The bets and stuff...But I respect Izzie alot. I would fight for love too.

MerDer.. I just recently started feeling the spark between these two... And tonight.. there was definatly a spark. Der loves her. He just wants a commetment. He wants a wife. He wants children. FOR GOD SAKES!!! GIVE HIM A LIFE!!! And make mer love him too!! They need happieness!!

Now, Cristina.. She was rude... She had no right to treat Lexie like that. She is supposed to TEACH her. And call her by her name. not 3.

And I loved Camille. I hardly noticed (acting wise) that she was different. She was amazing on Grey's tonight!!

Writers, KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK!!

[jessicafreels]

Hate Gizzie
Love Alex's reaction
Love Love LOVE Sloane
Love Callie and her hurt, and was mortified by her humilliation. I was kinda hoping she'd call Izzie whore. No woman likes that.
And of course...Mc Dreamy is still hot...But I wanted Christina to point out to him...he can't make up for what he doesn't have with Merideth by being nice to Lexie. Lexie worries me. She's just naieve enough to think she can get through this on her own. Im waiting for thatcher to come through the door.

[??]

i feel like the show is more concerned with fitting everything together with a tidy theme- this week "forgiveness" and hurting the authenticity of relating to the character's struggles. i also hate what you've done to the mer/der storyline, in particular. i doesn't feel believable. if i died and was revived and my mother died, and the only person i had in my life was this georgeous man professing his love.. i wouldn't be crying over old daddy/commitment issues- but instead embracing and appreciating the loving support of this man.

[Missy]

Thank you, Allan, for understanding Meredith's trust issues with Derek. Sometimes viewers forget how much Derek hurt her. Through S3 and S4 so far, I really haven't seen Derek realizes how much he's hurt Meredith. He finally understands her Mommy not wanting her and Daddy being a coward, but he has not acknowledged what damage he has caused her yet. Until that happens, I don't think he deserves to expect the marriage, kids and house and lifetime with her. He'll hurt her again. Many of us focus on Meredith's flaws and growth, but I'd like to see Derek grow too. If he was the grown-up I expect him to be, at the end of the "McDreamy" speech, he would have said that she was the only one he could think of to do those things with, and he'd help her grow to believe in it, because he was partially at fault in destroying what she had believed until his wife showed up. Speaking of his wife, I don't get that Derek is so ready to settle after eleven years of failed marriage. Wouldn't he be more cautious this time, especially with someone he considers as the "love of his life"?

[Ann]

No wonder Patrick and Ellen diss the writing on this show and are frustrated.

Alan's line to Izzy fits here. "I'm embarrassed for you."

Lets hope they buy their contracts out and go to a better network and show that knows how to write an adult couple in thier 30's and 40's.

The only thing Greys knows how to do is screw and jerk their viewers around.

[Sharon]

If Derek moves on, Meredith better NEVER ever take him back.

EVER again. They would be dead. There's no returning from him leaving her once again for another woman.

It would not be love.

Real love is unconditional. Not what Derek is doing.

[Katelyn]

This episode was just beyond brilliant. They keep getting better and better every week!!

I loved everything about this episode!! I am completely freaking out right now because well.. it was just an entirely amazing episode and it conveyed every possible emotion. The humor was phenominal and I really felt like the old Greys we all loved is back.

I really love that Cristina seemed to take to heart what Derek said about her being selfish and needing to learn how to be a good teacher. Because I thought she was being a real jerk to Lexie throughout this episode. I loved that Lexie stood up to Cristina and told her that her name was Lexie, or Grey.. not 3 :)

I loved every conversation between Alex and Izzie. It was good that you portrayed how this affected him. it was cute in the end when he went and brought her the kleenex :)

Norman. Goooood old Norman.. He was just hysterical tonight. i was laughing so hard watching how he interacted with meredith and the patient.

Mark made a good point to Derek when he said Meredith was still an intern. It was completely true. and Derek let that get to him. it seems like he is always letting what Mark says get to him. which in this case, was not necessarily a bad thing. i actually thought it was really good. I also really liked how Mark calls Meredith an intern and then she ends up saying that she is a resident and takes all the blame for misdiagnosing a patient. our girl is definitely progressing and growing and moving in a positive direction and i LOVE it!!

