From Joan Rater, one of the writers of "Tell Me Sweet Little Lies..."

Original Airdate 1/22/06

Since the theme of last night's episode was lying, I'll start out with a little bit of truth here - writing this blog kind of terrifies me. It's clear from comments Kip got about his episode last week that some fans are getting frustrated/upset with the whole Derek/Meredith/Addison triangle. I mean, he said he was going to try to work it out with Addison, but he keeps being McDreamy with Meredith. What's that about? In last night's episode he told Cristina that he can be nice to Meredith without being McDreamy. Right. He gets near Meredith and he's dreamy as hell. So is he just a big liar? I'd like to offer my two cents on that question, but first, let me introduce myself ...

My name is Joan, and my writing partner, Tony also happens to be my husband of twelve years. We’re the new kids on the staff, having just started this season. We come from writing much more procedural type stuff, like Law and Order, so it was a big shift to move to a show where we get to explore the personal lives of our characters. And I must say we love it. This group of writers is so passionate and committed about staying true to these characters. Even if the truth isn't pretty. So when we started work on this episode, we obviously looked to our own relationship for inspiration. Now, I haven't had an affair with Tony's best friend, and as far as I know he hasn't slept with an intern on the show, but since Tony and I work together and have been married roughly the same amount of time Addison and Derek have, we have a little insight into their relationship. There isn't a conversation that Tony and I haven't had; a subject that hasn't been covered; a story that hasn't been told, retold and then told again. I'm just saying, the day to day of a marriage can get a little monotonous sometimes – especially if one or both partners don’t constantly work at keeping things fresh. So … Addison slipped, Derek bolted across the country to start over, and he met Meredith – the woman who is quite possibly his soulmate.

Derek and Meredith were still in the exciting “getting to know you” stage of their relationship when Addison showed up. And once Derek made his choice and decided to try to work it out with Addison, his break with Meredith was abrupt … almost violent. Almost as if, like Rick the guitarist who lost his fingers, Derek and Meredith were forced to go cold turkey. And for any of you who have tried to quit smoking, there’s always that little voice in your head telling you, “C’mon, just one more cigarette. You can quit whenever you want. What harm is one more gonna do???”

Derek is telling the truth when he says he wants to work it out with Addison. But let's face it, he's not over Meredith. So here he is torn between two competing desires and so he does what we all do in these situations - he lies. And not just to Addison and Meredith. He lies to himself. “I can be friends with Meredith. Help her get her mother into the Alzheimer's clinical trial. Take her dog. I mean, it's just a dog. It doesn’t mean anything.” And the tragedy of the situation is that Derek actually believes it.

We all lie. More than any of us is comfortable with. And the joy of working on a show like Grey’s Anatomy is to explore characters we love, people we all recognize, as they struggle and fight and win and lose and take three steps forward and two steps back.

Comments

[Betty]

So..here are the comments from the Biology department in our Monday watercooler discussion of Greys. The show was depressing. Why can't Meredith move on? You have made her character pathetic. Did you notice Entertainment Weekly made her the least likable character on Television. Yahoo had a TV posting over the weekend saying the show would be better without Meredith. The writers have taken a strong, career orientated woman and turned her into a zombie. We thought the show had turned the corner last weekend and found the show of last year but instead you backtracked into the shows on November which were hardly tolerable.

The triangle between Meredith, Derek, and Addison has grown old. Meredith's character does not deserve what the writers have given her this year.

If you as writers want Addison and Derek together fine but move Meredith on.

Enough all ready

You the writers are lying to yourselves if you think this believable or entertaining.

Try being HONEST WITH US

I hope Ellen Pompeo moves on. Playing such a depressing character week to week can hardly be fun.

[JennT]

Excellent post and an excellent episode. It was great to see the actors showing the mixed emotions they all have rather than whining about it as they would on other shows.

[Jen]

Can we get at least a teaser for what might happen in the coming episodes? :} Grey's Anatomy is my favorite show! THanks for coming on board. I'm sure yo uand your hubby will bring alot to the show!

