Grey's Anatomy: Grey Matter

Stacy McKee on "State of Love and Trust"...

Original Airdate: 2-4-10

Dear Derek Shepherd, First of all, let me clear something up. I know you are a fictitious character on a television show. I know this because I've been writing for you for six seasons now. That's a long time. That's a lot of episodes. That's more McDreamy monologues than I can count. That said, I just wanted to use my blog this time to say: It's ABOUT the hell time you became Chief. I've been waiting for this moment as long as you have, you know. Six seasons. Richard promised you the chiefship way back in the pilot. It's how he lured you out to Seattle Grace in the first place. And then you found out that he'd also promised the position to Burke. Remember that? You've been waiting for this moment a long long time. As have I. So it was a pleasure to write you this episode. To give you the voice over. To watch you step up to the plate and... Flounder. Because, let’s face it. You were floundering this episode. And I dug it. We saw a new side of you this episode, and it was refreshing. You were not polished. You were not smooth. We all know just how much this moment must have meant to you and yet, you were set back on your heels. You had to use NOTECARDS, dude. When addressing the entire hospital. Note cards? The Chief should NOT be using note cards! And, that tie? Now, ordinarily, when you get the chance to take off your scrubs and get all gussied up, I enjoy the transformation. You usually look very dashing. But somehow, in this episode, seeing you in that button down shirt and tie, topped with a lab coat... You reminded me of you as a geeky teenager. The one you told us about in the Prom episode, the one who had braces and played in the band. No offense, but you looked like a little boy playing dress up. Which, by the way, was the point. Because although you have taken over as Chief, you're not quite up to the task yet. I know you wanted to hit the ground running, but it's pretty clear -- the Chiefship is not going to be easy to take over. Richard Webber has left you a hospital in crisis, and his are big shoes to fill. So I don't care how much you or I have been waiting for this moment... It's clear that it's going to take you more than just one episode to actually shine. Which I love. I love seeing you struggle with the job. I was excited to see you go head to head with Richard in that conference room - to call him out, to actually try and FORCE his hand into signing the rehab forms... Holy crap. And then when you turned around and realized you had an audience, when you had to suddenly put your Chief hat back on and send people back to work -- in that moment, it was like a light bulb went off. You - and we all - got a glimpse into just how difficult balancing the job as Chief actually is – and will continue to be. You weren’t able to waltz in and take over seamlessly. You have your work cut out for you. Awesomeness.

And while we're on the topic, I would like to state for the record that I side with Meredith here a little bit. I think you did oust Richard from his job in a fairly underhanded way. I mean I get it, I understand that you can't have anyone - let alone your Chief of Surgery - potentially endangering patients because they are a drunk, but... still. You forced Meredith's hand. And she's right, you did it partly because you HAVE been waiting for the chance to be Chief for a long long time. So I applaud the maturity she shows you here in this episode. She doesn't approve of what happened or how it went down, but as your wife, she's setting that aside and simultaneously being supportive of you. She's helping you pick the right tie. She's telling you that you will be a good Chief. That's maturity we haven't always seen between the two of you and it makes me happy you've finally reached that point in your relationship.

Not that Mark Sloan or Owen are showing the same level of maturity in their relationships right now. I get that you guys are all testosteroney and don't really want to talk about your feelings -- but maybe you could talk a little sense into your two buddies? Mark is punishing Lexie for sleeping with Alex, when he TOTALLY did the same thing with Addison. More than once. He has no ground to stand on! The man-boy is acting like an immature hypocrite. Unacceptable!! And yet - strangely human. I'm sure that's what you would say -- that Mark may be a hypocrite, but only because, for the first time since - well, almost ever - he's been hurt. By a LADY. He was ready to take the next step in his relationship with Lexie and she turned him down, so now he's lashing out. Which is valid, I suppose, but…

Still. He's acting like a jerk.

