Krista Vernoff on writing her first episode...

"If Tomorrow Never Comes"

Original airdate: 5/1/2005

Shonda just told me we’re blogging season one as they repeat this summer. BLOGGING SEASON ONE. Seriously, do you know how long ago season one was?  And my brain is not what it once was.   Season one. Sheesh.

Okay, here’s what I remember: I remember that we all met, this bedraggled group of writers, for the most part all coming from other recently cancelled shows. I myself had come from a sweet little show called Wonderfalls that Fox killed after airing only three episodes.  I liked Wonderfalls. It was fun making little animal figurines talk. We made thirteen episodes and then we said our goodbyes and I went and got married and the show got cancelled while I was on my honeymoon. Good times. 

So anyway, I came back looking for a job and I met Shonda and we talked about American Idol for an hour (because it was the morning after Jennifer Hudson got voted off and we were scandalized. Scandalized!) and then she hired me. 

And the writers gathered.

In the room, there was the brilliant Jim Parriott, who also was at that initial interview and seemed deeply disturbed by our AI rantings. There was Kip, who was really funny and had chickens at his home in West LA.  There were Harry and Gab who were sci-fi junkies and all married and happy and shiny and funny too. There was Stacy who had been Jim’s assistant when I met Shonda and Jim that first time and she was all excited about her recent promotion to writer and also kind of intimidated and quiet and adorable. There was Mimi who is so smart it’s crazy and with whom I had worked my very first year in TV when she was on Party Of Five and I was on the Jennifer Love Hewitt spin off Time of Your Life.  There was Ann Hamilton who had credits on her resume like thirtysomething and was therefore intimidating to me despite her wit and charm.  There was Zoanne who was not only a writer but a doctor too. An actual practicing ER doctor. She STILL works one shift a month in the ER so she’s maybe the coolest person I know. There was, of course,  Shonda who had never been in a writer’s room before and who lurked outside the door, brooding and disturbed like maybe we were all vampires who would eat her soul if she stepped foot inside.

And then there was me. WHO WOULD NOT SHUT UP.

I swear to you, I got this amazing case of verbal diarrhea and I just KEPT TALKING.

It was the nerves. And the fact that I’d been unemployed for four months and had had way too much time on my hands. And the nerves. Did I mention the nerves? And did I mention how Shonda, who had finally made her way inside the room,  kept looking at me like if I didn’t shut up soon she was going to leave and never come back?

And still, I KEPT TALKING.

I was like George with Meredith in the pilot where he mentions the strappy sandals and then is convinced that she thinks he’s gay – only I was George on like, crack. Speedy speedy crack. Except I don’t do drugs so I don’t even have that as an excuse.  It was truly an appalling, humiliating, mortifying day in my career. Okay, week. And so, when I got assigned “If Tomorrow Never Comes,” I felt like I had a lot to prove. Like if the script didn’t make up for the compulsive talking, I might not get to come back for season two.   The theme was procrastination, which I know a thing or two about and we spent a week talking about the stories in the writers room and then I went away to write.

When I went away, Annie, the tumor-lady, was supposed to live.  And somewhere, in the writing of the first draft, I decided that I had to kill her. And so I turned in the script and Shonda was all “YOU KILLED ANNIE?!” and then, in a minute, she was all “You killed Annie.” And this time it was with a proud smile. Like I had joined her in her warped club of creating characters you like and then killing them like some deranged serial killer.  She was proud.  And I got to come back for season two.  The verbal diarrhea, by the way? Sounded a lot like this blog.

So in case you’re still wondering why I had to go and kill Annie, it was this: Alex had been a complete and total ass to her. And George had had that funny conversation with her (in which, you may have noticed, “Seriously” is used as a punchline for the first time in our series) and it affected him.  And I felt like, in order for most of those things to have maximum impact, Annie had to die. Because the theme was procrastination. And believe it or not, we actually do think about what kind of message we put into the world. And the message I wanted to give was not, “Hey it’s okay to put off going to see a doctor for two years cause it all turns out alright in the end.”   George needed Annie to die so that he could actually knock on Meredith’s door and at least try to tell her how he was feeling.  And I needed Annie to die so I could say all that stuff at the end about seizing the day already.  Cause it’s time. Cause life is short and you never know when it’s up.   The old man needed to have the brain surgery before it was too late and while he could still walk his daughter down the aisle. And Izzie needed to pull that blood clot out of the guy’s chest without a moment’s hesitation – it was a matter of life and death.