[Betty Muffin]

I really liked the episode, especially George and the old lady. Loved it. I have a question? Did I miss something? Did Meredith actually ask Derek to keep the dog or did it just happen? Also, please tell me that Meredith's blood test for her mother's alzheimer treatment trial is not going to set us up for Dr. Webber being her biological father. Too contrived and too coincidental. One more thing, your casting office needs to be commended not only for the ensemble casting, but for the guest appearances by some of my favorite old times character actors. I am showing my age (71). Thanks again for great entertainment...and your website is awesome, so complete, easy to access and has all the cute "bells and whistles."

[Kellie Nagle]

you are right we all lie and sometimes acutally believe our lies, but when does it come time to realize that we are actually lying to ourselves as well

[Clare]

No need to fear the blog, Joan. I think you did a great job! I look forward to reading the writers' insight on Monday mornings--makes me love the show all the more. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

YES, the Addison/Derek/Meredith storyline is frustrating. Hello, so is real life. I am the Meredith in an EXTREMELY similar situation, and let me tell you, you're hitting it dead on. Some of the lines in the show are word-for-word lines that I've said/been told. My "McDreamy" is trying to work on his marriage, he TELLS me he wants it to work, and then two seconds later he's giving me that look or asking when we can go grab a drink or a bite to eat or whatever. Because he does love me. He wants us to be close, he wants us to be friends, to have whatever we can while he plays the good guy at home. Bottom line, he can't let go either way. So he's just trying to make the best of both situations, as awkwardly and sometimes insensitively as it might be.

The cigarette analogy...holy crap. That's EXACTLY it. You CAN'T fully move on, because there's no closure. They didn't know it was going to end--at least Meredith didn't. Are Meredith and Derek each other's soulmates? Maybe, maybe not. But they never got a chance to find out for sure, and so the door's always going to be open a little. The possibility's there. So there is no moving on, at least totally. It's a baby step forward, a big step back.

I'm living it. And I'm telling you, as annoying as it may be, it's real. So keep it up. It keeps me sane to see it.

[tina]

i too want mer/der to be together sooner than later. i think, and this is hindsight, that if maybe they had been together for more than one short season and then something happened it would have been better. we would have had more mer/der moments. it was too abrupt the way they were together and 11 episodes later they are apart. but it looks like maybe we are on the way to having them together soon. i love the tension between them but i am also afraid that if it is too long we will lose interest. almsot everything you tried to capture came out on the screen. it was an excellent job. the only thing i found hard to believe was addie accepting the dog. i think in real life she wouldn't have been so happy about it.

[Bulletgirl2006]

Writers listen up ,Meredith is a legend of a character ,and she dosent need to be depressed .
Bring back the old one

[Sarah]

I really liked this episode. Particularly how George finally got some backbone. I dont think I'd really realized just how much Meredith has taken . advantage of George. Awesomely written, way to go!

[bethp]

I know a lot of people were frustrated over the "love triangle from hell" (thats what other fans call it),but i have a different take on it,i admire the way you writers try to manipulate and drag these triangle for long and it just keeps me wanting for more each week.And in my opinion,that's what good television is all about! And the 'hotdog scene' was just hilarious,that was priceless! Thank You once again !

[Alex]

Last night's episode was my absolute favorite of the series. Sandra Oh proved why she was worthy of the Golden Globe in her tense moments with Derek in the elevator - my heart was racing. Hats off to the brilliant casting of Carole Cook as well, I was in tears by the end of her and George's time together. Another great episode of a truly great show, thanks for giving my friends and I something to look forward to on Sunday!

[Laura]

Please get Meredith back to being strong instead of so depressed all the time.
She's a fun character and really seems to have her wits about her when she's not so depressed. I mean we all get depressed sometimes, but come on not 24-7.
Give her a life. Can't she have a life with a little McDreamy on the side?

[MP]

You wrote an episode that had a major chacter, The Nazi, leave the show; and you didn't even mention it in the BLOG.

What's up with that?

[Kathie]

I love the show and am also irritated by Derek. But would there be a story if he wasn't showing his true male/surgeon colors (kidding about the male part). Meredith irritates me more than Derek. She's way to smart and beautiful to have her head in the sand about Derek. Don't get me wrong. An occasional nod to her still searing emotions while dating other guys would be more exciting than her moping around Grace Memorial and her the guts of her life bumping into Derek, losing all sanity every time she does. Let her do something to get over this, even if she's not getting over it in the process. I don't buy her invertibrate self.