And Owen - Now, I'm not going to say I don't appreciate an episode in which Owen slams Cristiana against walls and kisses her over and over (you may recall, I scripted their very first wall-slamming kiss outside Joe's Bar last season) - but I have to say... What the HELL was Owen thinking? Literally asking Cristina to choose him over surgery? When Teddy was paging Cristina with a big, amazing medical crisis?? Cristina is right when she calls Owen out on trying to control her all day with sex. Only, of course, he wasn't doing it consciously. He was just falling back on the thing he knows he can rely on between the two of them – their undeniable chemistry. That's his solution when what they really need to do is actually talk. 

Thank goodness they finally do talk. And - boy - that scene blows me away. Every time I see it.

Meanwhile, when – if ever – have you met someone who wasn’t intimidated by one of Bailey’s arias? I know you have some interest in this since you were trying to help set Bailey up on a date not too long ago – so, did you notice that Ben, the anesthesiologist Bailey was butting heads with today – did you notice that he was absolutely NOT intimidated by her?

I don’t know. They may have gotten off on the wrong foot here, but I think there’s a little chemistry between those two. Someone not afraid to challenge Bailey. I think I like this Ben guy. And when it comes to challenging authority – I think you might want to keep an eye on Alex. Arizona seems to have taken him under her wing and I have to admit, I like the combination of the two of them. Alex is notorious for challenging patients or their loved ones if necessary, so he may have just discovered the perfect forum in which to do so. Pediatrics is a specialty where, as the doctor, it is part of your job to stand up for you patients, to give them a voice. It might very well be the perfect place for Alex Karev. (Which, by the way, is something we’ve been setting up for a while – even back when Addison was wandering the halls. Remember? Even she noticed that Alex had a way with the kiddos…) My point is – there’s a LOT happening right under your nose at the hospital right now. Yesterday, it didn’t really matter to you. You weren’t the Chief. But today… Today it has to matter to you. It matters if you have a resident bullying a child’s parents. It matters if a patient wakes up on the table. If the hospital is getting sued. If your authority is being undermined by your former boss, the one sitting in a public space, refusing to sign your papers all day. All of it matters to you now. Because you are no longer just Derek Shepherd, neuro-god. That was the easy job. That’s the job that earned you the title McDreamy. But the tables have turned. You are about to start a new journey, and I’m not gonna lie. I know what happens in the next episodes. Your job is only going to get harder. And harder. And harder. Which is why I’m writing you this letter. Mostly I just wanted to wish you good luck. You’re gonna need it. Sincerely, Stacy P.S. – Please. Do take Bailey’s advice and… lose the tie.

Joan Rater on "I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked"...

Original Airdate: 1-21-10

It’s raining here in LA!  Raining! For days and days it’s been raining and it hardly ever rains here so we’re all just walking around cold and wet saying “How about this rain” a lot.  What does this have to do with tonight’s episode?  Nothing!  But I can’t talk about anything these days without first talking about the rain.  So … moving on …

Derek is now Chief!  Actually he’s just the interim Chief but the way he went about getting there is what I’d like to start with.  Richard is drinking again.  Richard is a recovering alcoholic who’s been sober a long time and the fact that he’s drinking again … Derek feels torn, between supporting his old friend and wanting to protect the hospital from a man who’s fallen off the wagon. At the beginning of the episode we see that Derek has realized that in order to be a friend to Richard, he has to go to the Board.   Because along with the drinking comes the lies and the poor judgment.  This is about more that just a friend who is struggling with sobriety, it’s about the hospital, people’s lives …  Meredith sees it differently.  She says the Chief was drinking but promised Meredith he would stop.  And she trusts him, he wouldn’t lie to her.  And, more importantly, she didn’t confide to Derek the surgeon about Richard's drinking, she confided to Derek her husband.  There have to be lines drawn, boundaries … and when Meredith screams, “Post it!”  Derek backs down.  The post it wins, so Derek her husband urges her to at least think about what’s best for the hospital.  

What I love about this scene, besides the fact that the actors played it brilliantly, is that it shows how they’ve matured.  This is a real grown-up argument.  Meredith isn’t running away, getting all dark and going to Cristina for help getting out of her marriage.  She’s staying and fighting.  Professional/personal boundaries are tricky to negotiate for couples who work together (I should know since my writing partner is also my husband, hi Tony) and Shonda really wanted to see our couples be couples this year.  Grow, mature, try to be happy.  We really want to show that struggle, that in the midst of the ugly argument, you can still love the person and find them sexy, which is why I loved it that Derek got all turned on by Meredith in the course of the argument.  

