Krista Vernoff on writing her first episode...

"If Tomorrow Never Comes"

Original airdate: 5/1/2005

Shonda just told me we’re blogging season one as they repeat this summer. BLOGGING SEASON ONE. Seriously, do you know how long ago season one was?  And my brain is not what it once was.   Season one. Sheesh.

Okay, here’s what I remember: I remember that we all met, this bedraggled group of writers, for the most part all coming from other recently cancelled shows. I myself had come from a sweet little show called Wonderfalls that Fox killed after airing only three episodes.  I liked Wonderfalls. It was fun making little animal figurines talk. We made thirteen episodes and then we said our goodbyes and I went and got married and the show got cancelled while I was on my honeymoon. Good times. 

So anyway, I came back looking for a job and I met Shonda and we talked about American Idol for an hour (because it was the morning after Jennifer Hudson got voted off and we were scandalized. Scandalized!) and then she hired me. 

And the writers gathered.

In the room, there was the brilliant Jim Parriott, who also was at that initial interview and seemed deeply disturbed by our AI rantings. There was Kip, who was really funny and had chickens at his home in West LA.  There were Harry and Gab who were sci-fi junkies and all married and happy and shiny and funny too. There was Stacy who had been Jim’s assistant when I met Shonda and Jim that first time and she was all excited about her recent promotion to writer and also kind of intimidated and quiet and adorable. There was Mimi who is so smart it’s crazy and with whom I had worked my very first year in TV when she was on Party Of Five and I was on the Jennifer Love Hewitt spin off Time of Your Life.  There was Ann Hamilton who had credits on her resume like thirtysomething and was therefore intimidating to me despite her wit and charm.  There was Zoanne who was not only a writer but a doctor too. An actual practicing ER doctor. She STILL works one shift a month in the ER so she’s maybe the coolest person I know. There was, of course,  Shonda who had never been in a writer’s room before and who lurked outside the door, brooding and disturbed like maybe we were all vampires who would eat her soul if she stepped foot inside.

And then there was me. WHO WOULD NOT SHUT UP.

I swear to you, I got this amazing case of verbal diarrhea and I just KEPT TALKING.

It was the nerves. And the fact that I’d been unemployed for four months and had had way too much time on my hands. And the nerves. Did I mention the nerves? And did I mention how Shonda, who had finally made her way inside the room,  kept looking at me like if I didn’t shut up soon she was going to leave and never come back?

And still, I KEPT TALKING.

I was like George with Meredith in the pilot where he mentions the strappy sandals and then is convinced that she thinks he’s gay – only I was George on like, crack. Speedy speedy crack. Except I don’t do drugs so I don’t even have that as an excuse.  It was truly an appalling, humiliating, mortifying day in my career. Okay, week. And so, when I got assigned “If Tomorrow Never Comes,” I felt like I had a lot to prove. Like if the script didn’t make up for the compulsive talking, I might not get to come back for season two.   The theme was procrastination, which I know a thing or two about and we spent a week talking about the stories in the writers room and then I went away to write.

When I went away, Annie, the tumor-lady, was supposed to live.  And somewhere, in the writing of the first draft, I decided that I had to kill her. And so I turned in the script and Shonda was all “YOU KILLED ANNIE?!” and then, in a minute, she was all “You killed Annie.” And this time it was with a proud smile. Like I had joined her in her warped club of creating characters you like and then killing them like some deranged serial killer.  She was proud.  And I got to come back for season two.  The verbal diarrhea, by the way? Sounded a lot like this blog.