And the truth as I see it is this: it’s always a matter of life and death. Every day. Even if you’re not a doctor. Even if you’re not saving lives or risking them. Because the thing is we all die eventually and sometimes without much warning.   

A few months ago, I came to work and the flag on the lot was flying at half-mast. I asked someone why and they told me that Scott Brazil had died.  Our director for this episode, the brilliant and talented and gentle and kind Scott Brazil, had died. He was the kind of guy who would wrap a casting session early because he wanted to get to his son’s soccer game.  He was the kind of guy who, after working with me on only this one episode, came to this tiny theatre in Hollywood to see a play I had written. He brought his wife and another couple and afterwards, he went on and on about how much they all loved it. He even emailed me the next day to say it all again. People I worked with for years didn’t bother to come see that play. But Scott came. Because that’s the kind of guy he was. 

He was in his fifties when he died. 

At his beautiful and funny and just monumentally sad memorial, a lot of people talked about how Scott was the kind of person who lived life to the fullest; how he was the kind of guy to just always, always seize the day.   
   

Comments

[nina]

hey, I love Wonderfalls. I even bought the DVDs - which is a great honour because I only own 6 DVD boxes including WF.
Actually that is all I have to say since S1 was a long time ago, and it is hot outside. And it is good to know that you can be an ER doctor AND have a life.

[Melody]

Krista,

I just want to tell you that this is one of my favorite episodes from season one :) It's one I watch a lot on the season one dvd. I know I've said it a dozen times but I can't wait for season 3! I'm looking forward to seeing what you all have planned :)

[Paige]

Krista, next to Shonda you are my FAVORITE blogger. Because you get right down to it. Thanks for your reflections. I can't wait for season three. Keep doing amazing things.

[Chels-currently drinking coffee out of my grey's anatomy travel mug]

that was a very well written episode.

i loved it.

[Enigma]

Hey, nice blog; and don't worry about the verbal diarrhea. That happens to me as well.

*Waiting till September...*

[pdhooked]

It is pathetic that I can even tear up at a writer's blog. Sad, really. Nice words about Scott.

[Bethany]

Loved last night's repeat. I saw it air the first time and watched it again to get used to the show moving to Thursday nights. I am usually never home on Thursday eves, so before Season Three starts I am off to get DVR. No way am I missing the show with the best writing on TV. I am a novelist and my friends and I dicuss not only the plot, the acting, our crushes (mine is on George) but the inricate storlines. Each week is a lesson in craft and the season two finale, a lesson in tying all those threads together. Execellent work!

[dani]

Could you explain the timeline on Grey's? Shonda wrote that the internship will end at the end of season 3 or at the beginning of season 4.

All I got is this

Season 1 start in july = Based on, internships start on July 1

Season 1 = 2 months = Based on Meredith: When you waited 2 months to tell me (that he was married)

Season 2 = 7 months or more = We had Christmas, New Year and the prom.

Does this mean that Season 3 wil take place over 3 months?

So this mean we won't get a Christmas or Thanksgiving episode in season 3.

[Nikk from MD]

Well, I definitely was not planning on tearing up when I started reading your blog! I am so sorry for the loss or Mr. Brazil! He sounds like he was an amazing guy.

Thanks for updating the blog, I honestly love reading your blogs you crack me up!

I cannot wait for Season 3!

Keep up the great work!

Team Meredith!

[Vicki Scott]

Krista, that last part was touching. Really. And "If Tomorrow Never Comes" was one of my favorite episodes, period. In fact... I think it's the moment when I really, truly fell in love with this show and the characters. Right around the time that Izzy smashes Alex's pager, and Alex looks so thoroughly mollified, and poor brave little George starts to muster up his courage, and tough Christina starts to let her guard down... thank you for this episode, Krista. Your verbal diarrhea is entirely forgiven.

[Valerie]

I'm so excited that Season One is being blogged!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

[casBoston]

Krista - great blog, thanks! Nice to see stuff here again. And don't worry about the verbal diarrhea - happens to the best of us!

Been missing you guys, and can't wait for both Season 3 AND Season 2 DVD!

[Alison]

Man, I remember this episode. I think it was the first instance when I came to realize that people die an awful lot in that hospital. And always characters that I liked!