Now … the scene where Derek pours Richard a drink.  We talked about that scene a lot.  Derek doesn’t trust Richard and now Richard is going into a very difficult surgery and he’s bringing Meredith with him.  And promising her a procedure that Bailey says she’s not ready to do.  Derek can’t let that happen.  So he goes and confronts Richard.  Tempts him.  He pours the drink and dares Richard not to drink it.  It’s a little bit cruel, but Derek feels that it’s justified, in the scene where he asks Owen what he should do.  Owen gives him the go ahead, if someone’s fighting dirty, it’s okay to fight back dirty as long as you’re doing it for the greater good.  And when Derek leaves Richard’s office it’s like both he and Richard know Richard is powerless over the alcohol.  Derek is saying he sees Richard.  Richard may be able to fool Meredith, but Derek sees him.  And Derek now knows what he has to do.  He has to convince Meredith to go to the Board.  And so he tells her that if he becomes Chief he’ll hire back Izzie.  He makes her choose between Izzie and the Chief.  

And of course he knows that she’ll choose Izzie.  He’s playing a big game of chess and it’s like he just said checkmate.  It’s about doing the right thing.  It’s about ends justifying the means.  But it’s also about ambition.  

The theme of this episode was exposure but when I watched it being shot I realized it was really about ambition. Derek wants to be Chief; Meredith wants to do a procedure that she knows she isn’t ready for; Cristina wants Teddy to stay.  Years ago I was trying to be an actor and I remember one day in acting class we were talking about a character’s motivation and my acting teacher said there are really only two things that motivate people:  sex and ambition.   Every choice can be boiled down to one or the other. I remember being really struck by that and I’ve thought about it over the years, and in a way I believe it. I mean, of course we do things for other reasons -- we do things for our kids because we love them, and if you’re like me you do things out of guilt.  And for donuts.   But when Derek and Meredith lay in bed at the end of the episode and she says she understands why Derek did what he did, she doesn’t like it but she gets it.  She’s ambitious too.  It’s bittersweet and true.  I like that.  It was a crappy day.  She didn’t like what Derek did.  But she’s here, in bed, telling him.  She’s a grown up.  

What else … oh yeah, Cristina.  Cristina blurts out that she’d choose surgery over Owen.  Which, let’s face it, is very Cristina.  When we were first discussing this story we had a knock down drag out fight in the writers’ room – if you had to choose your love or your art, which would you choose?  And some of us came down on the Cristina side, and some of us came down on the Izzie side – that in the end love is all that matters.  Cristina felt in that moment, faced with Teddy leaving, that she couldn’t have both, she had to choose.  And she chose surgery.  Because it’s who she is.  And without surgery, without becoming the absolute best surgeon she can be, Cristina feels that she would cease to be herself.  It’s only in that moment in the surgery on the opera singer when Teddy chooses to risk his life in order to save his art that Cristina realizes that for all of her shock and judgment, Teddy gets her.  And Cristina is unwilling to keep apologizing for who she is.  

And when Cristina challenges her, Teddy goes and gets drunk.  And spills her guts to Owen.  I love that Teddy never liked Beth, Owen’s former fiancé.  Teddy telling Owen what Cristina said, that Cristina was willing to trade him for Teddy … I love Teddy in that scene, she loves Owen, she knows he wants a family someday and he’s with a person that will always choose her work over love.  And she needs Owen to know … the Owen/Teddy/Cristina triangle is so interesting – Cristina loves Owen, but she also loves Teddy, Teddy loves Owen, Owen loves Teddy but is in love with Cristina … it’s cool to watch these characters struggle with all the conflicting feelings …

