Joan Rater is "Wishin' and Hopin'"

Original Airdate: 2-1-07

So … Tony, my writing partner who also happens to be my husband had brain surgery last year.  He’s fine.  Totally fine.  But it was brain surgery and there was a chance that he wasn’t going to be fine.  And Tony has a good brain.  The kind of brain that remembers everything.  And I mean, everything – names, dates, entire casts of television shows from the 70’s.  His whole family is scary smart, trivia contest winning smart, and even they acknowledge the superiority of Tony’s Brain.  So, when Tony was about to have his head cut open we were all worried about Tony’s Brain.  What if it isn’t the same?  Who is he if he isn’t the guy who knows everything?

During this time, I discovered something about my brain.  Stress - especially the stress of having a husband about to have a craniotomy - makes me forgetful.  The name of my kid’s teacher would suddenly elude me.  The lyrics to a song.  I’d go upstairs to get something but forget what I was there for.  There was one day, a few days before his surgery, where I was standing at an ATM unable to remember my PIN number.  The PIN number I’ve had for 10 years, the one I punch in without thinking everyday.  I needed money for parking but my secret code eluded me.  So I had to call a friend to bring me money.  I knew it was just the stress of the surgery, but still, while I waited on a street corner for my friend, I felt frustrated and embarrassed. 

I tell you these things about Tony’s surgery and my stressed out brain because those scary, frustrated feelings were on my mind a lot when I was writing this episode. This episode was obviously about a lot of things, but for me, it was really about Alzheimer’s disease.  How devastating it is to families, how it turns spouses and children into caretakers, how it robs people of their memory, their identity.
 
The concept of someone with this disease having a lucid day is real.  The disease varies for everyone, but experts we talked to said that patients have bad days and good days and then sometimes they have great days where it seems like they are their old selves.  Maybe it’s a moment, maybe an hour, for some a whole afternoon, but we were fascinated with the idea of getting this time, this gift, and knowing that it’s only temporary.  What would you do with that one day?  And what would it mean for Meredith? 

The words “ELLIS HAS A LUCID DAY” have been up on the board in the writers’ room since last season.  We knew it was a cool idea - what it would mean for Mer and Ellis to be able to connect again – but we never really knew what to do with it.  I can’t tell you the number of times we’ve tried to put it in episodes but it never felt quite right.  If you’re going to give Meredith her mother back and then take her away again, you’d better have a pretty good reason.   Last season Meredith had her hands full with the Derek/Finn of it all.  The beginning of this season was so much about the aftermath of Denny.  But now it feels to me like the interns are entering a new period, a period that is really about identity.  Who are they as surgeons?  Can they have a life and a career?  Can they be happy?  Meredith is … or at least she should be. She and Derek are together and she finally has a chance at happiness.    Perfect time for her mother to show up. 

I really mean that.  Not because the writers love to torture poor Meredith, but seriously, if Meredith is ever going to be happy she’s got to deal with the fact that she had a really terrible childhood.   

On the set, when we were shooting the scene where Ellis Meredith what happened to her -- and tells her how disappointing it is that Meredith turned out so ordinary -- after the first take when the amazing Kate Burton really just went all Ellis Grey on Meredith, there was this silence. It was so awful and raw and ugly, these terrible things Ellis was saying.  And the silence was broken by someone on the crew who said, “Oh, now I get all the drinking and the sex with inappropriate men.” And it was cathartic to be on the set when Meredith finally stood up to her and said,  “You want to know why I’m so ordinary?  What happened to me?  You.  You happened to me.”  I think Ellen’s work in this episode, especially in that scene, is exceptional.

And then finally, Ellis and Richard.  With him she lets her guard down and we see her be vulnerable.  And when she tells Richard that she wishes she could do things differently, she made so many mistakes, if she could do it all over, she’d be fine with being happy, like Meredith says she’s happy, that she’d be satisfied to just be ordinary … Shonda took the final pass on that scene, and the actors did a remarkable job with it. It gets me everytime I watch it.

Because that’s really what it’s all about.  We have to cherish the time that we have here, and love the people who surround and support us, even if they make us crazy.  Because things happen.  Brain surgery, and Alzheimer’s and weddings.  And the worst thing is to come to the end of your life and realize, like Ellis, that you should have tried harder.

I know this isn’t an ordinary blog – there’s so much that happened in this episode that I didn’t talk about.  But this wasn’t an ordinary episode.  And I just wanted to give you a little window into what I was thinking about when I wrote it.