But alas, I have come to the conclusion that all my favorite patients will die, and I've come to terms. It was very hard to accept after Denny, but I guess they all gotta die sometime...

[Ruthi]

Oh, it is so sad that the director died! All my hopes and prayers go to his family.

On the episode-I remember the preview for this episode. They cut off the "You really want to be THAT guy" so it was just Burke saying "What are we doing here?" and Cristina saying "You need a definition?" And that was when I became obsessed with them. :) I also found the beginning scene with Izzie teasing George hilarious (you're a very funny writer, but you know that). This was a really good episode of season one, one of my favorites. I like that you do such a good balance, between funny and intellectual, keeping some scenes really light and then jumping to heart-stopping drama. You also give all the couples a good amount of airtime, which is very appreciated. :D

I just wanted to leave a quick comment, because you (and Shonda) are my favorite writers on the show. Great job!!! :)

[Dan]

Thanks for sharing! Well worth the wait.

[deanna]

Thank you so much for posting. It's definately intersting to hear how things got started. You do an amazing job writing and it does make sense why Annie had to die. Keep up the good work (and sorry to hear about Scott Brazil).

[liljan98]

I just recently discovered that blog here and I guess now it's time to say just how much I LOVE it. I love to read how you all come up with the storylines, how much work and effort and dedication you put into it, what you all think about the characters and why they do what they do. Even if they get themselves into a lot of trouble.

And I especially love they why all of you write about it. It's soooo entertaining. So THANKS a lot for keeping it up during the re-runs.

[LOVE THIS SHOW!]

This is probably my favorite episode! I just love the story line with Mr. Levangy (sp?). It was very touching. You did a wonderful job writting this one!

[Jimena]

Hi Krista,
First of all, your blog cracked me up, you re hilarious woman!
Maybe I loved it cause I can relate to your verbal diarrhea, I never never shut up!!!
Also, that episode was amazing, you did a great job and you re so right, Annie had to die.
Sorry for the loss of Scott, he sounds like he was a really cool guy.
Looking fwd to your next post
Kisses
Jimena

[Mike @ Savageland]

Thanks for this Krista. It's very reminiscent about what I recently wrote up on my own blog:

"There's nothing wrong with expecting more of yourself, your environment, your life, or from those around you. There's also nothing wrong with demanding more when your expectations are not met.

Accepting Mediocrity is a waste, a sin, a crime.

Do something with your life.
Make your actions MEAN something.

GO to the mountain. If it's not there or apparently doesn't exist, BUILD it, and then conquer it."

That was my own little rant on 'seizing the day' :)

[Vanessa]

"Because the thing is we all die eventually and sometimes without much warning. "

...and this is why it is time to say DEATH to the triangle/square and time for Meredith and Derek to realize that Finn and Addison aren't going to be enough. Can't wait for September 21st! Love your writing, Krista!

[Lauren K.]

Thank you so much for blogging season one, even if it was like a bagillion months ago... Sorry for your loss :-/. I love how all the storylines are based off real life, and that you guys are so personal with us. Its really good to know that finally the writers care about the fans :-) You're awesome!!

-Lauren K.

[Dannely]

Thank you, Krista. It's great to know more about the people writing the show we love. This entry was really moving. I am sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing a little about Scott with us.

[Raquita]

I love this post, and I don't mind the killing of rcharaters - except for Denny, i'll never let you guys (Shonda i'm really talking to you)for killing him - even if you give him a new show, butI'm not dumb enough to try and act like I'm not addicted and i'm gonna stop watchin.. yeah right! Any who - this episode was one of my favorites, i watched it on DVD and rewound several scenes to watch again and again. I'm glad you are still there and I don't mind the diarrhea in the least either. Keep writing, i'm still reading and watching!!!

[Chantale from Montreal]

What! No no no, you simply cannot make me cry thursday nights and then make me (as if you really are here twisting me arm) read you the next day and make me cry once again. Krista! Come on now, some happy thoughts and memories please.

I have to say that my one of my favorite medical scenes in the entire series thus far (aside from Callie peeing but that's not medical) is the moment when the probe in the father's brain hits the right spot. By far the most amazing medical moment that makes me bawl with happiness every single time.

Btw - verbal diarreah, nothing wrong with that, it just affects other people and they aren't forced to listen. :)