And speaking of struggle … Alex and Izzie.  He tells her he’s done.  Izzie getting the clean scan back gives Alex the freedom to leave.  Because he never would have left her when she was sick, he’s a good guy.  And I’m not saying that Alex ever consciously thought, I can’t leave her while she’ s sick, but now that she’s not, now that she seems like she’s going to get better, it just comes to him.  He deserves more.  He’s a good guy and he deserves more.  We talked about the fact that Alex grew up in a pretty dysfunctional family and he was probably in a lot of bad relationships where he wasn’t a good guy, so he had come to believe it.  But loving Izzie showed him that he can be good, is good.  So it was a little gift.  And when he tells Izzie he’s done, he’s not bitter or angry, he’s just done.  Justin Chambers plays Alex and there’s not a sweeter guy on the planet so it’s always been funny to me how well he plays an asshole.  But I like that we get to see more depth in Alex.  

Callie getting the chicken pox and being isolated and itchy is stolen from Shonda’s life.  She told us this hilarious story of being quarantined in college with chicken pox and almost losing her mind.  Be careful what you say in the writer’s room cause it will end up on TV … I love Arizona lying about having had the chicken pox and you don’t really hate her for lying because you can tell she really cares about Callie and she just doesn’t want the sexy part of their relationship to be over.  She’s not sure she’s ready for itchy scabs and whining … and thank God for Mark who gets in bed with Callie and rubs away her pain.  

And how about just when Lexie feels relieved because both she and Mark cheated and now they’re even – except that Mark doesn’t see it that way, he can’t believe she cheated … he’s all worried about his daughter and Lexie was having sex with someone else!  Of course so was he, but that’s not the same thing … 

Okay people, I have to go.  I could ramble on and on but it’s stopped raining and I need to dash back to the writers’ room before it starts up again.  We’re working on the final bunch of episodes for the season and they are good …  so GOOD … yep they are GOOD!  But I can’t tell you, so whatever.  I can tell you though that the next episode was written by the talented and very pregnant Stacy McKee …  and that we get to see Derek’s first day as interim Chief … 

 So stay tuned … and stay dry.  

Debora Cahn on "Blink"...

Original Airdate: 1-14-10

Here’s where it started.  I had my second baby recently.  My first is two and a half.  And I told Shonda that I remembered quite clearly the moment I became a mother to the new baby.  It took a while.  Longer than with the first.  The first… I was that baby’s mom the instant I knew I was pregnant.  But the second… all he was to me was the force of evil that was going to destroy my daughter’s life.  She was so sweet and happy and we loved her so much, and he was going to come along and ruin her. She’d lose her status as the epicenter of our universe and it would make her jealous and cranky and aggressive and miserable.  My son wasn’t a sweet innocent unborn baby, he was the destroyer.  Right up until the day I talked about his circumcision with a doctor.  

Someday my son is going to find out that I discussed his circumcision on the internet and he’s gonna be really pissed off.

Anyway, we were planning to get him circumcised, and I was asking our pediatrician about it, and he explained that you could use a numbing cream, but it probably wasn’t necessary.  I found this patently absurd.  A knife, and a penis, and no anesthesia??  Barbaric.  And this from a male doctor?  What was he thinking?  What the hell did he think I was going to allow them to do to my baby???

That was the moment.  Right there.  That’s when he became my baby.  

He might experience pain, and hell or high water, I was going to stop it.  He was my baby.

Now, in the end we didn’t use a numbing cream, which apparently doesn’t really work, or novocaine, because apparently injecting the novocaine is more painful than the actual procedure.  I found that hard to believe, but I was assured by three different medical professionals, and sure enough, we did the damn thing and he cried for a grand total of four seconds and that was that.  But I did my research, and I did a lot of it, because he was my baby.  

One minute he wasn’t, and the next minute he was.  In an instant.  

It struck me that a lot of stuff’s like that.  A lot of big stuff.  Big changes.  Life changes.  You think you’ll grow into it, over time, and in some ways you do, but when it comes right down to it, one minute you’re not, the next, you are.  A parent.  An adult.  In love.  Out of it. It kind of turns on a dime.  

Malcom Gladwell thought about this too, recently.  And wrote a book on it.  Called “Blink.”  Coincidence?  

