Joan Rater is "Wishin' and Hopin'"

Original Airdate: 2-1-07

So … Tony, my writing partner who also happens to be my husband had brain surgery last year.  He’s fine.  Totally fine.  But it was brain surgery and there was a chance that he wasn’t going to be fine.  And Tony has a good brain.  The kind of brain that remembers everything.  And I mean, everything – names, dates, entire casts of television shows from the 70’s.  His whole family is scary smart, trivia contest winning smart, and even they acknowledge the superiority of Tony’s Brain.  So, when Tony was about to have his head cut open we were all worried about Tony’s Brain.  What if it isn’t the same?  Who is he if he isn’t the guy who knows everything?

During this time, I discovered something about my brain.  Stress - especially the stress of having a husband about to have a craniotomy - makes me forgetful.  The name of my kid’s teacher would suddenly elude me.  The lyrics to a song.  I’d go upstairs to get something but forget what I was there for.  There was one day, a few days before his surgery, where I was standing at an ATM unable to remember my PIN number.  The PIN number I’ve had for 10 years, the one I punch in without thinking everyday.  I needed money for parking but my secret code eluded me.  So I had to call a friend to bring me money.  I knew it was just the stress of the surgery, but still, while I waited on a street corner for my friend, I felt frustrated and embarrassed. 

I tell you these things about Tony’s surgery and my stressed out brain because those scary, frustrated feelings were on my mind a lot when I was writing this episode. This episode was obviously about a lot of things, but for me, it was really about Alzheimer’s disease.  How devastating it is to families, how it turns spouses and children into caretakers, how it robs people of their memory, their identity.
 
The concept of someone with this disease having a lucid day is real.  The disease varies for everyone, but experts we talked to said that patients have bad days and good days and then sometimes they have great days where it seems like they are their old selves.  Maybe it’s a moment, maybe an hour, for some a whole afternoon, but we were fascinated with the idea of getting this time, this gift, and knowing that it’s only temporary.  What would you do with that one day?  And what would it mean for Meredith? 

The words “ELLIS HAS A LUCID DAY” have been up on the board in the writers’ room since last season.  We knew it was a cool idea - what it would mean for Mer and Ellis to be able to connect again – but we never really knew what to do with it.  I can’t tell you the number of times we’ve tried to put it in episodes but it never felt quite right.  If you’re going to give Meredith her mother back and then take her away again, you’d better have a pretty good reason.   Last season Meredith had her hands full with the Derek/Finn of it all.  The beginning of this season was so much about the aftermath of Denny.  But now it feels to me like the interns are entering a new period, a period that is really about identity.  Who are they as surgeons?  Can they have a life and a career?  Can they be happy?  Meredith is … or at least she should be. She and Derek are together and she finally has a chance at happiness.    Perfect time for her mother to show up. 

I really mean that.  Not because the writers love to torture poor Meredith, but seriously, if Meredith is ever going to be happy she’s got to deal with the fact that she had a really terrible childhood.   

On the set, when we were shooting the scene where Ellis Meredith what happened to her -- and tells her how disappointing it is that Meredith turned out so ordinary -- after the first take when the amazing Kate Burton really just went all Ellis Grey on Meredith, there was this silence. It was so awful and raw and ugly, these terrible things Ellis was saying.  And the silence was broken by someone on the crew who said, “Oh, now I get all the drinking and the sex with inappropriate men.” And it was cathartic to be on the set when Meredith finally stood up to her and said,  “You want to know why I’m so ordinary?  What happened to me?  You.  You happened to me.”  I think Ellen’s work in this episode, especially in that scene, is exceptional.

And then finally, Ellis and Richard.  With him she lets her guard down and we see her be vulnerable.  And when she tells Richard that she wishes she could do things differently, she made so many mistakes, if she could do it all over, she’d be fine with being happy, like Meredith says she’s happy, that she’d be satisfied to just be ordinary … Shonda took the final pass on that scene, and the actors did a remarkable job with it. It gets me everytime I watch it.

Because that’s really what it’s all about.  We have to cherish the time that we have here, and love the people who surround and support us, even if they make us crazy.  Because things happen.  Brain surgery, and Alzheimer’s and weddings.  And the worst thing is to come to the end of your life and realize, like Ellis, that you should have tried harder.