I love, love, love, Christina and Burke. Christina's inability to express herself while clearly being manhandled by emotion is riveting. And she's changing a little here and there, but not much...Perfect.

Kathie

[kathie]

If it didn't come across above, love the show. Perfect mix of sentimentality and quirky reality.

[Jade]

I've been married 5 years, with my husband 10. I just feel if you have to work at something that hard, that once came so easy then things possibly need to be reevaluated. I love all points of this triangle... I do. But I want to see Meredith and Derek together, it actually breaks my heart when I watch their scenes... but I suppose that's what makes it interesting.

I just hope there is some chance for them...

[mal]

First, I must say that the show is great and I understand if every episode can't be as wonderful as the first few were. It's OK, it's still very good. But I have a question (or two)to ask.

1)When will addison be added to the character bios on the GA web page?
2)When will we find out about meredith's, derek's and addison's pasts, before SGH?

P.S. Your blog was great!

[Frances Hitchcock]

I love this show, I watch it faithfully every week. My favorite character on the program is the "The Nazi" She is a real character. The show itself has taken a strange turn to the boring .. In the beginning the program was really good, on the edge of your seat good. Now it seems mundane and boring. My favorite episode was the train wreck. My emotions were all over the place that night and I couldn't wait until the next week.. only to be let down. Whats up with the writing. How about more excitement, fun and good story telling. Also, why is "The Nazi" getting soft? She is the best.

....

[Grey's fan]

I understand the dynamic between lies that we tell ourselves and to others, moreso the lies we tell ourselves.

Though I think it unrealistic that two episodes after Derek tells his wife Addison that he is still in love with Meredith, that he is resorting to lying. It's that inconsistency that has us as viewers constantly re-treading. How can Derek be so bold and courageous with Addison and foreboding that he was in love with her and it doesn't go away, to it being an issue that Addison suggests waiting out? So that later we can contradict his courageous truth-telling by telling lies?

Other than that - I like the emotive side of Christina that being dispalyed. Christina doesn't like emotions, but exposes them when her friend has been hurt, Meredith. I think Christina is almost as hurt for Meredith, remembering that Burke once upon a time turned her into a "stupid fat pregnant woman" so when Meredith is doing the McDreamy googly-eyed dance, Christina puts Derek in his place. I don't think Christina is just doing it because Meredith is hurt or that Derek is a jerk, but he doesn't understand how selfish is being with his hurt emotions. Bailey told Derek to leave her alone - because he can't understand while he's still in it - but he cannot help but hurt her. Christina reminding him of this needed to be reminded of this.

Though I don't like the vascillating that the writers have done w/ Derek and Meredith. One episode he's "she's my wife" and trying to make it work and Meredith is self-reliant "What are you looking at?" Feeling more confident by saying "Goodbye, Derek" on the Thanksgiving episode - as though she's turned a corner and moving on to being depressed and calling him McDreamy again.

While their situation is a difficult one because they still work together, their process is inconsistent.

I guess we'll learn more about why Derek and Addison are still together in what is at last word, a loveless marriage and why Meredith takes one step forward and two steps back.

I want the old Meredith back, the one that could stand up to Derek as well. Maybe she should give him another ultimatum - to stay away or she'll make good on her desire to run him over with her car.

I think we need to learn more about Addison prior to her affair with Mark - to get a fan base for her. Right now, we're trying not to hate her because Derek loves Meredith, but we have to feel that tug to understand why she would be compelled to commit adultery with his best friend and still ask Derek back.

That needs to be explored - right now it just feels like writers are simmering run-ins with Derek/Meredith/Addison. It feels like false attempts to smooth over, predicated on false restarts. We all thought he loves Meredith - this is the end of it.

No, they just decide to try and wait it out.

How about letting the Shepards calling it quits and let Addison move on to someone like George.

[Molly Neal]

Congratulations on writing an awesome episode!! I am a crazy fan of this show..like a don't talk to me, make no noises, freak out when the TV goes black for one second kind of fan when Grey's Anatomy comes on. And every single Monday I walk into my Yearbook class where about 5 girls spend twenty minutes screeching about how amazing the episode was the night before...it's crazy how addicted we are! Anyway, I loved the show last night..and I really think that the fans are starting to see that McDreamy and Meredith may get back together and that they didn't just stop loving each othe when Addison came into the picture. WOW, I'm obsessive, but who cares. You did a really really good job and I loved the way the dog "was never at the hospital." Oh, and George was awesome too...we really got to see that side of him where he stands up for himself while still being that incredibly cute, adorable intern. SO, thank you and I hope to watch another episode in the future written by you!!