So in case you’re still wondering why I had to go and kill Annie, it was this: Alex had been a complete and total ass to her. And George had had that funny conversation with her (in which, you may have noticed, “Seriously” is used as a punchline for the first time in our series) and it affected him.  And I felt like, in order for most of those things to have maximum impact, Annie had to die. Because the theme was procrastination. And believe it or not, we actually do think about what kind of message we put into the world. And the message I wanted to give was not, “Hey it’s okay to put off going to see a doctor for two years cause it all turns out alright in the end.”   George needed Annie to die so that he could actually knock on Meredith’s door and at least try to tell her how he was feeling.  And I needed Annie to die so I could say all that stuff at the end about seizing the day already.  Cause it’s time. Cause life is short and you never know when it’s up.   The old man needed to have the brain surgery before it was too late and while he could still walk his daughter down the aisle. And Izzie needed to pull that blood clot out of the guy’s chest without a moment’s hesitation – it was a matter of life and death.

And the truth as I see it is this: it’s always a matter of life and death. Every day. Even if you’re not a doctor. Even if you’re not saving lives or risking them. Because the thing is we all die eventually and sometimes without much warning.   

A few months ago, I came to work and the flag on the lot was flying at half-mast. I asked someone why and they told me that Scott Brazil had died.  Our director for this episode, the brilliant and talented and gentle and kind Scott Brazil, had died. He was the kind of guy who would wrap a casting session early because he wanted to get to his son’s soccer game.  He was the kind of guy who, after working with me on only this one episode, came to this tiny theatre in Hollywood to see a play I had written. He brought his wife and another couple and afterwards, he went on and on about how much they all loved it. He even emailed me the next day to say it all again. People I worked with for years didn’t bother to come see that play. But Scott came. Because that’s the kind of guy he was. 

He was in his fifties when he died. 

At his beautiful and funny and just monumentally sad memorial, a lot of people talked about how Scott was the kind of person who lived life to the fullest; how he was the kind of guy to just always, always seize the day.   
   

Comments

[Jenny]

I love reading your blog posts! And hearing your (& everyone else's on here) thoughts on the episodes makes me even more excited for the start of the new season!

Thank you Krista!

[Jenny]

That was the most adorable, sweetest blog I have ever read. I love this show, I love the characters, I love the plots, themes, songs, ideas. Thank you for writting this blog even thought its summer and even though you're on holiday. I know people like Scott and because of this blog, many people will know Scott and maybe when they put important things off they'll remember this blog and remember Scott and they'll decide to "seize the day".

[Sally M]

Thanks for taking the time to post and share your thoughts with us! I loved Mer/Der in this episode!

[V]

WOW! I had almost forgotten how much I loved GA but you just reminded me why I do! Thanks Krista!

[Jolene]

I can't beleive that I am the first (or one of the first since no comments are posted) one who is responding. Krista- thank you for giving the background on the episode. I own season 1 and STILL must watch eery episode...Sunday and Thursday. My husband just went thoughthe tivo archive and yelled..."SERIOUSLY!?!" (he's a fan of the show, too, but I am a bit of a fanatic) "Do we have to save every episode? Yes, we do.

The passing of the tumor lady and the look on her mother's tormented face still melts my heart. You are right, she had to die because some sort of warped lesson had to be learned there ad we had to see a slight remider of the fact that Karev may have a soul. And George, he did need to see that Meredith wasn't there, as she continued not to be when it came to george all the way through Season 2. In fact, I am looking forward to season 3 to see if she actually becomes an active particiapant in her own life. Personally, I want to see Meredith turn around and go home..alone. She should not choose McDreamy or Finn, she should choose Meredith. In order for McDreamy to truly make a real decision, he needs to see her love herself. Becasue, as my mother used to always say, "No one can truly love you until you love yourself." And surprise, surprise...she is 100% right.

I also wanted to mention that I just watched the snow patrol video on ABC.com and it was incredible. Wheat a great compilation of scenes! I cried at the the end of the video and am counting the days until the show returns. Oh and Yeah for Thursday nights at 9:00! So much better!

Thanks again for the terrific writing. Have a terrific hiatus.

[Jenkd2]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you Krista. And Thank you Shonda for forcing Krista to wring out her brain and try to remember A-L-L the way back to season one (and it was a fabulous and beautiful post, to boot). I cannot wait for Season Three to start. My addiction is only getting worse....