I know this isn’t an ordinary blog – there’s so much that happened in this episode that I didn’t talk about.  But this wasn’t an ordinary episode.  And I just wanted to give you a little window into what I was thinking about when I wrote it.

Comments

[Liz O. -Rockaway, NJ]

Wow, that episode was so real! A friend's grandmother had a lucid day and it was amazing and a little upsetting. You captured it perfectly. Also, Callie and George got married!?!

[Caregiver]

I am a caregiver to my parents. I get it. I get what you were telling us. Cherish the time, good or bad. It's here now and you have to do the best you can. Thanks for reminding us. Sometimes reality sucks and then we see a show like last nights and it sinks in as to what we're supposed to do about it.

[Barbara]

Are you kidding me?

That's all we get?

No Callie/George? No Mark/Addie/Alex?

No Callie/Addison?

Burke/Christina?

I'm begging you all to please stop writing about your own personal situations in these blogs. I don't care.

Seriously, I don't.

I'm watching a TV show and I want to know more about what's happening with the characters ON my screen, not what's going on with the writers' personal medical histories BEHIND the screen.

I'm sure this will get lost with all the "You rock!" "Awesome episode" posts that make up 99% of the comments here, but for that 1% of us who are actually looking for something more intelligent from the blog authors, how about talking more about the characters we are trying to care about than the writers we don't?

[Jen]

Not a big fan of this episode.

Meredith should have had the opportunity to discuss more with her mother..

The "blood" thing- DUMB!

Addison and McSteamy- Come on already....

Izzy and the clinic- My that was fast- opening it and "Stealing" patients! Please......

I do feel that Grey's is getting a bit to far out there...

[Kathi M from Mundelein IL]

Kudos Joan! As a member of the dead mother's club-I for one would give anything, I mean anything, for just one more moment with my mother. Just an hour, afternoon-anything even knowing it would be temporary. As I'm sure most people would agree, there are always things wishing to be said once you know you wont have a chance to anymore. This is what Mer was given-a chance to say goodbye, to say anything she had been thinking about all this time, wishing she could have that chance.

Great eppy-loved it. Dont know where you get your ideas, like the toxic blood, from-it is what makes your show so special and original.

Keep up the great work!

[Shelley]

I've never posted before but I just want to say that everyone who's every wanted a "gift" with their mother should appreicate this episode. Wonderfully written. Thanks

[They admit it]

Finally, you guys admit that you love to torture Meredith. Go torture someone else for awhile. This girl is headed for a major breakdown.

[Karen]

Loved it. Loved Ellis. And the "gift" that Meredith got, but didn't know to handle it.

[Sarah]

Ellen Pompeo and Kate Burton deserve an Emmy. They were spectacular for the whole episode.

BUT..

Where is the main couple. Meredith/Derek fans are tired. You are insulting us with this unexsistent storyline for them, for the main couple. The fans deserve respect.
I hope they won't breakup in the new episode.
The patience isn't eternal.

[Emily]

Everything Grey Girls related was perfect.
But you need to do something about izzie.. even if she's hurt for whatever reason, she doesn't get to be so condescending. And both George and Callie have to realize that the "friends" problem is only Izzie, what do Alex and Cristina care? and Meredith is nothing but supportive.
And setting up a free clinic in 8 days is quite not realistic.
What's up with McDreamy being so mean, and quite stupid?
Apart from that, this was a very long awaited episode that brought the Meredith of season 1 back. Thank you for that. and really incredibly well, She needs to focus more now; Well done, it made for excellent television.
And Ellen Pompeo and Kate Burton deserve an Emmy.

[FJ]

You are right. This is not an ordinary episode! Kudos to Ellen Pompeo! Congrats on another excellent episode!

[Caregiver]

I am a caregiver to my parents. I get it. I get what you were telling us. Cherish the time, good or bad. It's here now and you have to do the best you can. Thanks for reminding us. Sometimes reality sucks and then we see a show like last nights and it sinks in as to what we're supposed to do about it.