[Lauren]

I felt like the took "two steps" backward back to November. Can you not come up with any fresh storylines? Is the only thing you have...is this triangle between Meredith, Derek & Addison? Do you really as writers see Meredith as this pathetic?

She is an intelligent, beautiful woman and should have, could have and would have moved on by now.

But to replay over and over the same situation..has become a broken record.

HONESTY...Are you dragging this out for a season? Because you are succeeding on doing that.

LYING...Are you lying to your fan base and really putting your best effort into storylines are just trying to drag this one on forever.

Derek can't make up his mind and you the writers cannot either.

I just feel you have ruined a wonderful character in Meredith. How did the writers feel when Meredith was voted the worse character on television by Entertainment Weekly.

Were you surprised? How terrible she has become.

You can do better.
You should do better.

You have loyal fan base
who deserves better.

Quit lying to all of us
and move the story along.
I think most of us are to the point that we don't care if Meredith and Derek get back together. You have ruined that. Just move the story along

AND STOP LYING TO ALL OF US!

[Judy]

What is with you people?

Aren't we past all this?

Have you run out of storylines already? so now Addison not only wins Derek but the dog.

Can't Meredith have some happiness?

I am to the point where I just want to see the poor girl smile again and I thought we were there FINALLY...IT HAS BEEN ALL SEASON ALREADY..but then we are back to all this again.

The "Sweet Little Lies" is that you are milking us fans for ratings and we deserve much better than this.

With all the heat Ellen Pompeo has taken from the Press..I would think twice about coming back to this show next year and you writers will be to blame.

What you did to this character is a travesty?

I hope she does walk and your four year plan is over.

You all deserve it for what you have put on the air lately.

[Jake Lipson]

Hi -- looks like I get to be the first comment (unless this comment is long enough that somebody else has posted between now and when I finish, which is likely since I tend to write a lot.)

So let me be the first to say, GREAT EPISODE. Very human, very honest (love that irony) and very real. Which is why I love the show.

Loved all of the Meredith-Derek-Addison stuff precisely BECAUSE of the reasons you mentioned in your post (although I still don't like Addison much -- just Meredith/Derek shipping interfering I suppose.)

Anyway,...

Also loved everybody else. I'm glad Alex passed, but I'm even gladder that you revealed it how you did instead of making some big deal about it, like "Oh, my God, passed, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU PASSED!!" Burke and Christina continue to be a really interesting couple to watch, and I love how their storyline "crossed paths" more than usual with Derek and Meredith's.

George -- great to see him have a moment like that with Meredith. I'm still rooting for him to lose ONLY because I want Meredith and Derek back together, but it was great to see him step up a bit with her as a friend.

Oh, yeah, and Bailey's "I'm keeping my eye on you" speech was PERFECT. You have NAILED her character; it is the best thing she has done this season (though "Happy Thanksgiving" is still a close second) and possibly for the entire series. I hope she won't be completely written out until baby delivery now that she's on bed rest -- she's one of my favorite characters.

As usual, great job to all the actors.

Oh, also -- as a fan of Japanese animation director Hayao Miyazaki, I was very pleased with your use of his name for the hiccuping paitent.

Great job to you, the cast and everyone else behind the scenes -- keep up the good work. I would like to add that you're doing something better than "Desperate Housewives," because THEY are going back into repeats after just three new episodes.

Thank you all for such a great show, both last night and always.

[Tiff]

Congratulations to you and your husband on a very enjoyable episode! I loved the fact that Cristina is showing a more compassionate side in trying to protect Meredith. The theme of this episode worked well because I think it's something that we can all relate to. The hot dog eating contest has to be one of my favorite Grey's Anatomy moments and the scene at the very end between Meredith and Derek was quite touching. Although people seem to be growing tired of the Derek/Meredith/Addison triangle, I find it quite entertaining. I want Meredith and Derek to end up together eventually, but Addison is an interesting character and the promise of more "McDreamy moments" always pulls me to my TV on Sunday nights. Keep up the awesome work!