So there’s Mark, who’s so sure about who he is, just like we’re so sure who he is, until suddenly he’s a dad.  Not because Sloan shows up, not because she’s living on his couch, but because she’s in danger, and something kind of unexpected and inexplicable wells up in him and suddenly he’s a father.  Just like that.  He didn’t want it.  He wouldn’t have called it.  But there it is.  Nothing he can do about it.  

And Lexie, who discovers in an instant that she’s kind of still a kid.  She sees Mark, ready to take on parenthood, ready to embrace his wacky add-water family, and knows in her gut that she’s not there yet, and doesn’t want to be there.  

And let me pause for a second to say that the look that passes over Lexie’s face before she says “I think our relationship just ended” kills me.  Chyler rocks.  

And Cristina, who has the horrible realization that having a mentor is more important to her than Owen is – she didn’t know that was the case until she’d already said it.  Until she’d already offered to trade him away.  She had no idea until it was out of her mouth, but once she’d heard herself speak the words, she knew they were true.  She’s become a person who will trade away a man she loves for her work.  Does she choose that?  Is she comfortable with that?  It doesn’t matter.  She is that.  

And let me pause for another second and say Sandra… when she says “Fine!  Done!  Take him!”  Holy crap.  I knew it was coming and it still knocked the wind right out of me.  

And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Chandra Wilson claiming that Sheldon Morris has a quality she’s drawn to.  Good lord, the woman is funny.  

What can I say?  It’s a damn love fest over here.  

Anyhow, that’s what we were thinking about when we hatched this one.  Those little moments that change everything.  Change who you are.  Not the graduations or births.  The offhand comments, at the drugstore, next to the toothpaste.  Or on the phone, with the pediatrician, two weeks before the kid comes out.  That’s when it happens.  

Please don’t tell my son we talked about this.  

Krista Vernoff on "Holidaze"...

Original Airdate: 11-19-09

“Do not waste yourself in rejection; do not bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I read that today in a friend's Facebook status update.  Yes, I was Facebook lurking as a means of procrastination just like I was tweeting as a means of procrastination.  And yes, Shonda did publicly tweet-reprimand me, which I took with a grain of salt seeing as she had tweeted 20 times in the prior ten minutes. 

What was my point here? 

Oh, the Emerson quote.  

It made me pause. 

It made me breathe. 

For a brief moment, I was overcome with gratitude, not only for Emerson’s wise words, but for people who take the time to tweet and facebook-post inspirational quotes that get me to pause the incessant cycle of thoughts that spiral through my brain every day. 

"Do not bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good."

Doesn't it make you breathe a little differently, just for a minute?  That quote is my gift to you today, just as it was a gift to me. And seeing as the theme of tonight's episode was Gifts, it seems appropriate. You know what the biggest gift of tonight's episode was? 

Sara Ramirez singing Silent Night a capella while Chandra Wilson acts her ass off at the dinner table. Moments like that, gifts like that... 

They make me love my job even more.  In my lifetime, I have never seen a more powerful performer than Sara Ramirez when she sings live. I hope someday you get to see her, but until then, this was a little taste.  It was Shonda's stroke of genius -- her little Christmas gift to me, I like to think, although really, she probably intended it as a gift to all of you. Still, I am grateful. The other gift of this scene is that I got to write Bailey's words and put them on television. Those words were important to me. Without getting too personal, I will admit that there are some things going on in my life that mirror some of the things going on in Bailey’s life.  If you’ve read this blog before, you know that we writers frequently cull from our personal lives to come up with the stories we tell on the show each week. (As I write this, Joan Rater is in the writer’s room, dramatically performing some of her favorite moments of life with Tony Phelan – and our writer’s assistant Austin is frantically trying to keep pace and write it all down. And Bill Harper is doing funny accents, which is really neither here nor there.) My point is, I tend to rape and pillage my own life to bring you drama every week. In this episode, for example, when the girl talks about hiking the Inca Trail? That’s because I hiked the Inca Trail, so I know how to describe it.  (I’m averse to research so anytime I can just write what I know, I choose to.) And when Bailey defends her decision to leave a marriage that was no longer feeding her soul? That was no longer an example she wanted to set for her young child? I’m not getting too personal here, but I’m saying, I was happy to be able to put those words on TV. Bailey doesn’t need to be berated by her dad, see? Cause Bailey? Beats the crap out of herself way harder than anyone else ever could.  But it was nice, the way her Dad came around in the end. And I think he was right that Bailey should’ve called and told him about her divorce.  