I have to admit i was adament about the whole "weekend get-away" and i thought that Meredith was going to be the one to find a way to get out of it, but i was definitely wrong. it was DEREK. seriously? wow. that one shocked me.

Before i go on to discuss the amazingness of the mer/der in this episode, i have to say.. CALLIE WAS AMAZING!! i thought she just rocked in tonights episode. i loved what she said to Izzie because it was so true. and i have been getting really sick of Izzie lately. which is saying a lot because I used to absolutely LOVE her! quite frankly i am so sick of Gizzie. i cannot stand them together. i loved them as best friends. but together and all couple-y. it just isnt working. George.. well i have to say i loved him in this episode. and i liked what he said to Callie in the end. because he was right.. she cant just forgive him and pretend like nothing happened. it will be interesting to see how he handles this, and what happens with them.

Meredith and Derek. WOW. i was completely speechless after hearing Derek's speech. it was so beautiful and romantic and just PERFECT. and Patrick Dempsey is such an amazing actor. He portrays his emotions SO well through his eyes. and i love that! i know a lot of people are upset about the derek saying "and what if i meet someone else who can give me all the things i want from you etc. etc".. well i for one am very hopeful. i may just be on a derek speech high but i think this is so great for them. Meredith NEEDED to hear Derek say this. she NEEDED to know that he does understand her. that he gets her. and he is willing to wait. and by him putting it out there that someone else could come along and give him the things she cant right now.. that is just being realistic. because lets face it.. the man is mcdreamy and the reality that someone else can offer him what she cant right now is something that could happen. do i want it to happen? NO. but if you are going to bring in this new love interest for Derek then i want it to be a wake up call for Meredith. i would love to see her fight for Derek. we know Derek loves Meredith. we know that no matter who he dates he will ALWAYS love Meredith, but what we dont see much of is reassurance that Meredith LOVES Derek. i understand her hesitation to trust Derek again because lets face it, the man may be mcdreamy but he is not perfect and he made mistakes that caused Meredith to lose her trust in him. i truly believe she does love him, but i would love to hear her say it to him. overall i am very hopeful about merder and i really feel like a ton of great progress is being made with them this season. i love how things are being handled with them and i cannot wait to see things progress and imrpove even more!!

Basically i am completely in love with this entire episode. everything about it was just PERFECT!!

[dave]

looove the episdoe. loooove your blog. thanks!

[Tami from Tampa]

It was a great episode tonight. I loved the Mer/Der revelation...but like everyone else I hated the last line of Derek's speech. It was just so shallow -- all of those beautiful words and sentiments and then he casually throws in "unless someone else comes along". Of course that means someone WILL.

For the love of God, they all work in a hospital and no one has ever suggested that maybe Meredith might benefit from a little psychiatric help? She is the most broken person on the show...and her misery is getting a little old.

I really fell into the whole Izzie/George love affair until I saw it play out tonight. Now their little tryst seems foolish, selfish and so NOT like love. George is a loose cannon since he lost his father and he just keeps burying himself further and further with all of his knee jerk reactions. Again, another character who needs counseling -- STAT!! Here is an idea -- bring in a hot new Psychiatrist )male or female) to stir the pot and help some of these miserable, broken doctors.

In spite of myself I am starting to like Lexie. Please, for the love of all that is holy, do not put her with Derek. I will turn off the show and never watch it again. My one problem with her is that she was out picking up guys in a bar so quickly after her mom dropped dead. She is all hung up on Meredith, Merdith, Meredith...but no word about her mom and that pain. It doesn't fit.

Please find something for Christina to do besides be a bitch. Geez...

I am liking the Mark/Derek friendship finally mending. They seem to be good for each other.

The Chief was also amazing tonight. Tough spot he was in but he did the right thing. I think Adele should just leave the Chief if all she is going to do is torture him over all the disappointment she has had in their marriage. If you are that mad and hurt, just move on.

As usual, Bailey is the only sane person on the show. I hope she is heading toward a good place in her career instead of being Seattle Grace's babysitter. And Callie needs to resign from the new position she has...she is too much of a mess to do that job right now. Bailey was made for the job...those interns NEED Bailey.