[Melissa]

Ok this whole show blew me away. The stuff w/Mer and Ellis was so,um, well I just can't find the right words. Ellen did an amazing job, she just knocked one outta the park on that. My grandpa whom I loved dearly and was very close to had Alzheimer's later in his life and it hurt me when me of all people he no longer remembered, I hate to admit it but I stopped going to visit him cause it hurt so bad. Then when he passed away, I felt even worse cause I hadn't seen him in like a year. But any hoo enough about me! On to this show.....
The rest of show was great, better than great, amazing. I love the Callie/Addison scene, great job to Kate by the way too, I was totally feeling her. I have been there before!!I love their "relationship" they are developing,they make good friends. And the whole McSteamy thing..... if he only knew who she was thinking of!!
And Izzy, just watching the door was priceless, Bailey as always was spot on.
Oh and who can forget George standing up to the three other ladies in his life, you go boy!!
I just can never say enough about this show, the cast, writers etc. At least not as well as other posters do.
And Joan I hope your husband is better, what a thing for your family to go through. Prayers to all of you!
Can't wait till next wk!!

[howdymolly]

Callie O'Malley! Did you know when you named her Callie that she would end up marrying George?

I love it how Christina does things her own way, even if it doesn't mesh with tradition or cultural norms.

I love the portrayal of strong women, even demanding ones (Ellis?)

And Alex and Addison--wow, I was disappointed when she fell back into Mark's arms, but I suppose a woman has needs...

Great job!

[Laura]

This episode definitely brought to light the reason for meredith's suffering and confusion as an adult. It was hard to watch Ellis scream at Mer, but it was definitely a necessary element to the show. It rounded out Mer's character...but it never explained what Derek felt after Ellis reprimanded him as well?..Anyway, great episode.

I loved this episode... everything was completely brilliant, and I felt happy, sad and ecstatic through the course of the hour. Wonderful job! :)

[Shannon]

Great show as always...Loved it!!

[Vixx]

I promised myself that when I added a comment here it would be insightful and interesting. In truth, all I can do is echo the praise of previous commenters for previous episodes because, to be honest, there's nothing else I CAN say. It was amazing.

The thought of Meredith having this one extra day - one she may have dreamed about - and then spend it fighting with her mom and being told that she was a disappointment . . . my heart broke.

But you can't gloss over Burke and Christina's ending, or the fact that George and Calli GOT MARRIED! Seriously?!

V xx

[Bill]

Thanks Joan, your post was very insightful. This episode brought tears to a 50 something guy, you wrote it so beautifully. We all got a chance to see what Mer's childhood was like. Keep up the good writing.

[Elizabeth in PA]

Phenomenal episode, phenomenal writing, phenomenal acting. Ellen Pompeo and Kate Burton absolutely knocked their scenes out of the park. Such insight into a disfunctional but totally believable mother-daughter dynamic.

No need to apologize for the blog. I'll take insight over rehash any day. Carry on, fabulous Grey's writers, carry on.

[Kim]

I loved every minute. Among the most powerful episodes I can recall. Thank you both for this gift -- very cathartic for me, both within the plot and without.

[Jayce]

Great episode! Ellen was outstanding in her scenes with Kate Burton. Kate Burton was wonderful with her range of emotions! Christina and Burke were finally happy! I loved how Bailey sees the need for the free clinic and Izzie can't see the forest because of the trees.

Maybe Addison needs to take up knitting - I couldn't believe she ended up with Mark! Was it to get Alex off her mind or because of the near death eperience with the toxic patient?

The new music guide is very helpful. Thanks for the descriptions of where the songs occur in the episodes. You missed an iTunes link for the last song "Fireworks". It's on iTunes too.

Your blog was nice but I would have liked to have heard more about the characters. Can you do another one?

[Risa]

Last night was fantastic!

Thank you!

[Valerie]

Great show, one question..

what is Dr. Torres' full name?? i couldn't catch it when i watched the show, her full name?? i only got torres at the end...t.r. did a good job pronouncing it, it kind of slipped off his tounge :)

[Anne Marie]

Great blog. Yes, Ellen and Kate were amazing and now we know more about how Meredith got to where she has been. Great job.