Okay, what else can I tell you? I’d like to give you behind the scenes tidbits from the shooting of the episode, but I had the damn flu the whole time it was shooting so I was barely there. Oh! I know! Let’s talk about the fact that we did a holiday episode without Izzie! The Twitterers have been berating us for weeks – how COULD you, they ask? Izzie LOVES the holidays! To you, I say, dude… I know. I feel your pain. I wrote the last holiday episode. I remember vividly when Izzie helped Alex study for his exams because, “It’s what JESUS would freakin’ DO!” I remember when she and George and Meredith lay beneath the Christmas tree, soaking in the lights. I missed her like crazy in this episode and you know who else missed her? Even though he didn’t talk about it? Alex. That’s why he wouldn’t sing Christmas carols in the surgery. That’s why he didn’t show up for dinner at Meredith’s. It breaks my heart, the way she left him, and that she didn’t show up for the holidays. I think he thought she might. Because Izzie LOVES the holidays. But she didn’t and yeah, it sucks.  

But we’re not barking about the bad, we’re chanting the beauty so let’s talk about the Chief/Arizona/Owen Christmas jam! I have to admit, I have never loved dailies more, ever. I must have watched them sing that song for 20 minutes straight.  Those dailies were truly a gift during my flu-ridden misery. They lifted my whole heart up and made it feel all floaty and giddy for hours. I hope the scene did the same for you.   And since we’re chanting the good… Can we talk about the hot hot hot HOT Owen Cristina kissing??? Oh my God, I’m like a fan girl, I can’t help it.  And how ‘bout the scene where Owen whispers into Teddy’s mouth, “I’m in love with Cristina.”  I wrote it. I pictured it. But when I saw it? I seriously threw up a little in my mouth. It was SO brutal – and what was so brutal is that Owen didn’t mean to be brutal. He clearly loves them both. Which is…impossible. And devastating. And BRUTAL.   I mean it – how could Teddy not love him? Playing guitar one minute, torturedly whispering into her mouth the next… How that will all play out, I do not know. I mean it, I don’t know. We’re a little behind in the writer’s room. But I’m as excited as you are to see how it all goes down! 

There’s so much more in this episode – Mark Sloan becoming the sexiest Grandpa on TV and Meredith making a deal with the devil and Arizona and Derek and Mark paying their own hard-earned money to save the life of a very sick little boy. It made my heart happy, that story. And so did the story of the woman living without a heart for all that time and surviving. Both of those were our gift to you, to send you into the holiday season with hope and optimism.  My friend Peter called me today and when I said, “How are you?” He said, “I’m trying, actively, to renew my faith and my hope and my joy and my optimism. They’ve all gone missing, which is not okay with me.” I love Peter. I love that when his faith goes missing, he doesn’t sit and feel sorry for himself. He goes turning over rocks and stones, looking for it. He prays and he calls friends and he says out loud what he’s feeling. Which, in itself, demonstrates that his faith is not as far away as he imagines. That’s the feeling I hope this episode left you with. That miracles are possible…That a simple song can lift your spirits…. That speaking your truth, or opening your checkbook, or offering a simple apology or making an attempt to understand another’s point of view can turn your whole day or your whole year around. That life doesn’t always happen the way we hope or plan but that that doesn’t matter. How we  greet what life throws our way is all that matters. “Do not waste yourself in rejection; do not bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good.”   Happy Thanksgiving. And Merry Christmas. And May There Be Peace on Earth. 

Allan Heinberg on "New History"...

Original Airdate: 11-12-09

Tonight’s episode, “New History,” is named after a song by Andy Davis, a sly and soulful singer/songwriter, whose protagonist has barely survived a bad breakup and now finds himself unsure whether or not he should embark on a new romance.  He doesn’t know if he’s ready to trust his feelings and create what he calls “new history.”