I loved Alex. His role is always small but so powerful.

So far so good this season...keep up the good work! You have won me back over!

[Linda]

I really loved the episode and felt very bad for Callie, that said I want George and Izzie together more than ever. What they did might have been wrong, although Callie getting a grieving George to elope was not that good either, but their love for each othr definitely is not wrong. They do need some karma but when that is over, I want them togetehr and happy!

[Tia]

Great acting by TR, Katherine and Sara in this, I feel bad for the three of them, they all did bad things but none of them are bad people, sometimes love makes you do crazy things.

I have thought George and Izzie belonged together for a long long time and I am really hoping we get sme good scenes wit them soon, us Gizzie fans have waited a long long time and while I think this story is so much better told than the MerDer Addie horror, I think you are dragging it too much.

I want George to tell Callie he loves Izzie and I want them together.

As for Alex, he so got on my nerves with his little put-down on George, grow the hell up Alex and get over yourself!

[B]

Allan that was a great episode! Soo much stuff happened in just one hour I love those kind of episodes. The part where Derek said unless someone else comes along...well that just broke my heart, but of course it will have me glued to the tv for more!

[JJ]

Woe, tonight was so heartbreaking. I have to say though I feel bad for Callie, she did marry a man she knew didn't love ehr and she married him when he was very vulnerable, always felt like she took advantage to me. I do feel bad because she loves George so much, but then so does Izzie and George loves Izzie. I know it will be tough and not easy but in the end, I am totally rooting for George and Izzie to be together the right way this time.

This reminds me of John, Marlena and Roman, three good people ad when Marlena and John committed adultery, it was hurtful to so any people but their love was real and in the end, everyone came to realize the true love they shared.

I loved Izzie's answer to Alex, se fell in love and love is not about looks or anything, you dio not choose who you fall in love with, but to me George and Izzie ar the most natural thing on Earth.

[Neela]

Thanks for your explanations on Gizzie and Callie, a lot of us Gizzie fans had speculated George did not say he loved Izzie to spare Callie further hurt and that he wanted Callie to throw him out without having to do it himself.

So it is good to see we were right.

Also, glad to see you acknowledge this is a love story. The circumstances might be bad and hurtful and a mess, it is a messy messy love but there is no doubt in my mind George and Izzie loe each other, which is why I want them so much to make it. What they have is real and worth fighting for.

I did wish we had some Gizzie scenes this week but I understood it was about George and Izzie realizing how much they had hurt Callie.

I adore the two and am glad you are showing their gult because you never did for MerDer and it made me hate them. George and Izzie are good people who would never hurt someone on purpose, but they did. And they should feel abd.

They should but then they should prove this hurt they caused Callie was not for nothing, because if they leave each other, it will have been, and they should get together with all their friends knowing and without the lies this time.

I want all three of them to be happy. George and Callie were never good together, they had an unhealthy relationship, so I want Callie t learn to love herself and not hold on so tight to someone she never had, and I want George and Izzie together.

As for Alex, his constant looking down on George is so irritating, George is worth a million of him any day. Must have been quite a blow to his fragile little ego that izzie fell so in love with George when Alex was always just sex to her.

[Lacey]

Callie should go visit Addison in California. Just sayin.

[Addicted]

OK as a big Gizzie fan, I was upset they had no scenes, especially that we are not seeing George reassure Izzie of his love. We know he loves her so why are you writing this as Izzie seeming so much more in love? Next week I hope we have a big scene of George declaring his love for Izzie not only to her but to Callie and everyone. I feel bad from Callie, but she has to know this was not just sex. And it has to come from George.

Please do not ruin Gizzie like you did MerDer, they are the one reason I am still hanging on.

And oh amazing job by Sara, TR and Katherine, those three are just amazing, they make that story work so well. I totally am pro-Gizzie but Sara has me feeling bad fro Callie not enough though that I want ehr with George, George and Izzie have to be together!

[Jo McKay]

Allan and Shonda (& Betsy)

The episode was really very good And, I really have appreciated the writers blogs and discussion of the themes.