[Karen Armstrong]

Ms. Vernoff,
Having just finished watching the show AGAIN, there is no other way it could have played out. (well maybe..LOL) The loneliness of the Mother & Daughter's life was so graciously brought to the forefront. We all have feelings. The woman telling Izzie how her husband was making Waffles that morning. Meredith confronting Dr. Bailey and Dr. Bailey standing her ground. The wonderful DBS that helped the man with Dementia. Brought life back to his wounded daughter.
Dr. Burke & Christina..passion plus.
George, dear George..growing up and maintaining naivety. Then Alex.
The fact that you let Izzie hold that man's heart and then later on she is the one that sets in motion the steps for Denny to get his heart, who knew?
Life is an hourly journey. YOU are gifted and I for one am so thankful that Ms. Rhimes hired you. Looking forward to yours & the others great episodes for Season 3. The actors, the writers, everyone involved with Grey's ..Thank you and Thank you some more.
Never have I called myself a junkie..but in the kindest way I do now. Your compassion and talent are wonderful gifts, am glad you get to share them with us.
Thank you.

[kiemi]

I love you Krista and Shonda!!!!!!!!!!!

[Dawn]

Thank you for sharing this. :)

[Alli, GA fan from GA]

Wow I'm first to post!
Well c'mon keep writing!
You all are amazing and I can't wait until next season.

[joy]

Am i the first?oh,i just cann't believe it
Thank u updating,thank u all creating this amazing show,thank u sharing these details with us about what hanppened to the writers' team,no more words,just love love love GA,love love love your guys!!
looking forward to season 3,i have been waited for a long time~~~~~~

[Andy]

Fantastic job on the episode!! I love every scene that Izzie was in and you made it all seem so sad (but also intensly funny.) Great job, again.

[Louisa]

Krista,

I hadn't seen that episode before. You will inspire alot of us...who sometimes forget to seize the day!

BTW where do you stand on alot? a lot or allot or alot??

[ku nkiko]

God, Krista, that was beautiful. And the sentiment at the end is particularly poignant. I've always loved this episode, and I think you were absolutely right - tumor lady HAD to die. It makes the Alex snarking her scene just that much more powerful, especially when you know it's coming. Because he didn't know she was going to die. And we never know when the people we love are going to die, either. And the message I got out of it was be really, really careful about what you say, because you never know when yours will be the last words someone hears.

Beautiful episode. Wonderful writing. I can't wait to see what you do with Season Three.

[Jae-d'een]

Just so you know Krista, we your readers and viewers, appreciate your "diarrhea of mouth." From Charmed, to Wonderfalls, to Grey’s, keep on talking and I’ll keep on listening!

[Dawn]

It's okay about the verbal blah all over the page - it's totally fun to read. : ) Thanks for writing on your summer vacation!

[*Cammy*]

Ahhh... a walk down memory lane. Loved this episode. I forgot how cruel Alex was. And so began my love/hate for his character.

And thank you for sharing your memory of Scott Brazil.

[JenniferCreager]

Thanks for writing, this was a great blog, and yes, I did notice that Annie used "Seriously" for the first time...I've found myself using it since I've been watching this show...

[eli]

omg great entry. *speechless*

[Claire]

I LOVED wonderfalls! i was so sad to see it cancelled. that little smushy faced wax lion.

[mia]

Thank you for bringing back the blogging =)

[E]

That is one of the nicest things I have ever read

[CMW]

People like Scott are a rare find. I wish I could remember this episode. Ihaven't been watching this summer because of So You Think You Can Dance. Why does everything good air at the same time?? I'm glad you guys are posting something it will help me get over my Greys withdrawal.

[MBS]

Krista-
Love, the blog, thanks for opening up! You're the best, can't wait for season 3!!!!!!!

[eugenia]

yay update! I love that episode, and this entry too hahaha :)