I love the idea of “new history” because it perfectly captures the relationship so many of us have with the past.  No matter how hard we try to let go of it –– to learn from it and move forward -- all we’re really doing is creating new history, trying to learn from past mistakes, but inevitably making new ones that will haunt us in the future.

The past, it would seem, is inescapable.  Everything we are today is the product of who we were yesterday, last month, last year:  the choices we made, the red lights we ran, the things said and maybe shouldn’t have, the people we loved, and the people we didn’t.  So, how to make peace with the past?  What can be done about the mistakes we made, the lies we told, and the people we hurt to get where we are today?

For Izzie Stevens, the past has never been more present.  Fired from Seattle Grace Mercy West -- and feeling Alex is to blame – Izzie retreated to the Chehalis, WA trailer park where she grew up.  Reconnecting with the man who inspired her to become a surgeon, her high school science teacher, Dr. Adam Singer, Izzie is forced to relive her history as a pregnant 15-year-old who considered dropping out of high school to become a teenage mom.  The irony, of course, is that Izzie’s concern for her mentor forces her to return to Seattle Grace Mercy West to confront her more recent past – her failures as a doctor and a wife -- and the anger and shame she felt as a pregnant 15-year-old is not all that different from the resentment and humiliation she’s experiencing right now.  And the decision she’s facing in the present is exactly the same one she faced in high school. Is she going to let a careless error – and her own hurt feelings and regrets – rob her of her future as a surgeon?  As in the past, Izzie ultimately chooses to confront the issue head-on – to stand up to the Chief and to Alex – and the insight she gains from both encounters – and the encouragement she receives from Dr. Singer – a man who still regrets never having lived his dream – ultimately allows her to take a clear-eyed look at herself, her circumstances, and her options for the future.  There are no easy answers for Izzie at the end of this episode, but you definitely get a sense from Katherine Heigl’s performance that Izzie’s not about to give up on her dream of becoming a surgeon.  Somewhere, somehow, she’s going to be a doctor.

Alex, too, is haunted throughout the episode by his past with Izzie.  He’s obviously still wounded by her having left him – but he’s determined not to allow himself to acknowledge that – to feel it – to reveal himself to Izzie in any way.  And when Alex is finally brave enough to go to the OR gallery and force a confrontation, Izzie throws the entire history of their relationship in his face – all the things she’s had to forgive him for in the past – but in the end, it turns out to be Izzie’s misinterpretation of the past – specifically of Alex’s going to the Chief out of his concern for her – that has created the unbridgeable distance between them.

To one degree or another, all the characters seem a bit paralyzed by the past.  Meredith longs for the moment when George was sill alive, and Izzie was okay, and everyone was happy – a moment she was barely even conscious of when it was happening.  Derek seems to mourn the time when the hospital ran smoothly, and he and Richard were trusted allies.  And by the episode’s end, Bailey acutely feels the loss – not only of her work-husband and husband-husband – but of the time when she had total, unquestioning trust in the Chief.

And then sometimes the past doesn’t stay in the past.  Teddy’s arrival at Seattle Grace unleashes all manner of complications for Owen, Cristina, and herself.  Cristina’s immediately suspicious that Owen and Teddy were more than friends during their time together in Iraq.  Teddy confesses to Owen that she apparently misread their mutual history, and walks away from him, mortified.  And Owen’s left haunted by Teddy’s confession, now forced to re-examine his own history -- and his feelings for both Teddy and Cristina.

Ultimately, however, it’s the Chief’s struggle with the past – specifically with his history of alcoholism – that’s the most devastating.  So far this season, the Chief has behaved in extremely erratic, un-Chief-like ways – crashing his car, alienating his friends, firing Derek, Izzie, April, and Patricia to name a few -- all of which seemed to stem from the stress surrounding his dealings with the board and the subsequent merger.  But the truth turns out to be much darker – and more catastrophic for both the Chief and Seattle Grace Mercy West.  The Chief is drinking again.  And apparently he’s been drinking for a long time.  Right now, only Meredith Grey knows the truth.  And what she’s going to do about it will surprise you.

Tune in next week.  Thanks for watching.  And for reading.