I enjoy all the characters (the Chief, Bailey, Callie, the "interns" and the wonderful guest actors, really terrific casting, Derek's delivery of those romantic lines, the music, the humor, the whole surgical and the vocabulary.

I recently rewatched all of season 1 and 2 and reminded me why I have found so much of season 3 and now 4 disturbing.

The emotional center has always been, at least for me, Meredith and Derek. And it was certainly central to the first two seasons. As you said Allan, I never thought it was always Meredith's fault, Derek wouldn't fill me with trust either.

The problem is that in looking back at the original Meredith, I really enjoyed her self deprecating, flawed but engaging personaity. I liked the ironic VO's. Even the shots of her walk, particularly to the first surgery were so full of hope.

I cringed at the arc of horrible things that happened to her which seemed to start somewhat lightly (the silly bandage) and eventually become hard to watch, the mortifying morphine, the tacky wedding speech, Ellis going after her, and on and on.

It isn't like you haven't let us know what would happen, no fairy tales, lots of foreshadowing. The story lines have led to the what happens on the screen. You sure haven't cheated us there.

The problem for me is that (aside from the fact that I like George & Izzie), I haven't found that story compelling). Again the emotional center is Meredith and Derrick and I was hoping for growth.

The episode starts with the proposed trip to the wine country and I thought, at last, some movement. Yea, then, Derek takes it away at the end of the episode. Big Giant thud!!!

Yes, you write about the what sounds like the existential true love but sure works better in words and on the printed page than a television show.

I expected some ups and downs (or was it highs and lows), can't remember really old guy's exact lines. And, can't disagree with the classic issue of how people may simply be at different stages in life but hey, they usually figure this out much, much sooner.

So your creative endeavor and true to your vision; but, seriously, I really don't want to go there with you. Just can't help feeling a bit cheated that the emotional center was so severely severed.

Also feeling a bit vindictive (sorry), so hope half the viewing public joins with me. And, hey I even bought these discs so even crabby about that.

Good-bye Grey's Anatomy

[Perin]

I am trying very hard to feel bad for Callie, reaaly hard, but I have problems to because you see, you guys keep portraying her as this poor innocent victim of love and I don't see it. All I see is the woman who always asked George to drop his friends for her, the woman who told him she was in love with him two weeks after they started going out and got furious when he was not ready to say it back, the woman who had sex with Mark when George went to help his grieving friend, the woman who eloped with a guy whose father just died, not caring he was in no state to know what he was doing, the woman who since then has treated George like someone to hit on when he didn't satisfy all her needs and made him feel like he was always wrong. She has been a terrible wife to him, and their relationship is wrong on so many levels.

George and Izzie should feel wrong but they don't, they feel so right to me. It feels like they were always in love and just did not realize it until it was too late. They feel like they are soulmates and they feel like they belong together.

I really feel like you are backing off on them and that really upsets me as they make the whole show for me.

[tanya]

for the love of god, please let george and izzie have their happy ever after. callie and george are not meant for each other.

[Katie Mc]

Please put meredith and derek together sooon

[Lee]

Thank you, Derek has hurt Mer and she has reasons not to trust him, finally someone who is not so in love with McIdiot Derek he can be objective.

I love how you are writing the Gizzie-Callie story, I love that they all made mistakes and did terrible things, the three of them, but they are good people anyhow. You are writing a much more complex, heartwrenching story than the MerDer-Addison where MerDer were excused as the good guy because of their love and Addison painted as the slut coming between them whe she was the victim, I now hate MerDer for it.

Don't get me wrong, I adore Gizzie more than life itself and I watch every single week for a glimpse of them. I want them together more than anything, but what they did was wrong (as was Callie marrying George when he was not in his right mind) and I am glad they are acknowleding it. That is why I love them, they are imperfect but they know it and they are able to face their mistakes.

Though I do wish you would pick up the speed a bit and show more of George's love for Izzie, I wanted some great scenes with them and I hope we get them enxt week.

Gizzie fans are pretty patient, we waited 4 years but do we have to wait forever for a happy, loving scene with them?