Comments

[Barbara]

Are you kidding me?

That's all we get?

No Callie/George? No Mark/Addie/Alex?

No Callie/Addison?

I'm begging you all to please stop writing about your own personal situations in these blogs. I don't care.

Seriously, I don't.

I'm watching a TV show and I want to know more about what's ON my screen, not BEHIND the screen.

[Tania]

Love Love Love Grey's Anatomy and this episode was excellent. Keep'em coming!

[Marie]

You're right! This was definitely the best performance by Ellen. And of course I cracked up everytime Addison had her fingers in her mouth.

Oh, and "judgey" friends? Love that.

[Susan]

okay, so not to say that any of the other episodes were less than spectacular....but this one really went above and beyond for me....and my dh who tried to fight the pull of GA agreed. thank you for a 60 minute long roller coaster ride!!!

[Anonymous]

I loved everything about the episode. I was on the edge of the couch for some reason and I kept yelling at the tv. Callie and George. Addison and Alex. Addison and Mark! Christina being a human! It was so exceptional!! Good job!

Are you kidding me?

That's all we get?

No Callie/George? No Mark/Addie/Alex?

No Callie/Addison?

Burke/Christina?

I'm begging you all to please stop writing about your own personal situations in these blogs. I don't care.

Seriously, I don't.

I'm watching a TV show and I want to know more about what's happening with the characters ON my screen, not what's going on with the writers' personal medical histories BEHIND the screen.

I'm sure this will get lost with all the "You rock!" "Awesome episode" posts that make up 99% of the comments here, but for that 1% of us who are actually looking for something more intelligent from the blog authors, how about talking more about the characters we are trying to care about than the writers we don't?

[Biny]

Thanks for finally showing some Addison and Mark sex. I thank you.

[Irma Mata]

Thank you for sharing what you felt about this episode. It's nice to get the writers insight, esp when it's a little personal. I LOVED this episode and i was extremely touched by it. YAY for the new married couple and couple to be. I'm excited!

[Hally]

Great storyline for Ellis and Meredith. Ellen and Kate did an outstanding job. So even when Ellis is lucid, she still finds fault with Meredith. Meredith should have had Christina Mother and Christina should have had Merediths Mother.

Burke redeemed himself a little in this episode for telling Ellis that Meredith was one of the finest interns at the hopsital. I only wish Derek and Christina had told Ellis how great Meredith is.

Derek....Can you get some balls. He always listens to other people, except Meredith, and follows their advise. This couple has a long way to go.

Love toxic George and Callie Omally.

[Terry]

You end with "there's so much that happened in this episode that I didn't talk about". This is such an understatement.

The episode had it's moments but overall I'm beginning to believe you've (collectively) lost that "Grey's feeling". Each episode has moments but overall they are just lacking...lack luster....boring. I don't know what's happened with this season, maybe you replaced all the old writer's, maybe Shonda is too busy to check in on Grey's due to other projects, but it seems like you're on autopilot and low on fuel.

Please give us the Grey's from season 1 that we fell in love with or even the Grey's from season 2 that we loved to hate....just give us something to get emotional about!!

Let's face it the website isn't even changed. How long have we wanted to "get away with McDreamy"?? How about recognizing Chandra and Patrick in addition to the cast for their wins??

Hello, is anyone at home??

[jentopher]

I have been waiting all day and that is all we get? I get what you're saying, but still.
It was an amazing episode...again, but I didn't like all the loose ends it left. The end with Christina and Burke was great and when George stood up for Callie "O'Malley" (great line by the way)
You didn't address the fact that Derek went off on Meredith again (because of what Ellis said to him). HE didn't even apologize this time.
You stress us out.

[tara]

While I love your insight to the Alzheimer's part, I have to admit I hope there is a follow-up blog. :(

[Jenn - PA]

This was definately one of my favorite episodes of the season! Great job!

[Lisa]

I'm glad to hear your husband is going to be okay! The episode last was great, the show gets better every week!

[Anon]

I know I am going to get bashed for this, but I thought this was a terrible episode. There was so much going on, I didn't even care about the patient storyline, which I always get deeply involved in. Ellis and Meredith should have been front and center, but they weren't--for some reason, Izzie's clinic or George and Callie getting married was, even though i believe one of those storylines could have been pushed back. And the toxic storyline could have been so much bigger and better than what it was.

My question is: what's the rush?

[Jessica]

I want to be the first to say WOW. WOW to Ellen, WOW to Kate Burton, of course WOW to the writers, just WOW. It was awesome and funny and sad and awesome some more. Keep it up!