[Jolyn]

I'm torn about this episode. I stopped caring all that much about Mer/Der a long time ago so whatever happens with them - ending up together or not - is fine by me. I love and am invested in the story with George/Izzie/Callie. I'd like to see it move along without such destruction to the characters. I used to like Callie, now, even though she may be justified, she's basically a witch. She's stumbling with her job and being out of line with patients. She should've talked to George, not gone to Izzie. Izzie didn't take vows, George did. She should set him free, realize that he belongs with Izzie. I do not want to see Gizzie end. I expected a rocky road and hopefully after all the bumps and bruises Gizzie will end up happy on the other side of all this. They're the sweetest, hottest, most genuine couple Grey's has ever seen!

[chris]

first off, izzie didnt deserved to be blown off by callie that way. and where is george?i hope he sticks with izzie and bash callie away.

[GiveMereditharealMAN]

This new Merder break up is TOO MUCH. Can you please decide once and for all if they are made for each other or not? This is getting old fast. And if you decide that Meredith is not ready for Derek fine, make him move on with Mrs.MCDreamy or whatever, but please OFF SCREEN. And then make Meredith grow up, and put herself together and find a REAL MAN who will love her unconditionally, and who knows what love really is. McDreamy is officially dead, time to move on.

[tets]

I just hope that nobody else comes along to ruin Merder. If someone does come I hope they realize that they're still it for each other. This is grey's and only merder matters in this universe.

[Thomas R]

I wasn't even going to watch this season, but then I thought I'd give it a few episodes as "The Office" wasn't hitting me quite right either. I'm thinking now I might stick with the show for the whole season.

I think the main thing I liked about this episode is it felt like the medical part of the drama was important again. The "soap opera" elements had become way too dominant in Season 3 and that seemed set to continue. However in this episode the patients felt more real and important. They even had problems you could see in real life hospitals. An intern also learned stuff about a surgery. Yay!

The other thing I liked is Izzie might finally be getting back in touch with reality. I used to love Izzie, but it seems like sine the LVAD incident she's almost been mentally unstable. Now she seems to be a bit more aware that you can't justify everything for love and your actions do have consequences. Does that mean she won't end up with George? I kind of think she still will and I'm sort of accepting that. However maybe she'll be a bit wiser now and think about how she handles things. She has always been kind of bad at handling setbacks even in her more likeable days. Also maybe she'll be less quick to assume things about people. (Like her assumption Callie would "wail on her", although admittedly Callie had kind of wailed on Meredith for less)

Alex was also good. His hurt kind of makes sense. I don't think he's still in love with her, but when a woman tells you "I'm still grieving and not ready for a relationship" then has sex with a married guy...That can be humiliating. For him I think the confession was like telling him "Turned out I was ready, but not with you. You're more like a big brawny sister." Humiliating.

[A Happy Greys Fan]

Thank you Allan for an exceptional episode, I laughed, I cried, for an hour I was immersed!

I too look forward to episodes that you write, because of the *magic* It comes from your truth, and your heart.

Thank you to all of the writers, I am totally enjoying this season so far and live for Thurs nights!

I trust that Mer/Der will work things out, it's a process for Mer, and Derek will stand by her. He is after all her Knight in shining....

I don't see Izzie with George long term and am curious how this SL will play out.

Bailey needs to be Chief Resident.

Callie deserves better. Sara Ramirez is awesome!

I'm also looking forward to watching Mer and Lexi, a friendship and sisterhood will develop over time.

Sandra Oh rocks as Christina. Please don't rush her into another romantic involvement. She's good at being the new Nazi.

Thank you again, for all that you guys do, for the blogging, for the sacrifices you make, and for sharing yourselves with all of us.

Namaste'

[luvsgreysa]

Shonda, I haven't missed the start of an episode since the original pilot. But tonight, I completely lost sight of my ritualistic weekly date with GA. I see that as apathy setting in. This is terrible. And while I managed to at least see the Derek takes a stand speech, have to say, what is that? I love you, and I will wait for you, but you should understand that in the meantime, if something/someone comes along better than you, all bets are off! What kind of promise of committment is that? Empty of real intent it seems. If you are going to say something along these lines, then really mean it, no ifs and or buts. Its all the way or the highway in that territory. Some might say thats not realistic thinking, but with a woman like Meredith, it has to be an all the way committment, no matter what, or nothing. Shes coming from a place of deep insecurity about herself and the people in her life up to now, who supposedly loved her. Nothing but the most genuine intentions can be offered to her now, if there is to be a real chance at lifetime love.
Surely you can see that and can make that happen and make it interesting enough for following along on this once a week journey
of Greys Anatomy. C'mon Shonda, give it a shot.

[Joyce]

Let me guess:

By the time Derek starts dating, Meredith is seriously overcoming her issues.
So she shows up at his trailer, with another pick-me-choose-me monologue. But then [some woman] comes out of the shower/badroom. *SHOCK*
So she is back where she was. And he is McBastard.
Ofcourse Derek, then, realizes that THE TIME IS NOW. So he comes back to her to find out that her issues are not over, she is hurt and gives up. But ofcourse not after sleeping with [some guy].
They weren't really together and yet they split up after one epi of trying.
Than her dad dies. Or one of Derek sisters. Or Derek gets sick. Or Meredith dies another death, meeting her dad in some ghost-townish-hospital.

COME ONE PEOPLE!

Great episode. Really. Love Grey's. But MerDer is hurting me. SERIOUSLY! CRAP.

*will come back to comment on the rest of this excellent episode after the shock of no merder sank in*

[L]

Thank You for that wonderful episode. I still walk around with a brick around my neck waiting to see if/when Shonda is going to smack us over the head with a shovel again while emitting an evil laugh. It's so sad that we Mer/Der fans have been so confused, dazed & frightened by the horror that was S3 that we still can't trust.

The whole Callie/George/Izzie mess coming to light was handled about 100 million times better than the out of the blue beginning. Sara was incredible she has the most soulful eyes.

The situation with Richard's niece is heartbreaking and sadly, while we want to tell Adele to be fair, he is really doing the only thing he can and treat his niece with dignity & respect. Adele can't see that right now because she is in too much pain and she needs someone to blame.

Finally the thing I watch for the most the great Mer/Der moments. Love, loved, loved the elevator bit. Sigh, you brought McDreamy roaring back and he took us out at the knees! Was thrilled that Mer listened and didn't actually leave tread marks over the top of Der - that's growth. Also that she WANTS to get there.

Lived for the SPEECH! From way back in S1 have waited for this speech and PD delivers in such a fantastic way! OH OH BABY BABY BABY!!! Of course I hated the last bit about what happens if someone else comes along. Feeling that brick around my neck moving. I can't tell you how much I don't want Shonda to go there. Seriously, Fans will drop like flies if that happens. It's too much already for us to see ANOTHER triangle. Somebody said that we have suffered Addison, Finn & S3. That is enough for anybody!

Good Job!

[Jennifer]

I feel like Shonda & Crew have set the scene with tonight's episode. Derek IS going to find someone. It's all but spelled out in this episode.

How heartbreaking that the writers make every excuse in the book not to let Meredith and Derek be there for each other.

Patrick Dempsey said after Derek broke up with Addison it seemed unrealistic that Addison would stick around Seattle after the break up. I feel the same for Meredith. To think that the writers might give Derek someone new and "buddy up" Mer/Der would be soooooo bad. Not only that but so unbelievable that she would not just go home to Boston where she's lived since age five and has friends and a life there after Derek moves on. So sad if this is where it's going. Mer/Der "buddies" is NOT what anyone wants.

Please tell me you aren't going to go there with them Allen. Please don't do that.

[F]

Crappy episode, crappy acting, crappy storylines.Where is grey's? I miss Burke and Addison...Give SO more time and a more compelling storyline. I am sick of Izzie and George. George isn't believable and she is annoying

[Grey's fan]

I absolutely agree that MerDer are suffering from a perfect case of 'bad timing'. There's no question that they love each other, they feel right together but in reality they can't function toghether - they are a hindrance to eachother) Mer will always feel like a failure and Derek will always feel like a he's hovering - they are not equals and will never be until He lets her go - much like Burke let Cristina go). If you love someone, set them free and if they're meant for you, they'll come back.

She needs another 5 years to find herself, get her confidence up and really know what's important in life to be able to truely appreciate Derek and what he can offer her. (I wanna be better at everything and I want to let you in....) That takes time...