[B in NJ]

The Ellis/Richard scenes were wonderful--definitely a window into the past. The Meredith/Ellis scenes were almost unbearably painful . . . but in a good way. Truly phenomenal work.

But I have to admit I don't quite get where the show is going. What's with the 8 Days/$8,000,000 free clinic? What's the point to this except to divest Izzy of that annoying money.

And I thought Bailey was a SURGICAL RESIDENT. Isn't the point of the training and the torture supposed to be learning how to focus on the ONE THING that's important to you: Surgery? And if Bailey is shepherding her free clinic, who's watching the interns? I know I probably missed an important explanation so if someone could point me in the right direction I'd appreciate it.

I don't think Callie will have a happy ending with George but I'm hoping/praying that Cristina and Burke will make it work. I love them. (Is there an actress on the planet with a more expressively wonderful face than Sandra Oh?)

And my biggest complaint: we had all the drama in surgery with the biotoxic colon cancer patient but I just didn't care. She wasn't real to me; I wasn't emotionally invested. Surgeons dropped like flies. I knew they'd get up again. Patient was really sick. Basically been there/saw that. The usual heart-wrenching, gut-twisting emotional connection wasn't there. At least not for me.

What worries me about Grey's in general is that it's falling into a habit of using set pieces to make a point. Everyone speaks in the same rhythm (except Bailey.) The jokes fall at almost mathematically precise moments. Leaps of logic that make me crazy.

It's not you. It's me. I know that. But I miss season 1 and 2 and am afraid we're heading toward dramatic slapstick, if such a genre exists.

[Kelso]

Great episode! "Dude...she's Callie O' Malley." BRILLIANT! I really want to see more of Alex. Where he lives, what happened in his past. I don't like Addison and Alex together. She thinks shes too good for him. He needs to be with Izzie. I loved it when Christina finally said YES! So cute! Good times all around. Love Greys Anantomy!

[Kim]

I loved the episode. That being said, I hate the lack of the Mer/Der of all. It seems week after week, all the writers are missing great opportunities to let us see them get to know each other and be there for each other. Whatever happened to the leading couple? They are like supporting roles. I can't take it much longer.

[sandytoes]

Last night's show was awesome...so much to talk about. Ellis and "the gift" and Mer, George and Callie, Addie and the guys, Christina and Burke. My father-in-law had Alzheimers and what a gift it would have been to have a day like Ellis and Mer and the Chief had. Great performances by all!!! George finally stood up for Callie - whoo hoo!! Christina and Burke at the end - the laughter - fabulous!! Addie and her men - the "look" as Alex walked by - yum! Great job all the way around, Joan.

[Valerie]

We got some detailed insight into how terrible Meredith's childhood really was and how alone she has always been. It was a wonderful episode full of emotion and I think Ellis makes us all question our own priorities and our own identities. I loved the show as I love them all. I was hooked from day one when Meredith told Derek, "We don't have to do the thing, exchange the details, pretend we care." I am proud to be a Grey's junkie. Love it. Keep up the great work.

[CC]

This isn't a comment so much as a question. Where did you get the engagement ring that Burke got for Christina? It's so beautiful!! What kind of ring is that?

[Leeta]

Great episode. Absolutely first rate. Thank you!

[Tasha]

Such a perfect mix of comedy, tragedy and action. THIS episode is why Grey's is so popular.And you nailed it, being happy is more important than any degree or salary.

George and Callie got married! Holy CRAP! I love how she leans on him and lets him be the man, like when he defended her in the locker room at the end.

Burke and Christina's exchange at the end was hilarious and heartwarming. I love them together. They're so screwed up and so perfect for each other.

Addison going into the room when Mark wouldn't was great. WHY, oh why, did they have to hook up again though!?!? I know she's lonely and wants Alex...but no more Mark for her! She's too smart for that anymore. Ummm...Kate Walsh is pretty much the best ever!

Speaking of best though...Bailey's exchange with that little girl in the clinic was great. In terms of characters, nobody beats Bailey.

Finally, thank you for making me love Meredith again. This episode sealed the deal. Just when I wanted to get annoyed she came back after the new year with more guts and resolve than I had previously thought.

I LOVE this show. Thanks.

[Amy SkullFlap]

It was the most amazing episode...you and your hubby did such a great job in writing it.

when ellis said "you remind me of my daughter" at the end of the episode i started crying, not just tears rolling down my cheaks but like my puppy just died crying. Phenomnial.