It took Derek 11 years of marriage to figure out that he was unhappy - to see what he's missing so he needs to give Mer the time to get to that point.

She needs to 'get inspired', choose a speciality, define who she is as a woman, a professional, a friend/lover.

And Derek needs to 'not be in a relationship' but rather focus on himself, he's at a crossroads in his life (mid life crisis maybe-isn't he about 40), his marriage just ended, he left his brownstone and the Hamptons for flanel shirts and a trailor park- he needs to figure out what he wants to do next, who he wants to be, he needs to deal with having lost his dad (taking on the role of father figure to all the women in his life), his inability to form male friendships, and always 'running in circles around the women in his life'...

In short, MerDer need to be away from each other to be able to find their way back to eachother --forever.

[Jodi in Atl]

Finally a true Grey's Anatomy episode. I loved the scene with Alex and Izzie at the end. Sara Ramirez rocks!!!! Thanks for a great episode.

[jen]

Thank you for finally pointing out that Derek is not the perfect boyfriend. Now if you could just have Meredith unload on him for leaving her on 3 separate occasions: once to be with Addison, once so she could be with Finn and once so he could have space. And let's not forget pulling away from her in his race to be chief, or sleeping with her and then telling her that he's not sure he can be with someone who won't swim.

But I am still waiting for the rebirth that Shonda promised us for Meredith after the spectacularly bad ferryboat episodes. "Meredith had to die so she could be reborn", to quote Shonda. And yet, all we've seen Meredith do since then is spin her wheels or regress. Let's get to the rebirth already, because without that, what happened last season is unforgiveable.

[Jenna]

First of all I have to say one of the overall best eppys we've had since you did the mer drowing. You are by far the best writter they have on board. I have to say the last line you had Derek say to Mer just wasn't dreamy at all. You are slowly destroying them. If you're setting us up to have to wait season after season to get them together you are going to lose alot of fans. The show could be INTERESTING having them actually be a couple. As for Derek saying he needs to start dating after telling Mer all of those dreamy things just isn't believeable.

[Lia]

Good episode, and great blog. Thanks for posting so fast after the episode.

The only thing I want to see is Meredith and Derek, sadly I don't care that much to watch the other characters. I need them to have a relationship with each other, not Derek dating somebody else!Come on we have been totured enough- give us some MerDer!

[Sarah]

Meredith and Derek = why I watch Grey's, why I fell in love with Grey's

Derek and new love interest = why I don't tune in on Thursdays and why I fell out of love with Grey's

And there is no question, they ARE soul mates! Stop the torture, allow us to walk away from an episode feeling good that they are on good terms

[Lyndsay]

Meredith has grown a bit since season 3. She does seem different- she did not walk away when Derek poured his heart out to her, she really looked like she wanted to say something back to him. But, really, I mean seriously- a new love interest, Lauren whoever for Derek would just bring me back to last season. They deserve a happy relationship, a relationship that grows and beats obstacles.

I know we have seen a lot of unhappy when it comes to any of the couples, makes me think that Shonda does not believe in love or soul mates, but EP and PD and their chemistry deserve to be together. Don't make this anotherseason of longing!

[Cathy]

Allan:
I love you, but if something else comes along, I don't know. That crushed me, I want to walk away and know that Derek and Meredith are in good standings. That's exactly how I feel about the show with a new love interest for Derek: I love Grey's, but if there is no Derek and Meredith, I will walk away

[carla]

please understand that MOST people ARE NOT INTERESTED in merder, so stop giving their so much space in your blogs. the only ones that come in here and tell u they love them are hormonal teenagers, and if any viewers who loove them are not, they should be ashamed of their severe lack of better judgement.

hardly anyone cares about george and izzie, i cannot believe that u always put izzie together with people that make her INSUFFERABLE! the only exception was alex they were WONDERFUL together.

so were burke and critisna - the BEST COUPLE ON TV!!

bringe back addison and burke

[Jamie]

After the episode, alls i can say is....DEREK AND MEREDITH ARE GREY'S ANATOMY, not Derek dating somebody else, or Meredith sleeping with somebody else, they ARE THE HEART AND SOUL OF YOUR SHOW!!

What you are saying is, expect more tort